7 of 12 Months of 2017

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog. 2 weeks into July already, that's just how fast time flies...

I had a good week and month so far. All the amazing stories and fabricated "truth" going around of late got me so amused. Dirty techniques that I've known about since forever, almost. (And so glad someone else sees it through and through like I do after finding myself alone for a few years! Haha! and it seems like more people are starting to note the pattern too!)

I don't know why some people had to stoop THAT low, and then go around telling everyone it was us/other people who is doing what they did. Whatever it may be, I guess a lot of us, who had seen through their lies, had grown up much wiser and much stronger to just laugh at it, ignore or just pretend nothing happened. We grew to not react. What is there to react to when it is all fabricated, sometimes distorted. Let it be. I believe the truth will prevail, even if it takes a thousand years, the truth will prevail.

It is okay to slander me, you may get away with it scot-free.. it is okay... I will claim it for what it is worth after-life. I trust Allah SWT more than all the words fellow human has for me. And it is okay if you do not wish to agree with me, and do not wish to see things the way I see. It is okay to be different.

Wrong is wrong even when EVERYONE else is doing it. And right is right even when NOONE else does it. It is okay. I know I am clear with what I am doing. I don't even have to say anything most of the time..

So.. July has been great, just that a lot of memories with my dad popped up on facebook and got me a little teary, especially when it is a picture of me and him. I miss him oh soooo dearly. I miss him so much it hurts badly. He always have all the right words to say even with his Dementia.

7th July, 9 years ago, year 2008... I had just went through my 2B TP and passed. Heh.. 9 long years eh... And what have I accomplished in the riding world? Well... Owning an Aprilia as my first bike was top on the list, then the experience riding and playing on Pasir Gudang Track albeit me still on P plate, me riding up to KL then Sepang to watch MotoGP with my bros, me falling and running into trouble with that first bike for at least 3years maybe a bit more, of how I met my husband on the Pasir Gudang Track, befriended him, and yada yada yada. That Italian ride had gone through a whole lot with me, it was one that I could never totally forget. I over-trade that bike for a scooter, the Piaggio Fly.. With which got into far more trouble than my precious Aprilia. LOL! With this scooter I learn how to claim insurance, how to report accident.. The first report and claim I made was when a lorry knocked my poor Lalat when she was stationary at a parking lot. It was with her that I pillion my bestfriend a whole lot, like almost everyday dropping her off before i head down to my office. It was with this bike, that I experience what a broken bone felt like, what a ride on the ambulance was like, what having metal inserted into my hand felt like, and how great it was to watch the two metals being pulled out by the doctor while being fully awake and no painkillers, how torturous physio can be, most importantly, how EXPENSIVE it can get, it was with this bike that I got engaged and married to my husband, it was this bike that saw us through, it was this bike that had me delivering nachos like Ms Santa island wide. It was a fun bike, but it had to go. This bike was traded in for my husbands then Super4 or was it the Suzuki, can't remember. but anyhoo. I stopped riding after the accident with the broken hand, I did ride it back briefly for awhile after the wedding, but because I had a direct bus to my office, I decide to just not ride, since it is rather stupid to ride and take far longer than the bus ride esp on a rainy day. So I didn't ride for a good 4 years, maybe a lil more? It was only after I shifted to my own house and having lived there for almost a year that husband suggested I resume riding since it is ridiculously tiring to travel an hour to work and take almost 2 hours to reach home due to traffic and what not. So yep. Welcome to riding, again.

I end my 2nd week of July with Baby M's Raya cum Racial Harmony event at her school. I sometimes can't absorb that I had been caring for this girl for 3years and counting. 3 years ago today, she was 5 months old and had travelled to Simpang Renggam with us for the first time. We have surely gone through quite a lot together, Baby M. And my biggest hope is that you grew up a better person than all of us put together. May you pick only the good stuff from us, and leave the bad.

Almost done with the 3rd week of July, a wedding to attend, and hopefully a good family get-together after what seems forever! (I just had them over on the 1st weekend of Syawal, so not exactly forever..) This week seems to zoom past with Baby M extending her stay to Tuesday. I wish I could have her all week all month all year, I love watching her enjoy school, and skipping home like it is the best day ever. My heart always swell with so much love watching her smiling away.I am rather looking forward to her Farmart trip next week (which will be the last leg of July).

I started my 3rd week of July with a good chat with a good old friend, flashing back all the way back.. It was rather funny how I finally got my assumption right. It has been you all along, why you so free? I am so jelly! I wish I had that much time in my life to do so many awesome stuff!

With 5 weekends this month, it seems like forever before I meet the last leg of July... So long I had my August laid out. August is full of hospital appointments for me. Finally got courage to do proper test and get the ttc issues out of the system. I'd be lying to say I am not nervous. I sort of suspect it is Endometriosis, but who knows for sure until a proper check, right? I should really do this much earlier in the marriage, but it keeps getting put off and surely Allah knows best, and I guess there are reasons for such delays to happen.

I am at a stage where I don't really get bothered with stupid questions like "tk nak ada anak ke?" ("Don't you want a child?" "tk usaha ke?" (Didn't you try alternatives?)"kau mandul ke?" (Are you barren?). I mean face it, of course it hurts.. I'd like to think that they are just inexperienced with infertility, or maybe lack of trust in Allah SWT, wallahualam. I don't want to judge, as much as I can, but I need to love myself and shut myself out of such people with such questions in my face.

As much as I answered them casually and jokingly that my order via amazon didn't get through, it still hurts damn bad. I stopped crying, but it is hurtful nonetheless.

Do know that infertility can happen to anyone, even with those who had a child before. Infertility is not just about inability to conceive. It is a big deep hole to explore. It could be anything, and above all, infertility and to conceive is teamwork. It doesn't just consist of the woman who is going to carry the child, it consist of the father, the family as well as friends who will be there to support this very woman. Ultimately yes, the woman have to prepare her body for the baby, but really.. face it. It is not her alone in the journey to have a baby. It is not. And we are not alone in this battle. We are not.

I guess I will talk more about infertility and maybe my boring journey in another entry. But to those women experiencing and going through the rough trail of trying for a baby.. here's to us. We can do this! With or without baby, we are no less of a woman. We are stronger than this.

Have I told you that my husband has got his citizenship, like finally, officially! 37 long years of being in Singapore, and he finally decide to just go for it after being offered 2-3 times prior. So ya, he can now sing all the patriotic Singapore song this National Day. Above all that, I am very happy to minus off $10K from my house loan.. We are down to 18 years to pay off! Yeay! I can't wait to finish off this loan, really. Has to be the longest repayment period ever for me after the 10-year car loan.

I just hope it gets down to less than 10years when I decide to be home in 5years time. Yes, I do intend to refinance it whenever we can. As much as so many is against us finishing the house loan earlier than predicted, I seriously prefer to just finish is soonest possible and remain debt free as much as I possibly can!

I know, it is a boring entry, with no pictures, but hey, it has been like this since forever. Yes I try to change my ways and add pictures on some entries, but old habits die hard, that's why I have an Instagram account, to help me document pictures, but I have no energy to save all the pictures, and transferring them over to my blog and all that.. I wish it is easier like how many other bloggers do, but it just isn't for me.

Oh god.. I am always trailing of whenever I type an entry.. So ya. Back to week 4, like finally! the last leg of July. Am I the only one who felt like July is forever?

I had my sisters and mom over yesterday (Sunday), and had great time cooking with mom, and feeding my sisters, and my niece and nephew joined Baby M playing kitchen in the activity room. Boy, they sure had fun in there! DIY playdough is so much cheaper and less hurtful to throw! Just flour (any kind), baby oil, water and food colouring is all you need to make!

And yes! This final week of July, Baby M will be with me all week, meaning.. she will not be skipping any school hour! We made it on public, and she was rather disturbed to see a lot of shops closed.. Haha.. Culture shock I guess, with her mom it is always so late in the morning, all shops are open by then, and if shops are closed, it is because it is so late at night. So yep, she went like "why are all the shops closed? Why isn't the escalator moving? Why?" Haha

Oh.. no.. she didn't cry, not at all, because she has more than enough sleep. She was put to sleep by 9pm, and up at 6.20am, target to be out of the house by 6.45, but we got a little behind and only left home at abt 7.05am, so we touch down at her school at 8.05am, and me.. to work at 9.15am. Mondays... The rest of the days would be much much better, insyaAllah! I reached her school at about 6.50pm, and we got home at 7.45pm.

Strangely, I feel this is less tiring then sending her on Sundays. Maybe because I get an early night.

Tuesday came, and she woke up, showered and was ready by 6.30am, but she was sooo sleepy she went back to sleep, so I had to bring out the good ol' GB Pockit Stroller to good use. Train had some delays, so we ended up in school the same time as yesterday, in time for breakfast. And me, I reached early as I didn't take the train. I was in the office area at 8.45am, so I grabbed some pratas for breakfast. Today she almost cried, because she is just so sleepy, and I put her to sleep at 9pm, with her turning and tossing, she was asleep by 9.30pm. Imagine how cranky she would be if I didn't bother putting her to sleep early.

Oh the stroller, I got it second hand from a friend who no longer uses it after having it for almost a year, so I can say it is almost brand new for me. It is useful for its compact folding (meaning i can keep it beneath the sofa if I run out of space, it is light, so I can carry it when I need to, and it is a good height for toddlers to sit and fall asleep in even though it is not reclined.

The stroller being light also means it get to "corner baring" (tipped over while turning) pretty easily. I felt like I was almost throwing her off sometimes, but that didn't happen because she is very well strapped and the tipped over is in actual very little (but it felt like it is a lot, because it is so light).

I left the office right on the dot, and got to her school at 6.35pm, and still she is the last (and only one left in school). And because she didnt cry, I rewarded her with some ribena pastilles.

Wednesday, I woke up at 3am to receive news that my 2nd sis had rushed herself thru A&E, and ended up running a bit late, so I grabbed to her school and ended up really early so I used the time to pay for her 2 excursions + 1 set of uniforms. It seems like the school figured she is only in school on Fridays and had therefore made it very convenient for me to make sure she gets in school to enjoy all those excursions. And since it is me wanting her to go, I paid for them.

I am really not sure of what the future holds for both of our families. Ours and Baby M's. I really don't know. She might be switched to another school, she might stick to this routine, she might not. Looking back, I wasn't even sure we would have her for this long, 3 years ago. I am never and could never be sure how long more I will have with her, I hope for forever, but it could also be cut short, who am I to say?

I would love to see her grow up into adolescent and adulthood, into marriage and all that, but really... who am I to say? I can only hope, and hope I shall.

A couple more days before I can finish this and publish, and it seems like forever, oh my! Why do I feel like July is forever?

Thursday, it is starting to get into her.. She drags the morning wake up call, but still got up nonetheless, asked for milk. And got ready. I hurried myself out the door and we got to school at 7.55, with her asleep (so had to carry her for a bit). I hugged and kissed her for a bit, and left. Got to my office area around 8.30, so I got used to having pratas for breakfast now.

Friday, we were suppose to be in school by 8am, but I got a little behind and only went through the door at 8.05am. Thankfully! Alhamdulillah!

I fetched her earlier than usual that Friday, and the teacher proudly told me that Baby M is so brave and fed the goats, rabbits and fishes at the Farmart. I brought her to the sandy playground 2 bus stops away before heading home, that day, some sort celebrating, I guess. We made it. We made a whole week and not miss a school or work day. Yeay! Alhamdulillah!

Weekend came, I met my mom at the Gombak market, and brought her home with me for the night. We were suppose to have a home massage the next day.

Sunday came and our masseuse was down with migrane and fever so it got postponed to next week, InsyaAllah.

Baby M stayed another night, I send her to school on the last day of July (Finally end of July!!). Her mom will fetch her from school.

Her Ustazah briefly asked "eh she never go home?"

I wished she don't have to. A wish too much to ask since she still has both her biological parents.

With this, I hope August will be much better.. Bye July...

Until the next entry,
Jun

Wassalam

Salam Lebaran, Minal Aidil Wal Faizin!

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog. I know and well aware that I've been very behind lately.

So Eid had come and went. it is 11th Syawal today. We are still mourning even at the 425th day so we didnt go out that much this year.

On 1st Syawal, for the first time, I woke up on my own bed, in my own house, waking the husband, getting ready and head off to my mom's place.

We waited for both my sisters then me and my eldest headed off to my maternal grandma's leaving mom and 2nd sis as mom is still not wanting to get out for Eid as it will remind her of our dad. It is this day every year, each time that dad will repeatedly ask her which envelopes are for which child and mom always had to remind him again and again and had to tell him he had already given the children when he forgets. How can I expect my mom to move on? She lost a man she lived with for almost 4 decades. At the slightest thought of my husband demising alone gets me emotional and I've only been married to him for almost 5years. It is not easy for my mom. So I appreciate the understanding for allowing my mom time and more time.

After our Grandma's we went to my in-laws. We spent a good time there, until Baby M had to head home. Oh yes, she was with us on 1st Syawal.

2nd Syawal, we went to the graveyard, visit Bapak, Tok Marsook and Mang Sani. Then we head home to rest before we met my eldest at Tok MakMang's house. The man who sheltered us when we were given news by my dad's boss that he sold the land and we had to leave. Noone else stepped forward to give us shelter, but he did. It was not expected, but very much appreciated. Very.

He now has parkinson disease, and relied a lot of meds to keep him stable. For that we try to repay his deeds with frequent visits to help him in any little way we can. May Allah keep him safe always.

We revisited him again the following week with mom and second sis, then got to my house. My first guests. I had fun cooking and serving them all with so much love. A friend visited us too that day. So we repay the visit to their place and went to my SIL's house.

On Monday we went to my eldest sister place, oh my we were treated like kings! We had food filling our tummy, and complete with desserts! Food cooked my niece! How special, right? How can I not love my sister?

I think I want to end my Eid there, but we were invited to a open house this Saturday. So maybe end it then. We had lots to do at home on Saturday though.

Oh! Husband got me the camera to put on my helmet. I love practical gifts! Especially when it is a gift of "just because".

Some parts of me cant wait for August already. I wish I can just swim through to November and December already.

And oh.. sorry.. we didn't take much pictures the whole Eid. These are just the little we made do with.

My Eid Bag as a stroller bag. Mad love for this!

And the review from my niece. SO much love for her!

Us when we visited my eldest sister

Us when visiting our friend and his sister. And yes, she is taking a selfie! haha!

Until I blog again,

Jun

Wassalam