Rude vs Naughty Kids

Assalammu'alaikum family and friends,

I am back, and I couldnt help but write on this very sensitive topic.

Children and Parenting.

How do you tell your child is just being naughty, mischievious or being disturbingly rude and disrespectful?

I love kids, but one rude act and I get totally disturbed and turned off.

Yes, kids always say the darnest things, but there is a fine line to tell them apart.

Correction need to be made. Laugh because it is funny, but also teach them that it may be inappropriate.

The big NO words

I have always raised children in my home and my nieces and nephews are among the first to be under my care, before other children at some point of my life.

I can be that playful nanny who plays along and be like one of the children, but I act up like an adult should when it calls for it.

Disturbing words would receive a good smack from me, not to a point of abuse, but to point where they knew they should never mention such words ever again, and here is my list:

SHIT (in any language) - it is just not appropriate for children under 12 to use SHIT in every sentence. Why would it be funny when a 2 yr old come to your face and say "Eat SHIT"? Seriously?

STUPID - yes, call me old fashioned, but i believe words are just as good as prayers. You keep calling a child stupid and the child might just end up to be one. Noone is born stupid, learn! Get up and learn! Teach if your peers don't get it, don't call each other stupid. Don't you think it is insane if children really go around saying "stupid stupid stupid"

CALLING NAMES - It disturbs the hell out of me, my ears would have vomitted if it could when I hear people calling my children "FAT HIPPO" or "WALKING FRIDGE". What a way to grow up! Seriously, do you really enjoy it as a growing teenager/adults to be walking around being called names instead of your given names? You must have been sick!

Do you get the idea now? And of course all foul language is an obvious NO word to me. Trust me, I have heard a kid as young as 5 cursing and swearing and we (my parents, sisters and I) had nightmares!

Violence

For kids, this includes snatching, hitting, kicking and causing any slightest injury to self or their peers.

When hitting takes place, it is so wrong to hit that child and say "Don't hit your sister!"
The child will be confused! Why don't you put the sister away, and sit with the child and talk to him?

This is harder done than said without a doubt. I usually stop the fight by hugging the either one of the child. And coax to stop. When they do, I just talk to the child at eye level. The child understand more than you'd think. Tell them why and explain as much as you can, but keep it short and simple.

 Intelligence

As much as I understand the need of a parent to brag about his/her child's progress, I don't see how operating any gadget is any form of progress in terms of intelligence.

I am sorry if this offended you, and I respect you if you begged to differ. Yes, I admit the technology has helped in many ways for kids to advance.

**addition**
Unless the progress is to the child's knowledge. I mean why wouldn't anyone use technology to our advantage? What I am saying is the child's knowledge to download an app, or find out how to download an app in any gadget is NOT a form of progress. (At least not to me). If it is you, then congratulations.

I'd be proud to say oh my child learns the alphabets that early thanks to the iPad. Oh yes, that would be a positive progress. Learning alphabets and words from an iPad allows a kid to open a book and read. That's awesome.

Do note, every child needs to supervision from time to time, you can't just expect a kid to know when to stop. Guide them, and they would know.

**end of addition**

I am just old fashioned as you claimed. I really rather a child open the traditional book and read it (in sequence or not, in proper language or not). I really prefer a child who can narrate a story to me than to snatch my phone or any gadget and start playing.

Snatching my phone and finding an app or downloading an app to play is RUDE. I believe manners needs to be taught as early as the kid learns to talk.

Manners

Excuse me, thank you, please, may I. Simple courtesy gestures. These I teach my children as early as they learn to put little words together into a sentence. We play give and take with their toys, this will slowly develop the importance of seeking permission to use anything that may not be theirs or taking something that someone is using. My kids learn to say "Bibik, can I have my toy, please" when I am holding on to them without realising, and we make a point to reply, "Oh I am sorry, yes you may"

It teaches them that, even if it is theirs, they can always practice courtesy. And sometimes, we play rough, to teach them that sometimes people may not give what we want even when we are courteous. We still have to remain courteous anyway. You see, these little nifty grifty little things goes a long way, now my first two nieces are young adults, and I smile when I see them being courteous when things can really rough out there. I don't see many teenagers who can control their angry emotions as well as my girls.

Punishment

It comes in all forms, but most importantly is letting them know the lessons they need to learn. Tell them WHY, and how they can make up for the wrongs.

We never had to beat any of our children that were raised in our homes, nor do we have to really punish them. They sometimes questions us, "How come that kid can say that word and we can't?"

We explain to them as much as we can. And sometimes get down and say, "When you grow up, and know the meaning of that word, you'd thank me."

And my girls did just that one day when they were 14-15ish. They went "oh my goodness, Bibik.... I just found out what xxxx means.. eeeewwwww... " I smiled.

I am not a biological mother yet

Yes, shoot me. I am not a mother yet, I don't have kids of my own yet. Here I am yapping about parenting, oh yes, wait till I have kids of my own, and we'll see how it goes.

Thank you dearest, thank you for praying for me to have my own kids.

I do note, in every gesture and words, that these children are not mine. In every lesson I teach, I tell myself, these children will go home to their mommies and no children will be sleeping with me. I can't wait to have my own and see how I manage them. I really can't.

I am not teaching anyone parenting, I am just sharing my views. :)

Shoot me your comments, of anything I miss out, or anything you want to add. I would love to hear from you!

Wassalam,
Jun