Toddlers driving me insane!

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog! I hope your weekend was great and your Monday wasn't that blue..

I just read an article and this write up is definitely inspired by Katie M. McLaughlin's 7 Annoying Things Toddlers Do That Are Actually Good for Them

In the article, she mention these 7 points and as usual, I'd add my version in agreement plus maybe a few more that I think is part of growing up as toddlers.

Before I start I know many moms would wish to scream at my face that it is so easy for me to say because I don't have one of my own who I will have to face everyday.

Moms, I welcome you to scream all you want. Fact is, I've had my share of life with a kid to face everyday for 5years. She is turning 20 in 22 days' and is still around to tell you that it is true. And now I am facing one who had just turned 11months almost every weekend. I am human, I get tired too. And as a woman, I too have motherly instinct installed inside of me.

History has it that I had undergone miscarriage at 9weeks when I was 19 after being married for over 2 yrs. And present has it that I've been trying to conceive for a little over 2years now with no luck. Only HE knows how much I wanted one of my own, and I have never restrained myself from mothering any child if the need arise.

And to the many moms who had supported me, to encouraged to continue writing, who opened up to discuss many issues of today's parenting and children, who openly share my entries in agreement, I love all of you. You've all been kind. Thank you so much! Your agreement means the world to me, it means I am fostering my children right.

Make a total mess

With food! Oh yes! And especially when you are drained out of energy and just want the child to eat so we can all have a nice shower and be ready for bed, oh definitely yes! I've had that one before with my niece, just when you want to just get the feeding over and done with, the child just decides to take the plate and spoon feed herself, and sometimes, scooping it all with their hands (yes both of them! and sometimes legs too!). Worse is when she decides to sit on that cushioned chair... Arrrggghhh...

But guess what? She learned the words, right, left, food, eat, spoon pretty fast, faster than her more subtle sister who never really messed with her food. I mean everyone (especially children) learn best when they are having fun! But of course, like everything else, there is no guarantee.

So don't come suing us (writers of articles of the same subject) when your child don't learn the words after messing with her/his food, okay?

Insist on reading the same book over and over again

Yeah, Baby M had since made me memorize all her books. She loves the Bathtime one the most, and she always always open the book and put it to my face to make me read it to her. And her ABC song, and the Hi-5 Songs Compilations.

And oh.. the little children who never got bored with the "Let It Go" song... I memorized 70% of the lyrics already - not because I have a child who overly loved Frozen, but because I love it too! Heh!

And yes, Baby M is picking up some words, or the expressions to make when we read her books repeatedly as per demand.

You know, children learn by repetition and routine. They love it when they know what is coming next. They anticipate a repetition in everything, and they learn to adapt and be disciplined that way.

I've also read somewhere that children with consistent routine that never change are happier. I mean how would you be happy when you know 12pm in lunchtime and then someone just comes along and said NO, lunchtime is now at 3pm. How would you be happy about that? I guess the same goes to a child. They'd get very cranky when they don't know what to expect. They get very anxious, just like if I'd make you sit in a dark room and not tell you when I will come back, but just simply tell you to wait till I do. You'd be anxious trying to find out what I will do when I come back, what would you have to do when I come back, when will I come back, when will you be released.

I won't say it is by the time specifically but more of the order of things gets done (because children have no idea about the time concept), so they'd look for routines like, after eating, it'd be tv time, after that it'd be nap time, and when they wake up from nap, it's milk time, and after that it is a walk by the park. That kindda thing makes little children look forward to their day bonding with you.

Answer every single question with "No".

This I experienced with my second niece. She is now 18 turning 19 in December. The moment she learn to say No and the meaning, she kept saying NO. And yes, she was very independent, till today!

When she was a toddler, we asked things like,

"Can I carry you?"
"Can you hold my hand?"

"Want milk?"

"Sit down"

"Come here"

"Wear this one (one of the clothes)?"

All to which she said NO! to our face. Nice...

Baby M haven't learned to say NO, instead she is picking up "Dah" which means done.

So we asked her,

"Have you showered?"
"Ready?"

"Have you drank milk?"
"Have you slept?"

And of course we spoke to her in Malay (unlike my niece in which she prefer to speak in English), and she answered all with "Dah"

Cling to you for dear life

Some mothers dread this phase, but I enjoyed it. I was right all along to think that children who cling on someone is searching for security and comfort, and the more you pushed the child away, the more they'd be clingy. Else, the child would just find it in someone else. At this point, don't call out your green eyes filled with envy if you still refuse to reassure your child with a big hug. 

I love hugging children, especially when they wrap their arms around me. My nieces still does that and I can feel the sensational bonding between us. It is not describable by words. It is to be felt with the heart. My nieces cannot go without hugging and kissing me when they see me, and I have never been more proud that they are no a wee bit shy about giving me a hug and kiss even in public. 

And yes, this children do cling onto me at some point of their childhood, and they'd turn around to cling onto their mom when she returns, and sometimes their grandmother. And all the while, we as a family always always welcome their clingy-ness... Afterall they wont be clinging on to us when they grow a little older.

Throw temper tantrums

Of course! And it has to be in the eyes of new friends, family members whom you rarely meet, and judgmental strangers. And it is the moment of die if you do and die if you don't!

You give in and someone in the field would say, "Ya give in to a screaming child, and he'd be spoilt to the bones!"

You ignore and let him kick a big fuss and someone in the field would say, "Can you keep him under control? What kind of mom are you?"

Shut up! Really.... My child throws a tantrums. What exactly do you want me to do?? I am not exactly enjoying myself either! I am finding out what he is angry about, and I am no mind reader! 

I had to plan out how and what to say to him, to teach him about anger management in his tender age of 1 going 2! You think it is easy? Really? 

I cannot expect him to shut up and just not react when something upset him you know! Even we adults sometimes cannot contain that much of anger inside without expressing it out to someone, or can you?

Refuse to sit still

Helllloooooo.... I as an adult sometimes have issues with sitting still, so I am sure it is a little much to expect that out of a little kid who have everything to explore. Everything is new to him afterall, no?

Of course something under the table is more appealing, and if it is not, something over the table would be, and oh, under the plate, the cup, inside the bottle, the bowl, yeah everything!

A child is afterall a born explorer.. If he have no desire to explore, then he have no desire to learn. I don't want my child to not want to learn. Oh of course, he'd fall, pull someone's skirt or dirty someone pants, but he is only a baby trying to learn, right?

And all our children need to exercise don't they? Let them tire themselves, you'd thank them for doing so when they get totally worn out and sleep oh so well all night. *winks*

Dawdle

Yeah. This one pretty much slaps a lot of us in the face. 

And some of u asked, what is Dawdle... Heh! You didnt read her article yet, did you?

Well it is like being idle... delaying things that needs done... That sorta thing, and don't you dare lie about not ever trying to delay everything like you have all the time in the world.. We all have those days where we know we got to leave the house at 3 but find ourselves still in bed at 2.50!

Just like us, our little babies need us to slow down so he can do his thing like taking his time to get his shoes to his feet, or to just decide to drop the poop bomb just when you were at the door, or maybe starts to point to something and converse with you like never before. Allow your child to take his time...

This is also the very reason I never promise a specific time, instead I'd just say a rough time frame and send a text or call when I am near so the other mother or friend can come and meet us. And it is also the reason why I never can be mad when a fellow mom is late.

Also, when a baby or child wants you to stay a little longer with them, how can anyone resist right? It is just like when you see your mom and suddenly felt like hugging her and never let her go... It is that same feeling.

Now, this time round, I don't have much to add except this one...

Seeking attention

All babies and children yearns for attention. It is them being them, even some adults yearn for attention from time to time. Afterall you are all they have to seek attention from. You are the only person they can find comfort and security in. And if you don't give them the assurance and security they need from you now, when else would you be able to provide them just that? As this little babies grow, they'd make friends, have teachers, and would probably end up finding more comfort in them than in you if you don't assure them you will always be there when they need a hug.

If these little babies grow to know you'd always be there, they would always want you to be among the first people to know what they do. They would continue to grow and seek attention from you, because this time, they want to make you proud of them. So they'd want to show you everything, and I mean every single thing.. Like her new painting, her new teeth (or missing one), her new toy, the new word she just learnt, what she did in school, who she befriended, everything..

And if you pushed her aside now, she'd grow to not want to tell you anything because you are not interested. She would grow into adolescent full of resentment, finding comfort in complete strangers, and throw you the cold shoulders.

So mommies, daddies, caregivers, fosterers, adopters, give when they need it, give even when they don't want it.. Make it a habit, and pray they'd still talk to you when they grow into adulthood...

With that said, I hope all the mommies I know finds comfort that their babies are perfectly okay whenever they annoy you with all the mess, and everything irrinoying because now you know it is them growing to learn and something good is coming out of all these "pull-hair" moments.

Mom, I can't find my socks and shoes anywhere!!

If you have anything else to add, do leave a comment or drop me an email at junaidah_myusof@yahoo.com

Till another good entry,
Wassalam,
Jun

Mother knows and always wants the best

Assalammualaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog.

It was to my delight that the post, The Shame Game , had received over 5000 views and was shared multiple times via FB. So much that I started hopping from status to status to see what they like about it the most.

One of the first few that caught my attention was from W. Of which she shared with this words, "Dear Husband, read this up from this lady Jun bout parenting..hehe..i agreed so much with all that she commented about and can relate to it.And we discuss this yest too kan bout d girls sleeping on their own.Definitely there will come a time that they themselves are more than ready to sleep on their own n by d time that moment came,u know i will be one sad emo Mummy coz d girls dah grown up..aargh.."

I know that feeling alright. When your little ones just decide not to sleep with you anymore.. Oh an emotional turmoil it will be, for sure!

But AZ's shared status caught my attention the most for she shared her struggles handling 2 pairs of twins (yes two pairs of two = 4!) and she garnered so many positive comments from many awesome mothers sharing their struggles.

I had to comment along for this deserves a follow-up blog post!

So here I am, and here's AZ's status:

I feel her. I really do. Breastfeeding is not something that every single mother is gifted to do. Some sacrifice easy, some don't. What remains the same is the fact that no mother ever want to give her second best to her children, she only wants the best.. But sometimes, it is not of choice.

And trust me, when you get stressed up, you will end up stressing baby up... And a stressed baby is not going to be fun. My mother always tells my sisters or anyone who is breastfeeding, to calm down first especially if they are tired and baby wont stop crying, she would console the mother first then hold the baby. She always said to the mothers, "Calm down, think of good things, recite dua, or zikir... Breathe, smile then try feed."

It usually works, and when mothers couldn't calm down, my mother always says it is okay, make some formula, and let me feed baby. (Often because my mother is the calmer one).

And when mothers come midway, saying they have calmed down and ready to feed, she let them. My mother may not be educated, but these kindda things, only mothers understood. She must have faced similar hard times, just without support she needed, so she offered hers when she could.

I know her struggles because I learn to listen to her, I hear her struggles to give us the best. Back then, she wasn't allowed to sleep when baby sleeps in the day. So imagine that.. almost 24hrs of no sleep. Yet, she never complained. And when she became a grandmother, she took care of both her daughter and grandchild. Allowing both to rest, while she do most of the work. Such sacrifices, only MOTHERS will understand.

Formulas may not be as good as breast milk, but it better than no milk at all, no? What? You gonna leave baby hungry until your breast produce milk? No right? Even back in the old days, I think mothers would find alternatives, seeking other mothers to breastfeed her child, or milk the cow or goat. Is it bad? No, I don't think so. Mothers wants the best, even if she can't, she would still die trying so her child gets the best there is.

And as I browsed down AZ's friends who left a comment, I discovered many other issues that mothers themselves shaming other mothers..

One of which was V-birth or C-sect. Oh come on, mothers... Then it was medicated labour or non-medicated labour... Oh, seriously...

I mean really... Which ever way the child is delivered, you think the pain and trouble is any lesser? And that a mother is less of a mother if she cannot go all natural? Really? Then I think many awesome mothers won't come to exist because then all mothers might end up dead.. Seriously people...

Tell me you are joking, and I'd tell you IT IS NOT FUNNY!

Let's be practical, enduring pain is energy draining. NOT all MOTHERS have very high tolerance to pain, and if she tried her best and is about to pass out, oh pls let her have the epidural if she wish. And if a mother says she is okay, (even when she is dying trying to give life to this little baby inside her), then trust her.

You see, there is no right or wrong way to parenting. Every baby is different, every child grows differently, every mother think differently. Listen to your own self, your own baby, and insyaAllah... You'll be doing fine.

HE knows best. Trust HIM.

Here are all the comments AZ received. I love all of the comments, and salute all you awesome mothers...

You see, moms.... you are never alone... Real mothers won't shame another, we support each other..

With this, I wish all mothers best of health and may your conscience always remain clear, for you know what? Mothers knows best.

You are seriously, the best mother your children deserve.

I would have written more, but my time is limited (as always when the week is short!).

So until next time,

Wassalam,
Jun

PS: If you would like me to open another discussion that is beneficial to all moms, pls do drop me a comment below or email me at junaidah_myusof@yahoo.com

Mom and Baby

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, followers and readers of this blog.

Recently, I posted a few emotional phrases on my facebook account.

One of them reads, "I am not jealous of people of wealth, who dons the LV or the Gucci, I envy not the luxurious holidays people get to go to every now and then... BUT I am jealous over the people who can stay home and be with their children, I envy moms who get to be with their child anytime they need her through their life. I had my mom anytime, anywhere, any place, for the last 29 years, and I hope for many more, because I never can have enough of her. And I want to be like my mom with my kids. I'd cry a fountain if I am not able to.. A child remains a child in every mother's eyes. And as my mother age, our roles change, I want to the one providing her, protecting her, and granting her every wish, and to welcome any tantrums that comes with it. I want to. Because even if I have done so, it is never and will never be equivalent to what she has done for me.

*Each to their own, I am in no way implementing that career moms are less of a mother. Do note, that anything a mother does, she always have their children's interest in heart. There is nothing that a mother does that does not include her child in mind.*

Subsequently I posted, in defense to those who took offence being a working mom despite the disclaimer in asterix.

The second post reads, "Career moms and stay at home mom... Both have their struggles. Both have their children's best interest in mind. Both do not have an easy life. Both just wants the best for their children. Both deserve to be respected, for being the best-est mom their children can have. You mothers are just so strong to make a decision for the best of the whole family. And I am proud of all you mothers. Worry less about what others has to say about the decisions you make, and focus on what is best for the family."

You see, I am on the neutral side. I am on all mommy's side. We all have our struggles. Who lives without any, right?

And I guess these days, you will see me post a lot about moms and babies and all topics related. Since my undertaking to care for Baby M on most weekends, I have become more and more wary about baby needs, mostly highlighted by Baby M's Mama of course.

I am so glad her mama is kind and always point out my flaws and shortfalls directly. At least I know I can do better.

We sometimes take things for granted, and she being the more experienced babysitter, and having dealt with one kid with HFMD before, the kid contracted HFMD from her brother by the way. She is more careful and cleaner than me when it comes to babies, naturally.

And I continue to learn new things from her all in Baby M's sake. So this coming Wednesday, I intend to sanitize my whole house. For some reason, hearing my friend telling me about HFMD got me paranoil. Haha. Well, it's for the good, so why not?

Sometimes, we all take things for granted. Be it cleanliness, health or safety. And I am not excluded either. Seeing neat clean individual, we would assume he/she takes care of all her belongings just as good. Sadly not everyone, sometimes people like me who couldn't really care about how we look, go without make ups, use brandless or cheap stuff, care much more about baby's welfare.

I guess it is just upbringing, or maybe education. I can't tell. I started being wary about what is out there organic that is good for baby to eat. I started being wary about how baby is carried. I started being obsessed, maybe? All thanks to my friend! I now know there are so much variety to baby food that is organic! And how much is too much.

This made me less tolerable to people who mishandle their babies and the food they feed their baby. I had to constantly close my eyes and tell myself "It is not my baby, it is not Baby M"

I almost felt like I have fits when I see someone throwing a baby in the air or shake him/her excessively with head bobbing.

"Ya Allah!!! Protect the baby!" screamed my aching heart. I had to just walk away, before I screamed this to that adult. Not that I don't care, I just had enough of people who "knows better" and refused to heed my warning, and refuse to educate themselves.

I am protective, and call me crazy if you must. DO know, that if you ever ever dare to throw my baby in the air, I will seriously consider throwing you out the window in my head many times that you might just jump yourself. Seriously... Do it to your own child, if you must. BUT don't do it to others, or at least ask their parents first. Some are not too bothered, and some do! So before you love any kid, learn to respect their parents first. Even when you wanna just give the kid an innocent candy! You never know if that kid has allergies.
Then again, I don't have kids of my own, and maybe I don't know much. True much!

If I were to have one now, I wont have anyone around who can care for her/him either. So be nice, Allah SWT knows best why I haven't had my junior yet. Stop telling people or my face that we didnt try hard enough, for Allah SWT knows best how much we have tried.

I rather focus and learn via Baby M. She taught me a lot, along with her mama. And I learn, my husband learn, we all learn.

And it warms my heart when Baby M says MMaakk, to my face, and Abbbaah to my husband. And she knows how to wave! Yeay! But sometimes she wave to the wrong direction. And oh, clap too, slowly but getting there!

And oh... the baby fan is now down to just one blade. She tore the two apart yesterday, and smiled/laughed cheekily when I caught her.

Another baby entry another day...

Wassalam,
Baby M's Mak.

Rude vs Naughty Kids

Assalammu'alaikum family and friends,

I am back, and I couldnt help but write on this very sensitive topic.

Children and Parenting.

How do you tell your child is just being naughty, mischievious or being disturbingly rude and disrespectful?

I love kids, but one rude act and I get totally disturbed and turned off.

Yes, kids always say the darnest things, but there is a fine line to tell them apart.

Correction need to be made. Laugh because it is funny, but also teach them that it may be inappropriate.

The big NO words

I have always raised children in my home and my nieces and nephews are among the first to be under my care, before other children at some point of my life.

I can be that playful nanny who plays along and be like one of the children, but I act up like an adult should when it calls for it.

Disturbing words would receive a good smack from me, not to a point of abuse, but to point where they knew they should never mention such words ever again, and here is my list:

SHIT (in any language) - it is just not appropriate for children under 12 to use SHIT in every sentence. Why would it be funny when a 2 yr old come to your face and say "Eat SHIT"? Seriously?

STUPID - yes, call me old fashioned, but i believe words are just as good as prayers. You keep calling a child stupid and the child might just end up to be one. Noone is born stupid, learn! Get up and learn! Teach if your peers don't get it, don't call each other stupid. Don't you think it is insane if children really go around saying "stupid stupid stupid"

CALLING NAMES - It disturbs the hell out of me, my ears would have vomitted if it could when I hear people calling my children "FAT HIPPO" or "WALKING FRIDGE". What a way to grow up! Seriously, do you really enjoy it as a growing teenager/adults to be walking around being called names instead of your given names? You must have been sick!

Do you get the idea now? And of course all foul language is an obvious NO word to me. Trust me, I have heard a kid as young as 5 cursing and swearing and we (my parents, sisters and I) had nightmares!

Violence

For kids, this includes snatching, hitting, kicking and causing any slightest injury to self or their peers.

When hitting takes place, it is so wrong to hit that child and say "Don't hit your sister!"
The child will be confused! Why don't you put the sister away, and sit with the child and talk to him?

This is harder done than said without a doubt. I usually stop the fight by hugging the either one of the child. And coax to stop. When they do, I just talk to the child at eye level. The child understand more than you'd think. Tell them why and explain as much as you can, but keep it short and simple.

 Intelligence

As much as I understand the need of a parent to brag about his/her child's progress, I don't see how operating any gadget is any form of progress in terms of intelligence.

I am sorry if this offended you, and I respect you if you begged to differ. Yes, I admit the technology has helped in many ways for kids to advance.

**addition**
Unless the progress is to the child's knowledge. I mean why wouldn't anyone use technology to our advantage? What I am saying is the child's knowledge to download an app, or find out how to download an app in any gadget is NOT a form of progress. (At least not to me). If it is you, then congratulations.

I'd be proud to say oh my child learns the alphabets that early thanks to the iPad. Oh yes, that would be a positive progress. Learning alphabets and words from an iPad allows a kid to open a book and read. That's awesome.

Do note, every child needs to supervision from time to time, you can't just expect a kid to know when to stop. Guide them, and they would know.

**end of addition**

I am just old fashioned as you claimed. I really rather a child open the traditional book and read it (in sequence or not, in proper language or not). I really prefer a child who can narrate a story to me than to snatch my phone or any gadget and start playing.

Snatching my phone and finding an app or downloading an app to play is RUDE. I believe manners needs to be taught as early as the kid learns to talk.

Manners

Excuse me, thank you, please, may I. Simple courtesy gestures. These I teach my children as early as they learn to put little words together into a sentence. We play give and take with their toys, this will slowly develop the importance of seeking permission to use anything that may not be theirs or taking something that someone is using. My kids learn to say "Bibik, can I have my toy, please" when I am holding on to them without realising, and we make a point to reply, "Oh I am sorry, yes you may"

It teaches them that, even if it is theirs, they can always practice courtesy. And sometimes, we play rough, to teach them that sometimes people may not give what we want even when we are courteous. We still have to remain courteous anyway. You see, these little nifty grifty little things goes a long way, now my first two nieces are young adults, and I smile when I see them being courteous when things can really rough out there. I don't see many teenagers who can control their angry emotions as well as my girls.

Punishment

It comes in all forms, but most importantly is letting them know the lessons they need to learn. Tell them WHY, and how they can make up for the wrongs.

We never had to beat any of our children that were raised in our homes, nor do we have to really punish them. They sometimes questions us, "How come that kid can say that word and we can't?"

We explain to them as much as we can. And sometimes get down and say, "When you grow up, and know the meaning of that word, you'd thank me."

And my girls did just that one day when they were 14-15ish. They went "oh my goodness, Bibik.... I just found out what xxxx means.. eeeewwwww... " I smiled.

I am not a biological mother yet

Yes, shoot me. I am not a mother yet, I don't have kids of my own yet. Here I am yapping about parenting, oh yes, wait till I have kids of my own, and we'll see how it goes.

Thank you dearest, thank you for praying for me to have my own kids.

I do note, in every gesture and words, that these children are not mine. In every lesson I teach, I tell myself, these children will go home to their mommies and no children will be sleeping with me. I can't wait to have my own and see how I manage them. I really can't.

I am not teaching anyone parenting, I am just sharing my views. :)

Shoot me your comments, of anything I miss out, or anything you want to add. I would love to hear from you!

Wassalam,
Jun