Sometimes....

Assalammu'alaikum fellow sisters and brothers. I hope all are doing great thus far. I've had a rough weekend. My permission being granted was taken away with the twisted words... Perhaps I shouldn't have wanted to go along... Perhaps I shouldn't have gone out when I returned... Perhaps I should have just been alone.. I'm glad there are still a few whom I can trust to cheer me up and to tell me what I could do to make up for my wrongs. Often, these people get outnumbered by the people who go around telling me I'm wrong which was why the existence of people around me who can guide me is very important, and very much appreciated. Honestly, I dun need people coming up to me only to say I'm wrong and nothing else. I need people who acknowledge that I know I am wrong, and give me suggestions as to how I can make up for my wrongs, and that it's okay to do mistakes, and that it's okay to learn no matter how slow or how long I'd take. Often, I hear people telling me I'm a big disappointment to them. Little did they know, that they are implying that statement themselves more than they did to me.. Telling me I'm a disappointment to others did not and will not help me feel or want to be better. It just motivates me to be worse, really.. Sometimes, I wish my mom sees through her actions and words. Sometimes, I wish my dad knew just how much his words meant to me. To be honest, only my dad has been a great person in my life.. He praises me when I least expected. It only took him one word for me to realize the bigger picture. I may have disappointed him before, but never did he ever mentioned what's past. Even if he does, I know he didn't mean it like how my mom mean it. My mom often tells me I'm useless because I didn't do anything. But honestly, I have my schedule and things will be done by me if she stops assuming things that I have yet to do. Sometimes, I wish I only have dad and KN. I'm so glad Fisherman had the same thing I had in mind. No more BI trip until official signage. I seriously dun need these drama going on in my life. I won't miss out much, and I believe I can trust him to ride safe alone. I have a schedule. I will abide by it. If anyone screws it up, then dun point your fingers into my face. Assalammu'alaikum.