My Fashion Sense

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog.

I have been busy and thus haven't been updating as much as I would like, and the amount of outstanding posts on draft has grown too.

I was just flipping through my niece's Instagram accounts, watching them grow through pictures made me realize that they have outgrown me in a lot of ways. It was then I realized that these beautiful nieces of mine have such great fashion sense in them, and are very unlike myself when I was their age. When I was between 12-16, I hated the idea of meeting friends after school, the kind of plans such that we all go home, freshen up and change to home clothes kindda thing. I hated them, and I was so glad my parents were strict enough to forbid me from going out to meet friends unless it is really necessary and important, they told me if it is really important, these friends would just stay in school to do it, and go home when it is done.

I hated having to go home to change to home clothes because I don't have much clothes to wear, not that I have anything to complain about, I don't. I know where I stand, it is some rich friends who never understood where I stood. I was in a Christian school, and some of the students are really rich, they have chauffeurs who sent and fetch them from school, they have maids who wash and iron their clothes, a different maid who cooks for them, and if they wished, their parents would give them $50 to eat out. Everything they carried and wear had a brand to it. At that age, I don't know what a brand is, I grew up with Umbro, Lumberjack, and just the many X brands kind of stuff, I don't know Nike, Adidas, Agnes, whatever else there is (although I see them on bags, socks and shoes, I never really know it is a brand, and it is costly). I never knew because noone in my family has them, we don't even look at them, in fact, we never shopped at a shopping mall, much less to shop in a boutique!

With my father's salary of a mere $900, how can we ever afford a $100+ shoes? How can we ever afford $50 note to spend in a day? We couldn't. To say I wasn't jealous of these rich kids, would be a big fat lie. I was. I was just brought up well enough to know that we cannot afford that, and that we should be grateful because they are others who had lesser than us. I was constantly a target because I was so naive. There was one day that I wore my pair of jeans (which is too short), and shirt. A group of girls laughed at me in school the next day. A friend told me it was because I was wearing an imitation Armani Exchange shirt. I had to asked what shirt is Armani Exchange, and my friend had to draw the logo out with A|X. And I was like, "oh"

As much as I may have appeared like it didnt matter to me, it hurts me bad. That shirt I wore.. It was my sister who gave it to me. And everything my sister(s) gave to me is precious to me. I have seen how my sisters went through school days, they don't own any purse like me, all they had was a hankerchief with thier coins neatly tied at on corner. I was just lucky, and Allah bestowed me to my grateful parents 10 years after my second sister for a good reason. It was so I can see how my sister had it worse than me multiple times, so I'd learn to appreciate my childhood even when I don't understand it then.

It was because of this decade gap that my sisters are working when I was still in my teens, and they often helped as much as they can so I can have a Deuter bag when it was in trend, they get me a good sports shoe when I joined my school's Hockey team. They helped me breeze through my teenage peer pressure as much as they can. When I was shy to bring my aged and illiterate parents to school, I drag my sister for the parent-teacher meeting. Everyone in school has parents who can speak English, mine couldn't. When neither my sisters could make it, I spoke to my Cikgu secretly if she can do the translation or simply handled it off my form teacher. Sometimes, it helped. Sometimes, I struggle myself to translate myself, often hiding the not-so-good news.

When the internet was making its quick spread, and everyone in class started talking about it, and computers became a thing to have in the house sort of thing, I was probably the only one without and relied a lot on the school's PC.

My sister bought a PC eventually for us. Subsequently we got internet connection, oh don't you all remember the 56K dial up modem? And then scream when your mom lift up the phone to call someone. Those were the days... And of course I abuse the internet back then, chatting up my friends instead of doing my work, well, no actually I'd do my work for like 15 minutes, and it is actually done but i cheated and said I wasn't so I can chat a little while (like as if I wont see them in school, right? pfft!).

I cannot imagine if my sisters are not around to help. I cannot. As much as we fight, we need each other. To look down on us, so we would soar higher. To cheer us on, when no one else would. To reassure us it is okay, even when we all know it is not.

It is amazing that I have tears swelling in my eyes as I recalled all that my parents, sisters and I went through. Who would have thought that the girl who demanded a new purse from her mother would end up crying because she made her mom spend on a wallet when she was suppose to get us something to cook for dinner?

I was a tough kid to raise, I will not deny. I was not like my goody two sisters. I was not even close. I often go against my parents. I don't study or revise, yet I got an okayish to good results - something God bestowed to me so I won't trouble my parents further, maybe.

I was 11 when I became an Aunty, something noone is school would claim to be at that age, but I was proud to be an Aunty. There is someone to play with, someone to point a finger too if I get in some trouble, someone who would imitate me, someone who I am assigned to take care of. Being the youngest, this was awesome. Before my niece, everyone took care of me, and if anything goes wrong, my sisters point to me, and if I did something wrong under my mom's nose, she'd blame it on my sisters. LOL! So with this niece, I knew my special place has gone to her. I learn a lot with her around. Perhaps the reason why I can babysit so well. My experience starts at 12!

When I was busy preparing for new school, graduating with a good PSLE results, a second niece greeted the world. I was excited, because there will be a baby and toddler to greet me when I return from school. And everyday, every single bad day would be gone the moment I see my nieces at the door. I forget what my friends called me, what my friends taunt me with, the moment I see their smiles.

And everyday, after school, I will be assigned to feed and shower my toddler niece. Everyday, I will look forward to just that. And while she naps, I will do my homework. Sometimes, I do it at the very last minute, late at night, because I was busy playing with them.

I know I promised a photo or two to just show my horrible fashion sense, but I couldn't find any, the only thing I can say is that I never put on make up on a daily basis, I am always wearing something of neutral colors,

Today, as I grow, I become less interested in styling my wear. I choose something that is fuss free 99% of the time. I choose outfits that don't need extra layering. Being a hijabi made it easier for me, because a simple long sleeve cotton top and jeans still look presentable enough to appear in the office. In fact, everything I wear looks more presentable, as compared to back then when I wasnt a hijabi.

Back then, dress down days meant shirt and shorts, and I'd really look like I am going to a picnic instead of to work, Today, shirt and shorts are meant for the bedroom only. Today, I dress the same, with very little need to style. Even to weddings, I still don't find the need to style up, except maybe just a dap of BB cream on my face and a slap of lip balm, ok maybe fill my eyebrows.

I watch people elder than me still hype about styling and make up, and end up not knowing if I should be ashamed for them or for myself. Maybe I am just like my mother. I don't see the need to look pretty for people. For as long as my husband finds me presentable and allow to leave the house looking the way I do, I will be fine.

I guess I am just one of the many who can go out bare faced in PJs and still have fun. And as my fashion sense is taking a back seat, I am beginning to become more lazy fashionless. Even when I sew, I tend to sew baggy, loose tops, and wide legs pants. Even when the pattern calls for darts (to give more body shape), I tend to give it a miss, leaving myself a boxy pattern. I didnt care about what is in trend or what is the in-thing anymore.

I finally managed to find time to dig in old photos to make a comparison of what happened to me over the 5yrs since I hijrah to hijab.

Enjoy..

This was within my 1st year of my hijrah, so I utilized a lot of my existing shirts. 

And that is probably why I always tell my friends who have intentions to make the hijrah to just proceed, even if they don't have much to start with. When you hijrah with good intentions, insyaAllah, your path will be made easier. Don't trust me, trust Allah SWT.

This was taken during my honeymoon, I used a lot of instant hoodies which was attached it its top and instant hijabs.

 I have given most of it away. As I changed my wardrobe to accomodate my need to have more coverage.

This is when I started being very particular, and started donning really wide shawls to achieve maximum coverage.

And then convenience took over, back to instant hoodies but this one is huge, and can transform to a mini telekung.

Now, since Ramadhan, I am falling in love with mini telekungs to wear everyday. Understand, that sometimes you are moved to try something so you get used to something better.

And so that is when my sewing desire took over.. I haven't start sewing my tudung labuh or my whole wardrobe yet, but I hope it happens soon because I can't wait myself!

So my family and friends, if you have intentions to hijrah, don't wait too long. Start small, your current wardrobe can be Muslimah-lize. It can work, and your rezeki will take a turn, then you can slowly build your wardrobe and bless away your not-so-Muslimah-friendly clothes.

Every change begins small. Take baby steps, and never look back. You can do it! Just keep visiting your intentions, cleanse the heart, the mind, and everything will be easier, InsyaAllah..

With much love in Ramadhan,
Jun.