12th Feb 2005

2 more days to Valentines' Day.. Not that I've big plans to celebrate it.. I think today marks one of friend's 8 years together.. Impressed but I think it's stupid to be with the same old person for so long at your best age range-translation; in your teens and early 20s... Not that I encourage flings and flirting.. Just that well.. I think you should venture the world with different people and make sure of what you want, have the freedom of being single and being available.. Not like I had made the bestest of the best out of my teenage years... Just that well.. I wish I hadn't lived alone before so that I don't grumble having to live with my parents whom I have to please all the time- or else a long nagging session to attend to for many many days....

Oh, since I've mentioned it.. I really wished I am living alone again at my own apartment, having noone in particular to impress or please, to be able to do what I want to do wherever and whenever I want to do... I don't forget my parents, I do visit them every weekend.. Oh.. It is a lot of difference when you live with your parents and when you live alone and visit them every weekend.. A lot of difference..

True some people, probably the majority being in Asia, that they do prefer living with their parents to living alone.. But guess I am not one of them! True, you have to do a lot of things alone, but hey.. that's exactly what you wanna do when you decide to live alone anyway!! At least I can do my household chores alone at my own timing in whatever outfit I feel comfy in... Here, at my parents' place... I can't wear tank tops and shorts... I can't wear skimpy clothes to sleep despite the humid weather... I can't have music/radio on nice and loud.. I can't go out anytime I want to even when I am 21.. not until I am married would they stop nagging at my outings and my frequent out of home status.. And I can't have a stayover at my friends' place or having my friends over for a stayover... My movements are restricted when I live with my parents... I have to constantly please them, coming home extra early is one of them.. and early as in before the sun goes down.. You gotta be kidding me!!!!

But then again, living with your parents just cuts your expense to more than half, I don't have to think of earning money to pay up my utilities bills or house rent.. But I still need to pay bills despite living with my parents- I hate those buggers who don't need to pay a single bill whilst living with their parents- I have to save up and pay my own internet bill and handphone bills with my allowance of $30/week... Oh gosh.. I wonder what the buggers who don't have to think of any bills are complaining about..

Anyway, went to Mr's friend's one year old son's birthday party...It is Finn's(Danish) and Krystina's(Chinese Local) son, Oliver's first birthday... The food, the wines(3 bottles for just 3 of us- me Mr & Finn) and the people are overall nice.. Just that, I don't feel that comfy as everyone hugs everyone except me.. I dunno why.. maybe my body language cancel all incoming hug.. But I do want a hug.. In fact, I need a hug.. I did get one big one from Mr at the end of the day.. Okay.. Minus the hugging parts, it was ok... conversed well, I hope.. I didn't speak much, as usual.. Finn tried to start a conversation by the famous questions of what are you doing now? What field I am in?.. yada yada yada... then I got strayed yet again.. What do I expect? Mr is very sociable.. talking to everyone.. And as you might have gathered, once he starts conversing, it's just hard to stop the conversation.. One thing is that, he never completely listens or lets one finish his sentence, Two, he is always justifying himself or issues that surround him.. Three, he likes to debate on opinions and such and he just loves to interupts.. He is just sometimes a small kid in a big matured adult's body.. So it always starts with a topic, strayed to another topic without hearing the other party's story then to another topic.... Maybe it was just me..

The people who appeared at the party are mostly mixed couples, mostly chinese women and white men.. One exception was an Eurasian woman- Portugese Mom+ English Dad - who married a Danish guy... Eurasions are usually just exceptionally beautiful in appearance with a unique character and personality due to the different culture exposure and such... And Mr just can't keep his hands off my hair! It irritates the hell out me.. He keeps playing with my hair - and he seemed to always do it when I'm eating... I was pissed off.. yes, because he disturbs me when I eat and he knows I don't like to have my hair in front by the side... That was just a small factor to my irritable character.. The bigger part was being at someone's place for too long, with so many kids and strangers... Maybe I'd feel more comfortable if it was my 2nd time or maybe 3rd time seeing his friends... But it was my first time meeting with them, and all these strangers and being in their house for too long just makes me uneasy, uncomfy.. and just well.. not my style.. Mr always gives excuses when I want us to meet up my friend or do something with my friends together with him like saying he dun feel like meeting anyone or being with anyone else...

The thing about couples having the best period in their first 6 months may be true.. The feeling of being in love and being loved are felt at its peak during the first 6 months.. Then it would just lessen with time.. Well, I dunno why I just gets so easily irritated.. Not that I expect much, but I guess living with my parents plays a big role... I don't think I'd be this irritable if I'm living alone.. It's just so stressful having to please your parents day in and day out, you know.. because my parents are just about the most ridiculous people who always care about what other people say and pleasing my maternal grandma is a huge duty to do for them.... and so it seemed like I'm the most difficult child to handle because I demand my rights, because I want to take a step further into my studies and strive better.. because I love sports and being involved in sports.. because I'm just being me... And this stress trigger the most tempting craving to light a cigarette and smoke away... Oh the temptation is so great but I'll stay strong.. I am trying my best but this is rather a little too much to carry about with.. My head is seriously gonna burst...