It's not OK

We are too nice. Too nice to everyone, every human, every animal. We are just too nice.

We found a kitten, called SPCA and they wanted to put it to sleep. How could they? And so you volunteered to keep it alive, and what did we get? Nothing at all. Just more work, more efforts, more commitments, more nagging, more scolding, these are what we get for giving love, showing love, and pitying love.

We are so nice, we forgot ourselves, we became so evolved around thoughts that shouldn't exists, we forgot our purpose, we forgot our priorities. How it happened? These is what we get for being nice... How nice....?

I have been the most sensitive person lately, every small things seemed so huge, I wanted to cry for the slightest things. Often, in silence so noone knows. I cry in silence and just keep mum of its existence.

Deep down I'm afraid, on the outside I seemed collected and calm. Deep down, I'm in a complete chaos, on the outside I seemed to be in control. Deep down, I'm lost, on the outside I know where to go.

I want to let go of all responsibilities, I want to give up, I want to end my day by lying down flat on my back, with my eyes fixed on the sky above. I want to be someone, yet I am nobody.

One good thing, the publisher I told about once, came back. He has approached a few other publishers with printers, not a very positive response from one, and a slight interested response from another. So hopefully things work out there. I have always wanted this to happen, to have my poetries published. No concrete decision yet, but it's happening.. It's in the process.

I'll be praying real hard to get everything worked out. I texted him a couple of times, no response. I called him, it rung. SO not battery flat bullshit. Maybe he's still sleeping. I dunno. He didn't reply yesterday's good night wishes either.

Maybe I'm just a sick paranoid girl. I shall just stop worrying, and be the once happy-go-lucky girl. I should just stop, close my eyes, be a different person, next week, I shall close my eyes once more and change to another person, and then close my eyes once more, and leave.. And to never look back, ever again.