Love

A topic I think is interesting... I was just thinking about why you love someone and how you love someone.. and anything in relation... It has to be something that you initially liked about that someone that makes you feel intrigue to know everything about it and simply fall in love with it... It has to be something that someone has.. Could be her smile that melts your heart, could be that glowing eyes that makes you do anything for her... could be her libido.. could be her genuinity, her concerns over you... it must be something that she has that makes you drop on your knees and beg her to go out with you...

Then that questions ask me off-guard... Why am I attracted to my former husband... After so much thinking and listing what the possibilities are.. I cancelled out physical attractiveness coz he is almost a skeleton.. Not exactly charming or makes you go awe... It wasn't for his intelligence... He only has an 'N' levels.. Not for his money.. He has debts everywhere... Not for his great or good reputation... I can't deny that I do find him cute the first time I met him... After so much consideration and reasoning... I think I was with him out of sympathy.. His family was so broken... His mom has over 100 cats in a 3-rm HDB flat and cared for these cats more than she ever cared for her children in her whole life... He never truly get love by his own mother.. And now that I've step out of his life... I can see his life being screwed up unless he get some further education.. He has nothing now.. Absolute nothing.. I pity him sometimes but he has had his chances.. I have gave him hundreds of chances.. But his repetitve abuses.. and having him mishandling me is just spelling big trouble.. Coz someone smart enough would know that I need to be left alone when I'm pissed off, and not to scream and list down all my mistakes.. Continuously saying indirectly that it IS my fault.. and start pinpointing at me..

Even if he doesn't mean it that way, would anyone who's pissed off be thinking likewise? NO.. Big NO.. Coz when you're pissed, you just would think people are going against you no matter how nice that someone tried to be.... Best move is to ignore me, leave me alone or just change the subject and try to forget it.. And when I'm cool enough, I'm fine with discussing about it... Why not? But please.. Not when I'm still letting off the steam from that 'pissed-off' mood... I can just go on with the list of his bad side.. But I won't be doing so coz I do not want to critisize or demoralized him any further...

About today.. I went over to Mariam's at 10.30am or something.. then went to Mak Salmah's(Mariam's mom-in-law) house together.. Tutor my niece... Then talk about some school stuffs about primary school teachers and how they handle their students.. Some teachers are just so bad.. they sometimes picks on 'slow' students and starts to demoralize them by calling them names or telling them that they are stupid or silly.. These kids everntually hate school... And they turn around and blame the parents? Big joke.. Teachers should always encourage kids to learn and not give up when the students can't pick up just as fast as their classmates by punishing them for things they don't ask for...

Mr went to Batam in the afternoon after touch rugby.. Then we went to Le Merridien Hotel to see some NZ lifestyle exhibit... Then off to Chris' then off home..

Oh.. Something came up on my mind.. I always salute those former couples who stayed as friends after they broke up their love relationship.. But I wonder... Would you really feel comfortable to stay friends when you're still trying to get over that relationship break-up? I won't feel comfortable to be honest.. I mean.. You've been together... and you broke up because of something that you don't like about the other person.. and you remain friends with that person? I can never see myself remaining as friends with my former husband, for some reasons, maybe I can't because it won't look good.. I dunno... I can't even see myself remaining friends with any of those people whom I supposingly ever gone out with... Not even a former crush in secondary school.. I tried, I swear.. I tried but the other party seemed to think that I'm still overly crazy over him by trying to keep in touch and become friends.. Crappy but true.. Some local guys just think so narrow and shallow...

Then it was a friendship between a woman and a man... That friendship seemed to be tucked under the doormat when one of them starts to date or have someone special in heart fearing about their partners suspecting something more than just a friendship between them.. Funny phenomina.. But still goes on... I can't ever deny that I have more male friends to female ones.. but one by one of my male friends disappear fearing of Mr getting jealous or such... and I start having a little bit more female friends..

My friendster account for instance.. I only have what? 47 'friends' and 4 testimonials? Not that I demand popularity or something like that.. Just that it simply shows.. Maybe it's something wrong with me... But nobody tells me so.. nobody commented on how my friendship was with them... I dunno where my bad point was or is or were or are? Not all 47 were really my friends, to be honest.. well yeah.. I do know them.. But well.. Just because I was in the same school, or was in the same cca.. I never really know them neither do they really know me... I can't deny that there are some really great friends in there who are all genuine.. Simply shows how many true friends I truly have.. I love my friends... I care for them... Where did I go wrong? Other people had so many testimonials from their friends.. I wrote so many of them... showing my appreciation.. and not that it is a must to get an eye for an eye.. but come on.. where's the basic mere thank you?? How rude can my friends be?

I hadn't been in much luck with friendship.. But I do know there are true friends out there who care for me.. and maybe there are some just waiting for me to find them... Oh well... Hey friends... I need a big big hug... I really do.. give me hugs for my birthday okay? I promise not to burden you with much hassle.. Just one big hug for me... Please...

The finals for under-21 hockey tournament was on today afternoon... POLICE won.. Jerie's team got first.. Congrats!!