PC sent for repair..

That explains my MIA in blogging.. My PC is sent for re-repairing. It wasnt totally well the other day, so I sent it over again to get it repaired once and for all.

Anyway, we didn't quite go up to expectation in our 2nd last game against SP. We could have won or the least draw with them. But our attackers took too many chances and didn't put in more tries. And the defenders.. I guess we are stressed up and collapse after the 2nd goal yet again. Can't quite blame anyone. No one wants to do mistake and lose in games.. Our goalkeeper was in pain and someone 'helped' a lot by yelling at her. How nice, eh?

But everyone knows we are trying our best. My back hurts at half time.. So I can't quite go at normal speed or bend lower as expected. Even today, I can't walk too fast coz it aches so bad. Was late again to school today.

I'll be going over to Mariam's later after school. I miss Shahril so much.. Had been quite sometime the last I saw him. He and Siti got fever again, all the more I should go.. Thankful to have a really understanding Mr J.. I keep comparing him to my ex.. Maybe I shouldn't do it too much but I couldn't help it.. My ex wouldn't allow me to spend a little extra time with my family. And I don't like that idea. I can always find another man(no offence), but never another sister or mother or father or nephew or niece. My family can never be replaced. No matter how bad they may treat me(though they never did) they are still loved by me.

And I do like to have freedom to do what I want to do without feeling guilty and I feel that with Mr J... I can spend more time with my family without being pressured to make up for the time lost. I hope Mr won't ever doubt my love for him, hope he will understand that as much as I love him, I have somehow a bigger share of love for my family. And as much as I want him to spend time with me all the time, I do want him to spend precious time with his own family.

Family is afterall the backbone of every child, young or old, you are still someone's child. As much as I hate to be seen as a 5 yr old in my parents eye, I do like and appreciate the privilledge of that sometimes. I like to feel that I'm loved and cared for, that someone is paying a whole lot of attention on me. That if there's a change in character, someone could tell. That if I do something I never did before, someone notice. As much as I hate to have some of my parents traits, I am proud to have them coz that states where I truly belong.

The thing is, oddly as my mom likes to compare me to my sisters, my parents depend on me a lot. No matter how many times or how often they say I'm bad and how much better my sisters are, they still depend on me. They have high expectations on me.. They want me to take care of their needs when they can no longer afford, they want me to be there when they need me to, they want me to support them when they can no longer do.. And I would like to think of myself doing all these.. As much as I would like to think of myself living abroad with a great job that I love, I would like to give them everything they need even if I have to live alone in a small room.

I would like to think of myself sacrificing every bit for my parents and family. My family is truly everything.. As much as I do need to stand on my own two feet, I still need them and my soulmate to make me complete. I can't quite say that my family is all I need, coz I do need my significant other to make me complete. Sometimes, to give me some breathing space, I might want time alone too... Maybe I should stop thinking too far ahead.. Let's just complete my tertiary education, get my diploma, try enrolling into NUS, then do my best in my degree.. then think of all the things I want to do..

Till later~