My name stands for....

JUNAIDAH


J is for Juicy

U is for Upbeat

N is for Naughty

A is for Adventurous

I is for Ideal

D is for Dignified

A is for Artistic

H is for Heavenly

What does your name mean?

A-?!

You Have A Type A- Personality

A- You are one of the most balanced people around Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you. When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love! You live life to the fullest - encorporating the best of both worlds

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

I am 21....

You Are 21 Years Old

21 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

I noted that I do have a good attitude...

How Your Attitude Ranks

Your Attitude is Better than 65% of the Population If you scored... 80-100: You've got a winner attitude. You're always optimistic and cheery. Your personality will get you far in life. 60-79: You have a good attitude. While a realist, you do see the positive side of most things. People love to be around you. 40 - 59: You have a positive attitude... somtimes. You prefer to see the world through clear glasses, not rose colored ones. 20 - 39: You have an average attitude. You take the good and bad in life as they come. Though sometimes you could use a little more good. 0-19: You have a negative attitude. You tend to see the dark side of every situation. Free ice cream? No thanks, it will just make you fat!

How's Your Attitude?

I knew I could be a famous poet or journalist...

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Too naked...

I was way too naked by 11pm, to be honest.. had to push for Mr to leave and let us sleep.. hehe.. But had a good time today.. But not that of a fun for Mr faced a down-turner... Disappointment was so clearly stated in his face, I wish I could do something to take away that annoyance and frustration. He kept saying the downside if he were accepted.. Sounds like he is reassuring himself that it's the other end's lost (which is so true). And my words travel.. He said it himself, that if it's not meant to be, it will never be...

The main thing is to keep going and moving on to the next step.. Which is to keep finding and pushing.. I'm sure a bigger and better job is waiting for him to pound on it.. Anyway, I replied to my lady friend's e-mail today, got back my beloved PC.. did some groceries shopping, made our(me and Mr) own burgers, with my dad in the living room watching TV, then Mr checked his e-mails, and start sharing Skype all over.. surfed a bit.. then we watched 'Desperate Housewives', a great entertainment show.. Then Mr went off.. Supposingly to be able to catch the last bus.. I'm sure there're still busses buzzing around..

Now that my parents are asleep.. and I am in my bedroom... Yawnz... Maybe *yawnz* it's time for me to jump on bed and pack myself to dreamland... Good nite... Sleep tight...*yawnz* zzZZZ

Alas!!

Alas, my computer is categorized under 'healthy and ready to be discharged'.. Gonna collect my dearest CPU this afternoon.. Let's all hope she won't fall sick again..

Anyway... I did so much things in the last 3 days... And I had so much fun.. though I did got into some argument with my mama in the end.. Sigh.. Anyway.. here's what I did the last 3 days...

• 28th Jan - Did CSO, 52 hours done... - Hockey game at NYP. NP vs NYP. We lost 3-1.. My last IVP.. boo hoo(*sob*sob*)
• 29th Jan - Went to PGA at Laguna National Golf Course and following Mongeremie, Bjorn and one more golfers(forgot his name) to their 11th hole or something.. Didn't know it would be that exciting to watch.. Not only that, it is so tiring walking from one tee-off then to the fairway, then to the putting green.. Oh my.. that's why we didn't complete the 18 holes.. Heard it was great at the 17th hole.. Oh well...
• 30th Jan - Had a nasty argument with my mom, she was way too negative.. Couldn't take it so I went ahead to enjoy a BBQ at Graham's and watching tennis (Hewitt vs Saflin). Great sport to watch.. Saflin won, but it seems like Hewitt got more praises.. Or maybe I got it wrong somewhere.. Oh well, I left after watching the whole game, results.. Hewitt to Saflin 6-1, 4-6, 3-6, 4-6. That is if I'm not mistaken.. hehe...
• Today, went for a run with Mr, done pretty well though I had bad stich in the end.. Still 4.5km done.. About 3 to 4 pit stops in between.. But we did it and that's what matters.. I think hockey girls have to buck up their fitness by doing a 5-10minutes run, without a target of how many laps, the only target is to run a lap or two more than the last time, based on pure responsibilty...

Now in school library.. Waiting for Mr to appear. Oh.. actually he's already here... hehe.. Alright now.. Gotta go.. Till later~

Happy Birthday to Siti Marfu'ah!!

Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday to Siti Marfu'ah, Happy Birthday to You...!!!

Wow, my little cute and adorable first niece is 10 today.. How time flies... Can still remember running after her with a bowl of porridge in my hand waiting to be fed by her... Those cries when she falls down.. Those days when I rock her to sleep.. Those days when I made her bottle of Milo.. And now, she is 10 years old... Made her bed every morning, taking care of her little brother for a short period, loves to read mystery and adventure books... She is one responsible child who anyone would have asked for. She is a perfectionist, wanting everything to go her way, the right way, and no other way.

Anyway, am in school today, no response from my lady friend, e-mailed her already.. Suppose to settle this matter with NEA and with my lady friend sometime soon.. But nothing seem to have moved from where it originally was. Guess I have to come back tomorrow to straighten everything out clearly... Oh, no.. I can't.. I have to do Community Service tomorrow.. then got game tomorrow.. Urgh.. Nothing will be done till Monday.. And I'll have to call up Jorjy to check on Jesslyn(my PC).. Wonder how she's doing? Probably all her insides are falling apart or maybe it is being replaced by something new, maybe she can't accept that something new in her system.. Oh dear.. Hope everything goes well.. Life without Jesslyn is so terrible.. Have to fork out money to go to internet cafe to check my e-mails and mail people like NEA staff and lady friend. Gosh..

Alright now.. Gotta dash.. Till later~

Aviator

Have you seen 'Aviator' yet? No? Good.. Read this before you go.. It's about Howard Hughes Jr.. the one Leonardo DiCaprio acts as... I had and can't wait to see it now..

Mr J reckons it's a great movie to watch for anybody.. And i guess it would too..

Alright gotta really dash now. c",)

Didn't make it to training...

Alas, I didn't make it to training yesterday. Though I should have and could have.. Just had some matter in hand to settle.. Hadn't been in the fullest health either.. Sore throat seemed to have come back to my body system... Tomorrow is a big day for Siti, my first niece.. She is turning 10.. and welcoming the teen years approaching her.

I'll be there, honey darling.. Will be there to hand you the gifts and poem I had written just for you. Would post it in my creation today but with tomorrow's date. How's that sound? Well, Mr did his 4.5km run this morning. He is doing well in that.. He said he stopped twice in the whole journey.. I don't think I can.. Though with practice, in no doubt I can...

Anyway, I'm in school though I dont have to.. Have to blog.. Have to meet up my team mates.. To enquire about the project.. Hey any of my friends out there wanna volunteer your household for my waste audit project? I need your full address, name, type and size of house, number of residents residing, and your average daily waste.. Only applicable to those staying in HDB flats in Singapore..

Sigh.. How do I knock on doors and ask residents I don't know to participate in this? Sounds easy but cumbersome.. You need to weigh your waste day in and day out. I am suppose to do that, but would you welcome a stranger to do that for you in your house everyday? I would hesitate to.. How would you even begin the question? Would it be appropriate to go like this : Knock Knock.. Hi Sir/Ma'am... I am from NP working with NEA on waste audit. Would you like to participate in this project? You will have to segregate your waste to 9 different categories, i.e. Paper, plastic..etc.. then I'll come and weigh the waste for you at any time most convenient to you. Would you like me to explain to you why I am doing this?" Or should I add that they will get some free gifts along after finishing the project? At which how should I slit this in the conversation? Can someone help me out?

Oh dear oh dear... I have to e-mail Peter Chua on this matter.. Have to settle some things now.. I hope I have time to blog tomorrow, meaning I have to come school.. Need to see my lady friend today.. She haven't got back to me.. I should call her just before I meet her I guess..

Gotta dash now.. Later~

PC In ICU

My PC was transferred from the normal ward full of other computers to a more serious ward, the intensive care unit... She is going through her worst health.. She needs everything changed.. Need a hard disk transplant. And she might need to stay for another week or two.. Oh my poor PC.. what am I going to do without you? I can't blog everyday.. I can't type out any creations that I have in mind.. I can't do my projects, I can't e-mail important people in my project groups...

Oh dear... Oh dear.. What am I going to do? I hope she is completely cured and free from any viruses or bacteria inside her.. Hope she will and can be back to normal. And that she don't need to pay the doctors any more visits...

Anyway, fellow readers... Sorry for the long long MIA.. there would be more MIA until I get my PC back. Alright here's some updates about me..

• Friday,21st Jan : Hari Raya Haji, had a rather big night tipsy and all with Mr and Chris
• Saturday,22nd Jan : Was hung over all day but out of bed early coz I need to fetch Mas and kids from the clinic, then to spent time with family then to see Mr for awhile.
• Sunday,23rd Jan : Not much time spent with Mr either but managed to catch up with him and watched a movie entitled 'Hotel Rwanda' a very touching story
  
• Yesterday,24th Jan : I went to the Mandai Zoological Gardens with Mr.. It was fun.. It has been like 10 years or maybe more the last time I went..
  
• Today, 25th Jan : Went for a run with Mr.. about 4.5km.. went to school then to Mariam's then meet Mr again to have lunch, now at Chris' and will be heading for training later at CCAB..
  

That's all the updates I can provide. Gotta dash now...

No school today...

Yeah, no school today.. yet here I am in the school library.. My PC still at the shop in the process of recovery.. Should be able to discharge her on Saturday noon or something.. The computer doctors said she is in critical state and need to operate her hard disk.. How sad.. Lucky for me, i need not pay a single cent if the organs are still under warranty which I think there all are till 4th September 2005.

I feel so empty without her.. My PC.. maybe I should name her now.. How about... Jesslyn...? Since our names starts with J.. maybe her name should starts with J too.. For now, her name is Jesslyn.. Ooppss.. am I weird or what? Naming my PC... hehe..

Maybe this experience without having your PC whilst being so committed to write a blog makes you one.. Haha.. I feel so restless not being able to update my blog as often as I wanted to.. I know everyone would the most post once a day but I only feel good posting twice a day.. SO imagine how I am feeling not being able to post everyday..

Anyway, I have been visualising my future a lot yesterday.. On what I want, what I can do, with what I have.. What I see myself in 5 years, 10 years and 15 years ahead.. I want to have a degree in hand or the least working on it in 5 years time, hopefully still with Mr.. then maybe I would settle down with him... In 10 years time, I see myself working in a respectable position earning a considerably high income... I always see myself as an engineer going down to site supervising methods used and the progress they are at.. Seeing myself challenged in my field of study.. Seeing myself winning tenders of contracts.. And in 15 years time, I would be 35.. I would still be working... maybe considering and planning to retire early and enjoy the better years ahead relax with all my kids.. Believe it or not, I still think I am superwoman to have lots of kids and still working in a rather fast pace.. Haha.. I like thinking that I am capable.. that I can cope.. that I can multi-task myself... To a point, I sometime multi-task too much and became so stressed over everything..

How many kids I want to have? Ideally... maybe 3... but I would love to have more if god grants me.. I am still rather a little traditional to want a boy as the first child.. haha.. OK.. now.. Why am I talking about having kids? Hmmm.. Naaa... I am not pregnant.. haha.. far from it.. At least not for now.. But if I am.. I would love the child the same.. and still have the same dreams and work on them.. To think that I can foresee my future, I still don't.. I think everything will go fine.. Maybe my concept of 'If it's meant to be, it would be.. If it's not, it's just not' help me a lot..

I sometime amaze people by how easy I take things into my head.. How I smiled when something failed me? How I lift myself up after every fall with a laugh? How I have moved on after some major failures? I amaze myself by all these more than I would someone else, really..

Alright now.. Gotta dash.. For food, preferably.. c",)

PC sent for repair..

That explains my MIA in blogging.. My PC is sent for re-repairing. It wasnt totally well the other day, so I sent it over again to get it repaired once and for all.

Anyway, we didn't quite go up to expectation in our 2nd last game against SP. We could have won or the least draw with them. But our attackers took too many chances and didn't put in more tries. And the defenders.. I guess we are stressed up and collapse after the 2nd goal yet again. Can't quite blame anyone. No one wants to do mistake and lose in games.. Our goalkeeper was in pain and someone 'helped' a lot by yelling at her. How nice, eh?

But everyone knows we are trying our best. My back hurts at half time.. So I can't quite go at normal speed or bend lower as expected. Even today, I can't walk too fast coz it aches so bad. Was late again to school today.

I'll be going over to Mariam's later after school. I miss Shahril so much.. Had been quite sometime the last I saw him. He and Siti got fever again, all the more I should go.. Thankful to have a really understanding Mr J.. I keep comparing him to my ex.. Maybe I shouldn't do it too much but I couldn't help it.. My ex wouldn't allow me to spend a little extra time with my family. And I don't like that idea. I can always find another man(no offence), but never another sister or mother or father or nephew or niece. My family can never be replaced. No matter how bad they may treat me(though they never did) they are still loved by me.

And I do like to have freedom to do what I want to do without feeling guilty and I feel that with Mr J... I can spend more time with my family without being pressured to make up for the time lost. I hope Mr won't ever doubt my love for him, hope he will understand that as much as I love him, I have somehow a bigger share of love for my family. And as much as I want him to spend time with me all the time, I do want him to spend precious time with his own family.

Family is afterall the backbone of every child, young or old, you are still someone's child. As much as I hate to be seen as a 5 yr old in my parents eye, I do like and appreciate the privilledge of that sometimes. I like to feel that I'm loved and cared for, that someone is paying a whole lot of attention on me. That if there's a change in character, someone could tell. That if I do something I never did before, someone notice. As much as I hate to have some of my parents traits, I am proud to have them coz that states where I truly belong.

The thing is, oddly as my mom likes to compare me to my sisters, my parents depend on me a lot. No matter how many times or how often they say I'm bad and how much better my sisters are, they still depend on me. They have high expectations on me.. They want me to take care of their needs when they can no longer afford, they want me to be there when they need me to, they want me to support them when they can no longer do.. And I would like to think of myself doing all these.. As much as I would like to think of myself living abroad with a great job that I love, I would like to give them everything they need even if I have to live alone in a small room.

I would like to think of myself sacrificing every bit for my parents and family. My family is truly everything.. As much as I do need to stand on my own two feet, I still need them and my soulmate to make me complete. I can't quite say that my family is all I need, coz I do need my significant other to make me complete. Sometimes, to give me some breathing space, I might want time alone too... Maybe I should stop thinking too far ahead.. Let's just complete my tertiary education, get my diploma, try enrolling into NUS, then do my best in my degree.. then think of all the things I want to do..

Till later~

NUS vs NP

The game today, is in a way more satisfying than the last.. I know I played well this time round, and so does the rest of the girls.. But most of the goals are not digestable by us, defenders.

They were not as good as NTU.. I dunno what exactly is wrong but we lost 8-0... Wasn't what we would have predicted or expected. But I hope the girls can still hold their head up high to be better the next game.. I am a little confident for the team to win the next one.

Anyway, the Thomasians' former 4C gathering is ON tomorrow.. Can't wait to "re-unite" with them... Let's hope I can still recognise most of them and could converse as per normal.. Will be meeting them at PS at bout 5.30pm.. Plenty of time, maybe I can catch a movie with Mr before hand. Maybe we can watch a movie at PS itself. Would be nice..

Anyway, I am glad that despite the lost.. we still can have a good laugh together and put on our smiles... I feel so good today.. Partly because Mr is there, I guess.. hehe.. Love him to bits..

In higher spirits..

I am in a higher spirits... Being in a more positive mindset.. Didn't get a chance to talk to the girls as mentioned due to some last minute arrangements, in fact I was late for the meeting too..

I am however looking at the team in a more positive outlook.. The meeting is a talk all out kind, and I like it that way. Everyone was to summarize the game in their own shoes. So everyone else can see it in a bigger picture.. Hopefully, they see it in a positive way rather than the opposite.. Being negative or seeing things in a negative way is almost poisoning yourselves.

I look at how I used to be.. And how I am today.. I like the change and am learning everyday. I hope to remain that way. But I still have that fickle minded thingy in myself. Anyway, the girls looked a little bit better today.. Except some of them who keep looking down at themselves or maybe the team and worrying about the opponents. And someone tried to tell me what I am trained to do.. It feels so good to go back and say You shut up, I know what I am doing and what I am going to do and what I am expected to do.

I was asking the coach to clarify and to confirm and she add on like as if I am stupid and as if it's my first time.. Haha.. Yeah Right!

Felt so good, wonder why? Ask Mr.. he might just tell you the remedy to my high spirits but of course, no one else can do it just the way he did it.. Mr J, I love you... (*hugz & kisses*)

Mr's back in town...

Yeay!! Mr's back in town.. Had an inspiration last night but my PC screwed up so it isn't posted originally.. I tried to re-create it but as expected not as good as the first.

Mr's back in town... hehe.. Had a huge brunch costing $30.. Nice food at BREKO.. Now so thirsty.. urgh.. hehe..

I've to go to NEA to sent over the materials and equipments. Then to get back in school by 5pm to talk to selected girls. And discuss one on one about things I had discussed with a friend over MSN. It is important to do this talk before the whole meeting and game tomorrow. Really important.

I need to photocopy the letter to excuse myself from CSO early. Need to call Mdm Zainab too.. Out of the blue, I am so busy.. Urgh.. Mr probably heading home to catch up some sleep.. I hope a job comes by for him..

Got to go now. Till later~

Out with ex-poly mate...

I envied this friend of mine.. She had graduated... Urgh... I should and could have... But well, somethings happen and made me hand braked my school flow for a moment or maybe two.

We went out, because I had nothing to do.. Parents out with Mariam for her father-in-law 7th day death prayers... So they are only home probably a little after 10pm.. So I went out with this friend. A very great companion to bullshit with, really.. And we click with the same frequency on certain things that might somehow looked stupid on other people.. But we had fun.. We always do.. She just recovered from her appendix operation...

And we took a bus and awaits for the bus to bring us somewhere... And we walked, half the time I don't know where I am heading.. But the places has many artistic structural models all over.. Most of them are of obese people posing and supposingly expressing their depression over their sizes or is it a symbol of prosperity? Hmmm.. I can't wait to show him all these things.. Haha.. It's really nice.. A nice place to bring him for a so-called 'tour'.. haha..

And well, my friend.. since you requested to have your name unmentioned to protect the 'not-so-innocent' as you said it, I won't... Hehehe.. Well... Thanks! Really.. It's almost nothing, but thanks.. Come back often.. In a way, or maybe more.. We(SY and me) miss your presence in school.. Really...!

At least, I do miss connecting and communicating in a unique way of having fun with YOU.. The things only we can do together is nothing but pure fun.. Had a good laugh together.. And it's all good..!

One more day...

One more day before I am in Mr's arms once again... And I can't wait... I am still quite fickled on what to do on friday... Should I do my Community Service full day then rush home and to NYP or should I just do 4hours and go home, take my time and get ready to head to NYP.

The library's keyboard sucks.. The spacebar is so sticky and noisy and hard to press to get the space... Urgh.. Maybe I'd get another PC....
-------------

And in fact I should... Am in front of another PC with a better keyboard.. Hehehe.. A song by green day entitled "Broken Boulevard" is played in the background.. And I found myself falling in love with the song.. It is truly nice to the ears... I'm still not satisfied about the songs I had in my home PC, it can't be played because it can't find my licence that I purchased for $1.99 per song.. Can't believe it! My friend was saying that maybe it was copied from hard disk to hard disk when I sent it to repair the other day so accused me of copywriting songs without permission. Well, I am only allowed to copy it to a CD-R once..

So I guess.. I should delete all my songs, get the PC repaired properly then buy some CD-Rs and burn songs I download straight away.. I really should have done that the first time.. Anyways.. I still havent sent my PC for repair.. Got no time, been busy, and tired from the game yesterday, next game on Friday.. I can ask Mr to help me sent it for repair... But we'll see about it..

First thing's first.. To be with him.. *grins*

I'm going to have lunch later with two of my close friends in Poly... Two great friends of different background and different perspective of life, but got together with a special bond because we had been through some tough times in our own world and still here standing strong to go on and move on as a stronger individual.

Results.. of NP vs NTU

The results are okayish.. We lost 5-0.. Felt nothing.. Just unsatisfied.. Too many issues.. Too many comparison.. I sometimes think that I am expecting too much from myself and other people.. But at the same time, I think I am allowing people step on my head a little bit too much...

I have let out most of the things to someone I respected in a short period of time.. My hidden good buddy, Jeraldine.. She is someone who earned her respect and name. She is someone who makes you feel appreciated and important in many ways than one. The team last year was not near to even being average.. But we had fun and we did things willingly and always at high spirits.. There are many factors behind these.. One, we treat everyone equal.. Everyone will get to express opinions and everything else. Two, we are out to play hard and have fun. Three, we make sure we encourage and make people feel their worth. Three, good leadership and team mates, out of genuinity..

I shall rest now.. Tired, no longer pissed.. Just dissapointed..

NP vs NTU

Hockey IVP... We are going to play against NTU at 5.45pm at NYP(Nanyang Polytechnic) today... But I am pissed...

Since yesterday.. I am pissed.. The jersey is so uncomfortable, out of shape, and ugly... PERIOD. The skirt is size 30... my waist in 24!!! and some of the gals can't fit size 30!!! The top is LARGE.. With huge big arm holes that will expose whatever is underneath...! and it is ugly.. PERIOD...

I would be playing with a black face, pissed and angry.. Probably a whole lot of stunt/danger moves to vent my anger... Then prove everyone that I am so much more than what they see...

Okay... Enough of my angry fits... I went to brief NEA staffs... So far so good... They are indeed nice people.. Manage to get about 8 volunteer participants..

Gonna go NYP by school transport which will reach here at 3.30 and leave school at 4pm.. Then instead of waiting at the atrium, the CAPtain asked ALL of us to meet at sports hall and waste energy to go to the clubhouse then to the atrium.. Isnt that a waste of energy?? SHE DONT need all of us to go to the clubhouse... URGH...

Write again soon.. Too pissed to write more now..

Early Monday Morning...

I am up early today.. Hoping to chase the Monday Blues first thing in the morning.. Well.. Haven't felt the Blues yet.. Ah well... Received a text at about 1am saying that there's a small training later today, no sticks required... Sounds like a physical training if you ask me..

Anyway, I have a meeting with NEA later this afternoon, then a meeting along with hockey mates with the coach, then a small 'training''... Sounds really busy... And I have to meet my lady friend at 9am today.. then purchase materials for my project.. then go to school to prepare the meeting with NEA.. WOw... Now I'm really busy... And I have to leave home at 8am to be on time for the meeting with my lady friend..

And still no sight of Mr being online.. Where are thou, Mr? ... "Talk to me.. Tell me your name..." Reminds me of William Hunk biggest disaster and he thought people likes him because he sings 'well'... Haha.. Funny Funny.... Well, people will remember him as the biggest joke. of all.. Hahaha... Okay, okay.. Now I am mean.... Gonna stop now before I got any meaner... Haha..

Shopping...

Buahahahaha.... have I told anywhere here, that I've bought 4 tops and one pair of pants... Well, I bought another pair of pants.. Buahahaha... Got nagged by mama.. Say i waste a lot of money.. said I have enough in my wardrobe... The fact is.. can never have enough clothes.. haha..

I guess that's my soft spot in shopping.. clothes, footwear and begs.. haha.. but the funny part is that, I am only comfortable to go all out in shopping with my sisters and Mr... all for different categories.. For footwear, I am most comfortable with Mr and Mariam, Mr because well, he always wants me to be comfortable and trendy, i think.. and Mariam coz she is a footwear crazie woman too, but not too advancely forward into shoes unlike some of my friends.. hehe.. so most comfortable with her... as for clothes, am most comfortable with Mr and Mas.. Mr because he would be the one who would be admiring me all the time, (right, darling?)... and Mas because she has a considerably same taste as me.. and I get most of my hand me downs from her... and her clothes are very nice to my liking... hehe... But I am comfortable shopping with Mr in all aspects anyway.. He is someone, I am most comfortable doing anything with... really.. let it be begs, watches, or whatever... I am comfortable with him..

But being myself, I wouldn't want to take up too much time into my shopping with Mr.. But can just go on and on with my sisters.. on one condition, kids aside... haha.. if there're kids, we have to do it snap short shopping... hehe.. We are so experienced in that, we can do it fast and can simply abort any mission should there be an urgency, right Mas? hehe...

Tomorrow would be a very busy day, have meetings in the afternoon.. 3pm with NEA and at 6.15pm, with hockey mates. As Tuesday would be our first game for IVP.. And... sadly.. Mr won't be there to watch the game.. Oh well, just hope he can make it for the second game which is on.. ermm... schedule with the captain.. oh well... I still can't believe what the jersey is like.. the colour combination is ermm.. well, too urgh.. ermm.. bright? I dunno.. What do you think of white top, white skirt and yellow socks? And I am wearing blue shoes.. You tell me.. is that colourful or what?

A lazy SunDay..

I woke up at about 9am.. too lazy to move.. I went to the living room and land my body on the mattress.. Mas and kids overnight, thus the mattress in the living room.. The kids are up and Mas is still in dreamland... So I joined her. And a short yet sweet dream came..

I'm not quite ready to write out my dreams on my online diary.. haha.. But would tell Mr about it.. Well, I tell him everything... without being uncomfortable.. I guess that's good and give me a good feeling being in a very open and honest relationship.. Espeacially when this is the first time I am comfortable and having someone who is comfortable with the real me and himself...

Yesterday was a mayhem and I had to hide my laptop, thus no update.. By the time, there's a chance, it's already very late so head to bed... The kids went for breakfast with their dad.. So, I have a little bit of freedom doing what I want without being worried about the kids fighting over something or if they cried... haha..

ANyway, the interview with SCC yesterday was of formality as said by Mr.. It is cool.. I get to be a member till I am 26, paying $12 annually for as long as I play for the club. Cool, eh? I think, I'll have keep it for as long as I want. And if I have a good job, I would by no doubt keep the membership to the next level and pay $3500 annually, why not if I can earn $6000/mth with my diploma.. ANd if I get to enter the local uni and earn my degree.. I could probably earn even more.. I am setting a goal for myself for I know I deserve the future..

I miss my handsome knight.. Can't wait to be in his arms and taking his body 'perfume'. Perfume here as it's his natural body odour.. but it smells nice to me.. hehe.. 3 more days... is it? 3 more days? Oh.. I can't wait..

Good Saturday Morning!

Good Morning, Readers.. Haha.. I hope today is better than many days before... I have an interview in about 2 hours.. Still have no clue as to what they are gonna ask me and what it would be based on... Meeting my friend near the club...

Read a few rules of the club, and got lazy and close the window.. Just not in my reading mood. The first few rules are funny and repetitive.. Thing like 1st rule, The name.. then stating the club name. THen went on to the rule is when you say club it means stated club.. and the month means events from the start of the month till end of the month.. the commitees is the people in the club.. Affliated something is dunno what... that kind of stuff..

Hmm.. For non-singaporean the membership is $3500 annually. WHich I think is a good deal considering the facilities and events they carry out. But I just found out.. Ladies hockey training is from 8 to 10pm... I know.. Shit eh.. (My curfew is at 10pm)...

Alright now.. I'll call Mr.. Till later.

40 hours done, 40 more hours to go...

Half my community service is done... I went to Mariam's right after doing my community service.. Her boy is definitely sick, and is very irritable... throwing tantrums in every way possible. It must be frustrating for him to feel sick and having difficulties to breathe at ease.

I had to carry him most of the time with him rebelling the opposite way... Then feeding time.. Oh boy.. He's becoming so hard to discipline... He insisted on having his spoon and his plate himself. Crying and screaming should we take any of it away. He was playing with his food and I have to clean after him every minute.. He wouldn't be anything close to being difficult on normal days...

I weighed myself.. 43kg.. My mom 67kg.. hehe.. and Mr.. I think he's in the 80s range reaching 90s.. Hopefully not 90 and above... hehe.. He has been treating himself to nice lunches and dinners... So he better start working out when in Singapore. I prayed hard for him to get a job real soon. And hopefully, based in Singapore too... Well, the reasons are obvious.. Also, I somehow am looking forward to meet his parents though I always have butterflies in my stomach and get nervous at the mere thought of it... Often worrying about the 'impossible' as delivered by Mr.

But, hey.. I have a lot of time, don't I? I am so afraid to be stuck with nothing to talk about.. Because I often prefer to be on the listening end and learn in silence. One reason, I don't quite score a distinction on general knowledge.... Two, I am afraid to have a conversation in which topic I don't know about.. Three, I am well... shy? Mr won't believe so... But I am.. Also, I am afraid of not fitting in.. I better not start worrying about these things.. But I just can't help it sometimes..

I am invited to an interview from SCC on my application to be included in the Junior Sport thingy... To be one its club members... I don't quite know what questions they are gonna ask or what to prepare myself with... I hope everything goes smoothly and hopefully I can really be officially a club member...

Hoping for the best and very well prepared for the worst which may be "I'm sorry you do not fit in our criteria" or something alike. But very slim chance of that, I guess.. But who knows for sure...

Another 6 days before I am in Mr's arms... Can't wait..

E-mail from NEA

Received e-mail from Mr Chua... We are going to have a discussion on some highlighted issues on Monday afternoon then a briefing on Tuesday morning. Been tired today...

But I kept having a flashback of Mariam's boy vomiting.. I hope he is okay... I dunno why I just have this connection with all my nieces and nephews.. I just treated them like they are my own and by just doing that, I don't feel OK if anyone of them is not feeling okay or if they are having some difficulties in any way.

Seeing them happy and healthy makes me smile from ear to ear.. Seeing them growing makes me proud, and having them looking up to me with respect can sometimes make me feel like I've achieved something so huge. I can almost say that My Kiddies(Nieces&Nephews) are my everything. They mean so much to me.. I am just so amazed at how attached I am to all the kiddies espeacially Mariam's.. I am so much closer to them that sometimes I really feel like I am worrying about them more than I should. That I feel like a second mother to them... That I wanted everything for them more than I want for myself.

I don't see any of my friends being so attached to any kid... In fact, some of them openly say they hate kids and can't stand the thought of having one... While,the others merely like younger kids just because they are cute.. They wont be worrying about their health or if they do well academically. And me.. I wanted everything for them, I wanted them to feel happy, to help them in their studies should they need any help.. I wanted to take their place when they are sick...

My friends stared at me and couldnt believe that a girl like me, who on the outside don't seem to care about anything, actually have this very soft spot on my kiddies. I just love kids, and wish I could care for all of them like my kiddies. My real dream since I got my first niece is to have my own childcare institute... to care for children... maybe those are orphaned... I just want to show I care to those kids... But as I grew... I find it so hard to keep my word.. I still do love kids especially my kiddies.. But I know it wont be easy taking care of kids that you don't know, those that you never took care of before... Parents might not like the way you handle their kids...

Parents might get jealous and hurt if their kids are too attached to someone else or alike. I got afraid of judgement... I got afraid to do things that require a lot of people involved. I'd rather be in my office drawing out plans of future buildings. I started being fasinated by buildings and how they are made.. I stop to look at building in construction.. I admire their drawings, their plans before they are fully erected into a building which became your home, a part of neighbourhood, your best shopping mall, your school... your office.. and everything else... But my dream still is alive deep inside me...

Maybe one day I will... One day I might... Lets just wait and see how my life turns out.. Till then, Good night.

Brought home the laptop...

Yes.. I brought home the laptop loaned by one of team mates to use at home for the weekend because my PC crashed..... Felt better knowing that I can update my blog and check my e-mails... hehe.. I dunno why exactly I am delaying to send my PC for repair... Been busy and running the whole day through without knowing why I am really busy....

Funny but true.. Been very tired today, being at Mariam's sister-in-law's place to do the prayers for her father-in-law who passed away last night... I am not very close to him but it somehow had an impact or two on me.. Had been reflecting just how lucky I am.. And how much I have neglected Him..

Been a little on my religious side... I dunno why.. It just hit me out of nowhere.. Anyway, Mr Sami, Wu Fang and me went to NEA to collect the collaterals and discuss a few things being highlighted this few days... I have to e-mail Mr Peter Chua from NEA to confirm the time and place for the briefing cum meeting with him to bring up a few topics...

Writing this makes me sound so professional and I think I deserved considerably high position in a company. And I am going to earn it.. He he... Let's hope my dreams become reality soon...

Mr is asleep now.. Wish I could just lie next to him, admiring him.. His face, his eyes, his lips.... touching his hands... With him in my life, I've seen myself and my life so differently...

I love him so much...

Back from Bazaar

Painful walk because of my blisters on my right foot.. But was okay.. Managed to get back in one piece.. Saw some nice watches, but thought I've had enough watch collection..

My mind keep drifting to that ugly jersey.. Back in the workstation.. Had been texting Mr and my mind switched to him..

I like a whole lot of things about him.. One he is himself, no doubt about it.. Let it be the child-like behaviour, or the impatient self... He is himself and I like him just the way he is.. Two, I am so comfortable talking about just anything to him and likewise at his end. Three, I have been difficult sometimes, throwing tantrums.. and being stubborn.. He handle them fine by throwing some humour in it and made me smile and laugh even on my bad days...

The best about him, he always lift up my moods and plaster a smile across my face. He is such a darling.. He spoils me rotten sometimes but it's all in a good way. Plus... bonus bonus.. My family likes him.. He would be the one who push me to my best. He is slowly becoming my everything and I sometimes just become too dependant. He spoil me like a baby... Well.. can't blame me.. I am afterall his baby.. or otherwise known as his Miss S...

Alright time to pen down now.. I am missing him so much and I just want to run to him and hug him and kiss him..

White Jersey...?!

Yea.. SO dumb.. The jersey consist of white top, white skirt and yellow socks.. The combination is pure ugliness.. And the size of jersey.. is L for F***ing LARGE.. Stoopid.. Dumb.. Got nothing to say really.. All this without any discussion, all of these made final by the bitchy captain... F*** I am not happy, the gals are not happy....

And she seemed so pissed that many of us need to leave earlier than 9pm... I mean come on.. Many of us have projects to complete and other commitments.. excluding me who have a curfew for some reasons and I dun wanna get home later than stated time frame.

I am going to go to the Bazaar at Atrium. Just wanna see what's on 'sale'... Will be back in half hour, I guess...

Pardon my rudeness, please...

Sorry bout the last post.. I read it and find myself hating myself for being extra so rude... I regret it and will delete it sometime soon..

Am really busy with my project... Printed out my Interim Report.. Now, I've got Log book to do. I have to fill in day in day out for many weeks ago... This is to be handed in by tomorrow 11am... I dunno if I can manage through. I'll hand in my Interim Report today as I head for my Hockey Training...

Missed yesterday's training and feel so stupid for doing so.. Coz I can't do a thing about my Interim Report yesterday... I should have just train yesterday... Anyway, Hockey training at CCAB today... M that I mentioned, the hockey mate.. his name is M. Noor Sa'lan... I think I spelt it right.. I still cant believe he's not in the squad.. How can he not be? He very so deserved it although he's new to the club.

The gals... haha... no selection because we have just enough... The jerseys.. purchased by acting captain already without any discussions with other team mates.. What a great girl... didn't even ask for our prefered sizes and numbers... And it cost $56!!! If it cannot fit my body perfectly, I am going to erupt... I am not very fussy about the colour of the jersey but the size matters... I don't want to wear a shirt that looks very much like a dress or have a skirt that doesnt fit and needs to be adjusted everytime I move...

I just feel like giving up sometimes... It is just so frustrating... Some people just make you hate something you loved so much... She is a control freak but at the same time, make people do otherwise.. THere are so many situation which result in us leaving although we know very well that we need to work on our fitness... Too many... just too many sometimes....

I am just so not well... But somehow in someway.. My day seemed so perfectly okay when Mr called up to talk to me... Oh dear... I miss you so s terribly... Can't wait to be in your arms...

Mr Sami came to visit...

The Mr Sami came to visit us... He went on and on about the project simply noise pollution to my ears. I am going to print my Interim Report later... But I am still paranoia about saving documents into my floppy and to open the documents and greeted with re-format in process thingy...

I am just so bored.. Went to the library to be greeted with the internet cafe filled with students leaving 2 computers but without chairs. Lucky, I met one of my hockey mate, M. So went on rambling about hockey. Can't believe he isnt in the squad...

I am so down about hockey, project and computer stuff... These things simply dissapoint me time and again. One of it just simply dunno who I am, I am nobody to one.. One just create a lot of irritation and one keep dying on me.

I am so dead..

I am so stressed out... so dead!!!! All because of my PC crash.. It re-formatted my floppy.. MY lifeline is completely gone.. I have to start all over from scratch, unless Mr saved it.. Either way, I am half dead... I can't access my e-mails from home.. THis is so stupid.. I am so dead.. Why is it that we become so dependant on computers just to have them dying on us at crucial times..

Let me pray... Gimme a moment...

Oh god... This is too big a challenge for me.. I am so stressed.... I almost punched this monitor screen for failing on me... But god... That will be too painful for me... I almost puke my insides out to kill myself and end this misery but god.. that will be too hard for me to do...

I wanted to just complete my report on time because, god it is important for me.. I need every single mark to help me.. I need everything, every luck, every blessing, every charm, every best wishes I can grab this semester... God please...

But it's also my fault, I never did spent time with you, god... I spent endless time in front my computer to do everything else but see you... I spent infinite time to spend my day with everyone but you... Please forgive me God.. I should count myself lucky for you gave me a chance and not take my life through natural disaster like the tsunami that has killed many mankind. I hope you forgive their sins too... I should spend more time with you.. The time that I can never find, but the time that is always there for anything else..

Yours Jun...

Sorry if being religious for a moment leaves you a frown on your face or make you shrug your shoulders... but I just have to type this one out.. I just have to.. TO make me feel a little bit better... Life is short.. You just never know when your precious life is going to be taken away. I need time alone... I need to keep moving in the right track, but I often stray and get lost.. Everytime I get lost, I found someone guiding me... But that someone is not always there to keep guiding me... One day, I have to walk alone.. I have to learn to get up after every fall, to learn to keep moving no matter how strong the opposing wind is blowing... I have to be strong and keep strong...

I hope my strenght remains to make me be a better person.. TO be able to stay calm to solve any problems in any situations...

Help me out of this mess...

Bad computer days still haunting me..

Something simply screw up!!!!

What a day... Oh what a day.. You know my floppy suddenly dispose my documents.. And you know what's inside? MY INTERIM REPORT!!!!!!!!!!!! AAArrrrgggghhhHHH!!!!!!!

What a day?!?! Now I've lost my Interim Report... F***ing HeLL!!! I am so so CURSED...

I am pissed off BIG TIME!! My computer crashed.. I can't access any of my e-mails.. MSN is useless in my PC... I just can't take this anymore....

Urgh! Sorry for my frustrated rants... But I am having too much of a bad day this year.. All 3 days aren't good for me... BAD 2005 for me.. Nothing good... Why.. oh.. Why?!!

New Year, Bad Computer Day

The New Year with my computer crashed... My computer was sent for repair.. Still not 100% today... I hate bad computer days!!!!

Cant even do anything... URGH!!!!

Be back when the computer is better or when I am using a healthy computer...

This is so FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!!!!!!