The choice to be a Stay At Home Wife/Mom

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog.

I know, I have been adding entries on a daily basis (or almost) for awhile now. I can't help it as I was fed with so many interesting topics to cover! Thank you, you!

Many of my relatives and friends question my desire to be a Stay At Home Wife/Mom. To many, it remains a question, and so I gathered some of my stay-home-wives & moms to contribute the questions they were asked, so I can answer them in this entry. Afterall I have to prep myself with all these questions when I finally made it, right? I mean, as is, just as I was planning, I am already bombared by my desire and decision to be a stay home wife. So why not prep myself now?

WHY?

Why would you want to resign from a good paying job to stay home? 

I'd tell you why. 1) No money can buy my time when I wish to spend it with my VIPs, my parents, my husband, my in-laws, and most importantly - my children. 2) Because they are my VIPs, I want to be among the first to be there for them when they call me 3) I don't need approval to be with them when they need me, unless it is approval from my husband. 

What a waste! Studied so hard, only to stay home?

Says who, it is a waste? Well, why did you study? Purely so you can work and earn money? Well, not for me, at least not entirely. I studied because I am hungry for knowledge. So it is never a waste for me to not use the certificate at the end of the day, and the knowledge remains with me at my dispense when I need to use them.

Won't you be bored at home all day?

Oh seriously.. You must be one of the many who believes that we sit at home and do nothing. Let me tell you what there is to do, I can probably list my Mon-Sun schedule as well - since you asked.. 

Monday - 
Wake up, prepare breakfast, nap awhile, then get going with the laundry, vacuum the house, hang laundry to dry, cook lunch (and dinner). Watch some tv. Clean again - You should stay home all day once in awhile, the house really does get dirty every few hours!

Tuesday -
Pretty much like Monday, but today I don't do laundry, instead I will clean the kitchen. And if my laundry is dry, I'd fold them. 

Wednesday -
Pretty much like Monday, but today I want to mop the whole house as well. 

Thursday -
Just like Monday, but today instead of the laundry it would be bedsheets in the washing machine. And if my laundry is dry from yesterday, I'd fold them

Friday -
Today, I'd check my bedsheets, if they are dry, I'd fold them. And then I go clean the toilet. If my energy is still on a high, I'd vacuum and mop the whole house. 

Satuday-
Special food day! No cleaning, no laundry. Instead, I'd be cooking up a special meal for the family - something like Nasi Lemak, or Nasi Ayam.. You know, like a treat because everyone is home with me!

Sunday -
We go to the market, we will be dancing with the fishes, prawns and everything else. We'd probably eat out today, or spend a lot of our time outside for me to breathe. 

NOW, tell me, will I get bored? Where got time?? This is planned if I don't have kids, kids would occupy 99% of my time, surely!

The husbands don't get spared either.. 

Here are some of the funniest compilation from my stay home friends -

And so they heard their husband's friends asked him these:

Seriously dude, your wife don't go out to work?

Oh yes dude! Do you have a problem with that? And the dude go like, "How to survive? The cost of living is so high... My wife, she have to work to help me!"

"oh dude, how did you tell your wife to quit her job and stay home? I can't get my wife to do that, man!"

Ah senstive hor... Dude, firstly, I am not a slave to my husband, and my husband don't own me per se for me to just nod my head and say yes. This decision to be a stay home wife needs to be mutual. There is no point in having your wife stay home is she isn't happy about it. Perhaps, she wants to, but fear you won't be able to cope with the expences without her income to help when needed. Perhaps, she knows herself too well, and that she need the money she earn to pamper herself with expensive spas - and she knew you wont be able to afford if she don't earn it herself.

Perhaps.

And dude, let me remind you again. To decide and be a stay home wife is not "saving your wife from working too hard". Some women actually find staying at home more taxing than working in the office. Some are just more productive having to go our to work, then come home and continue off with house chores. Some, like me, prefer to do one at a time, either I work then go home and rest, or I stay home and do them all without the need to work, so if my husband tells me to resign now so I can stay home, I'd gladly do so. DO NOT force your wife just because I said I love to be a SAHW. 

You seriously can afford it?

Dude, again.. This is not something that is decided on impulse. This decision to live off just one income requires a lot of prior saving, and planning. We have to decide and act as a team. We have to draw a line and agree on our plans, our exit plans, and everything else there is to consider. We have to set a budget, do a trial run, test our limits, and see if it works for us. It is all about team work of trial and error. And obviously, need some serious cost savings. ;)

I told my husband specifically that I would like to start being a full time stay at home wife, when I finally conceived, or when we finally have our child. and I know I can afford to stay home for a good 7-9years, before I may need to rejoin the work force if the need arise. I know where I stand.

And my husband supports me, but told me his idea, some I may agree with, some I may turn down. Like I said many times, marriage is team work. Do what works for both. And as of now, we are working towards our goal to make me a stay home wife in approximately another 24 months or under. InsyaAllah.

Things people assume SAHW/M do everyday

Assumption 1: SAHW/M do nothing but sleep and eat at home

You know how you hear people ask a SAHW/M things like, "Stay home all day and yet you say you are tired/busy??" or have you recently ask someone that?

Well let me tell you what SAHW/M have to do on a daily basis, from the time we open our eyes, till the night welcome us to sleep again.

Image is taken off GOOGLE

Go scroll up and read what I plan to do Mon-Sun, if you had forgotten!

Assumption 2: SAHW/M is always free

Free? So my house would clean itself? My laundry would wash and hang itself to dry? Then get out of the slumber and fold themself neat? What do you mean free? 

Assumption 3: SAHW/M can do anything they want, when they want to!

Are you really sure? Because if it is like that I think a lot of us would have went out on a holiday 365 days a year. OR go out shopping all day all week, all month! Remember, because we are SAHW/M, we don't have our own income, and rely on our husband's, so unless our husbands earn a whooping million a month, then perhaps... I will surely want to clean and wash, and cook all day all night... Yup.. Exactly what I love to do, all the time.. And I enjoy it.... Sure!

Fact is, it is not our choice. Like it or not, the house needs to be cleaned. The laundry needs to washed, hanged, folded, ironed. The food needs to be cooked. So take it or leave it, you still have to do it, so why don't we all learn how to love doing it, right? 

Perks of being a SAHW/M

Well, we can nap when we feel tired. Take a break and watch some TV. Pull out a book and read. Or just hang our legs on the stool and relax for awhile.

We can run down to our parents' or our siblings' when they need us. We can run down to our childrens' school when the teacher calls.

We don't need to apply leave to attend to our VIPs. We do everything at our own time own target. However, we don't fancy snowballing our chores, otherwise it is hell for us.

We can spare some time and help the neighbours babysit their children if they need to run and attend an emergency.

Then we get paid with hugs, kisses, and words of gratitude, and a sense of pride that we have survived another day juggling the things in the house and remained sane.

I know, I would be more tired, more rugged but I also know that I would feel more blessed as well.

So my decision is made, in total approval from the husband. Provided our plan goes, provided our trial and error comes to a long term workable arrangement and sequential of things that needs done.

So ya! If you are a SAHW/M and would like to contribute more awesome questions that sets your eyebrows to raise or ended up laughing yourself silly, feel free to contribute via comments below, or drop me an email!

Until the next interesting blog entry,
Wassalam
The SAHW-wannabe

Mom and Baby

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, followers and readers of this blog.

Recently, I posted a few emotional phrases on my facebook account.

One of them reads, "I am not jealous of people of wealth, who dons the LV or the Gucci, I envy not the luxurious holidays people get to go to every now and then... BUT I am jealous over the people who can stay home and be with their children, I envy moms who get to be with their child anytime they need her through their life. I had my mom anytime, anywhere, any place, for the last 29 years, and I hope for many more, because I never can have enough of her. And I want to be like my mom with my kids. I'd cry a fountain if I am not able to.. A child remains a child in every mother's eyes. And as my mother age, our roles change, I want to the one providing her, protecting her, and granting her every wish, and to welcome any tantrums that comes with it. I want to. Because even if I have done so, it is never and will never be equivalent to what she has done for me.

*Each to their own, I am in no way implementing that career moms are less of a mother. Do note, that anything a mother does, she always have their children's interest in heart. There is nothing that a mother does that does not include her child in mind.*

Subsequently I posted, in defense to those who took offence being a working mom despite the disclaimer in asterix.

The second post reads, "Career moms and stay at home mom... Both have their struggles. Both have their children's best interest in mind. Both do not have an easy life. Both just wants the best for their children. Both deserve to be respected, for being the best-est mom their children can have. You mothers are just so strong to make a decision for the best of the whole family. And I am proud of all you mothers. Worry less about what others has to say about the decisions you make, and focus on what is best for the family."

You see, I am on the neutral side. I am on all mommy's side. We all have our struggles. Who lives without any, right?

And I guess these days, you will see me post a lot about moms and babies and all topics related. Since my undertaking to care for Baby M on most weekends, I have become more and more wary about baby needs, mostly highlighted by Baby M's Mama of course.

I am so glad her mama is kind and always point out my flaws and shortfalls directly. At least I know I can do better.

We sometimes take things for granted, and she being the more experienced babysitter, and having dealt with one kid with HFMD before, the kid contracted HFMD from her brother by the way. She is more careful and cleaner than me when it comes to babies, naturally.

And I continue to learn new things from her all in Baby M's sake. So this coming Wednesday, I intend to sanitize my whole house. For some reason, hearing my friend telling me about HFMD got me paranoil. Haha. Well, it's for the good, so why not?

Sometimes, we all take things for granted. Be it cleanliness, health or safety. And I am not excluded either. Seeing neat clean individual, we would assume he/she takes care of all her belongings just as good. Sadly not everyone, sometimes people like me who couldn't really care about how we look, go without make ups, use brandless or cheap stuff, care much more about baby's welfare.

I guess it is just upbringing, or maybe education. I can't tell. I started being wary about what is out there organic that is good for baby to eat. I started being wary about how baby is carried. I started being obsessed, maybe? All thanks to my friend! I now know there are so much variety to baby food that is organic! And how much is too much.

This made me less tolerable to people who mishandle their babies and the food they feed their baby. I had to constantly close my eyes and tell myself "It is not my baby, it is not Baby M"

I almost felt like I have fits when I see someone throwing a baby in the air or shake him/her excessively with head bobbing.

"Ya Allah!!! Protect the baby!" screamed my aching heart. I had to just walk away, before I screamed this to that adult. Not that I don't care, I just had enough of people who "knows better" and refused to heed my warning, and refuse to educate themselves.

I am protective, and call me crazy if you must. DO know, that if you ever ever dare to throw my baby in the air, I will seriously consider throwing you out the window in my head many times that you might just jump yourself. Seriously... Do it to your own child, if you must. BUT don't do it to others, or at least ask their parents first. Some are not too bothered, and some do! So before you love any kid, learn to respect their parents first. Even when you wanna just give the kid an innocent candy! You never know if that kid has allergies.
Then again, I don't have kids of my own, and maybe I don't know much. True much!

If I were to have one now, I wont have anyone around who can care for her/him either. So be nice, Allah SWT knows best why I haven't had my junior yet. Stop telling people or my face that we didnt try hard enough, for Allah SWT knows best how much we have tried.

I rather focus and learn via Baby M. She taught me a lot, along with her mama. And I learn, my husband learn, we all learn.

And it warms my heart when Baby M says MMaakk, to my face, and Abbbaah to my husband. And she knows how to wave! Yeay! But sometimes she wave to the wrong direction. And oh, clap too, slowly but getting there!

And oh... the baby fan is now down to just one blade. She tore the two apart yesterday, and smiled/laughed cheekily when I caught her.

Another baby entry another day...

Wassalam,
Baby M's Mak.