When right is always wrong...

Another argument, another jealousy debate. Even mom got confused with our status.

It was only the truth when one said heart matters are the most complicated issues. When seen from the outside is such a simple problem with a simple solution was way too hard to handle when your heart screams another and your brain's telling you another.

Whilst everyone said I deserved better than him, I refused although i said I agreed merely because I was too angry. When friends show their worth to me, I can't betray them of their honesty. Because they are truly important and will be my eye opener.

Oh, i saw sharmie's dad in his taxi on the way home... Wished I could just get back that friendship. But what's there to salvage when all respect is gone? Whilst I have never spoken of who she hangs out with and respected that she has got her own choices and can handle what's in her hands.. She never gave me that option.

Whilst I know he can be such a nuisance, and was rather obsessively sexually oriented, I know I can always say no, and I can always play my role. Maybe she just dun trust me or my actions. Maybe she just cared too much... But hey, one has to set an example before advising... I know it's over, but I ain't over it. 8 yrs of friendship, full of ups and downs... How can i forget those days we spend talking endlessly about our lifes... Full of trills and what not... Promises made and broken.. What's past is past... One has to move on.

I just hope she does well in whatever she does... Because I know she deserves it... Whilst I wonder if she thinks likewise, I couldn't seem to imagine that this friendship just ended like that..

Oh well.. Perhaps we'll meet again, in a different arena, in a different state, hopefully in a more stable condition to be talking again... Not about the past, but about the present..

So much has happened, and yet noone to share.. What's the point... Life still continue to go on... Time continue to past... What's left, is just me facing the world.. With what I've decided upon and on the actions I made, whether or not I intend to or otherwise.

We are just human. Making mistakes is just one of our scope of life... What is done has been done... What we planned is just planned... We'll see what happens in future, to our liking or otherwise..

I shall just move and pass it on..

Thanks Sharmie... You'll always be remembered... In a good way, of course..

I wonder why...

Today I wonder, why we can't be just like other couples... spending time together like it's their last... i wonder what made it hard for you and me.... i wonder why you never spend time talking to me on the phone without arguing and irritating me. I wonder why it seemed hard for us to just be how we used to be... i wonder why things have changed so much...

i wonder how you think.. I wonder what's in your mind right now... I wonder why my guts tells me something's not right.. I wonder why my guts are playing with my emotions... and i wonder why i tend to get angry way easily with or rather, at you...

i wonder why you can be so nice to others but me. i wonder why you seemed so distant from me... i wonder what i did to be deserving all these.... I wonder if you're loyal like how you said, i wonder if i could sustain being killed softly deep inside....

and as i wonder, i wonder if i really knew you, and i wonder if you really knew me... and i wonder why i'm feeling the way i'm feeling right now.... I felt unloved, unappreciated, and unworthy for some reasons... i wonder if the reason is you...