Communication and its Importance

Assalammu'alaikum beloved readers.. How's your day? Weekend is approaching.. Have you had yours planned? Well I hope your plan goes well, and may you enjoy every single day with your loved ones, and be blissed with great health, lots of love, and much happiness. I had a casual light talk with a driver without a choice yesterday.. And he started to well, tell me stories of how his first two marriages failed. Honestly I find it childish.. Anyways, here's what he tell me. Long story short : The only thing that strike him was hearing his wife nagging and said, "You're not the only one working, you know. I am also from the night shift, can't you just help out with the chores, even for a bit" And he freshen up and got out of the house, well, soul searching to haywire. Because that was how he started straying to spending hours at coffee shops, drinking, gambling and what not. To me, the problem could have been settled if he brush his bloody ego or whatever you call it, and tell his wife, "well hey, you know how it is, I'm sorry I dozed off, but we could have done this a better way. Look I know it's irrelevant, but i'm not quite happy about the way you tell me off. You could have just told me you needed help." that simple gesture could just lead to a compromise. But i mean of course it could back fire with wife telling off like this, "you mean i have to ask? don't you have the initiative?" Well then, i mean i sometimes do that, and all it takes, is for the man to say, "Look i am sorry, but I'm just being a man down here." I might have thrown some stupid annoying face that awaits for a slap across it, but I'd eventually sit down, and perhaps, allow time for him to cool off, and finally going up to him and say, "hey.. u know.. i'm sorry, perhaps I was rude. Could we talk about it again, in a cooler/calmer tone?" And then the whole conversation on compromise will come with peace, don't you think? To me, a lot of communication and basic rules should be set well before marriage. It helps. I mean get to know as much as you can about your partner. Hey, trust me, i am guilty too! I sometimes forget to find out about my partner, but I guess we learn through hardships. I know some things are not meant to be told verbally or in written, most of the crucial things about your partner should be learnt through observation and "tests" like when you argue, you should be able to see how your partner reacts, and you'd probably find the way to cool/calm him down. Usually a short time-out does the trick. At least it would be for me. I'd mumble, but if you leave me alone, i'd be tired, and i'd end up reflecting and thinking about what i have done. And if I dun think i was wrong, I would want to sit down and talk about it so we can sit down and understand each other's view and perspective. Noone is perfect, and our views, no matter how much love we have for each other, our views may differ. I always stand true to the fact that others will always treat you the way you treat them or worse. And if you dun like the way you are being treated, tell that person. He/She won't know unless you tell. Noone is born to read other people's mind, ya know. And don't tell like as if you're giving orders, add some examples, or reasons why you dun feel easy with the way you're being treated. The key is just simple communications. Always express your feelings. Tell the person you love what you feel like telling them. If the person truly love you, they'd understand, or at least, try to understand. I hate it when someone tell me, "you should know this, you should know that" I mean goodness sake, if i keep doing the same mistake, chances are I DONT KNOW, or perhaps I DONT UNDERSTAND. And most of the time, the reason why I ask is because I don't know for sure, and would like to know. Just tell me. Or show me. I mean, yes, i'm guilty of being annoyed when someone asked me questions that I thought ppl should know. So, i'm still learning to calm myself down, and be happy that they asked. They wanna know. And i try my best to explain as much as I can so they'd understand. Well, getting married is the easy part, keeping the marriage life alive and happy is the challenging part. All in all, in all kinds of relationships.. I always think that communication is the key and the most important element that kept the relationship worth while. And it's never fair to blame everyone else, and not reflect on your actions. Often, people who go around blaming others are sinners themselves. I always see, 99% of the time, people who accuse and blame others, are actually doing the actions they are accusing and blaming others for. Confusing? well what i mean is, often, I see A accusing B for having an affair without any evidence. Chances are, A is having an affair himself. And I dunno where I got this from but I came up with a line,  "To call someone else stupid, you first have to be Stupid." hahaha.. lame.. But it's true. I will not deny having people calling me stupid, and then because people call me stupid i go around telling people they are stupid. Funny you know, but that's how life is. To break the cycle, you just have to stop and make the change you want to see be in you. You change yourself, before you expect others to change. You gotta be the first, don't expect others to do it before you do. Now I turn around and say, "you are smart. thank you" and if you mean it well, someone will come back and tell you, "You are smart, thank you" and make you smile. ;) The main thing here now is to be sincere in everything you do. Do good, and believe good will befall you in time to come. Don't expect too much, be sincere about doing good. Insya'Allah, Good things will come. Only the way the goods are going to be packaged may differ. Accept even if it looks ugly and horrible, who knows, something even better and something you dun expect may come for you when you accept the challenges that you have to go through. Welcome the good with the bad. Don't expect perfection in others, noone is perfect. Not you, not me, nobody. So accept the good with the bad. May things go smooth, I pray for my safe journey back home, and may my loved ones always be protected from harm and evil. And may they always be blessed with lots of love, great health, faith, and strength to go through the many obstacles that they are facing in life. Amin. Wassalam.

Karma

Assalammu'alaikum beautiful, gorgeous, charming and handsome readers of all time. How's your weekend? I hope all is great and get even better with each passing day. Facebook had allowed me to observe people's behaviour, and above all how Karma can be so beautiful and ugly all at the same time. Karma is not something that happens overnight, and it is not always as direct and straight forward. Sometimes, i sit back and read every single status updates, and smile to myself. I do sit back and read my own and still find it amusing. Often we vent out our frustration, our innocent thoughts and what not on our status updates without much thought. Of which sometimes, we invite controversy, unwanted or most needed advice, words of wisdom, encouragement, and sometimes, we do get those harsh comments and only brings us down. I dun usually care about what others has to say... Taking what is good for me into my head, and ignore those which will only lead me to be worse. Then I noticed that everything we do, will possibly create Karma, and everything that happen to us could possibly be Karma. I dunno why certain things happen to me, then as I sat back, i thought to myself.. maybe... I have done something similar to someone else.. Maybe it's just happening to me a few folds more. Bottom line, it's just a test to see how you handle the situation. Then it allows me to weigh out the great people from the normal people from the not-so-good people. Then again great people around when you're sad may not be as great when you're happy (actually more so the other way round).. So we gotta pick wisely.. and learn how to react, treasure, and even appreciate. Everyone had his/her own role, and reasons. Karma is such a beautiful thing, because when you refrain from revenge, Karma will do her trick gracefully. Her ugly side is, sometimes, she takes on innocent people. Sometimes, it's A who did wrong, but Karma took it out on B who is A's favorite son. A would have felt horrible seeing his son going through a hard time, and more so if he realised that he had done something like that to someone else. But B would feel even worst not knowing why he deserved to go through such phase in life. When I think about it.. I wonder, maybe my dad had done this before.. so I'm going through this.. Wallahualam bi sawab. Oh well.. The best thing to do in life is to always be sincere no matter what happens to you. In every step we take, every decision we make, everything we do, let it be for Allah S.W.T. Never ask for any reward, if it meant for you, it will always be yours. To be a great person, it takes a lot of strength and patience. I am still learning... And i hope Allah will grant me patience and strength to go through his tests smoothly. Insya'Allah. And may all my friends, relatives be given the same, and be blessed with great health and wealth. Amin. Wassalam.

Malay Entry

Assalammu'alaikum Sisters & Brothers. How's your weekend? I hope all is well, and may things get even better, insya'Allah. I'd like to do this entry in Malay so first off, my sincere apologies to my English readers. I will try to do another post in English and translate as much as I can in my next entry, Insya'Allah. Permintaan hati bila disebut menjadi do'a, dari itu, jgn berkata buruk, selalu berkata yang indah, Insya'Allah, yang indah akan menjadi kenyataan. Sering saya dengar orang sekeliling kata, "Tak ada duit la.." Maka terjadi la kenyataan - sering duit tidak mencukupi... Saya sendiri selalu buat silap tu jugak, saya cuba ubah sebanyak mungkin, sebaiknya, kita cakap, "Duit tidak mencukupi, insya'Allah dimurahkan rezeki dan ada lebih di masa akan datang." Tapi kena la usaha jugak, kan? Takkan la kite sebut je dan tak buat apa-apa lagi.. Kenalah usaha, jangan la belanja yang bukan-bukan. Rezeki kita itu sudah ditentukanNya. Pernah saya baca, kalau kita mudah beri sedekah, akan dimurahkan rezekinya, tetapi kalau kita ni selalu membazir, belanja hingga keterlaluan, na'uzubilah, duitnya tidak akan pernah cukup. Saya pernah juga alami situasi macam itu. Saya kuatkan iman, cuba-cuba, memang la benar, masa itu gaji saya kecil, tetapi mane-mane yang ada tabung amal, saya sedekahkan walaupun hanya seringgit. Kita kan seharusnya sedekah seberapa yang mampu, yang penting niat kita, kan? Alhamdulillah, rezeki saya sentiasa ada. Tidak la kaya, tapi mampu. Dan sebaliknya, pernah sebulan tu saya langsung tidak sedekah, malah bila ada orang mintak, saya kata tkde duit. Bulan tu sempit, padahal dinaikkan gaji, tetapi entah macam mane, entah ke mana duit tu pergi, tidak cukup.. Lagi seminggu nak gaji tu kena ikat perut sebab tidak ada duit.. Agaknya kata-kata saya dikabuli sebab menjadi orang yang lokek, kot.. Wallahualam bi sawab. Saya sebenarnya nak lepaskan geram, ada la pekara yang saya kurang suka terjadi di tempat kerja saya ni.. Pada mulanya, saya kerja di syarikat Korea, dari itu, tidak ramai orang melayu Islam bekerja di sini. Secara semula jadi, saya pun lebih cenderung untuk berkawan dengan kaum Melayu atau saudara Muslim. Tempat kerja saya ni ramai abang-abang yang tidak sedar mereka ni lebih layak dengan gelaran pakcik atau atok, yang bekerja sebagai drebar. Memang masa baru-baru kenal itu macam okey je.. Tetapi lama kelamaan saya perasan la jugak yang mereka-mereka ni semua lupa batasan, lupa daratan, dan makin tidak sedar diri (bercakap besar, dan yang sewaktu dengannya). Meluat la pulak bicara dengan mereka-mereka ni. Ada hati nak nasihatkan orang, perjalanan sendiri belum lurus, malah gelap gelita. Dalam banyak2 buaya kat dalam kandang tu, cuma satu je la yang masih tahu batasan dia, masih tau mana darat mana laut.. Dan dalam banyak2 buaya kat dalam kandang tu, ada satu tu, yang ada hati nak memikat hati saya. Ya Allah! Yang meluatkan lagi, dia ni suka tanya hal-hal peribadi saya. Saya tidak pernah la ceritakan (kadang untuk diamkan mulut dia dari bertanya, saya kasi satu cerita donggeng la kat dia), memang saya ni pun bukan jenis buku terbuka untuk ceritakan segala-galanya. Sedangkan dengan kawan paling rapat dan kekasih belum habis cerita, inikan pula orang luar. Selisih je.. Tidak kuasa la nak cerita, bukannya dia kenal saya pun.. Cik Abang dah nasihat saya, dia syorkan saya supaya ada kat ofis je, dah tidak payah nak turun ke tempat makan kat bawah tu. Dan bila dia nasihat kan saya itu kan... saya makin la sayang kat dia.. Ye la.. Secara tidak langsung terbandingkan juga kat orang sebelum dia.. Dan beza nya sangat2x ketara, dan terus saya makin la jatuh cinta kat dia.. Hati berdebar-debar gitu setiap kali jumpa dia, macam nak peluk cium dia erat2x tak nak lepaskan gitu. Kadang malu sendiri tau, bila cakap macam ni.. Tapi kenyataan.. nak lari ke mana. Saya tidak putus do'a supaya ditemukan jodoh... Mungkin ini la dia.. Wallahualam.. Saya perhatikan, memang dia pandai sangat ambil hati saya, pandai membimbing, pandai mengajar.. pandai buat lawak.. Senang kata kalau jumpa dengan dia, mesti senyum lebar, mesti gembira, tertawa, dan rasa syukur gitu.. Saya kadang2x terfikir juga, kenapa dia pilih saya... Saya rasa saya ni okey okey je.. tak la jambu sangat. Tak pandai gaya pun.. Boleh kata selekeh... Buat lawak pun okey okey je.. kadang orang tk gelak pun.. Tapi saya memang rasa amat2x disayang bila dengan dia. Rasa macam best sangat. Bila tk jumpa, rindu semacam. Tak tau kenapa, kekadang, baru jumpa semalam.. harini pagi2x da rindu da.. Pelik kan? Yang paling saya suka tentang si dia ni.. Dia tidak pernah nak hadkan batasan saya, tidak pernah cuba untuk melarang saya. Seperti saya, dia cuma ingin diberitahu. Jangan sampai sendiri dapat tahu, gitu.. So, saya rasa macam seimbang gitu. Dan dia tahu macam mana nak kata tidak bila saya mintak izin. Bila dia cakap tidak tu, dia kasi alasan yang kukuh kenapa.. Kalau saya nak jugak pun, dia tidak la menengking atau mengancam saya. Cara dia macam sesuai sangat dengan pendirian saya. Saya da cuba banyak kali nak uji dia, dan setiap kali saya yang gagal.. dan setiap kali saya gagal, makin mendalam gitu saya sayang dia. Makin merasa syukur.. Saya tidak tahu la kalau dia rasa apa yang saya rasa. Dan yang paling penting sekali, cik Abang saya ni percaya dengan saya. Saya tidak pernah nampak dia ragu-ragu dengan saya. Saya sangat2x selesa dengan dia. Saya rasa macam tidak perlu nak selindung-selindung dengan dia, dalam segala pekara pun.. Sekali dua tu pernah juga saya kecik hati, tapi entah macam mane, dan entah apa dia buat, saya rasa mudah untuk memaafkan dan melupakan pekara tu.. Sekejapan saya kecik hati, sekejapan tu jugak la dia pujuk saya. Pernah sekali tu, dia yang marah, tapi dia yang pujuk saya. Tidak ramai yang kuasa nak pujuk saya bila saya buat perangai macam tu. Ramai orang tengking dan makin marah saya bila saya buat macam tu, tapi dia mampu tenang dan menerangkan pada saya kenapa dia kurang suka, dan bagaimana ia akan menjejas diri saya. Waktu tu, saya rasa sangat bersalah hingga berlarutan hingga dua tiga hari. Dia juga la yang hapuskan rasa bersalah saya tu.. Dia kata yang sudah tu sudah, lain kali usah buat lagi. Terus macam sejuk hati saya, macam nak lari lompat peluk dia gitu.. Mungkin kerana peristiwa zaman dahulu, telah membuat saya senang menghargai pekara-pekara yang indah seperti ini. Dan pengalaman itu juga buat saya senang membaca niat orang dan mudah untuk saya jauhkan diri dari yang orang-orang yang boleh memudaratkan diri sendiri. Orang-orang yang boleh memudaratkan diri sendiri termasuklah orang yang ingin mengambil kesempatan di atas diri kita, tidak kira la nak ambil kesempatan dengan kemurahan hati ke, ape ke.. juga termasok orang-orang yang berniat untuk jatuhkan air muka kita dengan ape cara pun, juga termasok orang-orang yang berniat untuk memusnahkan kejayaan kita, iaitu orang yang tidak senang melihat kita senang. Juga termasok orang-orang yang hanya inginkan kita sebagai sandaran sementara atau alasan untuk membuat jahat, sebagai contoh: gunakan nama kita padahal kita tidak ada kena-mengena pun dengan aktiviti berkenaan. Sering kali, saya alami pekara macam ni, selalu orang pandang rendah dengan saya, kadang kerana umur saya yang sentiasa evergreen ni... kadang kerana status saya.. kadang kerana kedua-duanya. Mereka selalu ada persepsi yang orang macam saya ni mudah untuk dimakan (apa pun maksudnya la~). Kadang-kadang saya rasa kesian dengan mereka. Dosa dah bergunung, tapi mereka tidak sedar, malah membesar-besarkan aktiviti haram mereka. Bak kata orang-orang lama, rumah kata pergi, kubur kata mari. Tapi masih ingat diri mereka ni muda lagi.. Ya Allah... sedarkan la mereka... Sesungguh merugikan jika manusia, semakin panjang umurnya, semakin buruk akhlaknya! Ya Allah, aku mohon padamu, sedarkan la mereka.. Dan lindungi la aku dari segala yang kurang baik. Sentiasa lah bimbingi aku ke jalan yang benar yang Engkau redai, Allah.. Jauhkan kami dari termakan bisikan Syaitan, Ya Allah. Semoga dimurahkan rezeki, dipanjangkan umur... dan semoga dipercepatkan jodoh ku jadi orang-orang yang tidak sedar diri ni tidak kacau aku lagi... Wassalam.

Song of the day~

Assalammu'alaikum treasured friends and beloved  readers of this blog. Do check out my latest findings of my newly found  favorite song by a Malaysian band, Khottal. I had a great time last night. The kids enjoyed it too.  Amazingly, they stayed awake throughout.  We truly enjoy the day totally, thanks to Darl. We watched live performance by Khottal.  I think it's our first time watching a live concert-like  show and truly enjoyed it from the start to the end.  This song was our personal favorite, while  little boy preferred, their "Forgot to Forget" song.  Which is really unique. I can't find any word to describe the great day other  than a blast of fun and it seems to me that more fun awaits for all of us... I really hope and prayed for great things to work out.  My worries were diminished last night,  and I really really enjoyed my day.. Once again, thanks  darl for making our day such a memorable one. And kudos to the band. I wish you all the best, may  all of you be blessed with great health and wealth, determination and drive to go even further.  Insya'allah. Amin. I hope all my readers are in great health, and be  blessed with lots of love sealed with happiness. Insya'Allah. Amin. Till I blog again, Wassalam.

Exciting Tuesday

Assalammu'alaikum beloved friends and loyal readers. I hope you had a great start to the week and may it get better with each passing day, and may you be blessed with great health and wealth. Insya'Allah. I had a bad dream last night. I woke up dazed. I will get back to the dream later.. I went to my cousin's engagement last Sunday. It went well and smoothly, Alhamdulillah. It was mere co-incidental that I carried the gubahan with a bird figurine, and returned with another gubahan which also had a bird figurine. My cousin finally talked to me, like after donkey years. I felt out of place. It felt forced, somehow. But I saw the genuine gratitude in his eyes so I guess I shouldn't think too much about it. His fiance finally accepted my friend request. I dunno why some women fear their man leaving her.. If it was another woman I could probably understand but we are cousins, and we grew up in the same house, ate from the same plate, slept on the same pillow throughout our childhood. He was a brother, I loved him as brother more than anything else. Afterall, it was always him protecting me during those young days, thus the huge respect I have for him -still intact despite the many hurdles and humps in life. I truly respected him, but I guess he, too, once upon a time thought that I had fallen for him wrongly.. I dun understand why all these mess, doesn't help with a rather possessive girl, does it? Well I guess all is over, and all is going fine now that she has accepted my friend request.. Mom said she told him off that day.. Maybe some sense knocked into him, and probably he realize it was just imaginary that I fell for him. Thank God. Alhamdulillah. I hope nothing like this will happen again. I never wanted to break ties, or lose a very precious brother, and extended family. I hope our bond won't be broken ever again. I met Mystery that night, to another engagement. And we spoke about our views on engagement. He, too, felt that it's becoming over-rated. Both of us would seriously prefer a small agreement between two families only. Nice. I had wanted to go on and on about it, then his friend came.. I dunno if I should feel relieved, or if I should feel interrupted.. Anyways, that night was great. I enjoyed my day. Monday came, and I was in disbelief. My little nephew finished his homework. And he was feeling very proud about it, and I felt even more than just proud. My two girls has been wonderful too. Then I called Darl up and spoke to him for awhile. Talking crap most of the time, and then I realized why I loved him so much. He never failed to make me smile and laugh. Even on my worst days... He seemed to have this magic, made me smile so wide, laughed so hard. And my heart felt warm with him around. I felt free at the same time. We didn't restrict each other's movement, kept each other informed, we can go on and on talking about each other's life, and we could even laugh and make fun of each other.. This really sounds like what I had always wanted. Having a sense of belonging, and at the same time able to have my own stand/time. It's balanced. And I am loving it. I hope this relationship can last a lifetime. Insya'Allah. Semoga kami dimurahkan rezeki dan dipercepatkan lah jodoh kami. =) Now that Tuesday is here, I am so super duper excited. I'm going to have a great time with my little children and Darl. How nice.. How nice.. I am so very excited. Over my top and slide down under. I am feeling superb! May the day goes well, ends well. May all of us have a memorable day tonight. May we all be blessed with lots of love, hugs and kisses. Till I blog again, Wassalam.

Plain Saturday

Assalammu'alaikum friends and loyal readers of this blog. I hope your day has been fabulous thus far, and may it just get better for all of you. I am bored, like seriously dead bored. Waiting for Mr Fisherman to come by then I can escape off work for awhile. I have a feeling he fell asleep following the headache he is having. And I guess today will pass by just like that. I received an email update from Mr. Nice to hear from him after donkey years of missing in action. It does hurt if I think of Mr as one of those who gave me hope, but ran away with the hope he has for someone else. I have grown, I guess, I see him as a friend. A very old friend and I felt happier, happy to know that he's doing great. My mind felt heavy today. I dunno if it's heavy because it's Saturday and I am working full day or because it's raining and I'm sleepy.. Well.. With the rain, I am kindda sure that Mr Fisherman won't be coming by... I guess I should let him rest anyway.. I've bought that piece of great stuff.. In fact, I bought two pieces. I am so tempted to take off my shawl right now. I dunno why.. I guess I just wanna be home.. May we all be blessed with great health and wealth, and protected from all evil. Wassalam.

Get Together

Assalammu'alaikum dearest friends and loyal readers of this blog. I hope your morning starts with a smile and may more great things fill up the day. I had a fabulous day last night. I had two get-togethers. One was with 156, about 24 of us enjoying Indonesian Buffet. I like the Semur Inga Sapi. Delicious. We all mingled and had quick chats about our family and how we spent our weekends. It was great dinner and whilst we were still having desert and chatting, SmartPants texted to say he is on the way fetching me. Mr Fisherman was with him, in fact two other fishermen were with him waiting for me when I made my exit from my get-together, all ready for a second get-together. Little D was playing ball with Fisherman Jr. Watching him play made me feel at ease, and forget most of my adult worries. We head down to CV for dinner, and whilst all the fishermen went browsing in the shops searching for their tools, me and Smartpants sat and watched little D run chasing bubbles that Smartpants blew for him. Cuteness is when he start doing his jumpy walk and jumpy run. He looked fragile but he is definitely strong considering he had his first three stiches right on his left forehead. In the end, none of the fishermen bought anything. We head off to send all of them home, before spending some private time together. SmartPants was so sweet last night, and I dunno why, but I definitely felt great. I was complaining a little about the engagement that I have to attend this weekend. I had a great time last night. And I came to realize how much I wanted to be with Darl. I dunno why, I was just so convinced last night. He did not vow to me, or even raise the subject, so I really dunno what made me so convinced. It is, no doubt, scary to have this feeling. But I felt great nonetheless. And oh... I so need to visit I-Style!! I wanna get that piece!! Conveniently Versatile piece of greatness. I'd probably visit the shop tomorrow as I have to go GP tonight. I'll drop by L&F's place after going I-Style. I'll end this entry with a quote. "Seseorang yang melihat kebaikan dalam berbagai hal berarti memiliki pikiran yang baik. Dan seseorang yang memiliki pikiran yang baik mendapatkan kenikmatan dari hidup" - Bediuzzaman Said Nursi Translation (to my best words) : Someone who sees greatness in all outcomes (situations) means he has great thinking (thoughts). And someone who has great thinking (thoughts) will get the greatness in life. May we all be blessed with great health and wealth, to have the ability to love and be loved, and be protected from all evil. Amin. Wassalam.

Engagement

Assalammu'alaikum friends. I hope your day has been great and gets better as day turns to night. Insya'Allah. Just touching on engagement, having browsed through my friends list and saw a few of them going through engagement. It seemed to me that it's a waste of money really. I have always thought that engagement is supposed to be a small event only known to immediate family members and not suppose to publicly reveal the fine details of the agreement. Afterall the agreement was suppose to be between the two parties and their respective families. The trend now as it seems basing on the photos that I have seen. Engagement became some sort of a mini pre-wedding kindda thing. Wedding in itself is a big event, so why waste money on doing it twice? I dunno... Some kind of like an announcement to tell the neighborhood to be prepared for a big wedding? If you asked me, if engagement is really necessary.. I would prefer a small little event with do'a selamat and a mini serving for guests which will be immediate family members only. And if I have a choice, I would escape the heavy dresses, make-up and cameraman. I'd save my energy for the real big day. I mean one big day is enough... I dun wanna end up having pressure to have a bigger event with better food and what not for my big day. I mean human nature is such, if given a good item, they'd expect better item next time. Haha.. Oh well.. I dunno why I want to talk about it.. Maybe because I'm just preparing myself for the weekend, I'm seriously going to be shot right in the head with irritating questions that just have no end. Don't they realize that it hurts me enough? Geesh.. Even mom had to ask me out the blue last night, "So, how's Mr Fisherman treating you lately?" I went like "huh? hmm.. ok i guess.. I mean how else can he treat me?" Then mom went on and on about making plans.. Saving up and all those little things.. And oh my.. I tire myself and went to bed running away from her neverending questions and constant reminder about my past. She even asked if the retired king had kids.. I was like oh my Nike.. Stop it already.. Why are people torturing me like this? This is emotional abuse!!! And to think about the weekend.. It killed me inside. I teared conveying my fears to Smartpants. I was just human to have fears, just human to breakdown and cry, just human to be totally afraid of possible failures. But like Mr Fisherman said, it is just way too early to say much now. Nobody can predict the future. It all lies in God's hand. And if we are patient, Insya'Allah, He will show us and give us what was meant for us. Instantly, I felt better. I never did say thank you (rude - i know). Sometimes, I just feel like running to him and give him a big big hug. He simply lift me up just when I feel like jumping off the twin towers. How Smartpants and Mr Fisherman do their tricks, I have no idea, but I know there's nothing to fret, as I only can feel better talking to them. Back on the topic, if you asked me.. I won't mind an engagement ring on my wedding finger, just one request, make it a very very small event just between u and me, just between your family and mine. So to my future husband, whoever you are, all I need is you assuring my family that I'm in good hands, and your family blessing me as your future wife and welcome me into the family. Eee... re-reading that makes my hair stand! Hahaha.. It almost sounded like I'm really getting to that stage tomorrow or something. It is not going to happen anytime soon, if I looked through my calendar properly. Whatever it is, I cannot object what God has for me. So we shall all wait and see what the future brings. I hate the reminders my granny and mom are broadcasting in the air. Why can't they just sit back and watch like my dad? Anyways, I am blessed to have my Darl, and I am just counting my blessings with him. If it is meant to be, we shall be together united in time to come. Insya'Allah. Amin. Assalammu'alaikum.

Dusty Desk

Assalammu'alaikum friends and loyal followers, I hope none of you had to deal with the nasty Monday Blues. I had a paining pimple right smack on my left cheek nearer to my chin and one on my left shoulder blade and it is really irritating and super sensitive. This is the consequences when I eat ground peanuts. It's been almost a week since I last have the irresistible taste of "rojak sedap". And the torment of its consequences I have to bear stayed on.. Expecting a few more pop-ups on my face and back. Being stuck in a dusty environment does not help. Speaking of dusty, my table is dusty.. Like seriously dusty.. I need to seriously wipe it clean with my magic spray. And God knows where these little ants come from. The office just had a spring cleaning from the pest control last Saturday, and these little survivors seemed to really like my area picking up their dead counterparts, I suppose. I am actually excited for some reason. Excited to show and share. But sometimes, I forgot what to show and to share, at times all I remember was that it was really fabulous, but I forgot all its important ingredient that made it so special and wonderful. The pull down factor is that I have to prepare myself to answer or avoid altogether the famous questions whenever I attend the family occasions like engagements and weddings. One coming up this weekend. Gosh. And Granny popped up at my place last weekend simply to ask me when it'd be my turn! Urghz.. Like as if it's as simply said. Maybe I should tell them I'm getting married the week after or something and stop them from probing further like how I did my niece when she randomly pop me the question. My two girls seemed to really like Mr Fisherman. It seemed to me that they like Mr Fisherman more than my blade expert now. I met sleepyhead last night after the great meeting with L&F. As always I made snow with him and allowed him to steal forty-winks. Refreshed, we made our way home. Simple yet left me with a smile. Oh, Mr SmartPants asked me if he can bring me out tomorrow or wednesday with his friend & wife.. I can't seem to say no.. And I wonder why.. Anyway, I'm somehow starting to like dislike my job, I seemed to have this sudden urge to switch career and just be an admin assistant. Mundane as it is, but at least I dun get stranded staring the computer screen doing nothing. I dunno if they'd allow that transfer. But admin staffs get alternate saturdays, and their working hours are an hour shorter than me on weekdays and some four hours shorter than me on the saturdays that they have to work. I am seriously considering the transfer, and wished they had offered me the choice. I'm seriously starting to really dislike my job right now. When I desperately want something to do.. There's just NOTHING. Just when I dun feel like doing anything anymore, everyone start giving me just too much to do in such short notice. My dream job? Is to sit home, shop and get endless rewards. That will happen to me in 5 years, married with kids to attend to. Happily playing with them, shopping in my comfort home, and see $$ flowing into my account.. And when they grow up and start to bore me, I'd get my husband to give me more kids. Won't that just be great? So, to my future husband, do keep me busy. Assalammu'alaikum.

Redeemed

Assalammu'alaikum friends and loyal readers/ followers of this blog. I hope your week has been fabulous thus far, and may it get better with the weekend. Yesterday, he lifted my punishment that I have imposed on myself off my shoulders. My love deepened, and it scare me at times. I bought blind spot mirrors for work last night and I have installed it on my monitor, so now I can see who comes in and out of the office without turning my head. Kindda cool if you asked me. Since it come in pairs, the other one goes to my neighbour (DL). Speaking of DL, he is always feeding me snacks and light food whenever he had too much to do. In other words, he stressed out and I ate his stress away. Haha.. He keep pushing me his biscuits, his burgers, his cookies, his goodies.. So the blindspot mirror is a complimentary gift for him. Hahaha.. Mr Fisherman is going off to PU later this afternoon. I'd probably annoy him if I tag along. Annoy him with my, "what's this, what's that, what is it for, what fish is this, how do you know you caught one, why must do this, bla3" hee.. Fishing is just one of the many things that i can never keep in memory. One of those things that I can ask a million times, be explained a million times and still not know or remember. The other is IT stuff, the setting up of a PC which is why I prefer a laptop/netbook. 483 is going PG for golf... Oh ya.. Mr Fisherman had asked me to video the shoreline over at my area.. He can't resist it after hearing Mr Driver mention Unga as one of the catch. Whatever Unga is, it must be a tasty bite. I have seen a picture of it.. I have really really bad vocab on fishes and cars. A fish is a fish, and a car is a car. That's how limited my vocab is.. hahaha.. And the video.. I haven't taken any. To take a clear view, I have to go to the other side of the building (not the conventional way of making my way down) it'd almost look like I am taking photos to look for hideouts. haha.. Anyway, I'd do it later today. Hope I dun forget. I am honestly very bored. Nothing to do almost. And yet stuck here. I wish I was home with the kids. Oh Rosy got classes this evening, and I told her not to worry as I'd fetch her tonight. She got excited as always. I love her and all my children the same. Remember I said I used to have 5 and now I have 7, well, i still have 7.. the last two got along well with my first 2 and 5th children. In fact, my first two love them. and my 5th called the two his friends almost instantly. Cuteness is when my 2nd played with the toys. Hahaha.. RANDOM: Don't read. It is broken English with Malay. Oh.. I so heard someone is looking for me.. Haha.. much say with no actions. Like oh, I am so scared.. What am I gonna do now.. Blah la.. So what? I dare you so, but what can you do? Santau? Whatever la kan.. Even if you do santau me.. you would be carrying my sins, along with your heavy sins for santau-ing me.. So I dun mind. Feel free la.. Ingat dia siapa yang aku nak kena takut?Bilang the whole wide world pun tak guna la dey... And ada orang tu kan.. Dia hypocrite tau.. Cakap tak suka, benci, meluat.. tapi melekat jugak.. Berkawan jugak.. Nampak sangat dah tkde kawan bab tu orang yg dibenci pun skrang nak rapat.. Haha.. Merepek nak mampos. Stupid freak. Abovestand tol~ Inila akibatnya kalau seseorang tu suka judge orang lain sebelum menilai diri sendiri. Ini la akibatnya kalau seseorang tu suka salahkan orang lain bile dia membuat silap. Hai la Manusia, sedar la~ Dunia ini hanya sementara. Tiada yang lebih berkuasa melainkan Allah SWT. Jangan terlalu tinggikan darjat kamu sebagai manusia. Fikirla sendiri.. Judge orang, sendiri tu perfect sangat ke? Ada mata see la kan.. Ada ears dengar la kan.. Ada mulut gunakan wisely kan.. Ada pulak manusia tu yang pandang rendah kat kita, tapi masa terdesak, kat kita jugak dia mintak pertolongan... Dah dibantu tidak berterima kasih, malah dihina. Inilah hidup... Manusia tidak pernah kenal erti nikmat kesyukuran. Seringkali sibuk ingin tuhankan diri sendiri. Ingin orang memandang diri dengan penuh kehormatan, tetapi sendiri tak pernah menghormati orang lain. Just how many times must I emphasize that people will treat you the way you the treat them or worse. This is standard. One cannot assume that the other will treat you better than how you treat them. Human expectations ni selalu keterlaluan, lalu mendatangkan kemurungan. Then again kan.. Why do I bother.. Let them be la kan.. Just let them be.. Tapi ye la.. kita ni manusia, hanya mampu menegur.. Insya'Allah kalau kita buat salah pun ada la jugak orang yang sudi menegur kite dengan baik.. Insya'Allah. Amin. Assalammu'alaikum..

Reflection

Assalammu'alaikum beloved friends. I hope your day has been great. I am in a mood for reflection now, and I might just as well type it out here. I came to conclude that no matter how much I try to make things perfect, it won't be. And the harder I try to perfect something, more imperfections will appear. The only way to outdo this is to start loving the imperfects. I came to conclude, that no matter what happens, it's you or rather me who's going to pay to redeem the consequences. And no goodwill will eliminate the bad consequences that come by. This might explain why some bad people get good returns, and good people get bad returns. I came to conclude that there is no such thing as LOGIC. Even mathematical formulas have no logic! What more biological/nature? Or science for that matter. So forget about LOGIC. I came to conclude that noone will appreciate us unless we show that we are idiots who follow stupid instructions and abide by senseless regulations. We must be at work showing everyone we are busy even if it's just merely staring at the computer screen emailing blog entries and we must do it from half hour before official working hour and preferably extend till half hour after the official working hour. I came to conclude that no job will be given when you asked, and only come without a break when you already have to much to strike off. I came to conclude that the cliche is true. You won't appreciate until it is long gone, you do not know the value until it's no longer. And most of the time, you will only be remembered when you're right there standing within their eyesight and forgotten soon after you're gone. I came to conclude that human will forever be skeptical no matter how much they brag about their openness. Human do not repay kindness with kindness. Some repay kindness with ignorance. Some repay kindness with silence. And some repay kindness by running away saying they couldn't bring themselves to face the kind man after what he did. Some repay kindness with envious revenge. I came to conclude that no two words mean the same to two different people unless the two sit down, talk, and most importantly listen to what the other has got to say without interruption, and in return, given the chance to say what he/she has got to say. Bottom line, communication is the key. Communication is not merely talking, it is listening. The latter having higher importance that the other. And a communication break down is always a killer and sometimes fatal. Assalammu'alaikum.

Guilty

Assalammu'alaikum. Warning: Content may be too serious for some. I was charged guilty. I guess I have lost some trust given to me. In no doubt, my confessions and my actions will be questioned of its truth. Me and my mouth... I have no one by myself to blame. Stupidity. Immaturity. I hate myself more than ever. Why can't I just do it right just this once? Why do I keep doing mistakes over and over again? I wish myself dead at times like this. I am always wasting my life unnecessarily. I wanna start afresh, but every time I tried, or get close, I'd just screw up. I dunno why I just couldn't seem to accept myself. I couldn't even forgive myself. What a loser, as some may have said.. Perhaps... Laugh a sinister laugh... Laugh as loud as you like. I have had worse. At least, we both come to terms with it. We still sat down to talk about it. Well he did most of the talking. As always, the guilty ones are always quiet. He is by far, the only one who did not raise his voice, roughen his touch, point fingers at me, instead he raised many examples to make me understand his talk. I may have appeared not listening and paying attention. He emphasized his disliking, but did not force me. I knew then, he can handle me in many many ways. I felt more guilty. I dunno how many times I must seek forgiveness, because the more I say I am sorry, the more guilty I feel. Maybe because I knew I never forgave myself. If I couldn't bring myself to forgive myself, then how can someone else forgive me? I wondered. Besides, what is forgiven may not be forgotten. I am afraid. And so much of prepping myself for the long talk. I couldn't even bring up a single subject properly. So much about confessing, you might said. But I know I have failed whether or not I confessed, in that sense, I rather confess and be told off. I promised myself this would be a one-off situation, and told myself never to do it again way before I even decide to confess my sins. I know others tend to doubt. Besides, if I can do it now, I can always do it again without confessing. I know if he reads, he would doubt even more. I know now that he is in many ways like me, I rather be told the truth. And I guess I should start treating him like how I treat myself. There are no doubt differences in many ways as well, but the differences is what got me attracted in many ways. I dunno his entire past, and I am not sure if he does mine entirely. I dunno how much my past would mean to him, and I am not exactly sure what his past would mean to me. After all, what was past was past. The only thing that we can make do is the present and the near future. These, to me, if we want to start, then we should start doing it together now. But before we go further, considering the rightful way, Mothers should know first. I am not focusing on introduction, I am more concerned about Mother's openness to accept the status I am holding. If Mother could not come to terms with the status, then it all depends on us, i suppose. Whatever it is, everything should begin and start at the earliest stage possible. It definitely would help in the long run. It may sound like we are in a rush, but we both know it is not going to happen anytime soon. There are a lot to consider, and obviously a lot of preparation on the mentality and even more so financially. I knew from the start that I am dreaming too much. And this is one of my wake-up calls. Like always, it is either a yes or a no. I am willing to go all out once I get Mother's approval and blessings. There a lot that I want to raise. Details I guess will come to light when the opportunity arise. As always, things written are better typed. Assalammu'alaikum.

The Long Talk

Assalammu'alaikum everyone and a very good morning to all. May your day be filled with lots of greatness and seal beautiful faces with a great big smile... I didn't post yesterday.. I wanna talk about yesterday to Mr G later tonight. A lot of confession to be made. I hope he wont be mad. And there's definitely a lot of things that I want to clarify with him considering the amount of hopes and castles being built in my little air above my head. If you are reading this, do remind me to raise this subject... I'm starting to freak out and scare myself with the amount of happy endings that I am creating in my mind. I just dun want to fall face first again.. Thus I find that it is very important for me to sit down and have a long chat with him. And I have paid most of my bills.. Baby Blast is free from any outstanding, Happy Harry is also free from any outstanding, so are my mobiles. Next month I have to find a way to see 3 different bank managers and come to an agreement on payment arrangement. Calls is just a waste of time, all they say is i have to pay full amount or else.. Like wth.. If i could have paid the full amount, I wouldn't be calling, would I? Problem is, my working hours is so long, it is impossible for me to arrange a time that suit the bank. Lunch time is almost out of the way. Banks have lunch breaks too.. Haiz.. Anyone with better idea? My brain is just too drained out... I want to settle it but there's always something stopping me from doing so. I know it is of no excuse. I just wish my working hours can be shortened.. If anyone has an idea.. Do share. Thanks in advance. Assalamua'alaikum.

Weird (Part 2)

Assalammu'alaikum and good morning all.. I hope all is fine and may a great day be ahead of all of us.. Another weird episode happened last night. I knocked out at 8pm!! Woke up when I received a good night message from darl. Replied him and went straight back to dreamland. I had a wonderful great sleep throughout till 6.30am this morning. And still, I felt drained out. Body aching badly. And through my journey to work, I played with my imagination and those castles in the air. I'd think darl would freak out if he knew of those castles that I built in the air.. I had no freaking idea why I played that in my mind. Perhaps, it's to chase away the negative thoughts. There are times when I wonder if it'd turn out like how my past had failed me.. There are times that I envelope myself in fear.. I dunno what to do... I dunno if I can cope should things fail again.. I dunno if I'd continue to see through what life has for me... Fear.. I hate fearing loneliness. I hate the fear that is in me fearing he'd leave me.. Just what do I do to chase away this fear that is residing? Just what would securely convince me that things are serious this time round? What do I want? I forgot.. Remind me. Assalammu'alaikum.

Weird

Assalammu'alaikum readers and friends. I hope you all had a fabulous weekend. I had a weird dream last night. I dream of CMP calling me to get back to ASPL but on one condition. I had to remove my head gear. I woke up instantly with super sensitive headlights (if u know what i mean). I dunno the relation between the two, but anyway.. Weird isn't it.. Like I dunno.. Are there still companies to are skeptical to Muslims who wear their head gear? I dunno.. Maybe if it's like handling machines, I might have understood that it could endanger themselves, should the end of the scarfs get stucked by any chance. But if it's just in the office? Welcoming guests? Is it really still an issue? I dunno.. But hey~ It's just a dream. I am actually listening to Khutbah Juma'at right now on my media player. But I can't seem to pay 100% attention. I dunno why. And when I played my Surah Yassin, ayat Qursi and the three Kuls on my phone, I seemed to fidget a lot and couldn't calm myself to sleep quick and easy like on most nights. I usually fall asleep midway through Surah Yassin, but I stayed awake last night till all 5 surahs are repeated twice. I stopped the player from repeating. And switched it off.. I lied down for 5 maybe 10 minutes, tossing and turning. Hugging my bolster before dozing off. It felt like 15mins before my alarm goes off. I didn't snooze and return to sleep. I dismissed the alarm, and stared at the ceiling. Disturbed by the dream, I guess. Body aching, felt like I slept on hard, edgy rocks.. I had chocolates for breakfast. Naughty I know. That driver nagged at me for munching chocolates so early in the morning. I can't help it. It is so creamy, so hmm.. Makes me so at ease. No stress. Actually.. What's to stress when I got nothing but my 24" screen to look at with nothing to do.. That explains my baseless writing. I feel like continuing my novel.. But my brain can't seemed to function that well.. Maybe due to the chocolates.. haha.. Anyway, I hope all of you will have a great day ahead. Till I blog again. Assalammu'alaikum.