Now I gave educational programmes in schools particularly in Secondary Schools and in Polytechnics a big thought.. I dunno why I'm in thinking mood today.. Funny being Monday. Oh well.. here goes.
I think schools should give more educational talks.. I remember vaguely that there were talks about sex precautions, pregnancy and abortion in secondary school. That's it from secondary school. There are no other educational talks.. I dunno how it is now, but I think secondary schools should provide more talks on the next education step for the children. Maybe get some ex-students who went on to further their studies to come back and tell their juniors how they find it in Polytechnic or Junior College(JC), talk about the course they choose and why.. And talk about the other courses that may be of interest of the students who are going to graduate soon. Or maybe ask polytechnic/JC representative to talk about all the courses, the semester activities, the extra-curriculum they have in the polytechnic or JC. The pros and cons of being in either one.. Give these teenagers some idea of what it feels in one of the next education level.
The sex education talks, I think they should be more open about it. Teachers who do these talks often say, Don't engage yourself in an unhealthy sexual activities. But what is unhealthy? How is it unhealthy? How can prepare ourselves in situations where we find ourselves already engaged in these activities? How to get out of the situations? Teenagers often do what they are restrained to do, who wouldn't? Everyone wants to experience everything at that age!! How can a teenager break the news when they are pregnant without getting screamed at by parents? How do they play safe? What is okay and what is not? How far can they go? Who do they go to when things go beyond control? C'mon! In this generation, you have to be really open when talking about this topic, in this generation, who don't know what sex is and how it is done? Schools can also do these talks with students' parents so that these parents can be at a more comfortable stage to talk about such things to their kids. There's nothing wrong with it, as far as I can see. Thing is, there might be an issue with the more conservative parents..
I can just go on about that issue. Anyway, about the talks in Polytechnic, there are career talks.. lots of them, plenty of them. That perfectly fine, but wouldn't that indirectly tells these chaps that a diploma is enough and we don't need to go a little further than that? As much as it is true that you can get a job easily with just a diploma, wouldn't it bring more opportunities if you have more than that? I think polytechnics and JC should have more talks about NUS, NTU, SIM and SMU. Maybe promote students to go for further studies, get these universities to do talks on their courses for all the different diplomas and such. Talk about how they can help boost their career opportunities. Talk about their curriculum and live in campus. That would definitely make students feel the need to go another step in their education and not just end it with diploma.
That's it from my great tiny mind.
Monday, February 28, 2005
Monday thoughts
Just a thought about how the body works.. About weight gain, metobolism rate, health, fitness, immune system, etc.
It's strange how some people can gain some extra pounds just by eating a little extra and find themselves trying to shed it off for many many weeks and sometimes fail.. I'm almost surrounded by people like that and I'm just the total opposite.. It would take me a week and sometimes so much more to just gain an extra kilo and often lose that gain in a day almost. Friends always state how much they hate me for having that ability, but hey.. it's not always good. I'm labelled a skeleton sometimes telling me to gain a few kilos, it's not that I don't want to but it's really hard for me. I need to really eat and sleep for a week just to gain a kilo. If I do just that, what would happen to my health and fitness? Health and fitness are two important things in life, you know?
It's strange how some women think too.. The skinny and bony ones would think that they are of the perfect figure.. The normal ordinary average ones would think they are fat and are almost desperate to lose some weight, and the fat ones just simply don't care anymore partly because they barely get any motivation or encouragement to shed that fats off. You can't deny that these people often get labelled a lot and this indirectly shut them out of the social circle, making them feel useless even if they do shed that bit of fat. It's true, sometimes these people had that confidence dip since a kid, some are fat since forever.. They would think that it's fate that they are fat, so be it.. take it or leave it.. So hey, see anyone fat among your friends? Why don't you encourage them to do the exercises, maybe join you in the gym or make them play the sport you play? You would definitely do them a great favour...
It's strange how women try to shed that pounds strictly by dieting only and escape that exercise bit. Even after so much of education stating that dieting is only temporary for weight loss, they still do it without fail, sometimes on the wrong diet for the wrong purposes. It's strange how these women try to avoid doing exercise coz they don't wanna sweat it off and smell, they always look for a short-cut that would never last. They wanna look good, feel good, but never wanna be a sport. They have hundreds of excuses to not be involved in sports. Oh yeah.. They say they won't mind but what sport and how to join, yada yada yada...
First things first, how are you gonna play if you don't keep fit and watch them play for awhile and get the rules right? You can't just say, "Ok, I wanna play tennis!" And just go to the court and start swinging the racket. All sports require a certain level of fitness, you can't really play unknowingly what's going on and say you're tired and call it quits 5 minutes later.. I watched touch a couple of times before really decided to play/train. And I still didn't quite get it right, imagine not watching a single game of touch and just go and join the playes for training? I mean come on.. You have to start somewhere, girls..
Start running round the track, doesn't matter if you can just run half the track, at least you start doing it and do it consistently.. The next day you'd probably make it to 400m. Good enough.. Keep doing it and in no time you might run 5km without much hassle. I'm not quite there yet, but at least I can run about 2km without stopping.. Talking of which, I better start my running again sometime soon.. I haven't been actively running for a few weeks already and am starting to feel a little unfit..
I simply dunno how some girls can just don't exercise and live unguilty about it at all.. Oh well, I better stop being too naggy about these unhealthy people.
Gotta go.. Blog again later~
It's strange how some people can gain some extra pounds just by eating a little extra and find themselves trying to shed it off for many many weeks and sometimes fail.. I'm almost surrounded by people like that and I'm just the total opposite.. It would take me a week and sometimes so much more to just gain an extra kilo and often lose that gain in a day almost. Friends always state how much they hate me for having that ability, but hey.. it's not always good. I'm labelled a skeleton sometimes telling me to gain a few kilos, it's not that I don't want to but it's really hard for me. I need to really eat and sleep for a week just to gain a kilo. If I do just that, what would happen to my health and fitness? Health and fitness are two important things in life, you know?
It's strange how some women think too.. The skinny and bony ones would think that they are of the perfect figure.. The normal ordinary average ones would think they are fat and are almost desperate to lose some weight, and the fat ones just simply don't care anymore partly because they barely get any motivation or encouragement to shed that fats off. You can't deny that these people often get labelled a lot and this indirectly shut them out of the social circle, making them feel useless even if they do shed that bit of fat. It's true, sometimes these people had that confidence dip since a kid, some are fat since forever.. They would think that it's fate that they are fat, so be it.. take it or leave it.. So hey, see anyone fat among your friends? Why don't you encourage them to do the exercises, maybe join you in the gym or make them play the sport you play? You would definitely do them a great favour...
It's strange how women try to shed that pounds strictly by dieting only and escape that exercise bit. Even after so much of education stating that dieting is only temporary for weight loss, they still do it without fail, sometimes on the wrong diet for the wrong purposes. It's strange how these women try to avoid doing exercise coz they don't wanna sweat it off and smell, they always look for a short-cut that would never last. They wanna look good, feel good, but never wanna be a sport. They have hundreds of excuses to not be involved in sports. Oh yeah.. They say they won't mind but what sport and how to join, yada yada yada...
First things first, how are you gonna play if you don't keep fit and watch them play for awhile and get the rules right? You can't just say, "Ok, I wanna play tennis!" And just go to the court and start swinging the racket. All sports require a certain level of fitness, you can't really play unknowingly what's going on and say you're tired and call it quits 5 minutes later.. I watched touch a couple of times before really decided to play/train. And I still didn't quite get it right, imagine not watching a single game of touch and just go and join the playes for training? I mean come on.. You have to start somewhere, girls..
Start running round the track, doesn't matter if you can just run half the track, at least you start doing it and do it consistently.. The next day you'd probably make it to 400m. Good enough.. Keep doing it and in no time you might run 5km without much hassle. I'm not quite there yet, but at least I can run about 2km without stopping.. Talking of which, I better start my running again sometime soon.. I haven't been actively running for a few weeks already and am starting to feel a little unfit..
I simply dunno how some girls can just don't exercise and live unguilty about it at all.. Oh well, I better stop being too naggy about these unhealthy people.
Gotta go.. Blog again later~
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Crazy Sunday
It's almost a living hell today having my beautiful niece calling me every second minute begging me to come over... Saying her I love Yous hundred times every time she calls... Saying how much she misses me.. It was really sweet but too much if she calls me so many times in a day - It's even worst than having a stalker!!!
Anyway, Mas and kids was here till about 1.30pm.. Then I went over to Mariam's to just put a stop to that many calls.. I left her place at about 7pm, meet Mr who was still asleep in bed.. What do ya expect? He stayed up all yesterday's night till about 7am this morning.. Then went to have a walk around town before he comes home to rest..
We went for dinner at ThaiExpress at Holland Village.. Reasonably cheap and delicious change of food intake... On the way home, we had this discussion about Singapore.. a little like a small debate.. To be honest, I hadn't been a truly proud Singaporean... though many may come out claiming to be a TRUE SINGAPOREAN... I do speak a little of Singlish but only to those who speaks Singlish.. I have minimum to zero 'lahs', 'lors' and whatever exclamations you may find in the Singlish dictionary.. I dunno.. I just don't feel like home in Singapore even though I was brought up right here..
Singapore is really not a place for kids to grow up in due to many reasons than one. One, there are no space to run or play freely. Two, there are limited places to go visit - you visit the Zoo, Birdpark, Night Safari, Sentosa, and some natural parks like Bt Timah Natural Reserves or MacRichie Reservoir and you've done the whole country. And as a kid, you would always want to explore and see new things. Three, it's too concrete for some recreational relaxation getaways. There are almost no difference between weekdays and weekends, at some countries you'd probably get a chance to feel like you're at a completely different place though you're still in the same country. It's not like I don't appreciate the many facilities and advanced technology or the great system of everything in Singapore..
Singapore is also not a place to retire either. You just can't stop working in Singapore! You have to keep paying from the moment you start blinking your eyes, and still have to keep paying even when you're sleeping at night, the only moment you might not have to pay anything is when you're in peace by God's side.. I'm not cursing but still then, your next-of-kins will still have to pay for everything else that you've left behind. Even when you're at a mature age to retire and start soothing your soul in health and to things that really matter in your heart, you just can't do it in Singapore.. Where can you escape without a worry in Singapore?
I truly agree that every Singaporean should be grateful for being here as it's the safest country. Crimes are attended to immediately, we're the safest geographically, we're safest in terms of globally, and we are well protected internally. But I still don't feel like Singapore is my home. My heart tells me I belong else where. Where? I don't know it myself..
Singapore is just a place for people who works or doing tertiary studies. It's a fast-paced country thus the best place to work with lots of competition and study real hard. After all that hard work, there would be places to just finish that day off with a couple of beer or a bottle of wine or maybe a club to meet people and dance your tensed body to the rhythm of fun..
I'm taking full advantage of that part, doing my tertiary studies... then hopefully get enrolled into NUS or NTU.. then get some job, grab the experience and then fly off and get more experience and exposure, probably do some part-time masters while still on the job.. then find somewhere I can call my home.
Alright now, I wanna watch "Meet the Parents" on VCD.. Till later~
Anyway, Mas and kids was here till about 1.30pm.. Then I went over to Mariam's to just put a stop to that many calls.. I left her place at about 7pm, meet Mr who was still asleep in bed.. What do ya expect? He stayed up all yesterday's night till about 7am this morning.. Then went to have a walk around town before he comes home to rest..
We went for dinner at ThaiExpress at Holland Village.. Reasonably cheap and delicious change of food intake... On the way home, we had this discussion about Singapore.. a little like a small debate.. To be honest, I hadn't been a truly proud Singaporean... though many may come out claiming to be a TRUE SINGAPOREAN... I do speak a little of Singlish but only to those who speaks Singlish.. I have minimum to zero 'lahs', 'lors' and whatever exclamations you may find in the Singlish dictionary.. I dunno.. I just don't feel like home in Singapore even though I was brought up right here..
Singapore is really not a place for kids to grow up in due to many reasons than one. One, there are no space to run or play freely. Two, there are limited places to go visit - you visit the Zoo, Birdpark, Night Safari, Sentosa, and some natural parks like Bt Timah Natural Reserves or MacRichie Reservoir and you've done the whole country. And as a kid, you would always want to explore and see new things. Three, it's too concrete for some recreational relaxation getaways. There are almost no difference between weekdays and weekends, at some countries you'd probably get a chance to feel like you're at a completely different place though you're still in the same country. It's not like I don't appreciate the many facilities and advanced technology or the great system of everything in Singapore..
Singapore is also not a place to retire either. You just can't stop working in Singapore! You have to keep paying from the moment you start blinking your eyes, and still have to keep paying even when you're sleeping at night, the only moment you might not have to pay anything is when you're in peace by God's side.. I'm not cursing but still then, your next-of-kins will still have to pay for everything else that you've left behind. Even when you're at a mature age to retire and start soothing your soul in health and to things that really matter in your heart, you just can't do it in Singapore.. Where can you escape without a worry in Singapore?
I truly agree that every Singaporean should be grateful for being here as it's the safest country. Crimes are attended to immediately, we're the safest geographically, we're safest in terms of globally, and we are well protected internally. But I still don't feel like Singapore is my home. My heart tells me I belong else where. Where? I don't know it myself..
Singapore is just a place for people who works or doing tertiary studies. It's a fast-paced country thus the best place to work with lots of competition and study real hard. After all that hard work, there would be places to just finish that day off with a couple of beer or a bottle of wine or maybe a club to meet people and dance your tensed body to the rhythm of fun..
I'm taking full advantage of that part, doing my tertiary studies... then hopefully get enrolled into NUS or NTU.. then get some job, grab the experience and then fly off and get more experience and exposure, probably do some part-time masters while still on the job.. then find somewhere I can call my home.
Alright now, I wanna watch "Meet the Parents" on VCD.. Till later~
Saturday, February 26, 2005
2nd Tutor Session
It's my 2nd session of tutoring... My tuitee Iqah is getting a little better, but she is almost like Marfu'ah in a way or another.. She is always interested in the answers in the fastest ways, trying to time herself to perfection, which is near impossible in Maths. In Maths you just have to think a lot and be patient to fully understand the questions and steps to take before you solve the sum..
She failed her first test(note: that's before I tutor her) Hope she doesn't fail anymore. I've written down my tutor charges pakage for all levels.. I've got myself a second tuitee today, Ogy's niece who is in Sec 3.. I'll start tutoring my 2nd tuitee coming Monday from 6pm onwards.. Urgh.. What to do, where to start? i dunno where the hell I put my Sec 3 assessment book.. Damn.. Where the hell is that book?
Anyway.. forget that book.. After tutoring Ogy's daughter, I head down to Turf Club to watch touch rugby games.. It was nice seeing the boys whom I train with last Tuesday, though only one said a nice little hi to me.. Hehe.. Watched them play, I still dunno what is going on and what one has to do from time to time, I seriously dunno what's happening in the game, what to expect and things like that.. At one point, this guy asked the players to mark their man, at another he asked the players to stay close and cover up the gaps, at another he asked them to look at the ref.. I'm confused.. oh dear.. Haha.. I only managed to give a dissapointing exclamation when our players misses to catch the ball and when they just misses to touch the opponent. Other than that, I really dunno what are the do's and don'ts or the watch outs or the good jobs.. Oh well.. I'll learn in time to come after a few trainings.. Hopefully, I am able to play for them, mistakes-free next week or something.. Need to practice some touch and put down the ball right away and the touch and 5 steps away, and the catching while running, etc.. Can't wait to go for training next Wednesday with Jerie.. Hope she don't have any last minute mishaps to attend to.. It'll be so great to train with another freshie in Touch just so you know you're not alone..
Nadiah called me five times at Turf Club itself.. 5 times all for the same questions, "Are you coming later? or Are you coming over tomorrow? or Can you come on Monday to Friday?" Keep telling her that she can't have me just like that in a snap of a finger coz I have other things to attend to, keep telling her that I'm busy and can't promise if I can come over.. She called me about 4 times at home.. asking the same, the last one asking why i didn't call her mom to ask if she still cries.. she stopped and would like to hear those, "Good girl!" praises..Oh well...
Mr is heading to Sentosa to join the boys and Rudy for her birthday.. Wish I could come along... Oh well, there's always next time in the future.... I miss him already..
She failed her first test(note: that's before I tutor her) Hope she doesn't fail anymore. I've written down my tutor charges pakage for all levels.. I've got myself a second tuitee today, Ogy's niece who is in Sec 3.. I'll start tutoring my 2nd tuitee coming Monday from 6pm onwards.. Urgh.. What to do, where to start? i dunno where the hell I put my Sec 3 assessment book.. Damn.. Where the hell is that book?
Anyway.. forget that book.. After tutoring Ogy's daughter, I head down to Turf Club to watch touch rugby games.. It was nice seeing the boys whom I train with last Tuesday, though only one said a nice little hi to me.. Hehe.. Watched them play, I still dunno what is going on and what one has to do from time to time, I seriously dunno what's happening in the game, what to expect and things like that.. At one point, this guy asked the players to mark their man, at another he asked the players to stay close and cover up the gaps, at another he asked them to look at the ref.. I'm confused.. oh dear.. Haha.. I only managed to give a dissapointing exclamation when our players misses to catch the ball and when they just misses to touch the opponent. Other than that, I really dunno what are the do's and don'ts or the watch outs or the good jobs.. Oh well.. I'll learn in time to come after a few trainings.. Hopefully, I am able to play for them, mistakes-free next week or something.. Need to practice some touch and put down the ball right away and the touch and 5 steps away, and the catching while running, etc.. Can't wait to go for training next Wednesday with Jerie.. Hope she don't have any last minute mishaps to attend to.. It'll be so great to train with another freshie in Touch just so you know you're not alone..
Nadiah called me five times at Turf Club itself.. 5 times all for the same questions, "Are you coming later? or Are you coming over tomorrow? or Can you come on Monday to Friday?" Keep telling her that she can't have me just like that in a snap of a finger coz I have other things to attend to, keep telling her that I'm busy and can't promise if I can come over.. She called me about 4 times at home.. asking the same, the last one asking why i didn't call her mom to ask if she still cries.. she stopped and would like to hear those, "Good girl!" praises..Oh well...
Mr is heading to Sentosa to join the boys and Rudy for her birthday.. Wish I could come along... Oh well, there's always next time in the future.... I miss him already..
7 6hours done yesterday...
I really thought I wrote yesterday.. But looks like not.. Oh well, 76 hours done, 4 more hours to go.. Yeay!!! Didn't do much yesterday.. Probably why I didn't write..
Went to Mariam's.. My niece, Nadiah had been calling me everytime.. Even more than Mr would call me.. I dunno what is going through her, she's been crying for me the last of last last week, she kept asking for me of late, yesterday she called me more than 5 times in all!!! She even called to say goodnight, sweet dreams yesterday at 10pm, and called again 10 minutes later to say she's going to bed.. Oh my...
And as usual, when I come over to Mariam's Shahril would ask me to carry him, then hugged me and kissed me with his pacifier still stuck in his mouth.. Cutie pie? He can also be the most stubborn baby I've ever known.. He will cry and bang his little feet on the floor if he didn't get what he wants.. Panic? Wait till something else get his attention, he would stop in a split second.. But no worries, he doesn't show any of this tantrums to guests(thank god...) That's why Mr thought he's well-behaved.. Either way, I still love him to bits.. Just irresistable to not love him.. haha.. I'm like that with kids.. Just can never stay angry with them(every single niece and nephew of mine) for more than 5 minutes..
Today's plan? Tutoring at 12.30 to 2pm, then head to Turf Club to watch touch rugby games.. then to Sentosa to join Chris for Rudy's birthday.. I dunno if I could really join the birthday part coz my parents won't be happy with me staying out all day when Mas is here at my place... She's coming over in a few minutes with the two other cutie, Mohammad Hilmy and Nayli Qistina...
Oh well, better go now....
Went to Mariam's.. My niece, Nadiah had been calling me everytime.. Even more than Mr would call me.. I dunno what is going through her, she's been crying for me the last of last last week, she kept asking for me of late, yesterday she called me more than 5 times in all!!! She even called to say goodnight, sweet dreams yesterday at 10pm, and called again 10 minutes later to say she's going to bed.. Oh my...
And as usual, when I come over to Mariam's Shahril would ask me to carry him, then hugged me and kissed me with his pacifier still stuck in his mouth.. Cutie pie? He can also be the most stubborn baby I've ever known.. He will cry and bang his little feet on the floor if he didn't get what he wants.. Panic? Wait till something else get his attention, he would stop in a split second.. But no worries, he doesn't show any of this tantrums to guests(thank god...) That's why Mr thought he's well-behaved.. Either way, I still love him to bits.. Just irresistable to not love him.. haha.. I'm like that with kids.. Just can never stay angry with them(every single niece and nephew of mine) for more than 5 minutes..
Today's plan? Tutoring at 12.30 to 2pm, then head to Turf Club to watch touch rugby games.. then to Sentosa to join Chris for Rudy's birthday.. I dunno if I could really join the birthday part coz my parents won't be happy with me staying out all day when Mas is here at my place... She's coming over in a few minutes with the two other cutie, Mohammad Hilmy and Nayli Qistina...
Oh well, better go now....
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Dinner At The Brazilian...
Went off at 4pm and head to Tiong Bahru's Kimage outlet to get my hair done.. It cost $36.75 and I am not that very satisfied for one, she cut my hair a little too short than what I wanted her to cut.. two, she blew my hair straight instead of the curls I had asked for.. Darn.. But oh well, my hair's done and that's the main thing that is suppose to be done..
Went for dinner at The Brazilian down the Sixth Avenue.. Nice full dinner meal for $37.. Really reasonable.. We could have done without the wine coz I ain't that good at holding liquor of late.. Probably due to the long break without, or maybe it is just me fearing myself getting drunk.. I mean I can't afford to get home all drunk for any reasons.. And mind you, I only had about 1.5 glasses of red wine, and I am a little tipsy..
We got a cab home, Mr requested the music to be louder coz it's No Doubt on the radio singing What you waitin for.. and when the taxi turned, we both got curled up at the corner of the taxi.. What a sight the taxi driver must have seen.. Anyway, time for me to lie myself to bed..
My hair is so soft and smells so nice... But it's short and keeps dropping into my face.. Oh, friends.. It's not short short but shorter than my ex-hair length.. if you get what I mean.. Maybe it is just me so used to my long hair length.. Okay.. I guess I better stop, everything is starting to sound a little crappy... Haha.. good night...
Went for dinner at The Brazilian down the Sixth Avenue.. Nice full dinner meal for $37.. Really reasonable.. We could have done without the wine coz I ain't that good at holding liquor of late.. Probably due to the long break without, or maybe it is just me fearing myself getting drunk.. I mean I can't afford to get home all drunk for any reasons.. And mind you, I only had about 1.5 glasses of red wine, and I am a little tipsy..
We got a cab home, Mr requested the music to be louder coz it's No Doubt on the radio singing What you waitin for.. and when the taxi turned, we both got curled up at the corner of the taxi.. What a sight the taxi driver must have seen.. Anyway, time for me to lie myself to bed..
My hair is so soft and smells so nice... But it's short and keeps dropping into my face.. Oh, friends.. It's not short short but shorter than my ex-hair length.. if you get what I mean.. Maybe it is just me so used to my long hair length.. Okay.. I guess I better stop, everything is starting to sound a little crappy... Haha.. good night...
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
My first Touch Rugby Training
My first time trying Touch Rugby.. My first training ever.. And I was training with all the boys tonight.. Good, fast and huge boys.. So instead of playing touch rugby, I was playing touch and fall coz everytime I touch someone, I just fall off.. Can't blame me for being tiny or light... haha.. And when I just missed him, I get like mad coz he simply just get around me.. This guys are darn fast... I felt like I'm flat-footed coz they can so easily get around me, I should be more on my toes now.. And I'll try and make sure to get him touched.. Haha..
But they are all great players.. They teach me step by step, make me get involved in the game.. Guided me through, tirelessly reminding me to stay behind the player(team mate) next to me and to keep an eye on my Man(the opponent opposite me). Constantly trying to slow down the pace to get me into the game.. I feel guilty to have them slow down just because of me.. .
I keep running ahead, staying ahead instead of keeping myself behind the player next to me.. Coz in touch you can't pass forward, you have to pass backward.. So more or less it's like you have to get backwards to move forward.. opposite of Hockey.. And it's a little hard to stop where you're touch and put the ball down.. But I'll learn.. And I'll have Jerie next week.. Hehe.. That would be really fun.. Can't wait to train up with all the boys again, and next week, they'll be two gals..Oh Yeah..
Oh, about my parents tonight.. They always do this, pretend nothing happened between them.. Trying to just forget it, so the argument about my dad's jealousy will always carry on coz they never really settle it out.. They just assume that they would both change/react the way they want them to be.. They always assume..
Oh, I forget to tell ya guys.. I watched 'Ray' yesterday. Definitely a great movie.. Like the director said, Jamie Foxx was not acting as Ray Charles in the movie, he is Ray Charles.. He really enveloped himself as Ray Charles in this movie and I'd give him 9.8 out of 10 on his acting for this movie. He's really good, this movie is definitely worth more than $6.50.. Next movie on target... Maybe 'Closer' or 'White Noises' or maybe 'Hide & Seek'.. I'd want to watch 'Hide & Seek' alone coz Mr watched it already.. But they say 'Constantine' is great to watch.. Maybe 'Racing Stripes' or maybe watch 'Black Hawk Down' on DVD.. haha.. I didn't get to watch it on TV last week.. so maybe I'd watch that.. Movie watching is such a great hobby.. Sports of all kinds are such a great window to improving your fitness and widening your circle of friends... Education is just a great step to the wonderful future..
Alright now, gotta catch a good nights' sleep and be refreshed tomorrow.. Tomorrow's plan... Go school, have light lunch, do my hair treatment, go for dinner at brazilian and go home.. Sounds great, doesn't it?
But they are all great players.. They teach me step by step, make me get involved in the game.. Guided me through, tirelessly reminding me to stay behind the player(team mate) next to me and to keep an eye on my Man(the opponent opposite me). Constantly trying to slow down the pace to get me into the game.. I feel guilty to have them slow down just because of me.. .
I keep running ahead, staying ahead instead of keeping myself behind the player next to me.. Coz in touch you can't pass forward, you have to pass backward.. So more or less it's like you have to get backwards to move forward.. opposite of Hockey.. And it's a little hard to stop where you're touch and put the ball down.. But I'll learn.. And I'll have Jerie next week.. Hehe.. That would be really fun.. Can't wait to train up with all the boys again, and next week, they'll be two gals..Oh Yeah..
Oh, about my parents tonight.. They always do this, pretend nothing happened between them.. Trying to just forget it, so the argument about my dad's jealousy will always carry on coz they never really settle it out.. They just assume that they would both change/react the way they want them to be.. They always assume..
Oh, I forget to tell ya guys.. I watched 'Ray' yesterday. Definitely a great movie.. Like the director said, Jamie Foxx was not acting as Ray Charles in the movie, he is Ray Charles.. He really enveloped himself as Ray Charles in this movie and I'd give him 9.8 out of 10 on his acting for this movie. He's really good, this movie is definitely worth more than $6.50.. Next movie on target... Maybe 'Closer' or 'White Noises' or maybe 'Hide & Seek'.. I'd want to watch 'Hide & Seek' alone coz Mr watched it already.. But they say 'Constantine' is great to watch.. Maybe 'Racing Stripes' or maybe watch 'Black Hawk Down' on DVD.. haha.. I didn't get to watch it on TV last week.. so maybe I'd watch that.. Movie watching is such a great hobby.. Sports of all kinds are such a great window to improving your fitness and widening your circle of friends... Education is just a great step to the wonderful future..
Alright now, gotta catch a good nights' sleep and be refreshed tomorrow.. Tomorrow's plan... Go school, have light lunch, do my hair treatment, go for dinner at brazilian and go home.. Sounds great, doesn't it?
Parents Argued...
5:45am Woke up to my mom's screaming and shouting arguing with my dad.. The jealousy issues once again.. He confiscated her phone saying she's calling some strangers and is flirting.. What the %$#@.. This is what I mean by having the most ridiculous parents one can have. Despite my mom's obesed body and her numerous health problems, my dad still thinks she's flirting.. I still dunno why my dad begged her to come back to his arms when he still doesn't trust her loyalty and devotion to the family..
I texted my two sisters.. Nothing new.. I dunno what's the problem here and I don't wanna get involved.. I really have so many other things on my mind.. Let them settle this childishness themselves..
I didn't wanna wake up, I didn't wanna get up.. I wanna sink into my bed and get away.. I didn't wanna get involved in this shit.. But I'm the only one who could possibly help.. I didn't feel like going to school, I don't even feel like being alive.. My ankle hurts from yesterday.. SOmeone whacked my ankle area with the god damn stick.. I couldn't feel the pain till I got to my doorstep yesterday as I took off my shoes.. Now it hurts to walk.. But I know I'm strong enough to take that pain away.. I feel like running now.. Run where, I dunno.. But I feel like running and never to stop.. I wanna get away from all my family issues bullshit..
I wanna forget who I am, what I'm capable of, when I was born, where I am.. I wanna forget everything and start anew.. But how am I to do that when my family is about the past? My dad never really let go of the past, my mom is still prisonned in the past.. Every house rule is based on the past.. I wanna break all of these stupid past.. And I wanna start anew, with the future in my hands.. I wanna be famous for something none from my family line ever thought of.. I wanna prove to those who still lives in the past, that you have to let go the past to get to the future..
Now I know why racism arise, why anti-religion arise and why all these 'unfairness' arise... Because no one is contented with what they have. They are always looking at others and feel inferior thus blaming the person for how he is.. Phrases like, " Oh, she succeeded because she is Chinese.. she succeeded because this country is all about Chinese people" As much as it may be true, these people never really go out and prove it wrong.. They just talk the talk and never walk the talk.. They keep blaming other people for their failures.. Instead of getting motivated to do better and outstand the rest, they just go around saying.. "Oh, I'm the minority.. They won't want me... "
Why bring in races or religion into issues that has got nothing to do with it? Do you need to be a Christian to get into a christian school and excel? NO.. I am from a Christian school, I get great results, and I am not a Christian. I don't need to be a Chinese to have better education... I can do it myself. It's totally up to oneself.. Not up to the majority, not up to the minority, not up to your religion.. But up to your ownself.. You have got noone else to blame if you hadn't further your studies when given the chance... Why blame others when you only have got yourself to blame? Stop blaming and start reflecting on yourself! You can do better if you want to.. You can outwit everyone if you choose to.. It's a free world now.. Everyone makes their own choices and decisions..
That's why I wanna step out and prove to everyone that everything I do is so worth it.. And not a waste of time or money as they always say about my involvement in hockey and my plans to further my studies.. I will stay strong and keep fighting.. C'mon and try me..
I texted my two sisters.. Nothing new.. I dunno what's the problem here and I don't wanna get involved.. I really have so many other things on my mind.. Let them settle this childishness themselves..
I didn't wanna wake up, I didn't wanna get up.. I wanna sink into my bed and get away.. I didn't wanna get involved in this shit.. But I'm the only one who could possibly help.. I didn't feel like going to school, I don't even feel like being alive.. My ankle hurts from yesterday.. SOmeone whacked my ankle area with the god damn stick.. I couldn't feel the pain till I got to my doorstep yesterday as I took off my shoes.. Now it hurts to walk.. But I know I'm strong enough to take that pain away.. I feel like running now.. Run where, I dunno.. But I feel like running and never to stop.. I wanna get away from all my family issues bullshit..
I wanna forget who I am, what I'm capable of, when I was born, where I am.. I wanna forget everything and start anew.. But how am I to do that when my family is about the past? My dad never really let go of the past, my mom is still prisonned in the past.. Every house rule is based on the past.. I wanna break all of these stupid past.. And I wanna start anew, with the future in my hands.. I wanna be famous for something none from my family line ever thought of.. I wanna prove to those who still lives in the past, that you have to let go the past to get to the future..
Now I know why racism arise, why anti-religion arise and why all these 'unfairness' arise... Because no one is contented with what they have. They are always looking at others and feel inferior thus blaming the person for how he is.. Phrases like, " Oh, she succeeded because she is Chinese.. she succeeded because this country is all about Chinese people" As much as it may be true, these people never really go out and prove it wrong.. They just talk the talk and never walk the talk.. They keep blaming other people for their failures.. Instead of getting motivated to do better and outstand the rest, they just go around saying.. "Oh, I'm the minority.. They won't want me... "
Why bring in races or religion into issues that has got nothing to do with it? Do you need to be a Christian to get into a christian school and excel? NO.. I am from a Christian school, I get great results, and I am not a Christian. I don't need to be a Chinese to have better education... I can do it myself. It's totally up to oneself.. Not up to the majority, not up to the minority, not up to your religion.. But up to your ownself.. You have got noone else to blame if you hadn't further your studies when given the chance... Why blame others when you only have got yourself to blame? Stop blaming and start reflecting on yourself! You can do better if you want to.. You can outwit everyone if you choose to.. It's a free world now.. Everyone makes their own choices and decisions..
That's why I wanna step out and prove to everyone that everything I do is so worth it.. And not a waste of time or money as they always say about my involvement in hockey and my plans to further my studies.. I will stay strong and keep fighting.. C'mon and try me..
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
2nd SCC training...
It's my 2nd SCC training.. It was great, but I feel unfit.. I asked Gavin(coach) to get me a hockey shin guard.. Will pay him next training.. I don't feel like writing actually... My hands suddenly feel numb.. And oh.. I dunno what the F*** happened but my parents are sleeping separately, mom in the room and dad in the living room... Must be Dad's jealousy issues again.. FYI, my dad confiscated her phone coz he thinks that she calls strangers.. Sigh.. What is my dad thinking?! Damn..
I made my decision, if my parents are gonna get divorced again, I'm gonna live on my own... Not gonna be on either side.. Oh, talking about divorce, I collected my divorce cert already.. Now I need to take off my name on that flat..
I'll be joining Mr to touch rugby training sessions.. Ermm... Did some passing earlier, I think I did okay for a beginner.. Man, I stink of all that sweat! I think I should give myself a quick shower before heading to bed.. I should have done that earlier.. It's a little too late for shower right now.. And with my dad in the living room, he'll be saying all those myth about gettting winds if you took a late night showers... Oh man, I can't wait for tomorrow morning..
Good night, folks..
I made my decision, if my parents are gonna get divorced again, I'm gonna live on my own... Not gonna be on either side.. Oh, talking about divorce, I collected my divorce cert already.. Now I need to take off my name on that flat..
I'll be joining Mr to touch rugby training sessions.. Ermm... Did some passing earlier, I think I did okay for a beginner.. Man, I stink of all that sweat! I think I should give myself a quick shower before heading to bed.. I should have done that earlier.. It's a little too late for shower right now.. And with my dad in the living room, he'll be saying all those myth about gettting winds if you took a late night showers... Oh man, I can't wait for tomorrow morning..
Good night, folks..
Monday, February 21, 2005
First-time 'coach'
It is a great experience but it is also dreadful when your team lose.. Now I know how a coach feels when the team loses.. Oh dear.. But well, they did put up a fight.. There are plenty of room to improve still.. And they did listen when adviced during a break, for example the defending post.. but they still do some similar mistakes from time to time. But it's okay.. They had no reserves and so they are all tired. They are also not trained as a team.. And they need more guidance.. So I'll talk to Gavin and see if I can bring some of the gals to join SCC trainings.. Jerie said it won't be a big problem...
It was hard to shout them instructions coz I dunno their names and what they can really do.. I shouted to main things like sticks down, face the ball, etc.. They were trashed terribly.. 7-0.. Ouch.. They need to win this game and poof... 7-0.. Oh dear.. Anyway, Mr had one of those insecurities attacks today.. I hope my dearest would be okay soon with head held high and a big smile...
I am now looking forward to tomorrow's SCC training.. Jerie would be coming down.. haha.. One big hug coming up from Jerie to me.. hehe...
Oh my.. I've got to sleep now.. My eyes are struggling to stay open.. Good night...
It was hard to shout them instructions coz I dunno their names and what they can really do.. I shouted to main things like sticks down, face the ball, etc.. They were trashed terribly.. 7-0.. Ouch.. They need to win this game and poof... 7-0.. Oh dear.. Anyway, Mr had one of those insecurities attacks today.. I hope my dearest would be okay soon with head held high and a big smile...
I am now looking forward to tomorrow's SCC training.. Jerie would be coming down.. haha.. One big hug coming up from Jerie to me.. hehe...
Oh my.. I've got to sleep now.. My eyes are struggling to stay open.. Good night...
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Place full of happy kids..
Imagine my small 3 room flat filled with 5 kids and 5 adults... that's how it is for about an hour or so at least.. Long enough to make it a mayhem I suppose.. Only 3 kids and 5 adults were sleeping over at my place.. So in my very small living room, there were 3 adults and 2 kids sleeping, (almost looked like a refugee camp).. Nadiah slept with me in my room.. I talked to her and drifted into a deep sleep whilst talking to her.. Haha..
Then my lady friend's assistant came to drop by.. So my sleep was a little disturbed.. But oh well.. Doesn't really matter.. I went back to sleep almost right away! I woke up at about 8.10am.. Then got ready to go to the market with my mom and the two gals.. We gombled down breakfast almost right after we stepped into the house except for me, as Shahril asked me to carry him.. He's almost like my own, well my son would be just 6 months behind him if I didn't get the miscarriage.. But well, it was a blessing in disguise really.. As much as I am depressed over the lost but I was also a little relieved I don't have a child now as it would be a heavy responsibility on me.. Especially to the fact that I'm still studying and would want to study for the next 5 years or maybe more..
It was only in the afternoon that Hilmy and Nayli(Mas' kids) got back to my place.. So it is time to go home for all the kiddies.. And time for me to have some time with Mr alone, I suppose.. I wish I don't have to go home.. The future holds so much dreams.. And I can see at least half of those dreams come true.. I can't wait for the day when I pack up all my things and get ready for a REAL trip... I'd most probably just book a flight, pack my stuffs.. then head to the airport and inform my parents just 15minutes prior to the departure... They would say no if I tell them my plans and such... So best thing to do is to just take off and tell them at the last minute.. An advice Mas gave actually,"You want to do it, just do it! Don't ask parents coz you know very well what their answers would be... You would be above 21 when you decide to travel anyway.. " Which is so so true..
And guess what? I've got Jerie to come with me for Touch Rugby social trainings on next next Wednesday and following Wednesdays whenever she can.. Hey hey... that is so so cool, eh.. haha.. Now I don't have to be too nervous about joining trainings on a totally different sport that I've been into... A new thing to learn everyday...
Then guess what? My friend asked me to take over his coaching for tomorrow.. AaarrghhhHH!! I am to give motivation and help them a group of girls whom I really don't know tomorrow... I saw them play once, that's it.. And now I'm given responsibility to guide them through tomorrow's game.. This is such a nerve-breaker.. Haha.. Another whole new thingy for me..
Oh dear.. now I can't sleep properly.. Have to think of things to say and strategy to help these girls out.. Oh dear... Gotta dash and try get something out my head.. Oh, I think I don't need to really stress myself coz he is gonna see me during lunch to say a few words to pass to these gals anyway.. haha.. Oh dear.. I am now a student, a tutor and a part-time hockey motivator cum coach.. and a full time hockey player.. and future freelance touch rugby player.. Oh my.. how many occupations will I have.. Oh such a multi-tasker I am.. *grins*
Then my lady friend's assistant came to drop by.. So my sleep was a little disturbed.. But oh well.. Doesn't really matter.. I went back to sleep almost right away! I woke up at about 8.10am.. Then got ready to go to the market with my mom and the two gals.. We gombled down breakfast almost right after we stepped into the house except for me, as Shahril asked me to carry him.. He's almost like my own, well my son would be just 6 months behind him if I didn't get the miscarriage.. But well, it was a blessing in disguise really.. As much as I am depressed over the lost but I was also a little relieved I don't have a child now as it would be a heavy responsibility on me.. Especially to the fact that I'm still studying and would want to study for the next 5 years or maybe more..
It was only in the afternoon that Hilmy and Nayli(Mas' kids) got back to my place.. So it is time to go home for all the kiddies.. And time for me to have some time with Mr alone, I suppose.. I wish I don't have to go home.. The future holds so much dreams.. And I can see at least half of those dreams come true.. I can't wait for the day when I pack up all my things and get ready for a REAL trip... I'd most probably just book a flight, pack my stuffs.. then head to the airport and inform my parents just 15minutes prior to the departure... They would say no if I tell them my plans and such... So best thing to do is to just take off and tell them at the last minute.. An advice Mas gave actually,"You want to do it, just do it! Don't ask parents coz you know very well what their answers would be... You would be above 21 when you decide to travel anyway.. " Which is so so true..
And guess what? I've got Jerie to come with me for Touch Rugby social trainings on next next Wednesday and following Wednesdays whenever she can.. Hey hey... that is so so cool, eh.. haha.. Now I don't have to be too nervous about joining trainings on a totally different sport that I've been into... A new thing to learn everyday...
Then guess what? My friend asked me to take over his coaching for tomorrow.. AaarrghhhHH!! I am to give motivation and help them a group of girls whom I really don't know tomorrow... I saw them play once, that's it.. And now I'm given responsibility to guide them through tomorrow's game.. This is such a nerve-breaker.. Haha.. Another whole new thingy for me..
Oh dear.. now I can't sleep properly.. Have to think of things to say and strategy to help these girls out.. Oh dear... Gotta dash and try get something out my head.. Oh, I think I don't need to really stress myself coz he is gonna see me during lunch to say a few words to pass to these gals anyway.. haha.. Oh dear.. I am now a student, a tutor and a part-time hockey motivator cum coach.. and a full time hockey player.. and future freelance touch rugby player.. Oh my.. how many occupations will I have.. Oh such a multi-tasker I am.. *grins*
Saturday, February 19, 2005
My first day tutoring...
My first day to tutor Ogy's 13 years old daughter Maths. I've been looking forward to that actually. Anyway, I went to have 'breakfast' with Mr today.. Then went to Jurong Point to get a huge lunch.. Then Mr went to search for his shorts and I suggest he get some ankle socks as well.. Then I got myself a new pencil case, it cost Mr $15.90... The most expensive pencil case I've got, I reckon.. Haha..
Anyway, soon after Mr have done his shopping, Ogy called me to hurry meet her as she has been waiting for 10-15 minutes.. So I went rushing to go to her.. Mr got distracted and get himself some H20 cans mid-way. Then Ogy purchased her box of fags, then bumped into Mr again.. He got a shock as Ogy jumped on him.. Haha..
Then we separated ways, he head to Turf Club for touch rugby league.. Then I taught Iqah(Ogy's daughter) for more than 2 hours without realising.. SO I rushed to Mariam's to send her and the kids to my place. So by the time, I am out of my place, Mr is already done with his game.. But I still made my way over to watch another game of touch. He is still playing one set of game when I reached... So wasn't that bad, I guess..
Then we went to Bojangles for dinner and a few drinks.. Suppose to have some other rugby players to join but no one came so we head home..
Now with the kids.. I am giving in to my niece to play some games.. Kids.. Always about games, isn't it?
Anyway, soon after Mr have done his shopping, Ogy called me to hurry meet her as she has been waiting for 10-15 minutes.. So I went rushing to go to her.. Mr got distracted and get himself some H20 cans mid-way. Then Ogy purchased her box of fags, then bumped into Mr again.. He got a shock as Ogy jumped on him.. Haha..
Then we separated ways, he head to Turf Club for touch rugby league.. Then I taught Iqah(Ogy's daughter) for more than 2 hours without realising.. SO I rushed to Mariam's to send her and the kids to my place. So by the time, I am out of my place, Mr is already done with his game.. But I still made my way over to watch another game of touch. He is still playing one set of game when I reached... So wasn't that bad, I guess..
Then we went to Bojangles for dinner and a few drinks.. Suppose to have some other rugby players to join but no one came so we head home..
Now with the kids.. I am giving in to my niece to play some games.. Kids.. Always about games, isn't it?
Friday, February 18, 2005
70 hours done, 10 hours more to go...
I got up at about 6+ today, on the radio.. went back to sleep.. Get up the the song sung by PROCLAIMERS.. I like the part where they go, "I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more.. " And the bit which goes," When I wake up, I would be what I wanna be and I'll be what I wanna be.." something like that.. I had the song stuck in my head the whole of today.. And i still have it in my head.. haha..
I let the song finish before I texted Mr.. He is coming over to use the PC to do his e-mails and stuff... I told him to lock my gate and to switch off every possible switch before leaving... I went off to BB to do my community service at about 8.30am.. A little late to take the bus all the way, so took the train.. I did everything like usual.. But as I was straightening the Junior-Simple books, I was a lizard at the corner of the shelf and almost let out a loud shreak... I simply kick the books straight and left the shelf feeling so disgusted.. I was wriggling my whole body as if the lizard is in my stomach.. Urgh.. It's just so disgusting, this creature.. But it has its purpose to be on Earth, so be it.. It does eat the small insects including mosquitoes.. so good enough..
As time ticked nearer to noon, I fasten my speed and got into the 'workstation' head towards my pouch as if knowing that Mr is calling me.. I answered and he just left my place.. So he's gonna flag a cab and meet me for my half-hour lunch at Delifrance.. After awhile, the librarian asked me to go for my lunch.. So i left and called Mr, he's on his way... And we talked on the phone for awhile.. He did something funny... But I was feeling a little worried over it actually.. It is funny but... Oh well, time will tell... I just hope noone's angry..
I went to back after lunch while Mr check what's on movie.. He watched 'Hide and Seek' and said that a group of young students were screaming throughout the show.. I think it's just so stupid.. I mean if you're not brave enough to watch a horror movie, then why watch? You're just gonna kill the suspense.. People might walked out the theatre deaf.. Oh well.. Mr said it is a great movie, regardless.. so I guess it would be worth watching.. I just hope there isn't any group of people screaming througout the show if I decides to watch in future..
Mr went to the library looking for me, and it seemed that we just happen to bump without plans and it actually surprise me.. haha.. I wasn't really expecting him to come in the library.. I called him once I was done and went to Coffee Bean for a light snack then went to Mariam's and he head home... Oh.. Ogy wants me to start tutoring her daughter tomorrow.. Yeay.. I've got myself a new tuitee.. She said she would promote my service if I do well in tutoring her daughter.. yeay.. I welcome any extra income.. SO try me...
Oh ya.. went to see M1.. It seems like they don't do any installment repayment plans.. So the person indirectly is asking me to pay the whole lump sum as soon as possible.. Oh dear.... I helped Nadiah with her homework.. Then go home... My dad taught me some massaging techniques.. He showed me how to massage by demonstrating the massage techniques on me.. It is painful... It was almost electrical.. Then I tried on him and he said I am doing well.. And it does impose some pain on him as well just that he never refrain the pain..
Mas is having some money shortness of late.. Her two kids needs to get puffs(they've got asthma) and it cost her hundreds... then it was school books for both kids.. All this without a single cent of help from her ex-hubby.. I can't believe my ears when Mariam told me about him claiming some money from Mas.. What an idiot, eh? He said he is only willing to pay $100 per head per month for the kids.. How ridiculous when he already know that the kid's medical alone would hike up to $200 per month... He refuse to pay the caregiver stating that Mas has the children's custody so she should pay.. He is simply manipulating to reap any benefits, trying to tell Mas that she asked for it, asking her to deserve it.. I can only shake my head.. And after all this shit, he still wants Mas to come back to him.. What an ass... He simply can't accept the fact that Mas has left him after being with him for so long..
I pity Mas and wish I could help me more... But I can't do much for I too, need help... I've saved up every penny... To do my hair... Am I being selfish? I saved it over many weeks.. I really want to do my hair since I have the voucher to have it done.. I think I deserve some treats sometime...
Good night all...
I let the song finish before I texted Mr.. He is coming over to use the PC to do his e-mails and stuff... I told him to lock my gate and to switch off every possible switch before leaving... I went off to BB to do my community service at about 8.30am.. A little late to take the bus all the way, so took the train.. I did everything like usual.. But as I was straightening the Junior-Simple books, I was a lizard at the corner of the shelf and almost let out a loud shreak... I simply kick the books straight and left the shelf feeling so disgusted.. I was wriggling my whole body as if the lizard is in my stomach.. Urgh.. It's just so disgusting, this creature.. But it has its purpose to be on Earth, so be it.. It does eat the small insects including mosquitoes.. so good enough..
As time ticked nearer to noon, I fasten my speed and got into the 'workstation' head towards my pouch as if knowing that Mr is calling me.. I answered and he just left my place.. So he's gonna flag a cab and meet me for my half-hour lunch at Delifrance.. After awhile, the librarian asked me to go for my lunch.. So i left and called Mr, he's on his way... And we talked on the phone for awhile.. He did something funny... But I was feeling a little worried over it actually.. It is funny but... Oh well, time will tell... I just hope noone's angry..
I went to back after lunch while Mr check what's on movie.. He watched 'Hide and Seek' and said that a group of young students were screaming throughout the show.. I think it's just so stupid.. I mean if you're not brave enough to watch a horror movie, then why watch? You're just gonna kill the suspense.. People might walked out the theatre deaf.. Oh well.. Mr said it is a great movie, regardless.. so I guess it would be worth watching.. I just hope there isn't any group of people screaming througout the show if I decides to watch in future..
Mr went to the library looking for me, and it seemed that we just happen to bump without plans and it actually surprise me.. haha.. I wasn't really expecting him to come in the library.. I called him once I was done and went to Coffee Bean for a light snack then went to Mariam's and he head home... Oh.. Ogy wants me to start tutoring her daughter tomorrow.. Yeay.. I've got myself a new tuitee.. She said she would promote my service if I do well in tutoring her daughter.. yeay.. I welcome any extra income.. SO try me...
Oh ya.. went to see M1.. It seems like they don't do any installment repayment plans.. So the person indirectly is asking me to pay the whole lump sum as soon as possible.. Oh dear.... I helped Nadiah with her homework.. Then go home... My dad taught me some massaging techniques.. He showed me how to massage by demonstrating the massage techniques on me.. It is painful... It was almost electrical.. Then I tried on him and he said I am doing well.. And it does impose some pain on him as well just that he never refrain the pain..
Mas is having some money shortness of late.. Her two kids needs to get puffs(they've got asthma) and it cost her hundreds... then it was school books for both kids.. All this without a single cent of help from her ex-hubby.. I can't believe my ears when Mariam told me about him claiming some money from Mas.. What an idiot, eh? He said he is only willing to pay $100 per head per month for the kids.. How ridiculous when he already know that the kid's medical alone would hike up to $200 per month... He refuse to pay the caregiver stating that Mas has the children's custody so she should pay.. He is simply manipulating to reap any benefits, trying to tell Mas that she asked for it, asking her to deserve it.. I can only shake my head.. And after all this shit, he still wants Mas to come back to him.. What an ass... He simply can't accept the fact that Mas has left him after being with him for so long..
I pity Mas and wish I could help me more... But I can't do much for I too, need help... I've saved up every penny... To do my hair... Am I being selfish? I saved it over many weeks.. I really want to do my hair since I have the voucher to have it done.. I think I deserve some treats sometime...
Good night all...
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Thursday gone just like that
My day started with a run.. I didn't do well in my runs of late.. I woke up with a sore hemstring and groin... also a little sore on my left butt.. There are pain in my right but not as much as the left.. I still ran 1.6km though.. And finish up with 20 crunches and 10 push-ups...
Then met Mr for breakfast at Coffee Bean.. Then mailed my documents to NUS and NTU.. Then off to school.. I signed myself in at 9.30am.. I spent some time on the computer- not much discussion in the morning... My team mate was watching a documentary starring Bush on some compiracy.. One of the TSO got in.. I thought he looked a little suspicious but dismiss it to my tired eyes.. But true enough.. He is inviting some sense of trouble...
He actually filmed my team mate and his friends watching the video in the absence of the TSO in charge.. He is actually trying to bring a big mess in the management and the students... Why he do that, I have no idea.. Anyway, we all gathered and was popping up all sorts of questions, and those who were 'caught' were all letting out their frust.. I wasn't in the picture- thank god for that...
We soon went for lunch.. Met up with Mr and had a rather naughty lunch.. but it was yummy... Then returned back to my office to find my key missing.. Oh dear.. Mr helped me look for it.. And I met him again after about 15 minutes.. Then return again to my office.. discuss a little on what's going on.. And confirmed a meeting with NEA coming Tuesday at 9.30am.. Out lecturer is going to drive us down, so must be in school by 9am, by hook or by crook..
Supposed to see M1 today.. But time flies like rockets and jet planes nowadays.. I wonder why... We ended up having dinner at Colbar.. I paid for dinner this time.. Not really, coz Mr is gonna pay me back the money..
That's all for today.. and time still is ticking away.. If only I could freeze time, I would have seen and talked to M1, or maybe just burn all evidence to my owing the company.. haha.. maybe.. maybe.. Then I might as well burn all evidence to my owing to Singtel... haha.. Then I would also ermmm... done something nice, like surprise Mr.. or maybe.. change how my family thinks.... That would be nice.. If only..
Then met Mr for breakfast at Coffee Bean.. Then mailed my documents to NUS and NTU.. Then off to school.. I signed myself in at 9.30am.. I spent some time on the computer- not much discussion in the morning... My team mate was watching a documentary starring Bush on some compiracy.. One of the TSO got in.. I thought he looked a little suspicious but dismiss it to my tired eyes.. But true enough.. He is inviting some sense of trouble...
He actually filmed my team mate and his friends watching the video in the absence of the TSO in charge.. He is actually trying to bring a big mess in the management and the students... Why he do that, I have no idea.. Anyway, we all gathered and was popping up all sorts of questions, and those who were 'caught' were all letting out their frust.. I wasn't in the picture- thank god for that...
We soon went for lunch.. Met up with Mr and had a rather naughty lunch.. but it was yummy... Then returned back to my office to find my key missing.. Oh dear.. Mr helped me look for it.. And I met him again after about 15 minutes.. Then return again to my office.. discuss a little on what's going on.. And confirmed a meeting with NEA coming Tuesday at 9.30am.. Out lecturer is going to drive us down, so must be in school by 9am, by hook or by crook..
Supposed to see M1 today.. But time flies like rockets and jet planes nowadays.. I wonder why... We ended up having dinner at Colbar.. I paid for dinner this time.. Not really, coz Mr is gonna pay me back the money..
That's all for today.. and time still is ticking away.. If only I could freeze time, I would have seen and talked to M1, or maybe just burn all evidence to my owing the company.. haha.. maybe.. maybe.. Then I might as well burn all evidence to my owing to Singtel... haha.. Then I would also ermmm... done something nice, like surprise Mr.. or maybe.. change how my family thinks.... That would be nice.. If only..
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Rushing everywhere...
Today was a rush... I came to school just to sign my attendance, then head for breakfast with Mr then had to photocopy some documents and get myself an A4 envelopes to mail all necessary documents to NUS and NTU.. Then I had to meet up with some gals to get the skirts.. Then to school back, stayed for less that 15minutes, then had to go home and get brochures for distribution and back to school.. Then I had to go off to meet my lady friend.. Then to watch a hockey game; Fajar Sec vs Si Ling Sec.
One of my friend from Hockey was coaching Fajar gals.. and I came over to have a piece of an opinion about these gals... I commented a lot of their performance from the game.. It think the team was more or less average.. Needs more guidance, and have plenty of room to improve.. Then this friend just called me right after I left, requesting me to train these gals coming Friday, 3pm at NTU.. Oh my gosh... I dunno these gals well.. Never had trained anyone yet.. And suddenly am given a chance/exposure to all these.. Dun even know what areas I should train them and what they've already known and stuff.. I have little information about them.. I would most probably let them play amongst themselves for 15minutes and start from there..
Being a defender, I would probably focus a lot on defensive skills or knowledge.. There are afterall playing a defensive game.. I am nervous about this whole thing on training gals for hockey.. I mean I'm not exactly the most popular and top player.. So who would I be kidding, these gals might know so much more than me..... And by the way, how do I get to NTU? I know I'm applying for NTU but I have absolutely no idea where it is.. what more how to get there..
Anyway, after all that ball watching.. I called Mr and he said we got invited for dinner and Finn and Krystina's place again.. haha... What a good timing, eh? I was starving and was so desperate for food, I just can't refuse the invitation.. Heh heh.. So we went over at about 7.30pm, half an hour later than scheduled because we decided mid-way that we need to get a wine for us during dinner.. We bought Avure Bay, Chardonnay.. This brand, Avure Bay produce nice wines.. More of my kind of wine.. Definitely my type of wine that can go with anything on the menu..
Finn and James talked about work stuff... I had to drink lots of iced water and was just gobling down the chips.. Krystina cooked pasta for us.. Nice food... Yummy!!! I will never ever turn down any invitation from them now.. I don't think I can ever do that knowing how yummy the food will be.. Really, really nice... I enjoy my dinner and long chat so much that I only looked at the time once which is at 9pm.. then told Mr, I have to make a move soon.. What a shame, eh? Wish I could stay a little longer to know them better.. And hehe.. Finn gave me a half hug and I accidentally kissed him cause I went to the wrong direction.. So so embarassing!!! I think I blushed for a few seconds..
Mr sent me to the taxi and now is still at their place... I'm now sitting here with half closed eyes... Tired bodies.. And guess what? My parents nag at me again.. Said something about my frequent late nights.. I was back at like 9.30, 9.45 max.. and it's already considered a late night? I have absolutely no comments.. Then my mom start saying something like I didn't go school.. I was like 'What?!' Anyway that remark was caused by my grandma's stupid assumptions.. She is not living with us or is supporting our financial difficulties, is not even supporting us emotionally/physically.. It's just that one day that I appear at Mariam's place and grandma was there that I had brought nothing along(I left my bag and stuffs in my school office locker) and this grandma just said something like, "Are you sure you're from school? You look like you've gone out wasting your time and your parents' money..." I was taken aback.. Was silent while looking deep into her eyes and my mother's.. I was thinking, "Who is she to say these things? She don't know what my project is or how it works, she don't even see me going to school and how I go about with everyday school life.." I have to go around taking data of daily household waste.. Why would I bring along a bag everywhere I go when I have a choice of leaving them in school and just come back with all the data? As I answered my grandma, she whispered to my mom.. Probably saying that something like, "you should not trust her.. She is hesitating, so she must be lying.. " and probably included all my possible setbacks.. And knowing my mom, she won't say a word to back me up, instead, she would believed every word from her mom and venge on me....
So up to date, my mom would say something like, "Where have you been out all day, you didn't go to school did you?" I am so pissed about that... So terribly pissed.. I did talk to my lady friend about my mom.. And just couldn't be bothered to comment to her stupid remarks... No matter what she said, I know she'd always be my mom... So even if I hated it, I have to accept her.. It's not like she abuses me.. Oh well.. Time for bed..
One of my friend from Hockey was coaching Fajar gals.. and I came over to have a piece of an opinion about these gals... I commented a lot of their performance from the game.. It think the team was more or less average.. Needs more guidance, and have plenty of room to improve.. Then this friend just called me right after I left, requesting me to train these gals coming Friday, 3pm at NTU.. Oh my gosh... I dunno these gals well.. Never had trained anyone yet.. And suddenly am given a chance/exposure to all these.. Dun even know what areas I should train them and what they've already known and stuff.. I have little information about them.. I would most probably let them play amongst themselves for 15minutes and start from there..
Being a defender, I would probably focus a lot on defensive skills or knowledge.. There are afterall playing a defensive game.. I am nervous about this whole thing on training gals for hockey.. I mean I'm not exactly the most popular and top player.. So who would I be kidding, these gals might know so much more than me..... And by the way, how do I get to NTU? I know I'm applying for NTU but I have absolutely no idea where it is.. what more how to get there..
Anyway, after all that ball watching.. I called Mr and he said we got invited for dinner and Finn and Krystina's place again.. haha... What a good timing, eh? I was starving and was so desperate for food, I just can't refuse the invitation.. Heh heh.. So we went over at about 7.30pm, half an hour later than scheduled because we decided mid-way that we need to get a wine for us during dinner.. We bought Avure Bay, Chardonnay.. This brand, Avure Bay produce nice wines.. More of my kind of wine.. Definitely my type of wine that can go with anything on the menu..
Finn and James talked about work stuff... I had to drink lots of iced water and was just gobling down the chips.. Krystina cooked pasta for us.. Nice food... Yummy!!! I will never ever turn down any invitation from them now.. I don't think I can ever do that knowing how yummy the food will be.. Really, really nice... I enjoy my dinner and long chat so much that I only looked at the time once which is at 9pm.. then told Mr, I have to make a move soon.. What a shame, eh? Wish I could stay a little longer to know them better.. And hehe.. Finn gave me a half hug and I accidentally kissed him cause I went to the wrong direction.. So so embarassing!!! I think I blushed for a few seconds..
Mr sent me to the taxi and now is still at their place... I'm now sitting here with half closed eyes... Tired bodies.. And guess what? My parents nag at me again.. Said something about my frequent late nights.. I was back at like 9.30, 9.45 max.. and it's already considered a late night? I have absolutely no comments.. Then my mom start saying something like I didn't go school.. I was like 'What?!' Anyway that remark was caused by my grandma's stupid assumptions.. She is not living with us or is supporting our financial difficulties, is not even supporting us emotionally/physically.. It's just that one day that I appear at Mariam's place and grandma was there that I had brought nothing along(I left my bag and stuffs in my school office locker) and this grandma just said something like, "Are you sure you're from school? You look like you've gone out wasting your time and your parents' money..." I was taken aback.. Was silent while looking deep into her eyes and my mother's.. I was thinking, "Who is she to say these things? She don't know what my project is or how it works, she don't even see me going to school and how I go about with everyday school life.." I have to go around taking data of daily household waste.. Why would I bring along a bag everywhere I go when I have a choice of leaving them in school and just come back with all the data? As I answered my grandma, she whispered to my mom.. Probably saying that something like, "you should not trust her.. She is hesitating, so she must be lying.. " and probably included all my possible setbacks.. And knowing my mom, she won't say a word to back me up, instead, she would believed every word from her mom and venge on me....
So up to date, my mom would say something like, "Where have you been out all day, you didn't go to school did you?" I am so pissed about that... So terribly pissed.. I did talk to my lady friend about my mom.. And just couldn't be bothered to comment to her stupid remarks... No matter what she said, I know she'd always be my mom... So even if I hated it, I have to accept her.. It's not like she abuses me.. Oh well.. Time for bed..
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
My First SCC Training...
Yeay.. Today is going to be my first SCC trainings.. Kindda look forward to it since last night.. It went on well and great.. Hehe... I've seen most of the players before but never really spoke to them or even introduce myself to them.. One was because they are great players.. Kindda shy to say hi.. Two was because I'm not a club member yet, again shy to simply say hi.. Haha.. Today is different.. I'm part of the team/club.. Yeay!!!
Someone introduced herself to me and asked where I'm from.. SO I told her my name and told her that I just joined the club and am very new so.. kindda out of nowhere.. hehe.. Have to be humble on the first day, right? I told her that I am from NP.. Then there's one girl who said she's really new into the field.. She's from NUS and haven't joined SCC yet but was invited to join us for training... I shall say that she's quite good considering the fact that she just got into the sports for 5months..
I was playing the 3rd session as left back.. I shall say that I played well.. No doubt I was nervous though.. The other players are like wow.. I was almost nothing compared to just one of the players.. But I got over it after awhile.. Partly because they start to give me guidelines and shout my name.. I felt a sense of belonging in a team like that.. I thought they would scream and get pissed if I did a mistake or something.. haha.. But I was proven wrong.. They are really nice people..
Today went well at school.. The day seemed to fly like a rocket today.. It never felt like it was from 9am to 4.30pm... it felt more like it was just 4 hours or something.. Then I sent the Ringo thingy and didn't check properly to whom I sent them to.. And it reached some contacts whom I thought would never want to have anything to do with me... Well, one returned saying No thanks.. and the other was kindda surprised and asked if I'm sure of staying in touch.. So I e-mailed him back to back.. And out of a sudden, it really feels nice to be friends and stay as friends with everyone even if you do have a history of dating each other..
I mean like I said in my post 'Love' there must be a reason to why you did go out with someone.. So why throw away a friendship that you already have just because you're no longer together with that someone.. I guess in some such relationship break down, one may need sometime before accepting each other as just friends.. Well it took me almost a year.. and it's not even on purpose.. I included him as one of those people I wanted to send the Ringo thingy to touch base by accident.. Wasn't really focusing and was just ticking the names away..
About this guy, I liked his personality and his way of living life.. He is almost a showstopper.. Why I broke up with him was because he doesn't have any commitment and will never call me for many days and sometimes for weeks..
I am the kind of person who needs to be constantly reminded that I'm loved and people care for me.. So I often get hurt when someone special to me didn't include me in a conversation or didn't call/text me for many many days... I am someone who has insecurities around her, who think no one really really care about her.. So when someone special didn't text her 'I love you' she would think that 'oh.. he don't love me anymore..' and start doubting if the relationship would really last....
So now, I have one more friend.. haha.. nah.. I made more today.. I can now have SCC girls as friends.. Nice...
As I was having SCC training, Mr went for touch rugby at SMU which is like just next door from where I was having training at.. Nice.. So now Mr and I have trainings on Tuesdays, 7-9pm at the same area... It's almost fated to be.. Haha...
After all that sweating... We went home, taking SBS 154, Mr alight at my school bus stop and I dropped about 5-6 bus stops after.. And walked home.. I reached my place at about quarter to ten.. Perfect... Today is just precise..
Can't wait to see one of my friend in school tomorrow.. Also need to mail the documents to NUS and NTU tomorrow...
Someone introduced herself to me and asked where I'm from.. SO I told her my name and told her that I just joined the club and am very new so.. kindda out of nowhere.. hehe.. Have to be humble on the first day, right? I told her that I am from NP.. Then there's one girl who said she's really new into the field.. She's from NUS and haven't joined SCC yet but was invited to join us for training... I shall say that she's quite good considering the fact that she just got into the sports for 5months..
I was playing the 3rd session as left back.. I shall say that I played well.. No doubt I was nervous though.. The other players are like wow.. I was almost nothing compared to just one of the players.. But I got over it after awhile.. Partly because they start to give me guidelines and shout my name.. I felt a sense of belonging in a team like that.. I thought they would scream and get pissed if I did a mistake or something.. haha.. But I was proven wrong.. They are really nice people..
Today went well at school.. The day seemed to fly like a rocket today.. It never felt like it was from 9am to 4.30pm... it felt more like it was just 4 hours or something.. Then I sent the Ringo thingy and didn't check properly to whom I sent them to.. And it reached some contacts whom I thought would never want to have anything to do with me... Well, one returned saying No thanks.. and the other was kindda surprised and asked if I'm sure of staying in touch.. So I e-mailed him back to back.. And out of a sudden, it really feels nice to be friends and stay as friends with everyone even if you do have a history of dating each other..
I mean like I said in my post 'Love' there must be a reason to why you did go out with someone.. So why throw away a friendship that you already have just because you're no longer together with that someone.. I guess in some such relationship break down, one may need sometime before accepting each other as just friends.. Well it took me almost a year.. and it's not even on purpose.. I included him as one of those people I wanted to send the Ringo thingy to touch base by accident.. Wasn't really focusing and was just ticking the names away..
About this guy, I liked his personality and his way of living life.. He is almost a showstopper.. Why I broke up with him was because he doesn't have any commitment and will never call me for many days and sometimes for weeks..
I am the kind of person who needs to be constantly reminded that I'm loved and people care for me.. So I often get hurt when someone special to me didn't include me in a conversation or didn't call/text me for many many days... I am someone who has insecurities around her, who think no one really really care about her.. So when someone special didn't text her 'I love you' she would think that 'oh.. he don't love me anymore..' and start doubting if the relationship would really last....
So now, I have one more friend.. haha.. nah.. I made more today.. I can now have SCC girls as friends.. Nice...
As I was having SCC training, Mr went for touch rugby at SMU which is like just next door from where I was having training at.. Nice.. So now Mr and I have trainings on Tuesdays, 7-9pm at the same area... It's almost fated to be.. Haha...
After all that sweating... We went home, taking SBS 154, Mr alight at my school bus stop and I dropped about 5-6 bus stops after.. And walked home.. I reached my place at about quarter to ten.. Perfect... Today is just precise..
Can't wait to see one of my friend in school tomorrow.. Also need to mail the documents to NUS and NTU tomorrow...
Monday, February 14, 2005
Happy Valentine's Day!!
Happy Valentine's Day!!!! Today was perfectly okay... Went to see Dr Chan have some check-ups on me as I had frequent stiches out of a sudden.. and I've had those on some mornings and when I run from time to time.. Dr Chan said there's nothing wrong with me.. And it won't be much of a trouble at my age... So okay...
Then Mr (had to) shop alone.. So I went to town.. wandering around heading nowhere in particular... I walked around at Far East Plaza.. then walked towards Hyatt Hotel when I bumped into an old friend, Iftekhar.. who had a stalk of rose and a card with him... so we talked a bit and he asked me to join him.. So I did.. And I gave him some time to write his card before we really talked.. Then his girlfriend appeared out of nowhere.. haha.. she surprised him more than he was to surprise her.. It was funny in a way.. Then we waited for Mr's grand appearance.. But he got some what lost.. So I asked Mr to get a taxi and meet me where I am at...
Waited for about half an hour or so... Then he went like, "I can't give you the gift yet coz I haven't write the card.. " It was funny... So I said okay.. what did you buy anyway... yada yada yada.. then bid my friend goodbye.. and heading towards Hyatt Hotel... then bumped into Ogy.. Haha.. then Mr decide not to go Mezzi 9 and suggest Emerald Hill.. And Ogy said she'd call me and might join us if Dave agrees..
So me and Mr head to Alleybar at Emerald Hill.. and ordered a drink each; I ordered Vodka Redbull and he ordered Hoogarden Beer... Ogy called just when I finished my first round.. Then reached at about a fifth on my second round.. Picked her up then half way, Dave requested a hug.. so sweet.. It's nice to give and receive a hug.. I like it.. So I gave a big nice warm hug to Dave.. Then lead them to Alleybar to join Mr.. Dave and Mr got into a conversation right away.. Ogy and I just talked about how things are going on... It is nice.. Really nice..
Then we left at about 9pm, just when the happy hours end.. haha.. I head home.. and now here I am.. Then a friend of mine asked me to watch a hockey game with him.. Just me and him.. He requested to just see me alone.. I think I would, I need time alone with my friends anyway.. The game starts at 4.45pm... So I would meet Mr after the game.. No problem at all.. I hope so..
Alright now.. Time for bed... gotta see Mr tomorrow morning.. hehehe.. c",)
Then Mr (had to) shop alone.. So I went to town.. wandering around heading nowhere in particular... I walked around at Far East Plaza.. then walked towards Hyatt Hotel when I bumped into an old friend, Iftekhar.. who had a stalk of rose and a card with him... so we talked a bit and he asked me to join him.. So I did.. And I gave him some time to write his card before we really talked.. Then his girlfriend appeared out of nowhere.. haha.. she surprised him more than he was to surprise her.. It was funny in a way.. Then we waited for Mr's grand appearance.. But he got some what lost.. So I asked Mr to get a taxi and meet me where I am at...
Waited for about half an hour or so... Then he went like, "I can't give you the gift yet coz I haven't write the card.. " It was funny... So I said okay.. what did you buy anyway... yada yada yada.. then bid my friend goodbye.. and heading towards Hyatt Hotel... then bumped into Ogy.. Haha.. then Mr decide not to go Mezzi 9 and suggest Emerald Hill.. And Ogy said she'd call me and might join us if Dave agrees..
So me and Mr head to Alleybar at Emerald Hill.. and ordered a drink each; I ordered Vodka Redbull and he ordered Hoogarden Beer... Ogy called just when I finished my first round.. Then reached at about a fifth on my second round.. Picked her up then half way, Dave requested a hug.. so sweet.. It's nice to give and receive a hug.. I like it.. So I gave a big nice warm hug to Dave.. Then lead them to Alleybar to join Mr.. Dave and Mr got into a conversation right away.. Ogy and I just talked about how things are going on... It is nice.. Really nice..
Then we left at about 9pm, just when the happy hours end.. haha.. I head home.. and now here I am.. Then a friend of mine asked me to watch a hockey game with him.. Just me and him.. He requested to just see me alone.. I think I would, I need time alone with my friends anyway.. The game starts at 4.45pm... So I would meet Mr after the game.. No problem at all.. I hope so..
Alright now.. Time for bed... gotta see Mr tomorrow morning.. hehehe.. c",)
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Love
A topic I think is interesting... I was just thinking about why you love someone and how you love someone.. and anything in relation... It has to be something that you initially liked about that someone that makes you feel intrigue to know everything about it and simply fall in love with it... It has to be something that someone has.. Could be her smile that melts your heart, could be that glowing eyes that makes you do anything for her... could be her libido.. could be her genuinity, her concerns over you... it must be something that she has that makes you drop on your knees and beg her to go out with you...
Then that questions ask me off-guard... Why am I attracted to my former husband... After so much thinking and listing what the possibilities are.. I cancelled out physical attractiveness coz he is almost a skeleton.. Not exactly charming or makes you go awe... It wasn't for his intelligence... He only has an 'N' levels.. Not for his money.. He has debts everywhere... Not for his great or good reputation... I can't deny that I do find him cute the first time I met him... After so much consideration and reasoning... I think I was with him out of sympathy.. His family was so broken... His mom has over 100 cats in a 3-rm HDB flat and cared for these cats more than she ever cared for her children in her whole life... He never truly get love by his own mother.. And now that I've step out of his life... I can see his life being screwed up unless he get some further education.. He has nothing now.. Absolute nothing.. I pity him sometimes but he has had his chances.. I have gave him hundreds of chances.. But his repetitve abuses.. and having him mishandling me is just spelling big trouble.. Coz someone smart enough would know that I need to be left alone when I'm pissed off, and not to scream and list down all my mistakes.. Continuously saying indirectly that it IS my fault.. and start pinpointing at me..
Even if he doesn't mean it that way, would anyone who's pissed off be thinking likewise? NO.. Big NO.. Coz when you're pissed, you just would think people are going against you no matter how nice that someone tried to be.... Best move is to ignore me, leave me alone or just change the subject and try to forget it.. And when I'm cool enough, I'm fine with discussing about it... Why not? But please.. Not when I'm still letting off the steam from that 'pissed-off' mood... I can just go on with the list of his bad side.. But I won't be doing so coz I do not want to critisize or demoralized him any further...
About today.. I went over to Mariam's at 10.30am or something.. then went to Mak Salmah's(Mariam's mom-in-law) house together.. Tutor my niece... Then talk about some school stuffs about primary school teachers and how they handle their students.. Some teachers are just so bad.. they sometimes picks on 'slow' students and starts to demoralize them by calling them names or telling them that they are stupid or silly.. These kids everntually hate school... And they turn around and blame the parents? Big joke.. Teachers should always encourage kids to learn and not give up when the students can't pick up just as fast as their classmates by punishing them for things they don't ask for...
Mr went to Batam in the afternoon after touch rugby.. Then we went to Le Merridien Hotel to see some NZ lifestyle exhibit... Then off to Chris' then off home..
Oh.. Something came up on my mind.. I always salute those former couples who stayed as friends after they broke up their love relationship.. But I wonder... Would you really feel comfortable to stay friends when you're still trying to get over that relationship break-up? I won't feel comfortable to be honest.. I mean.. You've been together... and you broke up because of something that you don't like about the other person.. and you remain friends with that person? I can never see myself remaining as friends with my former husband, for some reasons, maybe I can't because it won't look good.. I dunno... I can't even see myself remaining friends with any of those people whom I supposingly ever gone out with... Not even a former crush in secondary school.. I tried, I swear.. I tried but the other party seemed to think that I'm still overly crazy over him by trying to keep in touch and become friends.. Crappy but true.. Some local guys just think so narrow and shallow...
Then it was a friendship between a woman and a man... That friendship seemed to be tucked under the doormat when one of them starts to date or have someone special in heart fearing about their partners suspecting something more than just a friendship between them.. Funny phenomina.. But still goes on... I can't ever deny that I have more male friends to female ones.. but one by one of my male friends disappear fearing of Mr getting jealous or such... and I start having a little bit more female friends..
My friendster account for instance.. I only have what? 47 'friends' and 4 testimonials? Not that I demand popularity or something like that.. Just that it simply shows.. Maybe it's something wrong with me... But nobody tells me so.. nobody commented on how my friendship was with them... I dunno where my bad point was or is or were or are? Not all 47 were really my friends, to be honest.. well yeah.. I do know them.. But well.. Just because I was in the same school, or was in the same cca.. I never really know them neither do they really know me... I can't deny that there are some really great friends in there who are all genuine.. Simply shows how many true friends I truly have.. I love my friends... I care for them... Where did I go wrong? Other people had so many testimonials from their friends.. I wrote so many of them... showing my appreciation.. and not that it is a must to get an eye for an eye.. but come on.. where's the basic mere thank you?? How rude can my friends be?
I hadn't been in much luck with friendship.. But I do know there are true friends out there who care for me.. and maybe there are some just waiting for me to find them... Oh well... Hey friends... I need a big big hug... I really do.. give me hugs for my birthday okay? I promise not to burden you with much hassle.. Just one big hug for me... Please...
The finals for under-21 hockey tournament was on today afternoon... POLICE won.. Jerie's team got first.. Congrats!!
Then that questions ask me off-guard... Why am I attracted to my former husband... After so much thinking and listing what the possibilities are.. I cancelled out physical attractiveness coz he is almost a skeleton.. Not exactly charming or makes you go awe... It wasn't for his intelligence... He only has an 'N' levels.. Not for his money.. He has debts everywhere... Not for his great or good reputation... I can't deny that I do find him cute the first time I met him... After so much consideration and reasoning... I think I was with him out of sympathy.. His family was so broken... His mom has over 100 cats in a 3-rm HDB flat and cared for these cats more than she ever cared for her children in her whole life... He never truly get love by his own mother.. And now that I've step out of his life... I can see his life being screwed up unless he get some further education.. He has nothing now.. Absolute nothing.. I pity him sometimes but he has had his chances.. I have gave him hundreds of chances.. But his repetitve abuses.. and having him mishandling me is just spelling big trouble.. Coz someone smart enough would know that I need to be left alone when I'm pissed off, and not to scream and list down all my mistakes.. Continuously saying indirectly that it IS my fault.. and start pinpointing at me..
Even if he doesn't mean it that way, would anyone who's pissed off be thinking likewise? NO.. Big NO.. Coz when you're pissed, you just would think people are going against you no matter how nice that someone tried to be.... Best move is to ignore me, leave me alone or just change the subject and try to forget it.. And when I'm cool enough, I'm fine with discussing about it... Why not? But please.. Not when I'm still letting off the steam from that 'pissed-off' mood... I can just go on with the list of his bad side.. But I won't be doing so coz I do not want to critisize or demoralized him any further...
About today.. I went over to Mariam's at 10.30am or something.. then went to Mak Salmah's(Mariam's mom-in-law) house together.. Tutor my niece... Then talk about some school stuffs about primary school teachers and how they handle their students.. Some teachers are just so bad.. they sometimes picks on 'slow' students and starts to demoralize them by calling them names or telling them that they are stupid or silly.. These kids everntually hate school... And they turn around and blame the parents? Big joke.. Teachers should always encourage kids to learn and not give up when the students can't pick up just as fast as their classmates by punishing them for things they don't ask for...
Mr went to Batam in the afternoon after touch rugby.. Then we went to Le Merridien Hotel to see some NZ lifestyle exhibit... Then off to Chris' then off home..
Oh.. Something came up on my mind.. I always salute those former couples who stayed as friends after they broke up their love relationship.. But I wonder... Would you really feel comfortable to stay friends when you're still trying to get over that relationship break-up? I won't feel comfortable to be honest.. I mean.. You've been together... and you broke up because of something that you don't like about the other person.. and you remain friends with that person? I can never see myself remaining as friends with my former husband, for some reasons, maybe I can't because it won't look good.. I dunno... I can't even see myself remaining friends with any of those people whom I supposingly ever gone out with... Not even a former crush in secondary school.. I tried, I swear.. I tried but the other party seemed to think that I'm still overly crazy over him by trying to keep in touch and become friends.. Crappy but true.. Some local guys just think so narrow and shallow...
Then it was a friendship between a woman and a man... That friendship seemed to be tucked under the doormat when one of them starts to date or have someone special in heart fearing about their partners suspecting something more than just a friendship between them.. Funny phenomina.. But still goes on... I can't ever deny that I have more male friends to female ones.. but one by one of my male friends disappear fearing of Mr getting jealous or such... and I start having a little bit more female friends..
My friendster account for instance.. I only have what? 47 'friends' and 4 testimonials? Not that I demand popularity or something like that.. Just that it simply shows.. Maybe it's something wrong with me... But nobody tells me so.. nobody commented on how my friendship was with them... I dunno where my bad point was or is or were or are? Not all 47 were really my friends, to be honest.. well yeah.. I do know them.. But well.. Just because I was in the same school, or was in the same cca.. I never really know them neither do they really know me... I can't deny that there are some really great friends in there who are all genuine.. Simply shows how many true friends I truly have.. I love my friends... I care for them... Where did I go wrong? Other people had so many testimonials from their friends.. I wrote so many of them... showing my appreciation.. and not that it is a must to get an eye for an eye.. but come on.. where's the basic mere thank you?? How rude can my friends be?
I hadn't been in much luck with friendship.. But I do know there are true friends out there who care for me.. and maybe there are some just waiting for me to find them... Oh well... Hey friends... I need a big big hug... I really do.. give me hugs for my birthday okay? I promise not to burden you with much hassle.. Just one big hug for me... Please...
The finals for under-21 hockey tournament was on today afternoon... POLICE won.. Jerie's team got first.. Congrats!!
Saturday, February 12, 2005
12th Feb 2005
2 more days to Valentines' Day.. Not that I've big plans to celebrate it.. I think today marks one of friend's 8 years together.. Impressed but I think it's stupid to be with the same old person for so long at your best age range-translation; in your teens and early 20s... Not that I encourage flings and flirting.. Just that well.. I think you should venture the world with different people and make sure of what you want, have the freedom of being single and being available.. Not like I had made the bestest of the best out of my teenage years... Just that well.. I wish I hadn't lived alone before so that I don't grumble having to live with my parents whom I have to please all the time- or else a long nagging session to attend to for many many days....
Oh, since I've mentioned it.. I really wished I am living alone again at my own apartment, having noone in particular to impress or please, to be able to do what I want to do wherever and whenever I want to do... I don't forget my parents, I do visit them every weekend.. Oh.. It is a lot of difference when you live with your parents and when you live alone and visit them every weekend.. A lot of difference..
True some people, probably the majority being in Asia, that they do prefer living with their parents to living alone.. But guess I am not one of them! True, you have to do a lot of things alone, but hey.. that's exactly what you wanna do when you decide to live alone anyway!! At least I can do my household chores alone at my own timing in whatever outfit I feel comfy in... Here, at my parents' place... I can't wear tank tops and shorts... I can't wear skimpy clothes to sleep despite the humid weather... I can't have music/radio on nice and loud.. I can't go out anytime I want to even when I am 21.. not until I am married would they stop nagging at my outings and my frequent out of home status.. And I can't have a stayover at my friends' place or having my friends over for a stayover... My movements are restricted when I live with my parents... I have to constantly please them, coming home extra early is one of them.. and early as in before the sun goes down.. You gotta be kidding me!!!!
But then again, living with your parents just cuts your expense to more than half, I don't have to think of earning money to pay up my utilities bills or house rent.. But I still need to pay bills despite living with my parents- I hate those buggers who don't need to pay a single bill whilst living with their parents- I have to save up and pay my own internet bill and handphone bills with my allowance of $30/week... Oh gosh.. I wonder what the buggers who don't have to think of any bills are complaining about..
Anyway, went to Mr's friend's one year old son's birthday party...It is Finn's(Danish) and Krystina's(Chinese Local) son, Oliver's first birthday... The food, the wines(3 bottles for just 3 of us- me Mr & Finn) and the people are overall nice.. Just that, I don't feel that comfy as everyone hugs everyone except me.. I dunno why.. maybe my body language cancel all incoming hug.. But I do want a hug.. In fact, I need a hug.. I did get one big one from Mr at the end of the day.. Okay.. Minus the hugging parts, it was ok... conversed well, I hope.. I didn't speak much, as usual.. Finn tried to start a conversation by the famous questions of what are you doing now? What field I am in?.. yada yada yada... then I got strayed yet again.. What do I expect? Mr is very sociable.. talking to everyone.. And as you might have gathered, once he starts conversing, it's just hard to stop the conversation.. One thing is that, he never completely listens or lets one finish his sentence, Two, he is always justifying himself or issues that surround him.. Three, he likes to debate on opinions and such and he just loves to interupts.. He is just sometimes a small kid in a big matured adult's body.. So it always starts with a topic, strayed to another topic without hearing the other party's story then to another topic.... Maybe it was just me..
The people who appeared at the party are mostly mixed couples, mostly chinese women and white men.. One exception was an Eurasian woman- Portugese Mom+ English Dad - who married a Danish guy... Eurasions are usually just exceptionally beautiful in appearance with a unique character and personality due to the different culture exposure and such... And Mr just can't keep his hands off my hair! It irritates the hell out me.. He keeps playing with my hair - and he seemed to always do it when I'm eating... I was pissed off.. yes, because he disturbs me when I eat and he knows I don't like to have my hair in front by the side... That was just a small factor to my irritable character.. The bigger part was being at someone's place for too long, with so many kids and strangers... Maybe I'd feel more comfortable if it was my 2nd time or maybe 3rd time seeing his friends... But it was my first time meeting with them, and all these strangers and being in their house for too long just makes me uneasy, uncomfy.. and just well.. not my style.. Mr always gives excuses when I want us to meet up my friend or do something with my friends together with him like saying he dun feel like meeting anyone or being with anyone else...
The thing about couples having the best period in their first 6 months may be true.. The feeling of being in love and being loved are felt at its peak during the first 6 months.. Then it would just lessen with time.. Well, I dunno why I just gets so easily irritated.. Not that I expect much, but I guess living with my parents plays a big role... I don't think I'd be this irritable if I'm living alone.. It's just so stressful having to please your parents day in and day out, you know.. because my parents are just about the most ridiculous people who always care about what other people say and pleasing my maternal grandma is a huge duty to do for them.... and so it seemed like I'm the most difficult child to handle because I demand my rights, because I want to take a step further into my studies and strive better.. because I love sports and being involved in sports.. because I'm just being me... And this stress trigger the most tempting craving to light a cigarette and smoke away... Oh the temptation is so great but I'll stay strong.. I am trying my best but this is rather a little too much to carry about with.. My head is seriously gonna burst...
Oh, since I've mentioned it.. I really wished I am living alone again at my own apartment, having noone in particular to impress or please, to be able to do what I want to do wherever and whenever I want to do... I don't forget my parents, I do visit them every weekend.. Oh.. It is a lot of difference when you live with your parents and when you live alone and visit them every weekend.. A lot of difference..
True some people, probably the majority being in Asia, that they do prefer living with their parents to living alone.. But guess I am not one of them! True, you have to do a lot of things alone, but hey.. that's exactly what you wanna do when you decide to live alone anyway!! At least I can do my household chores alone at my own timing in whatever outfit I feel comfy in... Here, at my parents' place... I can't wear tank tops and shorts... I can't wear skimpy clothes to sleep despite the humid weather... I can't have music/radio on nice and loud.. I can't go out anytime I want to even when I am 21.. not until I am married would they stop nagging at my outings and my frequent out of home status.. And I can't have a stayover at my friends' place or having my friends over for a stayover... My movements are restricted when I live with my parents... I have to constantly please them, coming home extra early is one of them.. and early as in before the sun goes down.. You gotta be kidding me!!!!
But then again, living with your parents just cuts your expense to more than half, I don't have to think of earning money to pay up my utilities bills or house rent.. But I still need to pay bills despite living with my parents- I hate those buggers who don't need to pay a single bill whilst living with their parents- I have to save up and pay my own internet bill and handphone bills with my allowance of $30/week... Oh gosh.. I wonder what the buggers who don't have to think of any bills are complaining about..
Anyway, went to Mr's friend's one year old son's birthday party...It is Finn's(Danish) and Krystina's(Chinese Local) son, Oliver's first birthday... The food, the wines(3 bottles for just 3 of us- me Mr & Finn) and the people are overall nice.. Just that, I don't feel that comfy as everyone hugs everyone except me.. I dunno why.. maybe my body language cancel all incoming hug.. But I do want a hug.. In fact, I need a hug.. I did get one big one from Mr at the end of the day.. Okay.. Minus the hugging parts, it was ok... conversed well, I hope.. I didn't speak much, as usual.. Finn tried to start a conversation by the famous questions of what are you doing now? What field I am in?.. yada yada yada... then I got strayed yet again.. What do I expect? Mr is very sociable.. talking to everyone.. And as you might have gathered, once he starts conversing, it's just hard to stop the conversation.. One thing is that, he never completely listens or lets one finish his sentence, Two, he is always justifying himself or issues that surround him.. Three, he likes to debate on opinions and such and he just loves to interupts.. He is just sometimes a small kid in a big matured adult's body.. So it always starts with a topic, strayed to another topic without hearing the other party's story then to another topic.... Maybe it was just me..
The people who appeared at the party are mostly mixed couples, mostly chinese women and white men.. One exception was an Eurasian woman- Portugese Mom+ English Dad - who married a Danish guy... Eurasions are usually just exceptionally beautiful in appearance with a unique character and personality due to the different culture exposure and such... And Mr just can't keep his hands off my hair! It irritates the hell out me.. He keeps playing with my hair - and he seemed to always do it when I'm eating... I was pissed off.. yes, because he disturbs me when I eat and he knows I don't like to have my hair in front by the side... That was just a small factor to my irritable character.. The bigger part was being at someone's place for too long, with so many kids and strangers... Maybe I'd feel more comfortable if it was my 2nd time or maybe 3rd time seeing his friends... But it was my first time meeting with them, and all these strangers and being in their house for too long just makes me uneasy, uncomfy.. and just well.. not my style.. Mr always gives excuses when I want us to meet up my friend or do something with my friends together with him like saying he dun feel like meeting anyone or being with anyone else...
The thing about couples having the best period in their first 6 months may be true.. The feeling of being in love and being loved are felt at its peak during the first 6 months.. Then it would just lessen with time.. Well, I dunno why I just gets so easily irritated.. Not that I expect much, but I guess living with my parents plays a big role... I don't think I'd be this irritable if I'm living alone.. It's just so stressful having to please your parents day in and day out, you know.. because my parents are just about the most ridiculous people who always care about what other people say and pleasing my maternal grandma is a huge duty to do for them.... and so it seemed like I'm the most difficult child to handle because I demand my rights, because I want to take a step further into my studies and strive better.. because I love sports and being involved in sports.. because I'm just being me... And this stress trigger the most tempting craving to light a cigarette and smoke away... Oh the temptation is so great but I'll stay strong.. I am trying my best but this is rather a little too much to carry about with.. My head is seriously gonna burst...
Friday, February 11, 2005
64 hours done... 16 hours more to complete...
Today was tiring... Dunno why.. But I'm tired..! Done 64 hours of community service... It was hardwork when you give your all.. I know, I don't have to put my everything in it... But I will walk out feeling guilty cause I didn't do what I am suppose to do... So I shelved all the books to the right places... Straighten up all the books that simply got way out of the shelves(looks more like it has been terrorized!) .. Making sure the books are at the right places.. Just to find it all at the wrong places just 10 minutes after you leave the shelves alone.. Ah.. Kids.. There can be such a monster and yet maintained their cuteness and remain adorable..
Nothing much is happening to my daily life.. Drafted out a letter to mail to NUS.. well Mr gave a first draft then I editted a little now he is editting and reviewing.. He meet me up at BB, had his late lunch... then we took the train not knowing where to go.. So half way through I decided to go over to Mariam's but still deciding if I should alight and change trains.. So I end up getting pissed out of nothing.. Believe it or not, I got angry with Mr for nothing.. Haha.. And he handled it well by just ignoring my temper.. Oh, how can I stay angry with him when he simply know how to stop my anger without realising it.. how can I not love him when he know me so much and still wants to know more about me? Oh well, as I wait for my train at BB, Jerie shouted my name from across... took me by surprise.. Haha.. Shame that I didn't get to talk to her much as my train arrive just when I wanted to go over or was it her who wanted to come over.. Oh maybe both of us just wanna give each other a hug.. haha...
Anyway, we stayed on the train heading towards town to alight at Buona Vista.. haha.. Didn't go over to Mariam's in the end.. Instead, we went to Coffee Bean at Holland Village to read the Straits Times and have a drink and cheesecake. I didn't finish both my drink and cheesecake coz they are just way too sweet to swallow, so Mr finished my cheesecake.. Then we went our separate ways to go home and give our body a much needed rest..
I'll be going over to Mariam's tomorrow morning.. Miss her boy so much... It seemed like forever the last I saw him.. He is getting more and more mischievious as said by my mom... He starts to bite people... Oouch!! He is about 17months... yet to speak but loves to hum the famous nursery rhymes like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and ABC.. he is so so cute... Shame I dun have his cute little picture, otherwise I'd share his glam with all of you..
Talking about kids, it's sad that Singapore still have cases of babies being abandoned at the void deck, beside the rubbish chute, the common corridor or flight of stairs.. I simply dunno how the little babies' mom can just leave her baby without the guarantee that the baby would be found and be in good hands.. What if a dog attacked the innocent baby, or what if someone mistakes it for another rubbish and throw it in the bin... I just can't swallow the reality of such cases... True the mother could be a minor, not knowing what she should do or the mother could be facing a financial problem or something.. But hey... you can always put the baby up for proper adoption or something.. I still can't accept that some mothers rather 'throw' their baby at some discreet places than to put the baby up for proper adoption..
For minor-mothers.. her parents could have assured her some security or something... it's funny how some parents rather not know the child's mistakes than to know them and correct the child with encouragement or assurance of support... Oh well, everyone does mistakes... I do too.. I am no perfect soul.. You and me always have to Live and Learn!
Alright now.. can't wait to see my darling nephew...
Nothing much is happening to my daily life.. Drafted out a letter to mail to NUS.. well Mr gave a first draft then I editted a little now he is editting and reviewing.. He meet me up at BB, had his late lunch... then we took the train not knowing where to go.. So half way through I decided to go over to Mariam's but still deciding if I should alight and change trains.. So I end up getting pissed out of nothing.. Believe it or not, I got angry with Mr for nothing.. Haha.. And he handled it well by just ignoring my temper.. Oh, how can I stay angry with him when he simply know how to stop my anger without realising it.. how can I not love him when he know me so much and still wants to know more about me? Oh well, as I wait for my train at BB, Jerie shouted my name from across... took me by surprise.. Haha.. Shame that I didn't get to talk to her much as my train arrive just when I wanted to go over or was it her who wanted to come over.. Oh maybe both of us just wanna give each other a hug.. haha...
Anyway, we stayed on the train heading towards town to alight at Buona Vista.. haha.. Didn't go over to Mariam's in the end.. Instead, we went to Coffee Bean at Holland Village to read the Straits Times and have a drink and cheesecake. I didn't finish both my drink and cheesecake coz they are just way too sweet to swallow, so Mr finished my cheesecake.. Then we went our separate ways to go home and give our body a much needed rest..
I'll be going over to Mariam's tomorrow morning.. Miss her boy so much... It seemed like forever the last I saw him.. He is getting more and more mischievious as said by my mom... He starts to bite people... Oouch!! He is about 17months... yet to speak but loves to hum the famous nursery rhymes like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and ABC.. he is so so cute... Shame I dun have his cute little picture, otherwise I'd share his glam with all of you..
Talking about kids, it's sad that Singapore still have cases of babies being abandoned at the void deck, beside the rubbish chute, the common corridor or flight of stairs.. I simply dunno how the little babies' mom can just leave her baby without the guarantee that the baby would be found and be in good hands.. What if a dog attacked the innocent baby, or what if someone mistakes it for another rubbish and throw it in the bin... I just can't swallow the reality of such cases... True the mother could be a minor, not knowing what she should do or the mother could be facing a financial problem or something.. But hey... you can always put the baby up for proper adoption or something.. I still can't accept that some mothers rather 'throw' their baby at some discreet places than to put the baby up for proper adoption..
For minor-mothers.. her parents could have assured her some security or something... it's funny how some parents rather not know the child's mistakes than to know them and correct the child with encouragement or assurance of support... Oh well, everyone does mistakes... I do too.. I am no perfect soul.. You and me always have to Live and Learn!
Alright now.. can't wait to see my darling nephew...
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Parents went to M'sia...
I am home alone.. for most part of the morning... before Mr came along with my wonderful toasts from Coffee Bean.. How nice.. hehe.. Then he spent a few hours on the computer checking e-mails.. Took a short snooze or better known as a power 5minute nap break... before he continues his e-mails and calling his family using Skype...
Just then, Mas and kids came along to join us.. haha.. So no home alone for me... Everyone's here for a stayover.. It never feels good to be home alone, not when you have a stuffy nose and mood swings(partly due to the bills that's overstressing me with worries and some family issues...). Mr spent the whole day at my place...
Now... That's it? That's it? This is all I can write about today.. Oh gosh... i think my stuffy nose had killed some brain cells that stopped ideas from coming to produce some fluent writing.. Oh well.. good night, folks...
Just then, Mas and kids came along to join us.. haha.. So no home alone for me... Everyone's here for a stayover.. It never feels good to be home alone, not when you have a stuffy nose and mood swings(partly due to the bills that's overstressing me with worries and some family issues...). Mr spent the whole day at my place...
Now... That's it? That's it? This is all I can write about today.. Oh gosh... i think my stuffy nose had killed some brain cells that stopped ideas from coming to produce some fluent writing.. Oh well.. good night, folks...
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
I want to change....
Blowing your nose every 5minutes makes your nose so red and it HURTS... And you just feel like plucking that irritating runny nose out your face even after knowing how ugly it would look without a nose...
What's with the title for the day? Well.. I wanna change my family's cycle.. I wanna break that stupid mentality in my family that has been installed for many decades. I wanna be what I wanna be in whatever way I wanna do it by wherever I feel like. I wanna do something that would simply slap my extended family's face so hard, they won't even dare talk about me or look at me in the eye.
I dunno what got into me but I was giving Mr some shit to put up with over my family issues.. That is so unfair, I know that and I'm all guilty.. I should stay firm and all with what I want, really.. with my parents at least. My parents and extended family 'authority' (i.e. Grandma, her favorite daughter, my Aunt Milah and her hubby and her two children-they are my grandma's favorite) are a bunch of a nuisance sometimes.. the ones in brackets espeacially as they are poisoning my parents into not trusting me because I'm "bad" as in I had suceeded in many more ways that my grandma's favorite grandson! My family had always been labelled this and that in so many ways that whatever you do, as long as you are in my family line, you are in the wrong... Ridiculous? That's what I've been putting up all my life...
My parents are okay.. though they never can come to terms with me wearing short shorts at home, what more to go out with them.. So I never told them how short hockey skirts can be and that I only wore some tight short tights or some shorter shorts underneath... So I never told them that I wore some tops without bra sometimes.. So I never told them that I am liberal and sometimes eats bacon sandwiches along with some nice wines.. So I never told them that there are many more things about me that they dont know because I know they can never come to terms with it.. I am putting up with all this bullshit, covering my real self because I need to live with them till the period ends.. After that, I might just bid them goodbye unless they learn to back me up when issues of my setbacks are raised by my Grandma or Aunt with my so many success... I am actively in a hockey team, am now a Junior Sports Member of the Singapore Cricket Club, I will have my diploma in 2months and have applied for university.. that's to list some of my success...
One of the many reasons why Grandma is not happy about my success is probably because her grandson didn't even get anything close to my success.. He failed his 'O' levels.. even then, my Grandma and his mother backed him up saying.. oh well.. Luck isn't on his side.. in the mean time, they critisized my 'O' levels result saying it was nothing out of ordinary.. my results are borderline... They are never encouraging me to do better.. They frowned upon my involvement in sports.. saying it was a waste of time and money.. I'm telling you if I get into University and this guy's sister didn't make it in future(this girl is 4 years younger than me) , and IF I get so sucessful and maybe got busy and forgot to make frequent calls to my parents or forgot to send money on time to parents, these people are SO gonna screw me up saying I've forgotten my grounds and that I've forgotten my parents deeds of taking care of me and such.. I'm so sure..
They don't understand that the world is changing and that you need to adapt to these changes.. You can't expect the younger generations to grow up just like you, the way you were brought up like.. You have to be aware of the changes, the modernization and the technology of today and improve it for the use of tomorrow... Accept the fact that kids have to know about sex, alcohol and drugs.. Accept the fact that kids will experiment with these things out of curiosity.. I'm not encouraging any such activities but you have to face it that they would, all the more you should expose them the facts, the dangers, the precautions to take and everything.. And I mean everything... So that they would know that if they are gonna try out something, they had to take these precautions or bear in mind that they would face these consequences...
I don't think it is right how my parents raise me.. They hide everything from me.. They didn't educate me on those things mention.. they just say don't drink, don't smoke, don't this and don't that... But they never reason out to me why or what would happen if I do.. They didn't let me go out late... They just say I can't but never tell me why.. The tradition is like that.. Children listen to parents, do what they say-good or bad, children should not raise any doubts about what parents said(i.e. Don't get yourselves involved with him, he's bad - you can't question why he's bad or what would happen if you do make friends with him).
Anyway, another phone bill from history came haunting me... Another $510 to settle... WHERE AM I GONNA FIND THE GODDAMN MONEY??? Urgh!!! This account was used by my ex-husband.. he should fu**ing pay it but it was under my name.. Why did I let this kind of thing happen?? I am totally screwed.. And my mom's not helping my nagging at me.. And she is pissed when I told her to stop nagging coz it's not helping and start accusing me of being defendsive and not accepting that it was afterall my fault... and that I bring misfortune to the family... How nice of her to say such to her daughter, eh?
Gotta go, my head is gonna blow up soon... then I wish I could literally blow my head up and just die bleeding from a blown head... don't worry, I won't kill myself.. maybe pay someone to do it for me, but I won't... I just won't have the guts...
What's with the title for the day? Well.. I wanna change my family's cycle.. I wanna break that stupid mentality in my family that has been installed for many decades. I wanna be what I wanna be in whatever way I wanna do it by wherever I feel like. I wanna do something that would simply slap my extended family's face so hard, they won't even dare talk about me or look at me in the eye.
I dunno what got into me but I was giving Mr some shit to put up with over my family issues.. That is so unfair, I know that and I'm all guilty.. I should stay firm and all with what I want, really.. with my parents at least. My parents and extended family 'authority' (i.e. Grandma, her favorite daughter, my Aunt Milah and her hubby and her two children-they are my grandma's favorite) are a bunch of a nuisance sometimes.. the ones in brackets espeacially as they are poisoning my parents into not trusting me because I'm "bad" as in I had suceeded in many more ways that my grandma's favorite grandson! My family had always been labelled this and that in so many ways that whatever you do, as long as you are in my family line, you are in the wrong... Ridiculous? That's what I've been putting up all my life...
My parents are okay.. though they never can come to terms with me wearing short shorts at home, what more to go out with them.. So I never told them how short hockey skirts can be and that I only wore some tight short tights or some shorter shorts underneath... So I never told them that I wore some tops without bra sometimes.. So I never told them that I am liberal and sometimes eats bacon sandwiches along with some nice wines.. So I never told them that there are many more things about me that they dont know because I know they can never come to terms with it.. I am putting up with all this bullshit, covering my real self because I need to live with them till the period ends.. After that, I might just bid them goodbye unless they learn to back me up when issues of my setbacks are raised by my Grandma or Aunt with my so many success... I am actively in a hockey team, am now a Junior Sports Member of the Singapore Cricket Club, I will have my diploma in 2months and have applied for university.. that's to list some of my success...
One of the many reasons why Grandma is not happy about my success is probably because her grandson didn't even get anything close to my success.. He failed his 'O' levels.. even then, my Grandma and his mother backed him up saying.. oh well.. Luck isn't on his side.. in the mean time, they critisized my 'O' levels result saying it was nothing out of ordinary.. my results are borderline... They are never encouraging me to do better.. They frowned upon my involvement in sports.. saying it was a waste of time and money.. I'm telling you if I get into University and this guy's sister didn't make it in future(this girl is 4 years younger than me) , and IF I get so sucessful and maybe got busy and forgot to make frequent calls to my parents or forgot to send money on time to parents, these people are SO gonna screw me up saying I've forgotten my grounds and that I've forgotten my parents deeds of taking care of me and such.. I'm so sure..
They don't understand that the world is changing and that you need to adapt to these changes.. You can't expect the younger generations to grow up just like you, the way you were brought up like.. You have to be aware of the changes, the modernization and the technology of today and improve it for the use of tomorrow... Accept the fact that kids have to know about sex, alcohol and drugs.. Accept the fact that kids will experiment with these things out of curiosity.. I'm not encouraging any such activities but you have to face it that they would, all the more you should expose them the facts, the dangers, the precautions to take and everything.. And I mean everything... So that they would know that if they are gonna try out something, they had to take these precautions or bear in mind that they would face these consequences...
I don't think it is right how my parents raise me.. They hide everything from me.. They didn't educate me on those things mention.. they just say don't drink, don't smoke, don't this and don't that... But they never reason out to me why or what would happen if I do.. They didn't let me go out late... They just say I can't but never tell me why.. The tradition is like that.. Children listen to parents, do what they say-good or bad, children should not raise any doubts about what parents said(i.e. Don't get yourselves involved with him, he's bad - you can't question why he's bad or what would happen if you do make friends with him).
Anyway, another phone bill from history came haunting me... Another $510 to settle... WHERE AM I GONNA FIND THE GODDAMN MONEY??? Urgh!!! This account was used by my ex-husband.. he should fu**ing pay it but it was under my name.. Why did I let this kind of thing happen?? I am totally screwed.. And my mom's not helping my nagging at me.. And she is pissed when I told her to stop nagging coz it's not helping and start accusing me of being defendsive and not accepting that it was afterall my fault... and that I bring misfortune to the family... How nice of her to say such to her daughter, eh?
Gotta go, my head is gonna blow up soon... then I wish I could literally blow my head up and just die bleeding from a blown head... don't worry, I won't kill myself.. maybe pay someone to do it for me, but I won't... I just won't have the guts...
Monday, February 07, 2005
Sick Monday...
Stuffy blocked nose makes me breathe through my mouth... Didn't meet up with Peter in the end.. Slept in till about 3pm... It's a record.. Must be really tired to sleep in that late.. Waking up next to Mr felt so right... I feel so warm.. the kind of warmth I much needed... Anyway, nothing much was accomplished today....
We went for linner(lunch+dinner)at NYDC or is DYNC? Dunno... watever.. It's situated outside the Heeren's... We ordered Garlic breads with Mozarella.. A hawaiian pizza, an all-american pizza.. an ice mocha elephunkpucino(something like that) and hot chocolate for me.... The mocha elephunkpucino is huge.. the glass looks like a vase.. haha... That linner cost about $50... It's cheap considering that it would be 3 meals all in one bill.. Then we went to Paragon to see what deals they have for Mr to fly to HK after Chinese New Year... But there are only deals for two to go... Oh well.. Too bad I can't travel.. Then we went to watch Elektra... It's ok.. It's rather predictable throughout.. But it's ok...
Then head home... Make a creation titled "Life Moves On..." Pay that a visit and leave a comment or two... please?
Gottta catch a good night's sleep.. I wanna go for a run tomorrow despite my runny nose... Till later~
We went for linner(lunch+dinner)at NYDC or is DYNC? Dunno... watever.. It's situated outside the Heeren's... We ordered Garlic breads with Mozarella.. A hawaiian pizza, an all-american pizza.. an ice mocha elephunkpucino(something like that) and hot chocolate for me.... The mocha elephunkpucino is huge.. the glass looks like a vase.. haha... That linner cost about $50... It's cheap considering that it would be 3 meals all in one bill.. Then we went to Paragon to see what deals they have for Mr to fly to HK after Chinese New Year... But there are only deals for two to go... Oh well.. Too bad I can't travel.. Then we went to watch Elektra... It's ok.. It's rather predictable throughout.. But it's ok...
Then head home... Make a creation titled "Life Moves On..." Pay that a visit and leave a comment or two... please?
Gottta catch a good night's sleep.. I wanna go for a run tomorrow despite my runny nose... Till later~
Sunday, February 06, 2005
Boring Stuffy Sunday
Stuffy nose makes me sneeze my Sunday away... And I've got the song titled "Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own" by U2... I like the chorus bit.. " And it's you when I look in the mirror And it's you when I don't pick up the phone Sometimes you can't make it on your own"
I went Delta yesterday after such a long time the last I went there.. haha.. to collect one skirt from Jerie.. suppose to get another one from Vima but she forgot so.. oh well... Guess what I brought home? Some 10-odd mosquito bites !!!.. It's so terribly itchy and my feet is swelling from the bites, the scratching and the terrible itch... Urgh.. Anyway...Mr played some touch rugby yesterday at the turf club.. It was a more like a social get-together thingy where everyone is welcome to play, doesn't really matter if you have your own team or not.. And watching them(the boys and the gals) play.. make me wanna be one of them.. Maybe if I got in NUS, I might join both hockey and touch rugby team.. I saw the NUS gals play.. They look tough(those kind that doesn't quite welcome new people, if you know what I mean) but I may be wrong on my assumptions.. Anyway, Mr did well.. I guess, though he has to catch his breath after some sprints.. hehe.. but he did okay considering his age.. I mean the others are in their 20s.. a few in their 30s.. Oh well, I'm sure there isn't any excuse to be unfit or stay unfit in any situation unless unavoidable... So Mr.. you have a lot of catching up in fitness to do.. just as much as I do, really.. haha.. I might have to do more.. since I'm in the club.. I have to keep fit and on the go.. wouldn't want to be labelled the 'unfit one' haha..
I need to work on my sprints by doing short sprints, then catch up for 5 minutes and sprint again.. maybe on every second day, with the normal 2km run in between to help get my stamina back... That should help, really.. I hope so.. Got Mr's pictures with his dad on Waihi Beach.. It looks so so beautiful... oh, can't wait to pay NZ a visit.. probably a stay-for-good... I dunno... Singapore really isn't a place to retire or to bring up kids.. there's nothing to show really.. except concrete, and more concrete.. Not that I don't appreciate the privilledge of living in a safe country full of great first class systems of everything.. Just that.. It's too fast pace, maybe.. or maybe too competitive... maybe... just no space.. I mean.. how do you really find space and enjoy your privacy when your neighbour is just about 2cm apart from the wall that separates the two flats? I mean you can't afford a proper house, not even a semi-detached unless you're really really well-off.. coz, it could easily cost your a million to get one.. Even a flat can cost as much as $200K... and if you're single, you can only get that flat at age 35 or above, along with another single of that age.. That's how S'pore is promoting marriage and family life.. It doesn't quite work if you ask me... Who would be motivated to have kids when you see young punks doing nothing but play stupid computer games at internet cafes...when kids are just too lazy to get themselves involve in sports that makes you sweat and keeps you fit...when kids just cost so much... their needs, their education.. the expences grow as they do, you know...
Ah well... most of today was spent at home sneezing away.. then at about 6pm, I went out with Mr to have dinner, his first meal for the day.. can you believe that? He didn't eat till about 7pm.. He's too sore from yesterday plus he watched rugby last night from 1am till about 5am.. So i guess it's the tired body plus not enough sleep.. A nice all over body massage usually helps... Oh well.. maybe tomorrow.. Need to e-mail peter now... then call him tomorrow morning to confirm meeting time and place...
Gotta dash... Till later~
I went Delta yesterday after such a long time the last I went there.. haha.. to collect one skirt from Jerie.. suppose to get another one from Vima but she forgot so.. oh well... Guess what I brought home? Some 10-odd mosquito bites !!!.. It's so terribly itchy and my feet is swelling from the bites, the scratching and the terrible itch... Urgh.. Anyway...Mr played some touch rugby yesterday at the turf club.. It was a more like a social get-together thingy where everyone is welcome to play, doesn't really matter if you have your own team or not.. And watching them(the boys and the gals) play.. make me wanna be one of them.. Maybe if I got in NUS, I might join both hockey and touch rugby team.. I saw the NUS gals play.. They look tough(those kind that doesn't quite welcome new people, if you know what I mean) but I may be wrong on my assumptions.. Anyway, Mr did well.. I guess, though he has to catch his breath after some sprints.. hehe.. but he did okay considering his age.. I mean the others are in their 20s.. a few in their 30s.. Oh well, I'm sure there isn't any excuse to be unfit or stay unfit in any situation unless unavoidable... So Mr.. you have a lot of catching up in fitness to do.. just as much as I do, really.. haha.. I might have to do more.. since I'm in the club.. I have to keep fit and on the go.. wouldn't want to be labelled the 'unfit one' haha..
I need to work on my sprints by doing short sprints, then catch up for 5 minutes and sprint again.. maybe on every second day, with the normal 2km run in between to help get my stamina back... That should help, really.. I hope so.. Got Mr's pictures with his dad on Waihi Beach.. It looks so so beautiful... oh, can't wait to pay NZ a visit.. probably a stay-for-good... I dunno... Singapore really isn't a place to retire or to bring up kids.. there's nothing to show really.. except concrete, and more concrete.. Not that I don't appreciate the privilledge of living in a safe country full of great first class systems of everything.. Just that.. It's too fast pace, maybe.. or maybe too competitive... maybe... just no space.. I mean.. how do you really find space and enjoy your privacy when your neighbour is just about 2cm apart from the wall that separates the two flats? I mean you can't afford a proper house, not even a semi-detached unless you're really really well-off.. coz, it could easily cost your a million to get one.. Even a flat can cost as much as $200K... and if you're single, you can only get that flat at age 35 or above, along with another single of that age.. That's how S'pore is promoting marriage and family life.. It doesn't quite work if you ask me... Who would be motivated to have kids when you see young punks doing nothing but play stupid computer games at internet cafes...when kids are just too lazy to get themselves involve in sports that makes you sweat and keeps you fit...when kids just cost so much... their needs, their education.. the expences grow as they do, you know...
Ah well... most of today was spent at home sneezing away.. then at about 6pm, I went out with Mr to have dinner, his first meal for the day.. can you believe that? He didn't eat till about 7pm.. He's too sore from yesterday plus he watched rugby last night from 1am till about 5am.. So i guess it's the tired body plus not enough sleep.. A nice all over body massage usually helps... Oh well.. maybe tomorrow.. Need to e-mail peter now... then call him tomorrow morning to confirm meeting time and place...
Gotta dash... Till later~
Friday, February 04, 2005
58 hours done... 22hours more to go...
58 hours of Community Service all done... Today was rather a little laid back and easier coz I was made to sit in the workstation to do some paper work... hehe.. Then shred paper to pieces..
I thank God for listening and understanding... I was at my most heaviest flow ever.. and I can feel it oozing with every move.. I was so uncomfortable.. Anyway... I turn down a lunch out with Mr today.. can you believe that? I turn him down.. because of this stupid period of the month.. I was feeling so shitty.. so easily irritated.. everything doesn't seem right... I have no mood to step out of my house.. I have no mood to go anywhere..
Mama reached home and told me that Grandma is not happy with me going out with a White man.. Now now.. Who told her that? Who spread the news.. Only Mas' ex, Aunt Mila and her hubby know.. 3 main suspects.. She also heard about the third party involvement in Mas' marriage.. and she believe them... 3 main suspects remain... I hate my extended family!!! I hate my gradma, my aunties, my uncles, my cousins... their mouth just loves to speak bad about other people, never had that little piece of appreciation from what people have done for them, no sense of contentment from what they already have.. I dunno why these people love to talk and gossip about other people(my family) a lot.. They talk about these people(my family) as if they own them(my family), as if they supported their(my family) financial stand, as if they took care of them(my family)....
I dun live to please people.. I live to my own expences, my own emotions, my feelings.. Heck 'em.... I dun care if they spread rumours about me, if they talked bad behind my back.. But if they ever make anyone I care about cry, they would get it from me, myself.. I just had had enough of this shit.. Have been putting up with it for so long.. for 8 years!!! I simply can't keep caring and trying to please them anymore.. I haven't done that pleasing for the last 3 years... and I have no reason to start pleasing them now..
Oh well, dinner time.. Till later~
I thank God for listening and understanding... I was at my most heaviest flow ever.. and I can feel it oozing with every move.. I was so uncomfortable.. Anyway... I turn down a lunch out with Mr today.. can you believe that? I turn him down.. because of this stupid period of the month.. I was feeling so shitty.. so easily irritated.. everything doesn't seem right... I have no mood to step out of my house.. I have no mood to go anywhere..
Mama reached home and told me that Grandma is not happy with me going out with a White man.. Now now.. Who told her that? Who spread the news.. Only Mas' ex, Aunt Mila and her hubby know.. 3 main suspects.. She also heard about the third party involvement in Mas' marriage.. and she believe them... 3 main suspects remain... I hate my extended family!!! I hate my gradma, my aunties, my uncles, my cousins... their mouth just loves to speak bad about other people, never had that little piece of appreciation from what people have done for them, no sense of contentment from what they already have.. I dunno why these people love to talk and gossip about other people(my family) a lot.. They talk about these people(my family) as if they own them(my family), as if they supported their(my family) financial stand, as if they took care of them(my family)....
I dun live to please people.. I live to my own expences, my own emotions, my feelings.. Heck 'em.... I dun care if they spread rumours about me, if they talked bad behind my back.. But if they ever make anyone I care about cry, they would get it from me, myself.. I just had had enough of this shit.. Have been putting up with it for so long.. for 8 years!!! I simply can't keep caring and trying to please them anymore.. I haven't done that pleasing for the last 3 years... and I have no reason to start pleasing them now..
Oh well, dinner time.. Till later~
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Project in progress...
Went for a run today.. jog about 800m.. then walked 400m.. then sprinted 100m, jog 200m and walked 100m then sprint 100m, jog 200m and walked 100m.. then we jog until I got multiple stitches.. I dunno why the sudden attack took a rest while Mr continues his jogging.. He ran a total of 4km... wow.. okay... I need to whole lot of catching up to do..
Had a shower after all that running then I had to get ready to meet my team mate to go on knocking on residents' doors to beg for their mercy for our projects' sake.. We smiled, we explained, we questioned... and we asked them to participate.. we went on searching on 2 blocks.. results? Only 4 positive results... Oh well, can't be blamed if half the block are not home, right?
Went home, made sandwiches.. ate to my fullest, took an hours' nap... then went to catch a movie with Mr.. went to watch the Aviator.. By the way.. I watched Alfie on 1st Feb... Just realised I never type that out.. hehe.. Similarity between the both? Has got Jude Law in them.. hehe.. Can't help to admire a person so handsomely attractive.. hehe.. Anyway... I understand and appreciate the Aviator more after I read all about Howard Hughes Jr... He was a genius, weird and crazy! About Alfie... it's a very light hearted movie.. something you watched and maybe agree on one or two things he said... Jude Law is so suitable for Alfie's role.. Not that fancy, yet worth your money to watch.. at least for me, or rather Mr...
It is Chris' birthday today... Oh well.. I dunno if he ever read my blog, but well Happy Birthday, Chris! May many more good years come your way... c",)
Had a shower after all that running then I had to get ready to meet my team mate to go on knocking on residents' doors to beg for their mercy for our projects' sake.. We smiled, we explained, we questioned... and we asked them to participate.. we went on searching on 2 blocks.. results? Only 4 positive results... Oh well, can't be blamed if half the block are not home, right?
Went home, made sandwiches.. ate to my fullest, took an hours' nap... then went to catch a movie with Mr.. went to watch the Aviator.. By the way.. I watched Alfie on 1st Feb... Just realised I never type that out.. hehe.. Similarity between the both? Has got Jude Law in them.. hehe.. Can't help to admire a person so handsomely attractive.. hehe.. Anyway... I understand and appreciate the Aviator more after I read all about Howard Hughes Jr... He was a genius, weird and crazy! About Alfie... it's a very light hearted movie.. something you watched and maybe agree on one or two things he said... Jude Law is so suitable for Alfie's role.. Not that fancy, yet worth your money to watch.. at least for me, or rather Mr...
It is Chris' birthday today... Oh well.. I dunno if he ever read my blog, but well Happy Birthday, Chris! May many more good years come your way... c",)
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Moving forward..
I have acomplished a few things today.. Let me list it for you....
I ran 2km round the tracks on Clementi Stadium this morning, walked home a bit then sprinted up a small slope, then walked to my blk, then ran up 9 flights of stairs before my legs screamed for rest then I struggled up the next 4 flights of stairs before I dragged myself to my doorstep... Drank lots of water, then showered, pack up for school.. then out my house by 9.45am...
Went to school.. prepare a few sets of materials to go on knocking on residents' doors begging for their participation in our project.. Went to the library to meet up with Mr, did some e-mails.. Then went for lunch at Clementi, went home put the stuffs while Mr waits under the block... Went to meet up my lady friend.. discuss some things with her, laughed over some things.. She noticed my burnt skin... And thinks it's funny that it is caused by my day out watching golf coz she thought it is due to my playing hockey.. hehe.. I might get an extention in my curfew given if my coach write in letter from what time to what time exactly I would be there during training.. Best to put from 6-10pm to include the warming up and warming down.
All that done by 3pm.. Then we went to Starhub to strike a deal on my debts with them.. My shocking almost $1K bill includes a $500 early termination fee.. which I talked into waiving it off by assuring them that I would re-connect my line.. So they said it would upon apporval from X department, bla bla.. then in the end, they asked me to lias with a credit company named Infocredit Holdings located at Shenton Way. All this negotiating takes up till about 4.30pm... then we had to head to this SGX Centre 2... We went to the MRT Control Station to ask the best way to get to Shenton Way from Raffles Place MRT.. You know what the woman said, walked up exit at Exit F turn left.. She said it giving us the impression like it was next door..
Being me, a Singaporean who doesn't know where half its location is exactly, accompanied by Mr... followed the given instructions and got confused as we don't see any Shenton Way sign.. So asked a man where Shenton Way is... He is better.. telling us where to walk exactly and stating clearly that it is far.. So we thought ah well.. just walk.. So we walked and walked, and soon realised that Shenton Way is nearer to Tanjong Pagar MRT.... Just why couldn't the people we asked for directions tell us that? I wonder what people think sometimes.. Anyway.. we found out way without much trouble.. We got there at 5pm..
We went to talked and lias with this Infocredit Company.. to plan out something to settle this debt in installment.. It appears that they have to lias with Starhub in between.. Why couldn't we just settle it with Starhub with no middle man? Urgh.. Anyway, I managed to make my first payment, promised to pay more when I can.. Hopefully I can settle everything by April or something.. And so it is more or less settled for..
I got myself into a deep deep thought over some things... some matters, some debts, some things I did... I dunno why and what I was thinking to have myself fall into this bullshit trap... Why did I let other people use a handphone line under my name knowing whatever happens, I will be the only person held responsible to pay all outstanding amount? Why did I just allow such things to happen? How am I gonna pay all this things? I have so much to pay with no income coming in.. Just what am I suppose to do? SO I was f***ed.. Screwed up over the past..
Just when I thought I could start afresh putting the past behind, the past just comes bouncing back haunting me.. stopping me from moving more ahead.. I had to stop and slow down.. I held his hand tight, close to me.. looking at him... I fell into deep thoughts again, thinking what I am suppose to do, what I want to do... Then I assured myself, that whatever happens.. I still have this man next to me.. I still have him standing by me.. for how long or how far... I dunno... I let the Creator to decide what fate I have.. where destiny will bring us... Maybe closer together, maybe otherwise, I dunno.. How sure can I be? I just can't, Nobody can.. sometimes people change drastically.. sometimes things makes people think differently causing them to do things differently.. Nothing is for sure, guaranteed or reserved.. Everything depends on everything... Everything is interdependent on another... Maybe I will die tomorrow, maybe I would be forgotten, maybe I might disappear, or maybe you.. or someone close.. I dunno what tomorrow brings me.. heck, I don't even know what becomes of me a minute after.. Who am I to say everything would be okay?
I shall let everything rest on its own now.. Good night everyone..
I ran 2km round the tracks on Clementi Stadium this morning, walked home a bit then sprinted up a small slope, then walked to my blk, then ran up 9 flights of stairs before my legs screamed for rest then I struggled up the next 4 flights of stairs before I dragged myself to my doorstep... Drank lots of water, then showered, pack up for school.. then out my house by 9.45am...
Went to school.. prepare a few sets of materials to go on knocking on residents' doors begging for their participation in our project.. Went to the library to meet up with Mr, did some e-mails.. Then went for lunch at Clementi, went home put the stuffs while Mr waits under the block... Went to meet up my lady friend.. discuss some things with her, laughed over some things.. She noticed my burnt skin... And thinks it's funny that it is caused by my day out watching golf coz she thought it is due to my playing hockey.. hehe.. I might get an extention in my curfew given if my coach write in letter from what time to what time exactly I would be there during training.. Best to put from 6-10pm to include the warming up and warming down.
All that done by 3pm.. Then we went to Starhub to strike a deal on my debts with them.. My shocking almost $1K bill includes a $500 early termination fee.. which I talked into waiving it off by assuring them that I would re-connect my line.. So they said it would upon apporval from X department, bla bla.. then in the end, they asked me to lias with a credit company named Infocredit Holdings located at Shenton Way. All this negotiating takes up till about 4.30pm... then we had to head to this SGX Centre 2... We went to the MRT Control Station to ask the best way to get to Shenton Way from Raffles Place MRT.. You know what the woman said, walked up exit at Exit F turn left.. She said it giving us the impression like it was next door..
Being me, a Singaporean who doesn't know where half its location is exactly, accompanied by Mr... followed the given instructions and got confused as we don't see any Shenton Way sign.. So asked a man where Shenton Way is... He is better.. telling us where to walk exactly and stating clearly that it is far.. So we thought ah well.. just walk.. So we walked and walked, and soon realised that Shenton Way is nearer to Tanjong Pagar MRT.... Just why couldn't the people we asked for directions tell us that? I wonder what people think sometimes.. Anyway.. we found out way without much trouble.. We got there at 5pm..
We went to talked and lias with this Infocredit Company.. to plan out something to settle this debt in installment.. It appears that they have to lias with Starhub in between.. Why couldn't we just settle it with Starhub with no middle man? Urgh.. Anyway, I managed to make my first payment, promised to pay more when I can.. Hopefully I can settle everything by April or something.. And so it is more or less settled for..
I got myself into a deep deep thought over some things... some matters, some debts, some things I did... I dunno why and what I was thinking to have myself fall into this bullshit trap... Why did I let other people use a handphone line under my name knowing whatever happens, I will be the only person held responsible to pay all outstanding amount? Why did I just allow such things to happen? How am I gonna pay all this things? I have so much to pay with no income coming in.. Just what am I suppose to do? SO I was f***ed.. Screwed up over the past..
Just when I thought I could start afresh putting the past behind, the past just comes bouncing back haunting me.. stopping me from moving more ahead.. I had to stop and slow down.. I held his hand tight, close to me.. looking at him... I fell into deep thoughts again, thinking what I am suppose to do, what I want to do... Then I assured myself, that whatever happens.. I still have this man next to me.. I still have him standing by me.. for how long or how far... I dunno... I let the Creator to decide what fate I have.. where destiny will bring us... Maybe closer together, maybe otherwise, I dunno.. How sure can I be? I just can't, Nobody can.. sometimes people change drastically.. sometimes things makes people think differently causing them to do things differently.. Nothing is for sure, guaranteed or reserved.. Everything depends on everything... Everything is interdependent on another... Maybe I will die tomorrow, maybe I would be forgotten, maybe I might disappear, or maybe you.. or someone close.. I dunno what tomorrow brings me.. heck, I don't even know what becomes of me a minute after.. Who am I to say everything would be okay?
I shall let everything rest on its own now.. Good night everyone..
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Stressed up by a surprise bill
I'm enveloped by a huge stress when I was welcomed by a huge bill by Starhub.. It's almost $1K and I still have my internet to pay up.. I am so Fu**ed up.... How am I gonna pay that all up??
I'm gonna be so stressed out.. And top that up with a long draggy nag from my mama.. How's that to totally and completely stress me up? Like as if a nag can solve everything... I wish it could.. How I wish, the companies I owe just nag at me for hours and hours, then let me off scot-free.. Oh, I so wish it can be done..
I'm going for a run early tomorrow morning to ease my stress out a bit... I wish I could declare myself backrupt and get away.. escape and disappear....
i wish i wish... For now.. I am too stressed... Please don't bother me.. Leave me alone...
I'm gonna be so stressed out.. And top that up with a long draggy nag from my mama.. How's that to totally and completely stress me up? Like as if a nag can solve everything... I wish it could.. How I wish, the companies I owe just nag at me for hours and hours, then let me off scot-free.. Oh, I so wish it can be done..
I'm going for a run early tomorrow morning to ease my stress out a bit... I wish I could declare myself backrupt and get away.. escape and disappear....
i wish i wish... For now.. I am too stressed... Please don't bother me.. Leave me alone...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
