Great day..

I have improved my pool skills.. haha.. After about 2 hours of unofficial training with my 'godson'. He's the pro, man! He is god-damn good at this game of pool, even entered the under-17 pool competition. He gave me plenty of tips and guidance. I'm still learning but a drastic improvement to be seen. *grinz* Even tried a 9-pin ball... Did pretty well, coz he made a few mistakes along the way towards the end. Haha.. I won by mere luck, man! *grinz*

After the games of pool, I went to see Ogy. Last minute plan to watch a movie, (fyi) it's on her.. Well not exactly coz my tuition fee would be deducted with accordance to her "treat" hehe.. The movie is cool like its title, "Be cool". Snoop Dogg is so freaking funny, he tickles my funny bone out, I tell ya. Not that he blurt out all the jokes the director could give, just that his presence and the way he acted his role is darn darn funny!

And John Travolta was the cool one, in his own way of doing things. He's cool like how his image has always been, in this one. And the gal, acting as Linda Moon, she is so so hot, almost mouth watering, and darn she has a pretty cool ass and abs. Wish I could have those. Her face shows a baby in her, I like her eyes and lips. The Rock, is so funny in a some sort of a disgusted way... I shall not go further down there. And the guy acting as Roger, man, he fits that role.

Alright, enough of Movie Bites from me. Mr texted me and I've never been so lucky to have him! He texted me this: [You look great today. (For a second, I thought he's in town right behind me to surprise me again..) How did I know? Because you look great everyday. Good night sayang and sweet dreams xxx] How much more sweeter would you like your man to be? Man, I miss him more than ever now. 11 more days to go... Can't wait!

Touch is so Fun!!

Yeah.. Touch Rugby is so so FUN!!! I went for training today, my first time meeting and talking to Vivian.. She's so cool, nice and most importantly, she rocks! Haha.. She's like 30.. But hey, she's hot.. Well, I think I'm hotter.. hehe..

My body was still aching from yesterday's hockey training, suppose to have another hockey training session today, but I rather have fun and play touch then to be nagged and labelled unfit by one particular hockey player.. Touch is so so fun, have I said that already? Haha.. It really is Fun.. I ran a lot, sweat a lot.. And god, my legs are all wobbly now.. Even my arms are tired, could hardly move my fingers to keep typing.

I need to get my hair cut short, man! I need to wash them after training, and need to dry them completely.. Otherwise, the wetness will just itch my whole scalp to madness. Anti-dandruff shampoos doesn't really help, it makes me lose more hair and would often make my hair more drier than normal. Furthermore, it won't show any results if you still fall asleep with your hair still wet.. The wetness will still form the flakes and make my head itch. I'm freaking sick of my long hair and the maintenance that comes with it anyway.

Ah.. finally felt great after a really long time. Felt really fit today. I need to catch up with my speed now, I lasted so much longer than before so my stamina's fine. Alright now, with my hair still wet, my eyes are drooping, my bed's calling and my hair's still not dry.. Why I don't ever blow my hair? COz it'd damage my hair even more and it would lose it's natural oil and my hair would be so much drier that way. I want to cut my hair. Period. Can you just get it?

It's not like I can't grow my hair back, you know.. Now, Mr... Can I please have my hair cut?

I need to cut my hair!!

I seriously need to cut my hair short!! It's becoming more and more unhealthy with all these flakes of dandruff.. Eww... I need to keep my hair short whilst keeping myself active in sports. Seriously need to.. But haven't got to talk to Mr..

He is still giving it a thought and didnt come back to me with an answer. I need to cut my hair... Before my scalp get worse... Not that I need his permission. It's just that I am obligated to go ahead as I had respected him so much. I can simply go to a hairdresser now and have my hair cut. But that would shock him, I think.

That's all I have to post for now. My whole scalp itch now.. Urgh.. Hate it.. Not good for me... I seriously need to cut my hair short for sports, for my convinience, for the health of my scalp and hair.

Gotta go to school now. Blog later, if I can.. Yesterday's post didn't come up at all.. And I dunno what to say about it. Oh well... Gotta go...

Yawn....

Been feeling sleepy all day... Felt like sleeping the whole day... Woke up later than usual.. Well not that late, woke up at around 9+... went online for awhile... Then got bored and my eyes get really tired, so went back to sleep for awhile more...

But i woke up again by 10... Spoke to Mr for awhile.. He is apparently chasing this small mice from yesterday evening.. haha.. Finally caught that mice in the trap, but the mice isn't dead.. Must be a tough mice. haha...

Then I went to school.. Reach there at about 12... Bought lunch.. Met Sharm, eat lunch.. Read the book.. It is a great book though I hadn't exactly read half the first chapter as yet.. Something that would keep me wanting to flip the pages and keep reading.. But hadn't been that successful as i was really sleepy and distracted from time to time..

Chat with Sharm about everything.. then talk about with two Malay girls who joined in... Nice talking to them considering it was my first talking to them.. I went off from school at around 5pm.

Went to Mariam after that to take over my mom. Mariam's boy is so so darn cute and is getting cuter and cuter by the day. He kissed me good today. He even get jealous when his sister lie on my lap, he beat her and pushed her away while getting himself a place on my lap hugging me.. He is simply irresistable.

I need to cut my hair short.. I'm getting this dandruff problems again.. Coz i usually wash my hair after trainings, and it's always at night and sometimes had no time to wait for the hair to be dry before i sleep.. So my scalp is getting a little unhealthy in a way. But Mr is still not letting me cut my hair.. After some pleas, he decided to give it a thought. I love him so much xxx. Miss him so terribly.. Wish i could hug him to sleep....

Bored

Gawd, it's boring today... Was just simply boring. I seemed to get tired easily now.. And I'm just easily irritated and annoyed... Yes it's that time of the month thingy. I wasn't exactly expecting it till next week. Urgh...

This is darn short coz today is just boring and there's nothing to write anymore... Aahhh...! Gonna read the book... Read the book to sleep... yeah....

Good Friday

Happy Easter everyone!! Yesterday's training was cancelled at the last minute due to the small number of chaps who turned up in the end. What a luck eh? Wednesday's touch rugby training was also cancelled. I'm so disappointed as I needed so much to get in the field and do some exercise.

My left knee hurts though. I need to wear a knee support after a run and exercise otherwise, it just would give way whilst walking. And I can't sit too long cross-legged now, I sat for 5 minutes and my leg would get really numb and when i stood up, the pain is unbearable all focused to my left knee... OUCH!

Mas and kids are here today.. Suppose to meet Sharm today but I am late, late to realise the time.. haiz.. oh well.. I'll be teaching tomorrow, and have touch training.. gonna make sure i come early.. haha.. I need to buy another book for my tuitee too...

Oh, it's Jerie's birthday.. My turn coming in 8 months time.. haha.. Oh dear... Grad nite is approaching and i haven't got my dress yet.. Urgh...

I am feeling a little better, but still get those stress fits sometimes.. haha.. That's all for the day..

Been feeling down...

And I'm going down further. I dunno why.. I feel so trapped. I felt so bad, so useless, so selfless... I dunno why I've crying to sleep, been crying when i woke up, been crying whenever I talk about love. Maybe it's the phobia of being hurt once more. Or maybe I'm just being insecure.

I dunno.. But I haven't been feeling good lately.. Don't ask me why, I simply don't know. Maybe physically I'm fine, but I'm emotionally confused and unstable. I don't know how far I can go anymore. I don't know how long I can last anymore. I simply feel so trapped.

My head hurts thinking so much. Yet I can't stop my thoughts coming. One after another.. I even thought of the worst that could have possibly happened. What is happening to me? Why has life became so hard to go by? Have I grown weaker by the day? Or have I been just so sick of myself? My head truly hurts. I seriously dunno what is going on..

I've been breaking down every now and then... No doctor can fix this, no counsellor can counsole me.. Nobody can help me for I have no idea what's bothering me in the first place.

SCC vs CSC

We won 5-1.. It's okay I guess.. But they expected a bit more.. Oh well, this is usually what happens when you're in a club. So committed, higher expectations, people won't just settle down with a victory, constant nagging from people who thinks they know everything, the list can simply go on and on.. The good thing to come out from all these, is that you'd be exposed to a greater level of the sports and get a bigger circle of friends, wonderful ones indeed... But there would sure be a few bad apples in the sack... So you'd probably see the worst of human kind in these wonderful bunch of people..

I rushed to turf club to play touch, but there's noone whom I recognise and know on the field, so I went home stranded... Wasted the little bit of energy left to be greeted with disappointment. I really wish Mr is around to cheer my gloomy day up...

Oh well, just hope things can get better and not worst... I'm bored, lonely and broke, how else will it be worst? I dunno, maybe some misfortune, or bad luck maybe.. I dunno. Let's just end today for now. Blog again tomorrow...

IVP Reception Dinner

The speech made was lame as per usual that goes every year. We all receive certificates of appreciation. The food was okay until you hit the desert. You wouldn't wanna try it unless you've yet to figure the worst desert you've ever tasted. It just tasted like some kind of medicine. Ewww.. Even the lychee cordial is a little weird, I drank seconds though... Oh well...

I finished school at 4.45pm, went to the sports hall and sleep for awile before my team mates arrive.. I was fast asleep until 4 inconsiderate people came making lots of noise and stared right at my irritated sleepy face. I still lie there for another few minutes, just so so tired. I don't usually think of lying down at the sports hall to sleep, never even cross my mind before.. So must be really tired to make me just lie there and sleep through.

Wasn't till 5.30 or 6pm, that the speech starts.. and end at about 6.30, then gave out all the certs.. etc. I went to Mariam's after to visit my nieces, who have flu and my nephew who had high fever.

Wanted to play pool, again... Man, I'm addicted to that game!!! Sanity saved me from playing pool today, I need money and I'm not gonna waste the money I have on a game of pool.. I have a bit, $50 which I've put aside to pay Vivian to join the Bucks.. Then I'm only left with $10 to last me the weekends, how I wanna survive on that? I've absolutely no idea at all... I'm broke like always... And loneliness makes it worse than just being broke.. It makes me feel like I've got nothing...

My friend said, she'll consider playing sports to keep her fit... But she hasn't been trying to keep fit, so that might be a little difficult on her to just join the team and play or train. Nevertheless, worth trying... I'd appreciate if she would at least try run at least once a week to test her fitness level again before joining me to play sports, though.. Oh well, I guess it comes down to personal preference on whether to do it, and how to go about doing it. True that everyone will have to start somewhere from the bottom before ending up at the top.

I tried giving her encouragement, saying she can call me anytime to run with her, no matter how slow her pace is, at least run or walk the distance and improve by the day. And she ended up saying, she's still deciding.. Really hope she'd choose the better of the two choices she has.

Oh well, I'm happy and proud of my hockey mate, the guy who asked me a favour to coach his girls... He finally made it to play for a club and managed to be among the first eleven players in the team. I'm so proud of him.. Encouraged him to keep the spirits high and to always be motivated to be better. He requested me to come and see him play if there's any game. And with no second thoughts I said I would definitely come to watch..

haha.. my day today has been leaning to the better side. Hope tomorrow brings more joy, though it would be extremely tight and busy.

Here's my schedule for tomorrow, Sat 19th March:

10am - Leave home
11.30am - Tuition at Ogy's place ( Give an hour's test to tuitee - go through her assignment)
1pm -Leave Ogy's place
2pm- Be at Delta to warm up, etc
3pm- Game against CSC
4.30pm - Game ends
5pm- Be at Turf Club for Bucks touch rugby training
6pm- Touch rugby training suppose to end

I dunno what my plans are after touch rugby training.. But I'll be naked, stranded probably without any cash left( crossing my fingers-hopefully not), and bored coz I'll have nothing to do after that. Call me crazy but I wish I've got something to do every hour, rather have training back to back till night then to leave me bored without anything much to do till night.

Won't mind to have training ending early if Mr is around.. When he's not, I prefer to keep myself extremely busy.. Won't care much if I stretched too much or if I strained myself.

Alright now.. Gotta sleep and drink lots of water...

I am addicted to...

I just realised that I'm addicted to the song and the musical beat of Under Pressure.. I'm also finding myself more and more addicted to playing pool. I sometimes bore my friends with pleas of begging them to play pool with me..

I guess this is what boredom can really do to me. It's not that I have nothing to do.. I do.. I really do. It's the inactivity whilst in school. Just driving me mental almost all the time. I do have activities after school, that sometimes makes me rush like Mr Rush if you ever had come across and read those little Mr and little Ms book collections. My personal favorite is Mr Tiny and Ms Small. haha..

I have this small IVP reception and have to be there for the girls' hockey team. Not like we're gonna receive any certificate like last year.. We are just gonna eat up all the nice food, if there is any. Haha..

Alright now, gotta go.. Update again later~

I'm still naked from yesterday...

And I still go for SCC hockey training... It's Selina's continuous nagging and her going on and on about marking my man is just driving me mentally more tired. As it is I'm already naked from yesterday's touch.. Anyone in the right mind won't appreciate her indirect discouragement. Not when she herself ain't good enough.

Denise Stevenson is indeed in Bucks, just that she doesn't find any time to join in the training, etc. Haha.. Had a long long chat with her about my involvement in Bucks picking up touch rugby. Told her about the league being postponed, secretly hoping she could make it.. haha.. It would be fun to have someone whom you know who enjoys and play for both the sports you love..

My abs hurt the whole day like I had done thousands of sit-ups or cruches. I dunno why, and couldn't find the reasons as all I did was run and play touch yesterday.. Didn't do any exercise that involve my abs.. Oh well... Now my body aches big time and truly would appreciate a long bath, if only I have a tub to soak my body in... Or maybe a nice massage chair to ease the aches..
I'll be playing for Saturday's game, a rest for Sunday.. If only I could switch the days.. But it's okay.. It'd be a great test of my fitness and stamina. I can see myself going faster and lasting longer, so better be a good sign! haha..

I'm hungry now.. So blog again tomorrow. Will have an early night, then maybe run tomorrow morning or something.. Night!

I scored in Touch!!!!!

Yeay!!! I scored one for my team! Hahaha.. It seriously felt so good! Wish Mr was there to watch me score. I made a few good touches too! Really wish Mr is around to compliment me and see me making him proud.. Haha..

Anyway, I stayed in school from 9am till 6.15pm and went straight to turf club for training. Not many turned up so we played 3 against 4 without subs, with scorer changing side if he's on the bigger team. It really tested our fitness. And this guy touched me at the wrong places twice, don't think it's on purpose, well at least I hope not. Haha....

It wasn't till 8 or maybe later that two other girls came and join us, so we played 4-a-side right after with 1 sub. It was fun, not to mentioned tiring but it's all good and is definitely worth it! Walked and took the bus with this guy(the one me and Mr would go home with) I always forget his name... We talked along the way, but Mr is almost in every other sentence.. haha.. He said I am improving a lot and I should never stop coming just because Mr is not around. Then he asked what I'm doing, etc. I keep saying I desperately need a job to keep me going or somewhere along the line. Then he asked a very good question, How long have you and Mr been together? I felt great and confident as I answered him that we are together for almost a year, 9 months going 10 to be exact. And he is impressed, he probably thinks that we are together for just a couple of months. c",)

Mr sent me a few pictures at the wedding, and with every picture that has him, my hearts yearn for his warm hug.. Maybe what my friend read to me today is all real afterall.. That I can't cope when I don't get what I want or need... You know what you owe me, Mr.. So you better get ready for a tough come back to me.. Or else...(you know what I'll do to you...)

I need a job

I spend today preparing the presentation minus the animation and background setting.. Writing my lines etc. I was bored... It just don't feel right without Mr around... It feels so empty, seems so lonely... I'm lost and am walking in circles...

Today's training is cancelled so I called up my all time favorite buddy from ol' secondary school, Ahmad Tarmizi... Joined him at Orchard right after school with two of his friends just simply loitering about nothing to do, all dying of boredom, all trying to be entertained... Then meet up with Ogy at 6.25pm, accompanied her to dinner.. No coffee2 with her.. Dave asked her to get back.. Oh well, I go home bored.. Then my dad said I have to collect an article from the post office. But it asked me to collect it along with Mr's IC or passport or at least a letter of authorization.. Oh dear... and all these to be done within 3 days or else the article would be returned to sender as undelivered. What am I to do now?

Viv haven't replied to my e-mail and I've made a decision to just go for the training tomorrow.. I don't want Mr to be the excuse for my absence. And so what if I'm the only gal? I can still learn and there is no disability that stops me from training.. Say what they want, I am determined to learn and train! I need to keep fit! I can be a dumb sometimes. I told Viv I'm ready to join and I don't have enough to pay for the club membership.. haha.. Unless she's willing to wait till the 26th..

I need my resume done, then I can send it to Ben to circulate it around.. Really need to hunt for a job a.s.a.p.! I thought of running to the MRT and back, but ran out of the mood.. I'll run tomorrow. Can't wait for tomorrow to come so I can skype Mr and pretend he is around... For now, I am darn darn bored!!

A big smile to start the day with...

Wonderful skyping with Mr this morning. What a great way to start our days with.. It's just what I need, perfectly fulfilled by the greatest love in the world. Then Vivian from Bucks e-mailed me about my intention to join as a student and how to go about it.. It'll cost me $50/yr plus a bit here and there as and when there are leagues and such. Great! I'll soon be officially one of the Bucks.. Yeay!!

Oh, I also found out that one of the female bucks players is actually playing for SCC ladies' hockey as well.. My seconder, Benita, told me that there are one maybe two hockey players from our team who do play touch sometimes. Now, if I see Denise Stevenson, I'd definitely asked her if she really does play for the bucks, then maybe arrange to go for trainings together. As they say, trainings are combined with the lads and now that Mr is not around, I don't quite feel comfortable coming down for training alone to join the big boys..

Oh well, gotta go to school now. The plan today? I haven't really make any plans today as hockey training is cancelled. I might meet up with Ogy for coffee or something, but we'll see. Gotta dash now. Later~

SCC Election Night

I was in a rather 'make-me-do-something' mood. I wanted something nice to happen so much that it just turn out way below my expectation... Oh well..

I got to the destinated place way before time.. Was really early. They state us to be there at 6.45pm, but I was there like at 6.15pm.. Was hanging around at the bus stop hoping for something to happen.. And along came this German tourist asking where and how to go to the next nearest MRT station.. So I cheerfully and helpfully volunteered my energy to walk him to his destination.. We talked as if we knew each other.. But I didn't get his name, neither did I give him my name.. Watever for, anyway? Oh well, it happens so that this guy is on tour hiking around.. He just flew in yesterday and would be flying off to Jakarta in 3 days time than back here and then off home at Frankfurt, Germany.. Not like I asked him.. He split it all out, maybe felt uncomfortable having a girl walking him to a station when he simply asked me how to get there.. Oh well, what's the big deal anyway? I've got all the time in the world.

Anyway, I was still early even after walking this guy to the MRT station and walking back to SCC.. I was like 10minutes early.. texted Agnes to know her whereabouts.. then saw Diviya walking by so asked her to wait with me.. then we saw Ben and she asked us to come in.. So we did.. Then we signed our attendance and had to wait for another half hour, probably more before we can come into the Gilmour Room to shake hands with the president of the club and meet the rest of the committee..

We are done by 8pm.. So early.. No champagne.. No fanciful cocktails.. Just grab myself a coke and 2 glasses of Garner.. All fuzzy wizzy in my stomach now.. I was bored.. Really really bored. So tempted to party the night somewhere..

But I am still smiling away.. cause Mr would be skyping me in the morning.. Early night for me to wake up to Mr's call.. How love can hurt yet be sweet.. Oh well.. Gotta have my dinner! Speak soon....

DVD review

Watched "American Beauty".. TO be honest, I didn't watch the whole movie coz I realised I've watched it before.. And honestly, I don't think it's a great movie, but more of a classic non-fiction type. I don't fancy watching it particularly coz there's this one part that would just remind me of my past doings.. But I wouldn't mind watching it with someone.. So I ejected the DVD and inserted another one.

Watched "A Few Good Men".. Indeed there are just a few good men in this world.. A great inspirational movie type. Tom Cruise is of course, mouth watering and exceptionally good at this one. The movie has many parts if not the whole 2 and a half hours of gluing you to your seat, or bed as the case for myself, to watch and be gripped into the movie scene. A movie which would make you feel as if you're standing in court present to hear all these hearings between witnesses.

I am so so bored today, so bored I nearly died out of boredom. I thought of watching "Meet the Parents", but I'm in no mood to laugh... It would probably make me miss him even more, more so, that I have no news from him at the moment. I couldn't call him, couldn't text him, could e-mail him but no reply.. I received this picture of him and a guy at the wedding though. They looked drunk which I'm sure they are... It must be great catching up with old buddies over a few drinks eh..

I talked to my mom just now over dinner.. (I ate a whole lot of times this weekend! - simply shows how depressed I am over the weekend) Talked about my relationship with Mr.. I told her about what I liked about him.. But not everything, not to my mom.. Can never tell half the truth coz she just can't take it all in.. Maybe one at a time but never a whole lot of truth in one breath..

And Nadiah had returned with her stalking habit.. She stalks me all weekend, and she called me more than all my friends would for a year! I almost just shut her off my social circle, but knowing me and my soft spot for children, even for her kind.. I just didn't do it.. I just told her I can't come to her house as and when she wants me to as I have many other issues to settle such as school, hockey, etc.. She tried to understand, but she doesn't..

Hmmm.. what else? Maybe this... Oh Romeo, Romeo, Where are thou, Romeo? Ok ok.. cut the crap.. I miss him, alright? What can I say? I'm in love...

Lonely Sunday

I feel so lonely despite being with Mas and her children today. Something is missing and is definitely not right. Of course, what do you know? Am used to going out to meet up with Mr at this time of the day.

We would watched some DVDs if not a movie together. Ogy is supposed to get back to me about going out today. But she haven't.. I dunno if I would go out either. I cried the whole of last night, don't really know the real reason behind the depression, maybe I missed him so much.. Maybe because I hadn't been trying to get a temporary job a.s.a.p to keep me afloat, to get some $$ to buy myself a dress for graduation night, the theme is Masquerade Magix. My girlfriends and I planned to go shop for the accesories together.. We really should. In the mean time, why haven't I e-mailed recruitment companies or SC Chan? I'm such a lazy bum at times who prefer to be sppon-fed, who doesn't like to be spoon-fed anyway? Oh well.. I better get my ass into getting myself a temporary job whilst waiting for University reply and etc. I should really start thinking of making money..

Oh well.. Gotta answer a nature's call now.. Haha. Blog again later~

My life with love

It's strange how my life has evolved around the man I loved so much. Unknowingly, I had became too dependant on Mr J. I woke up today, a little lost not knowing what to do for the day. It seemed like the day would take forever to get by. I never wanted to get off the bed to start the day, I wished I didn't need to.

It wasn't until I realised that Mr J had e-mailed me -I get this texts to inform me of incoming mails from senders in my mailing list- that I finally push myself off the bed. It is proven that my life evolves around him and I'm getting afraid. I wouldn't want to depend too much on him, I want to stand on my own two feet without having anyone to do any decisions for me. I want to be able to think on my own and to choose the path for myself to walk, and start making decisions with confidence. I have to learn to boost up my confidence and earn what I deserve. I tried many a times to shrug it off my shoulder saying it's not true; that I depend on NOBODY.

It's hard to be lonely and to be alone after being around with someone every single day who made your day and showered you with every love he had to spare. I tried to convince myself that I won't depend on him by telling some of my friends that I'm getting bored with being attached, but that is so not true. I admit it now, the truth is that I just can't get enough and I wanted so much more deep down. I felt guilty wanting him utterly to myself so I tried to cut down the time together, which most of the time, I'd regret or cancelled my initial plans and followed my heart to meet him up just for another moment more.

I kept telling myself that I should be strong and not turn into the old bad habits I had bid goodbye about 5 months ago. I was so tempted to get some fags and smoke my stress, loneliness and problems away, but I know I won't bring myself to do it. I just can't.. Not only would I dissapoint Mr, I would also dissapoint myself and would just make myself even more depressed if I ever give that one fag a puff.

I tried to avoid being with him all the time a few weeks ago, planning lunch with my friends instead of with him, trying to not cling on him too much, tried not to ask help from him, but I ended up trying to hide some things that I've been delaying and putting aside, so I have an hour extra to spend with him. My love for him never stop growing, not even a second that my love for him stood still. It kept growing, my love for him is just intense. I found myself refusing to let him go, I find myself lost in a maze when he's not around. I don't wanna lose my soul in search for his. I don't wanna lose him in search for my own self either. I let this happen to me unknowingly... by becoming so dependant on him bit by bit by the day.

Never felt like this for a man before. Maybe because this is my first open and honest relationship in my life with a man who truly loves me. I never thought my feelings would grow to be this strong for him. I began to believe that we are truly meant to meet, know, love and be together to go through the thick and thin of this life.

For this handsome Mr is the man who believes in my dreams becoming true, who I can speak to of anything in the world under the sun, who I can rely on in times of need, who I can truly be myself with, who I can admire all day and the one and only whom I would shower with all the love I have. For this handsome knight who had came to save me from the nightmare that haunts me, who had given me great advices, who had given me moral support, encouragement and motivation to move on, who had made myself more that what she used to be and the one who had loved me for who I am. I love you dear Sir, and I'm miss you so much...

3 days without a post and its.....

Mr's birthday!!!!!!!! Happy Birthday To You.. Happy Birthday to You... Happy Birthday to Mr J... Happy Birthday to You!!!!!!!!!!! Blabber out what I wanna get him for his birthday when he comes back from NZ.. Bugger me.. (dun know if i'm using it at a proper sentence for the proper effect... hehe... but i feel like using the word Bugger)

Anyway I went for the third Touch Rugby training with the big boys.. Felt great and definitely a little fitter today! Did a few runs, almost scored.. haha.. Get to become the dummy half a whole lot of times. I'm improving by the day like always.. Just hope I don't get too stagnant after sometime. It happened once in Hockey and I wouldn't want that to happen again, not for hockey again, not for touch rugby either. I'm new, I'm learning and I should keep learning and try to improve by the day everytime and never let myself down by calling it quits or even stop trying..

Yesterday's hockey training at Padang was great too!! The Div 2 captain spoke to me.. That was almost a shocker, never expected to talk to her off the pitch, not that she doesn't look nice.. Just thought I didn't quite gave her a good impression on my attitude the first time by trying to convince her that I'm on the list and that I at least deserve a place. I should just stop thinking that I deserve everything coz it's not always like that.. I have to earn it and let people give me credit at their own expences.

It was terrible at first as it has been eons since I last played/trained at Padang so I simply can't get the pace right, I was being so slow to simply pass the ball, I can't stop the ball right.. It was really terrible the first half hour.. Coach keep telling to be fast and alert, to push harder, etc.. I was a terrible player amongst the many that came yesterday but I did receive a positive feedback from the captain herself.. I felt good after that.. I felt really good, almost like a confident booster for me. She said I'm improving by the day and told me to keep up the good work of coming to all the trainings.

The shower at the club was great, or shall I say perfectly precise. It was love at first sight. I freshened up and Mr picked me up at the club's entrance. We went for a few naughty drinks at Muddy Murphy's. I ordered myself lamb chops and he ate the burger lot.. Yummy!! It was really naughty but I make up to it by staying up all night to get my analysis done up.. Two more data segregation and analysis before I can really call it a day for today.

Everythings been good except my temperamental mood due to the overload of stress and pressure to get the final report all done up by Friday. Gotta go now and do my analysis.. Catch ya later~

Slurry Sunday

Another lazy Sunday morning.. Woken up by Shahril's chanting(he hasn't speak yet so whatever comes off his mouth sounds like chantings) hehe.. In a blink of an eye, he got up on my bed holding my phone and blabber about as if talking on phone putting the phone way behind his ears.. Then out of a sudden, he just slap my face... urgh.. Just as I thought he's cute.. oh well..

Everyone really got up when my dad called to say the shop person is coming over to deliver the items in like 10minutes.. In a flash, every mess was cleared away.. We all had our breakfast at about 10am.. And just before lunch, I've got that red flag surrendering myself to Mother Nature.. Another month of that usual crankiness.. haha.. Never had that when I'm not at home.. Hmmm.. Wonder why... Must be those naggings and neverending errands to run..

Oh well, I went out and drop by Chris' to see Mr and watched to DVDs back to back. First one was "The Enemy of State" and then watched "Gallipoli". Great movie!! Two thumbs up... It may be an old movie but it was so so great.. Was about to go home after that, but I found out both my sisters are already on their way home... So what's the point? Mom is So gonna nag at me for not being there when both my sisters are around with the kids.. Oh well.. SIGH!!!

I was supposed to do my analysis of my project but I dunno why I've been putting it aside day after day... The sudden shift to laziness.. Probably because of my tight tight schedule after so long.. Oh well, somethings just got to be done and I think it has to be NOW...

Oh, does that mean Good night already? Oh.. can I not stop writing now coz I wanna write about my issues.. Argh!!!! But hold on... Do this and I'll be free from poly life in like under 2 weeks.. YahhoooOOOOO!!!! SO better go and do my analysis NOW..

p/s: Sorry for all that crappiness.. Have to do that.. :j

CIP all done.. Yeay!

Yeay.. all 80hours done now.. Yeay!!!! Mr bought me a card for that.. Really sweet of him.. Then we went to play pool to celebrate.. Really shouldn't be doing that considering his employment status.

Went to Mariam's after that to tutor my two nieces.. Didn't really go as well as I thought. Whilst Nadiah is into doing more and more worksheets thought she was a little reluctant at first, Siti became a little lazy at the end though she was the one who was really excited about doing the worksheets.. Oh well..

Went home, my dad suddenly asked if I had the money to pay up starhub tomorrow.. What a dumb question? Hello.. I'm a student trying to survive with just $30/wk and he asked me if I have money? Oh course I don't have any!! What is he thinking? My god!! I almost banged my whole body lifeless against the wall.. I reminded him that he promised to pay starhub for me first until I get a job, guess what? He denied and said he don't have any money to spare me.. Then what? Blame me again for some trouble he asked for?

Urgh!!! My brains are so screwed up, and I deleted my Windows Media Player.. What a dumb action eh? Urgh.. Seriously dunno what's wrong with me of late.. Have been doing all the wrong things both at the wrong times and the right times!! What the Sh!t?!?!?! Pardon my language.. But simply can't help it.. And guess what? Tomorrow would be another big day to pass it by... All those rushing is gonna kill me internally..

If I am gone, please note that I love all of you and has appreciated every single thing that you've done for me.. If I'm gone, please let me have some peace and don't shed a tear coz that would worry me of your health and everything else. Smile that I've once been in your life...

Gotta get some sleep now.. How I wish I don't have to wake up ever again.. So sick to get on with my life full of worries and unnecessary issues... But this is life, and I shall smile and live with it if I have to.. and rely on my great memories to move on....

I've got an invitation!!!!

Hey hey... today's SCC training is great!!! I've got two sets of SCC's jerseys.. yeay!!! haha.. really nice ones indeed.. I'll get my socks and shinpads on Saturday though.. Need to remind Gavin to bring my shinpads on Saturday...

I got a letter from SCC when I got home too.. Yip, the invitation to meet the General Committee to be elected as an official club member on 14th March at 7pm.. Yeay!!!!

Other than these things... Nothing much has happened, except that I've volunteered to do the hardest part of my IHP final report which is full analysis and some data thingy... Hmmm...About tomorrow, my last 4 hours of CIP!!! Yeay!!! Will have a small celebration by playing pool.. haha..

Then will tutor my two nieces.. then that's it I guess.. I thought I had so much to write, but this is all I have.. Oh well.. Good night!

2nd Touch Rugby Training

My shoes are covered in the mud, my legs are muddy with some small leaves.. It's great today, though harder to play due to the wet muddy soil.. It's slippery and I was just concentrating more on not to slip and fall.. I can touch and put down the ball immediately and managed to do a few touches.. A few improvements with approvals from other players today..

Felt good and fit today.. Haha.. Went to see my lady friend today. Officially my curfew is extended only on Tuesday but after she looked at my training schedules, she said I can go home a little later than usual but I must give her a call the moment I step home. Good, but my parents don't believe it.. My parents can just be a pain in the ass sometimes. They never trust me in whatever way I am.

So I wrote my lady friend an e-mail today which goes like :

Hi Marddyana,

I just left you a message to say I got home about 10minutes ago.. I need someone to just talk to my parents about the advantage of being involved in sports. None in my family line is into sports except me. Being a girl, it's a BIG thing... And now that I'm involved in two different sports, it's even worst..

But I love sports and I can't just put it aside because of anything, not even illness or injuries. I love my sports and will play for as long as I possibly can. But she go on and on about my wasting money and time in sports but I never did ask the for extra money to play sports, not a single cent more than what she gave me. I'm surviving on $30/wk now.

She keep bugging me about being home on time, but I AM home on time every single day! I even make it a point to run the whole stretch from the MRT to home! If I want to screw this opportunity up, I wouldn't even go home or make excuses for not turning up when you set appointments for me or take MC for my CIP. But I never did! I religiously go for every single one appointment, go for my CIP doing it full heartedly without fail, make it a point to be home on time, in fact I'm always at least 15 minutes before time unless I have trainings, even so I made it 5 minutes before 10pm.

I simply dunno what more she wants. It's always this nagging and the little or zero understanding from her that puts me on the edge. I always try to make her understand but she always say things that I should be more like the family.. Who doesnt exercise and play sport? I can't be that! Who stops school to work and bring money in? I can't do that without my education!

Help... I don't want to rebel but I can't do it without any help.. Marddyana.. I think you need to talk to her about the approval on the permission for me to go home half hour later than initial curfew time. She is a real panic and thinks I put a bluff.. She never trust me so I dunno why I'm trying so hard to be honest when she still doesn't trust me and give me the benefit of an adult.

As it is I'm tired after trainings and here goes my mother nagging away. 5minutes of that seems like an hour....

P.S :Sorry about the crappy voice message, just can't talk well through the phone. I converse better face to face or through e-mail.

Many many Thanks and Regards,
Jun

My parents are just about anything but normal! They looked normal and blends in with any Malay community.. But their thinking are just so so ridiculous. They expect me to be honest but they can never come to terms with anything that is honest from me! They expect me to at home on time and still nags at me when I got home 15 minutes early.

I've lived with it all my life and it's time for things to change.. It's just about time.. Give me a break, I mean come on.. I'm just 20 going 21!!!! My parents treat me like a kid but expects me to perform like a mature adult. I can't understand my parents*period*!

Run, run... run as fast as I possibly can....

I did just that just now, from Clementi MRT to home almost non-stop with my big bag and hockey stick.. I ran like a mad woman.. Sprinting through walking humans as if I can never be tired. Made it home like in 10 minutes, probably less.. Made it like 2 minutes to 10pm..

Haha.. Today's training was more for choosing players to play for Division 2 and Premier. I am of course in no doubt in the Division 2 team.. I was almost doomed. I seriously can't play at their standard, i have to get my fitness and stamina... and have my stick skills back to shape... Been too comfortable being a defender that I find myself so stiff when they require some flexibility in the positions.. I'm one of those whom they put as Anonymous position, meaning I must be able to take up any positions, which is to the obvious difficult for me. I was initially confused! haha.. Oh man.. Almost felt like it's my first time playing hockey all over..

I e-mailed my lady friend to request for a curfew extentions and told her all about my whole week of business.. My gosh.. One look at my everyday schedule and you'd think that I'm trying to tire myself to death.. Monday to Sunday, I'm busy doing something.. To list them all.. here it goes, don't be surprised...

• Monday
  
• 9am to 4.30pm - School [In-House Project]
  
• 6pm to 7.30pm - Tutoring Sec 3(N/A)@ Jurong West
• Tuesday
• 9am to 4.30pm - School [In-House Project]
• 7pm to 9pm - SCC Hockey Training
• Wednesday
• 9am to 4.30pm - School [In-House Project]
• 7pm to 9pm - Touch Rugby Training [Social]
• Thursday
• 9am to 4.30pm - School [In-House Project]
• 7pm to 9pm - SCC Hockey Training
• Friday
• 2pm to 6.30pm - Help mom babysit nephew
• 7.30pm to 9pm - Tutor my two nieces
• Saturday
• 1pm to 2.30pm - Tutoring Sec 1(E) @ Jurong West
• 3.30pm to 6pm - SocialTouch Rugby Game
• 7pm to 9pm - SCC Hockey Div 2 Game
• Sunday
• Give a thought about what to teach on Monday
• Supposingly my rest day

So what you think? One of my friend states that I'm attempting suicide.. Haha.. But sports and Maths is in my blood flowing furiously. I have this passion no one in my family line has. I have the passion to strive in my sports and passion to teach Maths by understanding. And hey, I want to keep myself fit.

Oh I(not me really, Mr paid for them) bought a small stapler for me to bring around in my pencil case, my calculator batteries and my prepaid top up card. But guess what? All the items I bought except the prepaid card can't be use at the moment coz i don't have the additional tools to. I didn't get any staples, how am I suppose to stapler my papers together with a stapler without staples.. And the batteries for the calculator? No.. they are not faulty.. but I don't have the screwdrivers to unscrew the back of my calculator to take out the used batteries and insert the new ones.. Clever aren't I?? Oh well, this is what happens when you have just so much in your mind.

To add that to my thinking brain, I have bills to settle, M1 pestering me to start paying now, while paying starhub still.. and I have to call this HDB thingy to know what they want, been sitting on it for more than a week now.. Sometimes, I dunno what I did the whole day that I'm just so busy to simply chill and settle all these things once and for all... And I have a whole lot of DVDs to watch now.. Mr bought them for me to watch.. There are "Enemy of State" , "We Were Soldiers" , "Gallipoli" , "A Few Good Men" and "American Beauty" plus Queen's Greatest Hits 1, 2 and 3 to Rip and listen to... alongside with all the other music collections in my Windows Media Player's Library...

Alright now.. Too late for a shower, too stinky to sleep.. What should I do? Just give the cold shower a shot? Alright. I'll just freshen up a little and hopefully sleep like a lamb...

First time...

As they always say, there is always the first time in everything. I played pool for the first time today with the help of Sharmely and Haslinda. It's really great and is almost an addictive game. I love it the moment I held the cue stick. Haha.. I won one game, what a motivation to start off with eh?

Felt great learning new things everyday.. But I've a little baddie news.. Jerie can't join me for touch rugby training tomorrow.. But I've got a goodie news too.. Haha.. I sent an enquiry e-mail to Mendaki and SCC and got a response almost immediately. I can apply for a full subsidy to pay my future school fees if I'm accepted to join NUS or NTU and I'll be informed of all the training schedules and events from SCC from now onwards. Yeay.. I've got real solid proof to get my curfew extended now.. Great! Today's SCC training would be at Delta. That means I can stay till 9pm and still be home by 10pm.. Yeay.. Seems like everything is going smooth for me..

And guess what? Haslinda is tutoring too but she teach primary levels for 3 subjects and she charge $190 for that.. Wow.. Okay.. So am I charging too little? I dunno. I charge by the hour anyway, so no loss on my side I suppose.

Now it's confirm to have pool sessions every Tuesday, whenever possible or whenever I'm financially stable.. haha.. I am totally broke today. I realised that I need to get my calculator batteries and need to top up my prepaid mobile card desperately... Arrghh!!

Alright now.. Gotta leave, blog later~