Time...

A week has come and zoomed past. How time flies and how many things had happened... I wish I could have my weekend back, to do it all over again. It was a different kind of nice feeling that overcame me.. It was like the ocean touching the shore... Like I'm the shore.. afraid of the ocean crushing me, and yet yearns for it to come back and drag its strong current against my skin.. I am totally in a trance of something that's unsaid.

I didnt sleep over the weekend because I didnt want to miss anything. I couldnt sleep in fear that I'd be left stranded.. I suddenly felt like I have another family to care for. I suddenly felt a sudden push to go on, strive harder and give them my support. Unintentionally, they have build a stronger me within alongside with a heavy responsibility. And yet, they made me a little weaker inside, because my fear became more significant. I am too afraid, even to speak.

What if they like me not because I'm me, but because of what I have and can potentially own? What if they just want to "use" me for awhile? What if... he was told to and wasnt doing it out of his own will? I could sense that he's in love with someone else, but is not telling. I could sense his jealousy when he touched her but is hiding. I couldnt feel enough for me.

How can I talk him out when I never get alone time with him at all? How am I to know more of him if we never could have time?

I am pacing myself at my slowest speed. I tried to restrain myself from falling. I tried not to have any emotions that could possibly deter my pure intentions of befriending a stranger. He was clearly not my type, and yet I was drawn to him. What is wrong with me?

I dunno why I keep falling for bad boys with broken family. I dunno why I keep bruising my own heart with my own stupidity. Why couldnt I just settle with someone who is worth it? Opportunities has come knocking my door but I keep rejecting them.. But when one clear failure come knocking, I willingly let it eat my heart.. I am useless, aren't I? Everything's my fault, isn't it? I am finding my own pit to fall into, aren't I?

Then again, not all bad boys with broken family will became bad men, or are they? True it's hard, but isn't impossible, is it? My head aches thinking about it..

And just so you guys know... I haven't gone to any level with him yet. Just been talking to him. Was like a one sided thing, you know.. Me falling and not know how he feels towards me kind of thing. We are just friends, still.. As much as I wanted more, I had always known that it won't happen.. I have seen the end before it begun.. How sad...

Ah.. I better get my lunch now.. Catch ya later.