I hate posting about yesterday today. But it can't be help. I was just way too tired to post yesterday, though i was indeed online for quite a bit yesterday night when i got home.
I went to Lazy Lizard yesterday, alone.. Yes, alone. Haha... Kindda feel good chilling out alone sometimes. There's a few ah-pek, else known as old chinese men, whom looked at me, once, twice and thrice a glance then smiled at me. Haha.. One tried to gain some chance by sitting at a table next to mine, it didn't work really coz i was busy indulging myself into my chicken wings and wine. The people there were all friendly, making it feel better though i was alone.
I had about 2 glasses of their housepour wine. The wine's pretty good for a housepour, or maybe it's the usual ones I always had. Just maybe I tasted it better alone. Hahaha.. Don't ask me what wine, haven't gone for the wine tasting classes yet. Haha.. So i can't tell what brand wine that is. Maybe it's Savignon... ANyways, it's good.
I sometimes yearn for someone to be there with me, spending all their time with me... But when that someone exists, I yearn for more freedom.. Having no commitments or obligation to spend time together. But then again, I do.. I like feeling single, but it sucks when you see couples hugging and kissing each other all the time of your journey to everywhere. It truly does..
Oh i did one observation yesterday. Subject, women with guys/boyfriends/whoever the guy is that's with her. All my subjects can't stand still with their partners! Every single one just couldn't stop moving! One subject is a Malay, still schooling, maybe just finished her music classes as she carried a musical instrument, looks like a violin, about 18-19yrs old, walking with a guy. Stood at the bus stop, she was still for a moment, so I thought she might be worth looking at for awhile, then, the guy starting talking to her and oh no... he broke the spell.. She started kicking the air, a step back, a step to the side, a step back, kick, a step forward, a step to the side, a step back, kick... and she can't stop. She kept turning to look at ppl behind her as well... Ah.. She never stops moving.. Her voice pretty cute though. Haha.. But if that guy is her boyfriend, she deserves a better looking one. That's just my opinion.
My second subject was a CHinese, working adult, about 21-23. She was standing next to me in the bus, i was sitting down. I observe her legs since my first subject first move was by her legs. True enough, but it only starts when the guy start talking to her, strange.. She started moving bit by bit, considering there's no space for her to kick about. Then she started to tip toe, so being curious i look up to see what she is doing. She tip toed, trying to be taller than her boyfriend? Then disturbed him, touching his hair, trying to kiss him... Poor girl, the man don't know how to treat you, does he? He didn't turn of bend to let her kiss, instead he turned away.. Haha.. Poor girl. Anyway, like I said, she didn't stop moving about.
Maybe girls really can't stand or sit still next to a guy. I wonder if I'm also one of those. Haha.. I will continue to observe all subjects, and maybe start observing myself. Haha.... LIke Ting said, the world is a big joke, so laugh about it! Haha.. It's funny how things go around. Oh well....
That's it for yesterday. Hopefully i can accumulate all necessary energy to write one tonight, maybe with progress of my findings. Hehehe..
Later!
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Lovely, Tired, Sprained, but still lovely nonetheless...
Weekend update.
Friday, 26th August 2005.
Went Temasek Club with my GM and my paint manufacturer. It's a great night out really. Get out talking with my fellow work mates, socializing playing pool. I played crap, really. My first three games was horrible. Then i start getting the senses back. But still lost, urgh...
I had white wine, but it's not very nice. It felt heavy for one, then it wasn't as smooth. As much as the place is a perfect fit for my 21st, it's wine don't give me a good impression, and i just have to say, it's not good enough for me. Many apologies for all parties involved. But, it could have been so much better.... Oh well...
Saturday, 27th August 2005.
Bucks RFC dinner cum Awards giving. It's held at Brewerkz, 7pm. I reached over at about 7+++. And Richard, wife, Aaron, wife, Roxy, Andy... i guess that was all that was there before me, then everyone else soon start to fill up the two tables that was booked for our Night. It was Naz's 24th yesterday. About half an hour before my departure, I gave almost the whole team a back massage, which is very much appreciated. Just waiting for an official letter to be the official Bucks Masseus. Haha..
That's it for now. Mohammad and Qistina's crying out there. Better go and see.. Catch up later.
Friday, 26th August 2005.
Went Temasek Club with my GM and my paint manufacturer. It's a great night out really. Get out talking with my fellow work mates, socializing playing pool. I played crap, really. My first three games was horrible. Then i start getting the senses back. But still lost, urgh...
I had white wine, but it's not very nice. It felt heavy for one, then it wasn't as smooth. As much as the place is a perfect fit for my 21st, it's wine don't give me a good impression, and i just have to say, it's not good enough for me. Many apologies for all parties involved. But, it could have been so much better.... Oh well...
Saturday, 27th August 2005.
Bucks RFC dinner cum Awards giving. It's held at Brewerkz, 7pm. I reached over at about 7+++. And Richard, wife, Aaron, wife, Roxy, Andy... i guess that was all that was there before me, then everyone else soon start to fill up the two tables that was booked for our Night. It was Naz's 24th yesterday. About half an hour before my departure, I gave almost the whole team a back massage, which is very much appreciated. Just waiting for an official letter to be the official Bucks Masseus. Haha..
That's it for now. Mohammad and Qistina's crying out there. Better go and see.. Catch up later.
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Downward weekend
It's weird, but I'm feeling rather depressed. Hated work as the days passed by. Wish I could simple lie on the open field and watched the skyful of stars with the moon glowing the night away. Then to watch the night turning dawn, and see the sun brightening up the day once more. The darkness in me, starts to do its thing again.
The insecurities start bugging me all over again. The blurred vision of my future starts to replace my beautiful painted future once again. I wish my life wasn't that complicated, like when I was the young 5 yr old growing up to 8 yr old. I wanted that life back. I wanted my cousin to be close to me, taking care of me. I wanted my aunties to be my second best moms. I wanted my uncles to be my second best dads. I wanted my cousins be the sisters and brothers whom God forgot to gave me. I wanted to be fearless, invincible and happy girl once more. I wanted to be free with no boundaries or restrictions.
Having wanting to do that, I also wanted to be who I am now and get past everything faster with no regrets. I want to achieve my ambitions and dreams. I want to be one of the millions who would be a model character for everyone to admire. I want to be one of those people who were blessed with talents and was given the opportunities to flaunt them.
I want so much, but I can only have this small amount of pleasures in reality. I closed my eyes, and wish everything can be settled the best and easiest way. I need a break!
The insecurities start bugging me all over again. The blurred vision of my future starts to replace my beautiful painted future once again. I wish my life wasn't that complicated, like when I was the young 5 yr old growing up to 8 yr old. I wanted that life back. I wanted my cousin to be close to me, taking care of me. I wanted my aunties to be my second best moms. I wanted my uncles to be my second best dads. I wanted my cousins be the sisters and brothers whom God forgot to gave me. I wanted to be fearless, invincible and happy girl once more. I wanted to be free with no boundaries or restrictions.
Having wanting to do that, I also wanted to be who I am now and get past everything faster with no regrets. I want to achieve my ambitions and dreams. I want to be one of the millions who would be a model character for everyone to admire. I want to be one of those people who were blessed with talents and was given the opportunities to flaunt them.
I want so much, but I can only have this small amount of pleasures in reality. I closed my eyes, and wish everything can be settled the best and easiest way. I need a break!
Friday, August 19, 2005
The trios are back
The trios who will always do funny little things that made the day better for the better. The featured stars in the Trios are made up of three beautiful ladies, featuring me(needless to say), Ting and Sharm..
We are indeed the combination that will make a hell of a good time, everytime. No matter how bad one of us have a bad day, we never did showed it and showered it on any of us to carry the burden. We always make each other laugh and smile the day till it's up and ready for the next.
We sat and chatted away, about almost everything. Ting had a new look, it looked sexy on her- just like the way she wanted it. We discussed about our friendship, love and work. One day, all of us will settle down with our own lifes and would probably be left the best friendships we ever have. As much as I wanted to tie ourselves with ourselves, we can't simple eliminate the possibility that we'd settle and be busy with our own set of lives. I hope we never have to fake or false the conversation and make it blunt like how we did with our old friends from secondary and primary schools. As much as we were to do a reunion with these friends from the past, it won't simply be the same... The fake concern in the conversation, it's just so obvious.
We often make promises that we often break countless times. But this friendship I have with them is something so precious and it's a treasure and a pleasure to keep and enjoy while it lasts. We had plans, and we hoped to hold to that plans. We joked about the future and how we'd start a conversation if we ever meet 10yrs down the road. We always had a good laugh, and I intend to keep it up that way for as long as I can.
We have different grounds but we connect in a way that I can ever dream of. We can linked up every unfinished sentences and make sense to all our nonsense. Being me, it's hard for me to ever keep up maintaining girlfriends. And so this is huge. They are almost just the way I wanted them to be, imperfect.. That's just so perfect for me. We don't do anything for the sake of it, and we spoke of anything we wanted to. We are able to accept disagreeing opinions and we are able to give what we have without expecting much or have any obligation to remark each other- be it good or bad.
These friends I love. These friends, I'll never ever give up for anything in the world. I love you all!! Enjoy the pictures.
We are indeed the combination that will make a hell of a good time, everytime. No matter how bad one of us have a bad day, we never did showed it and showered it on any of us to carry the burden. We always make each other laugh and smile the day till it's up and ready for the next.
We sat and chatted away, about almost everything. Ting had a new look, it looked sexy on her- just like the way she wanted it. We discussed about our friendship, love and work. One day, all of us will settle down with our own lifes and would probably be left the best friendships we ever have. As much as I wanted to tie ourselves with ourselves, we can't simple eliminate the possibility that we'd settle and be busy with our own set of lives. I hope we never have to fake or false the conversation and make it blunt like how we did with our old friends from secondary and primary schools. As much as we were to do a reunion with these friends from the past, it won't simply be the same... The fake concern in the conversation, it's just so obvious.
We often make promises that we often break countless times. But this friendship I have with them is something so precious and it's a treasure and a pleasure to keep and enjoy while it lasts. We had plans, and we hoped to hold to that plans. We joked about the future and how we'd start a conversation if we ever meet 10yrs down the road. We always had a good laugh, and I intend to keep it up that way for as long as I can.
We have different grounds but we connect in a way that I can ever dream of. We can linked up every unfinished sentences and make sense to all our nonsense. Being me, it's hard for me to ever keep up maintaining girlfriends. And so this is huge. They are almost just the way I wanted them to be, imperfect.. That's just so perfect for me. We don't do anything for the sake of it, and we spoke of anything we wanted to. We are able to accept disagreeing opinions and we are able to give what we have without expecting much or have any obligation to remark each other- be it good or bad.
These friends I love. These friends, I'll never ever give up for anything in the world. I love you all!! Enjoy the pictures.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Touch Rugby Training
I was pretty excited on coming for training today, it just seemed like the first time all over again. Sort of miss all the trainings for the past month.
Running around, ran out of breath, out of steam, but still never did thought of giving up.. even after knowing that I just snapped my ankle, I kept running... And so, I sprained my ankle now, just what i needed, huh?
Went home, and i dunno why i asked my dad to make it better... I was just bitting off whatever pillow i could grab from the sofa and screamed in silence from that touch that kills me.. Ah.. My first time spraining my ankle, and urgh.. It hurts, almost killed me. And, i couldnt even find a bandage that looks presentable enough to go to work with. So, just a rug for now. Holds my ankle nice for now. Wonder how big my ankle can go by morning....
Just hope the management sees it and let me go home early.. Hahaha.. I wish so.. But then again, nothing to do at home... It would be so horribly boring...
ermm... I'd really rather stay in the office... Maybe I would come in late...
Running around, ran out of breath, out of steam, but still never did thought of giving up.. even after knowing that I just snapped my ankle, I kept running... And so, I sprained my ankle now, just what i needed, huh?
Went home, and i dunno why i asked my dad to make it better... I was just bitting off whatever pillow i could grab from the sofa and screamed in silence from that touch that kills me.. Ah.. My first time spraining my ankle, and urgh.. It hurts, almost killed me. And, i couldnt even find a bandage that looks presentable enough to go to work with. So, just a rug for now. Holds my ankle nice for now. Wonder how big my ankle can go by morning....
Just hope the management sees it and let me go home early.. Hahaha.. I wish so.. But then again, nothing to do at home... It would be so horribly boring...
ermm... I'd really rather stay in the office... Maybe I would come in late...
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Weekly Update
I wanted to post the updates earlier, but I've been so tired lately. I need to take 2 muscle relaxant pills, cough mixture and one lozenges for my sickly body just so I can relax and sleep nicely(not quite like a baby yet..).
Friday, 12th August.
One of my tenders are to be closed today, and I stayed up till wee hours, some time around 4am to get everything done. Even woke up early, some time before 7am to do the final checks and touches. Went to the office like a zombie, just to find another 2 thick tenders sitting on my desk, awaiting my sweat to be squeezed out onto them. Just as it was about to ticked a second closer to PANIC time for the tender's last minutes before being submitted, I was informed that the due date has been extended to the 26th. What a waste to my full energy staying up late and waking up early.. Anyways, now I have a total of 3 tenders to close, 2 due next Friday, 19th August and the existing one as said above, due on 26th August. Then I went for my practice to better prepare me for the upcoming text on 6th September, wasting a lot of $5.25 sessions just to be used to the possible questions that they are gonna ask me, complete with any explanations to the correct answers, etc.
Saturday, 13th August.
I took sick leave today, I went to the polyclinic to get this sore throat, tummy cramps, and coughing out of my system, or the least ease the pain that comes with it. I went and asked for muscle relaxant, a medication that Sharm has been recommending, a drug that helps relaxes all your muscles, helps headaches and difficulties in sleeping. I went home, and packed my stuff to play touch- yeah.. was sick and still up to play touch rugby(did you asked why? Well, 2 words- RUGBY ROCKS!)
We played against Republic Polytechnic, and we are disgusted yet again. They only have 2 star or shall I say, slicky players. That wasn't all, the referee(Bryan) was being so lenient to them, and harsher on us. They had plenty of forward passes, plus all their players were always off-side all the time, and they often called for touches that did not exists! We could have won, but I need more practice and exposure to be better. I definitely play dummy half better than to draw people out. But problem is, no one wants to take the winger, and they often push me to the side. Oh well, NO complains... It's just wonderful to be playing with all the BUCKS. We got our Polo shirt, except for the ladies, as the sizes were all but small.. Not even Medium.. So, I'll have to wait for a few more weeks to get my size. Got Mr's set though. I also received a cap, it's a bit big(loose) for me, but nice nonetheless.. Greg asked me to join the boys for a drink. So I went and tag along, oh, yes.. I've learnt to drink beer.. Just Heineken for now. Oh well.. one has to learn the beer stuff when one is with the boys... Hahaha...
Then I head home, showered then rush to grab the girls to watch "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory". It was great! Johnny Depp acts extremely well in this one, he was almost the perfect fit for Mr Willy Wonka. His being eccentric was magical in this movie. Charlie and Grandpa Jo turned out just the way they were drawn in the book- or so says my eldest niece. Such a nice movie!! It was just great, and so so funny!!! I love it, and gave it a five stars out of five. Just greatly wonderful!
Sunday, 14th August.
Went to send the girls home, and Shahril got really excited at seeing me. It was as if it has been years and eons the last I saw him! He huged me ever so tight, and never seemed to let go. He was so extremely cute. He called me Mama.. Kindda feels awkward the first time I heard him call me Mama.. But after awhile, I kindda feel proud.. Haha.. The motherly features and nature in me just glows ever so bright at hearing him call me Mama over and over again... Ahhh... Never been any prouder.
Then went off to do my pre-mocked test at the Driving School. And I passed it, so I guess I'd be ready to take up the test, this time round, I better pass this time! I have to! Then I went home since it's still a little too early to go and teach. I went home, relax a bit, then went to teach the 3 kids- 2 sisters aged 11 and 12 and Ogy's daughter aged 13. So far so good, but I'm kindda getting tired of teaching, but I need the extra money.. Just so I can breathe more easily. Oh well, maybe i'll quit teaching next year or something. Let's just wait and see.
Then I went over to Mas'. She ordered pizza, I haven't had my biggest appetite, so I couldn't even finish my 3rd piece. My belly seems so full already. I'm going to take in some muscle relaxant, cough mixture, suck on my lozenges and doze off... soon.. Let me play some games for a bit, then when my eyes couldn't take it, I'll do what I have to do..(which is SLEEP).
PS: 2 months and 18days before my 21st...(31 days to first possible date for B'day Bash or/ and 38 days to next possible date for B'day Bash.) Hint: Get me a gift that will make me special, and lasts forever. c",)
Friday, 12th August.
One of my tenders are to be closed today, and I stayed up till wee hours, some time around 4am to get everything done. Even woke up early, some time before 7am to do the final checks and touches. Went to the office like a zombie, just to find another 2 thick tenders sitting on my desk, awaiting my sweat to be squeezed out onto them. Just as it was about to ticked a second closer to PANIC time for the tender's last minutes before being submitted, I was informed that the due date has been extended to the 26th. What a waste to my full energy staying up late and waking up early.. Anyways, now I have a total of 3 tenders to close, 2 due next Friday, 19th August and the existing one as said above, due on 26th August. Then I went for my practice to better prepare me for the upcoming text on 6th September, wasting a lot of $5.25 sessions just to be used to the possible questions that they are gonna ask me, complete with any explanations to the correct answers, etc.
Saturday, 13th August.
I took sick leave today, I went to the polyclinic to get this sore throat, tummy cramps, and coughing out of my system, or the least ease the pain that comes with it. I went and asked for muscle relaxant, a medication that Sharm has been recommending, a drug that helps relaxes all your muscles, helps headaches and difficulties in sleeping. I went home, and packed my stuff to play touch- yeah.. was sick and still up to play touch rugby(did you asked why? Well, 2 words- RUGBY ROCKS!)
We played against Republic Polytechnic, and we are disgusted yet again. They only have 2 star or shall I say, slicky players. That wasn't all, the referee(Bryan) was being so lenient to them, and harsher on us. They had plenty of forward passes, plus all their players were always off-side all the time, and they often called for touches that did not exists! We could have won, but I need more practice and exposure to be better. I definitely play dummy half better than to draw people out. But problem is, no one wants to take the winger, and they often push me to the side. Oh well, NO complains... It's just wonderful to be playing with all the BUCKS. We got our Polo shirt, except for the ladies, as the sizes were all but small.. Not even Medium.. So, I'll have to wait for a few more weeks to get my size. Got Mr's set though. I also received a cap, it's a bit big(loose) for me, but nice nonetheless.. Greg asked me to join the boys for a drink. So I went and tag along, oh, yes.. I've learnt to drink beer.. Just Heineken for now. Oh well.. one has to learn the beer stuff when one is with the boys... Hahaha...
Then I head home, showered then rush to grab the girls to watch "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory". It was great! Johnny Depp acts extremely well in this one, he was almost the perfect fit for Mr Willy Wonka. His being eccentric was magical in this movie. Charlie and Grandpa Jo turned out just the way they were drawn in the book- or so says my eldest niece. Such a nice movie!! It was just great, and so so funny!!! I love it, and gave it a five stars out of five. Just greatly wonderful!
Sunday, 14th August.
Went to send the girls home, and Shahril got really excited at seeing me. It was as if it has been years and eons the last I saw him! He huged me ever so tight, and never seemed to let go. He was so extremely cute. He called me Mama.. Kindda feels awkward the first time I heard him call me Mama.. But after awhile, I kindda feel proud.. Haha.. The motherly features and nature in me just glows ever so bright at hearing him call me Mama over and over again... Ahhh... Never been any prouder.
Then went off to do my pre-mocked test at the Driving School. And I passed it, so I guess I'd be ready to take up the test, this time round, I better pass this time! I have to! Then I went home since it's still a little too early to go and teach. I went home, relax a bit, then went to teach the 3 kids- 2 sisters aged 11 and 12 and Ogy's daughter aged 13. So far so good, but I'm kindda getting tired of teaching, but I need the extra money.. Just so I can breathe more easily. Oh well, maybe i'll quit teaching next year or something. Let's just wait and see.
Then I went over to Mas'. She ordered pizza, I haven't had my biggest appetite, so I couldn't even finish my 3rd piece. My belly seems so full already. I'm going to take in some muscle relaxant, cough mixture, suck on my lozenges and doze off... soon.. Let me play some games for a bit, then when my eyes couldn't take it, I'll do what I have to do..(which is SLEEP).
PS: 2 months and 18days before my 21st...(31 days to first possible date for B'day Bash or/ and 38 days to next possible date for B'day Bash.) Hint: Get me a gift that will make me special, and lasts forever. c",)
Friday, August 12, 2005
Update on Stress Level
The stress particles in my blood is shown to be its highest of all time. This requires immediate attention and action. High stress level in blood can cause mental disruption, mental illness, and blur clarity in brain knowledge. Please keep your stress level low.
Hey there, beloved readers. Fret not, am not mad yet. Maybe just a little. But now all under control. Thanks to my easy self entertainment humour. Anyways, lots of work today... Done 23 carparks in a day, am I wonderwoman or superwoman?
I am neither, I need rescue instead! Nothing's done yet... And I'm freaking everything out. Now I can't sleep due to stress thoughts. My sore throat coming back.. My cough has gotten worse.. My mind felt like it needs more space and about to explode out my skull any moment soon. Probably it would in my sleep. What a gruesome death that would be.. Eww....
Okay I shall not delay your time reading my crappy, stressful and mixed up post. You are all dismissed, please come back when you think I'm in better health. Thank You. Am listening to U2. It can help me relax a bit better and faster. But oh well, that's just me.
Okay now. Auf Wiedersehen. Bye. Adios. Bis Bald. See you again. Ola. Okay.. Daa.. DISMISS...
Hey there, beloved readers. Fret not, am not mad yet. Maybe just a little. But now all under control. Thanks to my easy self entertainment humour. Anyways, lots of work today... Done 23 carparks in a day, am I wonderwoman or superwoman?
I am neither, I need rescue instead! Nothing's done yet... And I'm freaking everything out. Now I can't sleep due to stress thoughts. My sore throat coming back.. My cough has gotten worse.. My mind felt like it needs more space and about to explode out my skull any moment soon. Probably it would in my sleep. What a gruesome death that would be.. Eww....
Okay I shall not delay your time reading my crappy, stressful and mixed up post. You are all dismissed, please come back when you think I'm in better health. Thank You. Am listening to U2. It can help me relax a bit better and faster. But oh well, that's just me.
Okay now. Auf Wiedersehen. Bye. Adios. Bis Bald. See you again. Ola. Okay.. Daa.. DISMISS...
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Singapore's 40th Birthday
It's National Day today, Singapore's 40 today... I am bored..... Nothing to do, Nothing much on TV.
Heard from Mister yesterday 2 hours before his flight. On MSN, he said something's wrong with the roaming from his phone. But chatted with him for just a while. Too short a time for me to chat with someone who may and may not be in constant chat for awhile. Just hope he can get Skype set up in Dar. Otherwise he better get his own laptop and or something about it.
Listening to U2 now. Can't think of any other updates. Just that I wanna go out, somewhere someplace, but I don't know where, and I don't wanna go out myself. Someone, bring me out today... d-.-b
Oh I just remembered... My boss bought me a digital camera yesterday for work purpose of course. He said he'll get me another SD card with a bigger memory as well.. hehe... That's just about the best thing to have happened the past week..
Bye Now, Write later...
Heard from Mister yesterday 2 hours before his flight. On MSN, he said something's wrong with the roaming from his phone. But chatted with him for just a while. Too short a time for me to chat with someone who may and may not be in constant chat for awhile. Just hope he can get Skype set up in Dar. Otherwise he better get his own laptop and or something about it.
Listening to U2 now. Can't think of any other updates. Just that I wanna go out, somewhere someplace, but I don't know where, and I don't wanna go out myself. Someone, bring me out today... d-.-b
Oh I just remembered... My boss bought me a digital camera yesterday for work purpose of course. He said he'll get me another SD card with a bigger memory as well.. hehe... That's just about the best thing to have happened the past week..
Bye Now, Write later...
Monday, August 08, 2005
Something is wrong...
Tried calling Mister again, this time, his phone went hoosh hushing... Sounded like someone breathing heavily, but far away from the phone. Or something like the phone in a bag or pocket, and instead of rejecting the call, the receiver pressed answer key.
What is wrong? I dunno, but it certainly doesn't give a good feeling. Someone, get me off the track of assuming and accusing please. Keep me contructive please... I'm losing myself all over again.. I hate insecurities.. Help me chase them away...
All I want to do was to call him and hear him say something nice. But I haven't been able to get through since Saturday... The last I heard, received throught SMS actually was Saturday noon,(should be morning in UK), with him saying that he didn't have too huge a night with his Kiwi mates and that it's great hearing from me...
Start trying to get him straight after the touch league was over for the day, as I got reminded of him being among the group, conversing with everyone and me watching his every move, Yes.. I missed him, so I tried calling him. His phone was off, I didn't leave any message as he said he couldn't access any voicemail overseas. Since then, I hear no sound from him. He's flying this evening which should be night Singapore time.
It's either the phone broke down, or He broke down... Just hope he read this and get back to me as soon as possible. I simply missed him. Any remedy to get over this type of withdrawal symptoms?
Maybe it's really time for me to chill and let my mind go free with no worries.. But how? There's so much to do with so little time!!!! Maybe it's time for me to shut down...
PLEASE TURN OFF MYSELF WHEN YOU FEEL SAFE TO DO SO. THANK YOU.
What is wrong? I dunno, but it certainly doesn't give a good feeling. Someone, get me off the track of assuming and accusing please. Keep me contructive please... I'm losing myself all over again.. I hate insecurities.. Help me chase them away...
All I want to do was to call him and hear him say something nice. But I haven't been able to get through since Saturday... The last I heard, received throught SMS actually was Saturday noon,(should be morning in UK), with him saying that he didn't have too huge a night with his Kiwi mates and that it's great hearing from me...
Start trying to get him straight after the touch league was over for the day, as I got reminded of him being among the group, conversing with everyone and me watching his every move, Yes.. I missed him, so I tried calling him. His phone was off, I didn't leave any message as he said he couldn't access any voicemail overseas. Since then, I hear no sound from him. He's flying this evening which should be night Singapore time.
It's either the phone broke down, or He broke down... Just hope he read this and get back to me as soon as possible. I simply missed him. Any remedy to get over this type of withdrawal symptoms?
Maybe it's really time for me to chill and let my mind go free with no worries.. But how? There's so much to do with so little time!!!! Maybe it's time for me to shut down...
PLEASE TURN OFF MYSELF WHEN YOU FEEL SAFE TO DO SO. THANK YOU.
Things to be done, and those that's done...
Things/Assignments to be done by Monday
I wish I have a scanner to show the designs.. but then again, thank god I dun have one, otherwise, I'll just publish up my half past six drawings on my blog and probably vandalise the beauty in it.. Haha..
It's(my drawings that is) seriously average or probably below average, but anything is beautiful for anyone who can't draw, shade or paint.. Duh..
Still nothing from Mr.. Just hope everything is fine.. The last post a bit bad.. I hate reading my bad posts which mostly derive from mood swings, insecurity, and the whatever mood. But I don't like deleting my previous post coz that wouldn't be reality, as in reality, there's no going back to erase your bad pasts... So let it be, to all concerned parties, please forgive me..
I wanna get things going fast... But sometimes, it's so fast that I forgot to stop, look out on my left and right for any other options, and just keep moving in one direction. Sometimes, that one direction leads me to a dead end, and I'd just find myself so lost, not knowing the way out or the other alternatives available. I'm on the fast speed lane, refusing to slow down to stop for any danger approaching.
Sometimes, I go fast and make time and way to meet and spend time with everyone but myself. Sometimes, I just keep running even after knowing that there's a huge brickwall right ahead and found myself, bruises and bleeding on the ground underneath all those broken bricks. Sometimes, I try to avoid the head-on collision, but I never learnt anything by keeping myself in one piece... I need to feel the pain, sometimes the pain is just too extreme, but I learnt, though sometimes, I felt like I didn't learn enough, that what I went through is not tough enough, that I had it too easy still.
My thoughts are like a thread full of knots that needs to be straightened out. My brains are in a whirlpool. My heart is in a sinking ship. My soul is in a maze. My identity is playing a game of hide-and-seek. My energy is running out. Where am I, I not know. Who am I, I find not. Why me, I accept not. How to, I know not. What I know, I seek still.
Help me not, but guide me through. Tell me answers not, but question mine please. Love me not, but hate my actions. I'm driving past the place I search for I see not the place.
- To do up 8 camps as per written in Form of Tender
- To do up the design for the toilets at ARCADE for renovation purpose
- To finish up the mural designs to be proposed for toilets at ARCADE
- To calculate the paintable area for rotten apple
- Do up 6 camps as per written in Form of Tender.
- Finish up basic designs for toilets at ARCADE
- Only pencil on A4 paper mural design done for toilets at ARCADE
I wish I have a scanner to show the designs.. but then again, thank god I dun have one, otherwise, I'll just publish up my half past six drawings on my blog and probably vandalise the beauty in it.. Haha..
It's(my drawings that is) seriously average or probably below average, but anything is beautiful for anyone who can't draw, shade or paint.. Duh..
Still nothing from Mr.. Just hope everything is fine.. The last post a bit bad.. I hate reading my bad posts which mostly derive from mood swings, insecurity, and the whatever mood. But I don't like deleting my previous post coz that wouldn't be reality, as in reality, there's no going back to erase your bad pasts... So let it be, to all concerned parties, please forgive me..
I wanna get things going fast... But sometimes, it's so fast that I forgot to stop, look out on my left and right for any other options, and just keep moving in one direction. Sometimes, that one direction leads me to a dead end, and I'd just find myself so lost, not knowing the way out or the other alternatives available. I'm on the fast speed lane, refusing to slow down to stop for any danger approaching.
Sometimes, I go fast and make time and way to meet and spend time with everyone but myself. Sometimes, I just keep running even after knowing that there's a huge brickwall right ahead and found myself, bruises and bleeding on the ground underneath all those broken bricks. Sometimes, I try to avoid the head-on collision, but I never learnt anything by keeping myself in one piece... I need to feel the pain, sometimes the pain is just too extreme, but I learnt, though sometimes, I felt like I didn't learn enough, that what I went through is not tough enough, that I had it too easy still.
My thoughts are like a thread full of knots that needs to be straightened out. My brains are in a whirlpool. My heart is in a sinking ship. My soul is in a maze. My identity is playing a game of hide-and-seek. My energy is running out. Where am I, I not know. Who am I, I find not. Why me, I accept not. How to, I know not. What I know, I seek still.
Help me not, but guide me through. Tell me answers not, but question mine please. Love me not, but hate my actions. I'm driving past the place I search for I see not the place.
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Dyed my hair...
Mas found out that I'm back smoking again.. Thanks to my laziness and forgetfulness.. She found some ashes on my computer table and asked why I went back to my bad habit... Urgh.. Work Stress.. Maybe.. *shame shame* Urgh...
Then I dragged her to go out with me. Went to shop a bit. Bought a pair of jeans for an unbelievable price.. Just $10.. Nice.. Then bought my slippers and shoes(again!).. Then bought hair dye.. Hehe.. Hmmm... Doing that, I had to say Bye bye to more than $50.. Aaarrrggghhhh!!!! Broke broke.. can I survive?? Urgh.. AaarrrggghhhHHh!!! Jun.. stop it, it's done, and nothing you can do about it..
Then I went over to Mas' to get my hair dyed.. She did it for me. Then we re-watched Madagascar.. Then went home after that.. Mister's phone has been off since Yesterday!! What is he up to?? Too drunk to charge that phone battery? It's not Monday yet, He's flying on Monday evening!!! What's up, dude??!!!
Anyway, checked my mail box.. Nothing for me.. 3 Letters.. One from the National Health Board, for my mom.. One from Sovereign, for V Liekens.. Mister still haven't got that one sorted out.. Maybe he still have her somewhere in him someplace, somehow.. *whatever*
Now, back to work!!! Meeting, presentation, and design's still not ready!!! AAAaaaarrrrggggHHHHh!!!! I'm going mad, driving myself to my grave!!!! Just what's up with me?!?!?!?!?!
I want a break!! I need a break!! Erase everything and start all over again! I wish I can do that! God... What a waste to my half year!!! All gone to everybody but ME.. What's the matter!!!! Urgh.. Give me a break!!!
Then I dragged her to go out with me. Went to shop a bit. Bought a pair of jeans for an unbelievable price.. Just $10.. Nice.. Then bought my slippers and shoes(again!).. Then bought hair dye.. Hehe.. Hmmm... Doing that, I had to say Bye bye to more than $50.. Aaarrrggghhhh!!!! Broke broke.. can I survive?? Urgh.. AaarrrggghhhHHh!!! Jun.. stop it, it's done, and nothing you can do about it..
Then I went over to Mas' to get my hair dyed.. She did it for me. Then we re-watched Madagascar.. Then went home after that.. Mister's phone has been off since Yesterday!! What is he up to?? Too drunk to charge that phone battery? It's not Monday yet, He's flying on Monday evening!!! What's up, dude??!!!
Anyway, checked my mail box.. Nothing for me.. 3 Letters.. One from the National Health Board, for my mom.. One from Sovereign, for V Liekens.. Mister still haven't got that one sorted out.. Maybe he still have her somewhere in him someplace, somehow.. *whatever*
Now, back to work!!! Meeting, presentation, and design's still not ready!!! AAAaaaarrrrggggHHHHh!!!! I'm going mad, driving myself to my grave!!!! Just what's up with me?!?!?!?!?!
I want a break!! I need a break!! Erase everything and start all over again! I wish I can do that! God... What a waste to my half year!!! All gone to everybody but ME.. What's the matter!!!! Urgh.. Give me a break!!!
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Bucks vs SRC
We lost, 5-9.. but it was a great game nonetheless. Got my playing jersey, gonna get my polo next week.. Will try get hold of Mr's set. The game was fine the first half, except for me... I was terribly terrible, dropping the ball, not marking my man, running and falling apart... urgh.. Bring on the heat within my body. Was down right irritated and frustrated at my own mistakes.
The second half, I was getting back the momentum of playing it, being dummy half, passing it right, was there when needed... But the referee was a wanker, so chatty, so cranky- tell you why.. He's from Wanderers, that's why... He even called for "Phantom" whatever that means...
At the last quarter of the game, Greg Thorpe refereed us... We were on our faster side, but needed a better defense and more quality finishes to do a score. We are getting closer to that one, so no worries.. And I lost my favorite bottle! Urgh... Who the hell took it? Must be a unintended mixed up or something.. I can get another one anyway..
Then we finished a great game with lots of beer(not lots lots, I only had 2 mugs). But averagely, everyone had about 3-4 mugs each.. Let me see if I remembered who was with us drinking... Ermmm.. There was Eddy, Mick, Paul(I always called him Aaron- they so look alike!), his brother(didn't get his name), Gavin, Helen, Ken, Ken's daughter(didn't know how to spell it), me, Roxy's brother(also forgot what's his name), Roxy, her girlfriend, Cam, Dave, Greg, Adam(Andy's son), Andy.. I think that's about all..
I was quiet, being a listening person.. Didn't talk much at all.. Was just sitting there listening, drinking my beer, going to the loo... Talk only when I am talked to.. Well, the only time I talked a lot to them, is when we are at Brewerkz or a bar/pub... I get talkative with the existence of vodka redbull or wine.. Not beer because for one- I am not a big fan of beer, second - Beer don't do wonders to me, just maybe blech a lot or urinate a lot, third, am not a HUGE fan of BEER...
Then Andy and Adam left, followed by Cam and Helen, then Eddy, didn't notice when Gavin left, Then Roxy and gang left with Dave... then Ken and his daughter, and then the three of us, Greg and me took the shuttle service to Clementi and Mick took a cab home. Greg, Mick and Ken are going down to Club Street to Balincos(I think so..).
I am so blur now, not knowing anything.. Too much work on my mind, I guess.. Urgh.. I wish I can just go to sleep and wake up with all my work done up.. Wouldn't it be nice...?
Ah... I need to shake off the things on my mind!! Someone, knock me out... PLEASE....
The second half, I was getting back the momentum of playing it, being dummy half, passing it right, was there when needed... But the referee was a wanker, so chatty, so cranky- tell you why.. He's from Wanderers, that's why... He even called for "Phantom" whatever that means...
At the last quarter of the game, Greg Thorpe refereed us... We were on our faster side, but needed a better defense and more quality finishes to do a score. We are getting closer to that one, so no worries.. And I lost my favorite bottle! Urgh... Who the hell took it? Must be a unintended mixed up or something.. I can get another one anyway..
Then we finished a great game with lots of beer(not lots lots, I only had 2 mugs). But averagely, everyone had about 3-4 mugs each.. Let me see if I remembered who was with us drinking... Ermmm.. There was Eddy, Mick, Paul(I always called him Aaron- they so look alike!), his brother(didn't get his name), Gavin, Helen, Ken, Ken's daughter(didn't know how to spell it), me, Roxy's brother(also forgot what's his name), Roxy, her girlfriend, Cam, Dave, Greg, Adam(Andy's son), Andy.. I think that's about all..
I was quiet, being a listening person.. Didn't talk much at all.. Was just sitting there listening, drinking my beer, going to the loo... Talk only when I am talked to.. Well, the only time I talked a lot to them, is when we are at Brewerkz or a bar/pub... I get talkative with the existence of vodka redbull or wine.. Not beer because for one- I am not a big fan of beer, second - Beer don't do wonders to me, just maybe blech a lot or urinate a lot, third, am not a HUGE fan of BEER...
Then Andy and Adam left, followed by Cam and Helen, then Eddy, didn't notice when Gavin left, Then Roxy and gang left with Dave... then Ken and his daughter, and then the three of us, Greg and me took the shuttle service to Clementi and Mick took a cab home. Greg, Mick and Ken are going down to Club Street to Balincos(I think so..).
I am so blur now, not knowing anything.. Too much work on my mind, I guess.. Urgh.. I wish I can just go to sleep and wake up with all my work done up.. Wouldn't it be nice...?
Ah... I need to shake off the things on my mind!! Someone, knock me out... PLEASE....
Friday, August 05, 2005
The start of the 7th month in the Lunar Calendar
Phor Thor: The Hungry Ghosts
Taken from http://www.tourismpenang.gov.my/article.cfm?id=78
Lots of incense everyway, at every void deck, almost like having a haze...
| PHOR THOR: The Hungry Ghosts |
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The Hungry Ghost Festival has roots in the Buddhist festival, Ullambana, and also Daoist culture. In the Tang Dynasty, the Ullambana and Daoist festivities were combined and celebrated on the same day. The Ghost Festival has special meaning for all Buddhists and is one of their most important festivals. The Buddhist origins of the festival can be traced back to a story originally from India. It is an account of a wealthy merchant, Mu-lien, who after attaining enlightenment seeks out his parents. He finds his father in heaven and his mother a hungry ghost in Hell, sent to Hell for her greed. Mu-lien had asked her to be kind to any Buddhist monks that came her way, but she was not. Mu-lien rescues his mother from hell by battling various demons and imploring Buddha's help. A deal is made and Buddha installs a day of prayer and offering in which monks can pray and make sacrifices on behalf of dead ancestors or hungry ghosts.
Prayers are offered to the dead and offerings of food such as chicken, vegetables, fruits, bean curd, white rice, bowls of noodles, sweetmeats, cakes and other treats are placed at street corners and along roadsides to appease the spirits. You will find food offerings on street corners all over Penang during the Hungry Ghosts Month. The Chinese leave these offerings to discourage the Ghosts from entering their homes and causing trouble or bringing bad luck. Shrines are filled with offerings to the dead, Hell money is burned to provide ancestors with means to purchase comforts. The Chinese also burn paper houses, Hell passports and Hell airline tickets, paper television sets and paper cars such as BMW�s to give to their dead relatives. Some families feel that these offerings reach the ghosts and help them live comfortably in the afterlife.
The 30th day of the seventh moon is the last day of the festival. At midnight, the ghosts return to Hell and the gates are shut after them. Paper offerings and other goods are burnt in a giant bonfire as a final gift.
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Lots of incense everyway, at every void deck, almost like having a haze...
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Can't Sleep..
I can't sleep, so I figured I might as well write my blog out to update everyone on my progress of whatever you may want to hear.
Today I found out that only men can suffer from colour-blindness, or so say my site supervisor Mike Tan. According to him, well he said it vaguely, men has some things that women don't (everyone knows that one, I believe) in nature. Also it is often related to a deficiency of some vitamins, he don't know what Vitamins.. pphhh..
And I also found out that noone's spared by the rotten apple's foul mouth. My site supervisor said that he got it hard from her as well.. He was wary of me( maybe because I'm the same race and religion as the rotten apple- what a shame!) at first, well.. I don't blame him. Who would trust anyone after being stabbed at the back? After talking and being out with me- for work purposes- he gathered that I was a totally opposite of the rotten apple and start opening up a little on the little secrets. Well, what have you got to say about someone earning close or even $2K but expected someone who earns less than $900 to pay for her lunch? Well, that's what the rotten apple is. She even voiced out- jokingly or not- that she would expect me to pay for her lunch one day. Like as if I've got nothing better else to pay for. She seriously have too many time in her hand to be informing people's wife about the husband's whereabouts, creating some unneccessary nuisanse to all affected parties. Making accusations, strong tensions and great friction among many others, I guess there are a few classified people who might do this: Those who don't know they are creating these are maybe still young and hadn't seen anything, short termed thinking of revenge maybe. Another are those who knows what they are creating, are probably evil humans. Another is probably someone who hadn't seen anything and think that by doing it, they rule the world. Or someone who had too much time in the hand and is desperate to see some drama in front of them.
Other than that, I'm fine at work. However, I have a feeling that bad words about me are going around, as the director seemed to be wary of my work. Seemed to be focusing on me and the work I've been doing. I mean checking is fine, but intensively? I dunno, this is afterall my first serious job.
Didn't go for touch today, work and tired, and yet I'm still wide awake. Someone, please knock me out.. I need to sleep...!
Today I found out that only men can suffer from colour-blindness, or so say my site supervisor Mike Tan. According to him, well he said it vaguely, men has some things that women don't (everyone knows that one, I believe) in nature. Also it is often related to a deficiency of some vitamins, he don't know what Vitamins.. pphhh..
And I also found out that noone's spared by the rotten apple's foul mouth. My site supervisor said that he got it hard from her as well.. He was wary of me( maybe because I'm the same race and religion as the rotten apple- what a shame!) at first, well.. I don't blame him. Who would trust anyone after being stabbed at the back? After talking and being out with me- for work purposes- he gathered that I was a totally opposite of the rotten apple and start opening up a little on the little secrets. Well, what have you got to say about someone earning close or even $2K but expected someone who earns less than $900 to pay for her lunch? Well, that's what the rotten apple is. She even voiced out- jokingly or not- that she would expect me to pay for her lunch one day. Like as if I've got nothing better else to pay for. She seriously have too many time in her hand to be informing people's wife about the husband's whereabouts, creating some unneccessary nuisanse to all affected parties. Making accusations, strong tensions and great friction among many others, I guess there are a few classified people who might do this: Those who don't know they are creating these are maybe still young and hadn't seen anything, short termed thinking of revenge maybe. Another are those who knows what they are creating, are probably evil humans. Another is probably someone who hadn't seen anything and think that by doing it, they rule the world. Or someone who had too much time in the hand and is desperate to see some drama in front of them.
Other than that, I'm fine at work. However, I have a feeling that bad words about me are going around, as the director seemed to be wary of my work. Seemed to be focusing on me and the work I've been doing. I mean checking is fine, but intensively? I dunno, this is afterall my first serious job.
Didn't go for touch today, work and tired, and yet I'm still wide awake. Someone, please knock me out.. I need to sleep...!
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