Tempted Wishes

I'm so tempted to call KI last night.. I dunno why...

Perhaps, The King, has been too busy.. I was so tempted.. Especially after I called the King, and he seemed uninterested to talk to me (he just kept saying, "go to sleep") ... I felt so rejected and I felt such a huge urge to call KI..

I was so tempted.. And of all people, I was just tempted to call KI... I keyed in his number... And closed my eyes, not wanting to press the dial button... I was so close.. But I turn my urge down.. I can't bring myself to do it... No matter what it is that pushed me to call him up.. I just dunno...

Perhaps I was afraid, because I knew KI would come up with something to cheer me up, and that would just drastically change everything... Because I know one thing could easily lead to another.

Or maybe, I just miss being with someone who can talk to me about the "now" situation and the "future" situation more than the "past" situation. I wished it was easier to sit The King down and talk to him about everything, I wish The King would allow me to let everything out and have him to listen and understand me. I wish I wish I wish...

At his moment I really wish I was the girl 3 yrs ago, where nothing seeemed to matter or excite me much. I wish I was the girl 3 yrs ago, who could handle not meeting the person whom she was with for many weeks, and yet not be angry, unloved, or rejected. Sometimes, I just wish The King could handle me like how WV handled me.

And sometimes I wish The King could be how WV is, talking to me and sharing me his stories, his opinions, his views... and have a laugh together. I wish The King could cheer me up like how WV does.. He knows what could chuckle me even when I was crying..

All these wishes, I wish I didnt wish too hard.. Because I know The King would look at how I prefered other men, than him, instead of the fact that I stayed loyal to him despite the many obstacles, challenges and temptations that come by.

I know The King would simply emphasize or assume that he's not good enough for me... I know The King would only see the bad things, despite him asking me to look at the good side of things.. But the fact is, he's just too good for me, and that's the only reason why I'm still holding on to him, and staying loyal to him.. I doubt he'd see it this way.. Because he's afterall "Just a Boy" and I am "Just a Girl".

Sometimes, I start to think that he's not intending to make me his wife.. Because if he does, he wouldnt share me... Because if he does, he'd only want the best for me in the most decent ways... I am just starting to doubt so much because he's so far away from me... and I'm just starting to drift apart... I hate this lonely feeling, and I hate being tempted to stray away...

I just wished The King could clear my doubts, and I simply wished The King could give me an answer to my irritating doubtful questions.. My empty mind needs positive eons, my body goes without a soul, my heart beats without love... Could he fill them up??