Why is it so difficult?

I dunno why it is so difficult to be honest and just tell someone that you don't have any feelings for him... I dunno how to put it really..

Should I just go bluntly and say, "Hey listen, the other time when I said I love you... I was drunk, high and alone. I actually didnt mean it. Cheers!" and walk away? or should I sit with him and tell him as professionally as I could, and say..."I didnt mean to hurt you or play with your feeling or any sort, but I guess I said things that shouldn't be said. I hereby say, that it's over", and assure him that I'll still be his friend?

The later was a better option, but harder. Everytime I sit with him, I figured he's a nice guy. And I dragged the topic, often ending up with him feeling happy that I was there with him. And so it didnt happen again... Should I just appear at PPV, bump into him, pretend I am drunk and say the first speech?

It's cruel to wait and make him fall harder when I finally picked up the courage to do so. I have felt and know what it feels like, and I can't let that happen to another being.. At the same time, it's hard to break the news. I keep wondering how he'd react, I know he's old enough to take it lightly and move on. But him being old-er only means it's harder to move on, or is it not?

I have finally opened up about my true feelings to someone really really trustworthy. And I felt a thousand times better. Above was another part of the twirling breeze in my daily life. I will get by that, I am sure. The sooner, the better.

I hope to see Rock tomorrow.. I will be out after work to do up at least my introductory of my assignment, before I head down to PPV. I will be praying hard that he'd come. I really don't know why I wanted so much to see him again. It's not going to work... We are totally the opposites of nature. E is gonna be here till April... unless his work want to extend his stay again. I have to break the news by end of this month really.. I hate to drag such things.. But it's really hard when you know you're gonna hurt someone because you know how much it'd hurt if it's you in his shoes.. Boy, making decisions are hard, but we still have to make the choice..

I received a postcard from MG in Texas! His handwriting is exactly the same as Skinny R and it scared the shit out of me! And I swear I almost peed in my pants when I saw the handwriting and the almost similar signature! Weird.. really...

I have a long week coming. And I gotta plan and do as I plan unlike last weekend, which only goes to nothing except more Heineken. BAD.. Real BAD.

I don't know what else to write, actually.. So, let's just end it here...

Auf Wiedersehen!