World's Best Friends' Day....

It's World's Best Friends' Day...

I've been bumping with old friends.. But I dunno if they were really my friends... How do I know for sure? They say hi.. and that's it... Is that what you call a friend? How do I know if I can really rely on them? I have a friendster account, I've got a number of friends... yeah... but how many are truly my friends? Am i adding them as my friend, just for the sake of it because we are in the same school, in the same CCA or in the same Secondary School? Am I? Are they?

I truly dunno. It's hard to find good pals who stand by you through thick and thin nowadays.. There's always an ulterior motive to a friendship. I'm not keen to make new friends anymore. I've got too many back-stabbing incidents, where it just breaks my heart and it just take so long to heal... Not that I'm anti-social.. Or anything close... Just that, you know, it's just hard to know if the friendships you hold dear are truly out of sincerity...

I welcome all my friends with open arms and willingly help them out when they call for it. I never expect anything in return... But that's the whole thing, I helped too much and end up having noone by my side to help me out when I call for it. I can count with one hand, how many true friends I truly have. I may be smiling wherever I am but deep down, I still wonder, Are these few friends I have truly my friends? Will they stab me at the back one day? Will they leave me when I need help? Will they be there for me when I need them to be?

How do i know for real? I am still wondering.. Maybe it's me who's not worth to befriend... Maybe it's me who went missing when they truly need me... I don't know, because noone tells me. Noone came to me to say, hey you've got an attitude problem and I dun wanna be your friend anymore. Who would, anyway? But i really would appreciate someone coming up to me and tell me what's wrong with me that I don't have friends to keep in the long run. I will listen, I promise to listen.. every word you've got to say. Tell me.. Am I your friend? Am I worth your time?

Tell me my mistake that I can't see so that I can change for the better. Let me know in what way I have to change... But then again, should I really change to be a friend? Should they not, accept me as for who I am? I don't know... You tell me. I am lost in my own world, I've got no more words left... I'm walking away, I'm returning to where I've started... Let's hope I find my way this time...