When love and hate is just the same....

That's when letting go seem impossible. He just woke up from his nightmare and ask for forgiveness... And because I love him just as much as I hate him, I gave in.. Time and again...

And then I ask myself, " Why say sorry if it's going to happen again?" "Why forgive when all you'd get is hurt and pain?" "Why do I keep myself dragged into this all over again?" "Why leave to return?" "What have I done to be like this?" And I only have myself to blame, myself to kill, myself to punish...

I was right all along.. No matter how wrong someone else is, it's always me at the wrong side of the field... Scoring own goals, and stabbing myself in the chest, and yet, still not learn nor die...

Perhaps, I'm just too sinful... I easily forgive others, but not myself. And yet others can only think of themselves, and not a second of me... And I being selflessness... I think of them all day, try all my will not to hurt, only to be left alone fending all those sharp hunting tools piercing through my heart again and again...

All I ask was for a little understanding, some motivation and to be with me... Perhaps that's just too much to ask... I'm done thinking to stop only to think all over again...

-WILL MY PRINCE F***ING COME AND RESCUE ME??!!!-

Another tiff, another day....

Just had another roll of argument with KI.. What's new... He and his temper, blaming it all to me... Over nothing - nothing at all!

No sense can be put into his tiny brain! I hate it... And I'm finally angry enough to let go... I fail to care any less... What's there to fight for if all this while, everything I tried just failed and fail again...

To hell with all the d**kheads!

Ud4nG...

Nope.. not a code.. But someone that I havent met in the longest time. The last I saw him was back in 2005. So it was nice meeting him and hearing him call me "Bi". It was extra nice because noone else will call me that.

When I asked him why he still calls me that, he just smiled and said it was a habit.. Afterall there was noone else after me, although he was the one who wanted the break up.

He hasnt changed an inch. And I mean it. His tummy's still buldging.. haha..

But I still like the one thing that I've liked from the first day. His smile.. It'd just make me smile right back at him.

Oh well.. I guess what's over remains over. We tried having a closure to what actually happened between us.. I think it's about 75% closed now. Only one thing remain a mystery.. Why we actually break up.. He can't give me a real answer. He blame his short-temper.

Haven't met KI for almost a week now.. And I'm so looking forward for a run with the one who made me happy this weekend. Another thing I'm so looking forward to is our first ever family gathering happening at the comfort of my own home. How nice..

The people I wanna talk to : My cousin, whom I grew up with. Then again whenever I see him, I recalled his gf asking him to keep a distance with me. What a shame... Then I wanna talk to my younger cousin whom I'm closest with. And maybe try and bond with the rest of my cousins if they do turn up. Otherwise, I might just strike a conversation with my aunts and uncles.

Oh, well.. gotta get back to work..

-Will my prince pls rescue me now?-