Mixture of Emotions

Assalammu'alaikum my readers & friends. Alhamdulillah, things are on its way to getting better, although at a very slow paced.

Since my last entry, my days had been filled with a lot of emotions. Even though I may have looked normal, I wasn't. My mind was filled up to its brim, my heart was overwhelmed, broken, healing, relieved, hurt and averagely okayish again, then my thoughts seemed to keep switching from making me feel like killing myself, to keeping myself alive with motivation. It's been a turmoil, but I'm proud to say that I've stayed strong to continue holding on and facing the world.

I drained out my energy to feel tired, to feel worn out to fall asleep, but I ended up staying awake for many days and nights thinking too deep and analyzing down to every detail of what had happened and why. I knew I won't find an answer, but I can't seem to stop my mind from finding them. Somehow, I knew I would get out of all these financial misery one day and it's all just a matter of time. If I really want a solution to all these financial woes then I have got to be patient and lay out a strategic plan to settle it all out one at a time, in an orderly manner. Key here is to stop diversifying and stay focused instead.

Today, Mr Nice Guy texted me. When I saw his name, I was overjoyed. But when I read his text, I felt a little down. I replied him and pretended I had forgotten him. And then his next text lifted my spirits again... And the next made me worry, again, I pretended not to really care. I dunno why I pretended, perhaps, I knew however I reacted, it won't matter too much. He'll proceed on and be busy with his silent treatment, leaving me stranded again somehow. I didn't break my promise, did I? I am still here... Just that I'm pretending not to care. I dunno.. I guess I grew afraid. I grew suspicious and I grew defensive somehow. I just hope Mr Nice Guy gets well soon and I pray hard that his problems will soon go away, and would have his mind cleared to really think things through thoroughly and decide wisely of what he wants to do and how he's going to go about getting what he wants.

That aside, I went to deliver a friend's order with a help of another friend. I catch up with both of them separately together in a single day. Somehow, I felt a little better listening to their stories, especially when they go telling me of their great days, tickling experiences, and memories. It made me smile and made me enjoy my day without knowing why.

Oh.. I almost forgot!! I just wanna say that I am so so glad that I've found a great business with great system to follow alongside with great mentors. I am so glad that I am finally doing something to be free... And I can't wait for that day to come. I am so going to work hard and make this business work for me.