Dear Diary....

I went to office like a good girl would go to school today. I never left my office till time calls for lunch, even so, I didn't have any lunch for I went for my driving lesson. Right after my lesson I straigh went back to my office just like any good girl would.

I went back and do my own things, do what I need to do, with all that needs to be put in.. But I never finish it like any good girl would. I left my hard work on my director's table. Awaiting for his approval and agreement before I pen everything down like a good girl.

And so I didn't accomplish my mission of being a good girl today. Well, I guess I need more guidance and discipline in doing just that perfectly, then again.. No one's perfect like the good old perfect girl. I left the office late today, I left at about six. Being the good old friend, I met up with her. We had our good old girl talks. We were talking about how much those 4 years spent in Poly means to us. It was something so predicted, so fated.. We met and we became friends, I am whole heartedly saying that we became best of friends. We went through all those hurdles together, constantly helping each other covering each other's back, we were together as a team, doing everything we could to the benefits of us. And we reap all the benefits, with a smile we greeted it, with all our heart we accepted what we deserved. A piece of paper you may say, but we say with a smile and open heart, "That's our 4 years of hardwork" Good 4 years it has been, no matter what shit there were before, it was all good..

We learnt a lot from those 4 years, about relationships, about friendships, and all the other ships that had sunk and yet stayed afloat and survived. We stayed strong and we are still here, braving the storms. We went through what others may not in their entire life, but we did now and we were glad we did, for it made us the way we are today. The smile says it all.. And with it comes all the pride from our special friendship that we've made. You may be lost, for only I and her can understand this language we made out of the ordinary so special.

Anyways, it seemed like I haven't seen Z since eons, but I realised it is just today that I haven't seen him and that I was with him the whole of yesterday. Strange but it seems like all the time in the world don't seem to be enough. Yeah, I admit with all my pride, that I miss him.

But despite all this happy thoughts, I can't seemed to fly like Peter Pan.. I wasn't happy enough. I am so sick at work, I am just so tired of trying so hard, yet left unappreciated. I can't stop them from complaining, I can't stop them saying that I haven't done all I could. I can't stop but to think of an escape route. I can't stop thinking of ways to get out and be free once more, yet I can't help but to stay for I still can't gather enough courage and I still can't afford the things I want with the things I need most. It's sad to admit that I'm still as weak as a baby can get. I am helpless, with no strength, with no motivation, with nothing but failure..

On the phone with Z now. Feels good just talking to him.