E-mail from NEA

Received e-mail from Mr Chua... We are going to have a discussion on some highlighted issues on Monday afternoon then a briefing on Tuesday morning. Been tired today...

But I kept having a flashback of Mariam's boy vomiting.. I hope he is okay... I dunno why I just have this connection with all my nieces and nephews.. I just treated them like they are my own and by just doing that, I don't feel OK if anyone of them is not feeling okay or if they are having some difficulties in any way.

Seeing them happy and healthy makes me smile from ear to ear.. Seeing them growing makes me proud, and having them looking up to me with respect can sometimes make me feel like I've achieved something so huge. I can almost say that My Kiddies(Nieces&Nephews) are my everything. They mean so much to me.. I am just so amazed at how attached I am to all the kiddies espeacially Mariam's.. I am so much closer to them that sometimes I really feel like I am worrying about them more than I should. That I feel like a second mother to them... That I wanted everything for them more than I want for myself.

I don't see any of my friends being so attached to any kid... In fact, some of them openly say they hate kids and can't stand the thought of having one... While,the others merely like younger kids just because they are cute.. They wont be worrying about their health or if they do well academically. And me.. I wanted everything for them, I wanted them to feel happy, to help them in their studies should they need any help.. I wanted to take their place when they are sick...

My friends stared at me and couldnt believe that a girl like me, who on the outside don't seem to care about anything, actually have this very soft spot on my kiddies. I just love kids, and wish I could care for all of them like my kiddies. My real dream since I got my first niece is to have my own childcare institute... to care for children... maybe those are orphaned... I just want to show I care to those kids... But as I grew... I find it so hard to keep my word.. I still do love kids especially my kiddies.. But I know it wont be easy taking care of kids that you don't know, those that you never took care of before... Parents might not like the way you handle their kids...

Parents might get jealous and hurt if their kids are too attached to someone else or alike. I got afraid of judgement... I got afraid to do things that require a lot of people involved. I'd rather be in my office drawing out plans of future buildings. I started being fasinated by buildings and how they are made.. I stop to look at building in construction.. I admire their drawings, their plans before they are fully erected into a building which became your home, a part of neighbourhood, your best shopping mall, your school... your office.. and everything else... But my dream still is alive deep inside me...

Maybe one day I will... One day I might... Lets just wait and see how my life turns out.. Till then, Good night.