Love as it is....

Love is a complex subject.. It's could be emotional based, commitment based, relationship based... You can love someone, something or even an action in itself. In that sense, I can define love as an emotional commitment to something or someone. So how do one know if he/she is in love? To be in love is usually to be overwhelmed with the emotional support or reward/returns or fulfillment one gets from something/someone/ doing something. I personally like or rather love the feeling of being in love. It makes me excited, and most of the time, go on and on about that particular something or someone whom I'm in love with. Often than not, I would fail to see the downside of the something or someone. Therefore, I conclude, that it's better to be in love for the emotional set backs that he/she/something gives us than to be in love for the things he/she/something has. What I mean is.. It's better to love someone/something because of how he/she/something makes us feel as compared to loving someone/something for its attributes. I dunno if anyone understands what I type.. but i do know, I always feel better writing things that is in my mind, thus my love for writing. I dun exactly care what others think of my writings, what matters most is how the whole writing makes me feel. I love the way blade expert, smart pants, mischievous, and even handyman makes me feel everytime i meet them. There's something in them that makes me feel alright, no matter how badly my heart bled. It almost felt like they have the cure to my bleeding heart. In fact, my heart seemed to feel very much alright and new again. Scars are there, for a reason. As a reminder of what I had been through. The ups and downs of every relationship that i have established within the short span of life. I am not exactly very proud of the many (perhaps too many) relationships, but all those, had contributed to the person I am today. I learn from every mistakes, I learn several ways to get over it and many ways to move on.. Somehow, it has made me a more patient person, and someone who's more likely to be in control of her emotions. She who was once,  a temperament, now smiles at every hurdle - oh yes she complains once in awhile - but she's learning, and is getting better. At least I believe so. The past has thought her many valuable lessons, and because of that, she's grateful to have gone through it and be given yet another chance to try once more and be better with each try. Love as it is, is complicated enough. Human will never escape the fear of doubt. Sometimes, we just can't help but have that doubt. It's a matter of whether we doubt for the good reasons or the bad reasons.. And it's a matter of doubting for the worst, or for the better. Will the doubts that raise within ourselves, make us closer or further apart? We can't tell for sure. Obviously, the best is to trust our significant other. But how? Trust is something that comes naturally, I'd say. How much does one trust another when they say ,"I trust you"? To me, it may have two scenarios : to have said that, the person already has a degree of doubt. To say , "I trust you" may sometimes mean, "You better not hide anything.." But sometimes, it just an assurance of trust. The latter usually can be felt. I dunno how to explain. But you can just feel and know that it's assurance and not a hint of doubt. The fear of doubt, usually rise from our ourselves. Often, we doubt someone because we are doing something  that is just not right. For example, A doubts B.. A doubts if B is really just friends with C, usually, it's because A has a friend but ends up being more than just a friend with someone else and B trust A. So A doubts B because A is doing something behind B's back and thinks that B is doing the same to A therefore the doubt rises and fear envelopes A. This would be good is A realize his/her mistakes and stop doing whatever that is not right. But it's be harmful if A continues to doubt but not stop his/her nonsense. Most of the time, people fear losing someone because they know they are doing something that will make their partner leave them. But what's the point of fearing when one refuse to change and amend his/her doings? I never quite understand these people really.. But I dun quite care anymore. They ought to start growing up and learn on their own. They probably end up the way they are because they often get spoon-fed and forgot how to do things on their own. Or maybe I dun care anymore because I finally woke up and realize that I dun need people like that. I truly need someone who wants to be a better person, and wants me to move towards that direction as well. To be better together, and better for each other. Because I believe the better person that we all deserve is in ourselves. Afterall, it's easier to change ourselves, than to change someone else. I did not change for someone else, but I change because I wanna be better. In fact, I wanna be the best for someone who truly deserve me. Because by me being my best, I will somehow, be given the best that I deserve whether or not I realize, whether or not I asked for it, whether or not I want it. Allah s.w.t. always rewards us with what we deserve, and always gives us challenges that we can handle. So stop whining and complaining. Start working on it. Start doing what you have to do. Love will always be complicated and complex. But the love for Allah, will never be too hard. Love Allah, Love your parents, Love yourself, and your Love will come... For Allah has already penned down who you are meant for.. Don't complain, don't ask.. Just let it come naturally. If it's meant to be.. It will always be... Someone once told me : Love something/someone while you still have them. And learn to let go when they slip away, because if that something/someone is meant to be yours, it will be found again.. It will return back to you.. It will always be yours... But if it's not, even if you have had it for a million years, it will one day slip away anyway. Sometimes, its best to make it yours the moment you felt right, sometimes, its best to wait and see... Sometimes.. its best to let go.... I don't quite know what she meant.. But I guess I'm slowly learning... Not everything is logical.. Not all questions has a model answer.. I am just looking forward to many more days to finding Mr Right... Would it be my blade expert? Or Smart Pants? Or perhaps Mischievous? Or could it be Handyman? I dunno.. I really dunno.... One thing for sure, I feel good. May Allah continue to protect us from evil. Shower us with lots of love and happiness. Keep us away from the fear of doubt. Keep us close to you and continue to guide us to the right way. And allow us to continually appreciate each other. Wassalam.