My struggles

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog. I know... A lot of catching up to do still.... And here is another personal rant! May Allah forgive us all for complaining this much, but I guess these are lessons worth sharing so others would know that they are not alone struggling to be closer to Him.

Image taken via Google Search for "Susah Nak Solat"

I have personally posted on my FB many of my rants and this is one of the many that touched a few of my friends to the point of sharing.

"Pernah tak korang da pasang niat nak solat, tapi tetiba org tegur dan serkup jarang cakap kita tk solat, kumpul dosa, bla3.. Lepas tu hati rasa sakit dan seakan rajok dan nak betolkan tuduhan dia je? 
Hijrah ni bkn arini ubah trus jadi ustaz/ustazah tau! Hati ni lemah tau! Pls la jgn nk hukum sangat org yg baru nk berjinak, baru nak merangkak istiqomah... Utk kembali dekat dgn Allah. Korang sedap mulut tuduh kita tk solat, tak nk solat semua kenapa eh? Kenapa, nak solat kena announce ke kat radio, tv dan fb supaya semua tahu saya da solat ke belum, saya ada niat nak solat lepas makan ke? Nak kena bilang semua org ke? Saya diam sebab tk nak dijangkit riak. Tapi bila org asik nak tuduh saya tk solat, mcm fed up gitu. Saya pujuk hati dgn berzikir, dan istighfar.. Tapi kadang.. Penat tau dgr org marah saya, caci saya, tuduh saya yg bukan2. Takkan nak announce setiap hari bila balik yg saya dah solat zohor dan asar kat tmpt keje? Salah ke saya nk makan dulu saban hari kt keje, saya dulukan solat, terlepas waktu makan, baru nk solat maghrib? Salah sangat ke aku ni? Hina sangat ke aku ni... Tapi saya cekalkan hati, pujuk sekali lagi.. Mari istighfar... Ambil wuduk. Peduli la ape org nak kata, biarlah org kata, "hah! Kena marah, kena tegur baru nak solat!" biarlah.. Biarlah.. Allah ada... Allah tahu... Ya Allah, maafkan lah hamba2 mu yg khilaf ini..."

In translation along with more rants and details:

Have you ever intended to solat, but suddenly was approached and accused of not performing any solat, that we are accumulating sins, etc? And from that incident, our hearts felt pain and start to sulk, some-what trying to protest and make those assumptions and accusations true? But I consoled the heart to recite praises to Allah and to seek help and guidance from Him. This change I make, the journey I decide to take, is not simply put as, today someone changed, and today itself that someone will be perfect with all knowledge and habits installed, you know that right? This heart is weak.. I beg of you, all of you.. to please... Please, do not judge the people who have decided to turn over a new leaf, these people have just started their baby steps to be better, to be closer to Allah. Why do you or anyone need to accuse us of not performing solat, some even to the extent of accusing us of not performing the solat at all! Why? Must we announce our intentions to the media? Must to publicly tell everyone that we have performed our solat fardhu? I kept quiet because I am afraid to be proud or think I am righteous when I am far from it. I am quiet because I don't want to end up to be too proud. But sometimes... I get tired of having people to scold me, to insult me, and accuse me of plenty of things. You can't expect me to announce everyday upon reaching home that I have performed my zohor and asar at my workplace, can you? Am I too sinful? Too filthy? But I consoled my heart once again, seek forgiveness from Allah, to take ablution. Ignore what they all say, let them say "see, I have to nag at you, scold you, then you want to solat!" Let them say... Let them... Allah is with me, with us. Allah knows, Ya Allah, please forgive us who is naive and not know what goodness of all these tests has for us. 

MasyaAllah, my heart healed as I type that status out. I went ahead and took my ablution and seek forgiveness on behalf of these people and myself. I cried on the praying mat. I told myself it is okay. I reassured again and again, it is okay if people judge, they do not know me or my intentions, but Allah does, and that is all that matters. 

As with these people whom I shall label as the "Correctors", He brought to me the people whom I shall lable as "Motivators". Every community will have these two types of people. And they will both bring out the better out of ourselves, so do not despair. Allah knows best. Have faith and trust Allah. He wont bring challenges to you without bringing you through it with victory. It is His way of communicating to us, His way of showing His love to us. MasyaAllah, isn't that great? 

Yes our hearts are weak, that is why we have these two people, to strengthen us and to build us!

The Correctors

These people actually only has the best intentions and they actually want the best for us. It is their way of doing it that appear a little bit wrong in our eyes. Look past that, and look beyond that. If they don't love us, they wont even bother to remind us. Although they can sometimes make us feel down and undeserving, they actually really just want us to be more perfect, so we can all together attain Jannah, insyaAllah.

I mean it is only the works of Syaitan that loves seeing our hearts weaken and silaturrahim broken, isn't it?

The Motivators

Hold them close. These people would rarely judge, for many reasons. Maybe they have been in our shoes before, maybe they are also struggling like us. Keep them close, and motivate them like they do us. They sometimes need it more than us!

With these people, sometimes, the Syaitan come whispering, "They aren't perfect themselves, why do you need to always praise them for their "fake" concerns?"

Syaitan

Yes, the works of Syaitan. Clear your consciousness. Hey, I wouldn't mind competing to be closer to Allah. Just be careful alright. It is also the works of Syaitan that makes you feel like you have done the best and that you don't need to do extra or feel like you have done a lot, or that authoritative feel inside because Syaitan said you are better than anyone else.

Be wary, look out for the signs, istighfar, recite praises for Allah, and rest assured that Allah is always around you. All these tests, the falls, the rises. It is all for the sake of strengthening us and to build a better us. Be positive, think positive, do positive. InsyaAllah. Most importantly, be sincere. It is not praises from our people that we are seeking for, but for His Forgiveness and Acceptance.  

My next post will be on how Allah SWT has bestowed me with so much love when I istiqomah to answer His Calls on time although I am far from doing it perfectly, but alhamdulillah, all is good when the niat (intention) is all for the better.

Please, I beg of you to forgive me if this write up makes you feel like I am announcing my good deeds because Subhanallah, that is not my intention. I am just sharing in hope that I will re-read and improve myself, and in hope that someone else along the way will benefit from this..

And Jazakallah Khairon everyone for the believe, and do'a. I appreciate it!

I am not pious, I am just an imperfect Muslim who is trying to be a good one. I am sure we can all be one, yes?

Taqabbalallahu minna wa minkum (translates to: May Allah accept it from you and us.)

With much love,
Jun

Wassalam.