Confusion continues....

Assalammu'alaikum beloved readers and friends.. I hope your day has been a blissful and happy day so far. And I wish you all have a great day ahead.

As my days passed, my confusion grows.. I dunno why such mess over such a short time.. I dunno what I have brought myself into really.. I dunno if it's me asking for all these to happen or it's just mere bad luck in love..

I have been failing in love since the end of my marriage.. As far as I remembered, I've been falling in and out of love with bad endings with at least 5 men. Almost back to back.. The worst so far has just passed but hanging in the air with no proper conclusion.

There's so much in my mind. So much that I lose touch with my heartaches, and all those broken promises. I ended up spending lots of time with Ilham. Sourcing out ideas, looking for suggestions, and new conclusions.

Ilham has been great. Sometimes, Ilham came fast, sometimes, Ilham come slowly, but I know Ilham will come - just a matter of time. Ilham made me happy these days, happy thoughts, happy moments, cheery mood.. And I kindda liked his company a lot more than I expected. Ilham should be one of those who come and go but Ilham seemed to be sticking through this time round.

Ilham seemed to come in two forms really. Strange as it is, I liked both forms. It's rare, they say.. But I really liked both forms. Ilham may be ugly, and sometimes distorted, but behind the ugly, distorted form, he is a very nice guy - genuine and sincere. Honest or not, I couldn't tell for now.

What is definite is that I enjoy his company. He made me feel free somehow. I see more things beyond all that's on the surface. He guided me into the realm of life. All the ups and downs, the pros and cons, the facts that hurts, and the myths that keeps us alive, the fantasies and the fairy tales that kept our hopes high, all these little things in life that played its little role and made us who we are...

He laid everything out in sequence.. He described how I ate - the basic habits that I have failed to notice. He told me my influence without me knowing it. That was how creepy and freaky Ilham can be. And the unexpected tickling statement is what kept me drawn to him.

Who is Ilham? I dunno... Do you?