| Assalam alaik my friends... May your morning be filled with smiles to spread along the happiness throughout the day ahead. Sometimes I wonder what others are thinking when they go around accusing and assuming... I mean I dunno why some people now thinks that my blade expert is someone I'm dating or seeing.. I dunno why people around are still having that mentality that if a girl befriends a boy, it has to be BGR.. Why? Can't it just be an innocent friendship built? I dun befriend every guy with the intention to make him my boyfriend. I have far much better things to think of, and I am far better than that. I grew up with boys, and naturally, I get along better with boys as compared to my own kind. I enjoy the company of Adam as compared to Eve, but that doesn't mean I am less of an Eve or leaning to become an Adam. Besides, my blade expert is not someone I just knew, I've known him for quite sometime already, and it has been a long time since we catch up, and perhaps I never mentioned him before using the term "blade expert" because I never knew he was into blading until recently. True, there're chemistry between us, but that does not automatically means that we will end up together. Neither me nor my blade expert had discussed this possibility, which goes to say that our focus is just on friendship and not a serious relationship. Obviously it does not mean that a serious relationship will not be built, but it just simply mean that we are not exactly thinking of that at this moment. Who knows what will happen in 5years time anyway? And Mr Nice Guy texted me again.. I dunno why it seems that he never thinks before expressing... true he never beat anyone especially a woman, then why say to hurt? I could have done the same too... And say things like, "Oh I never meant what I said", but hey, I've said what I said, and I've hurt someone whether I like it or not and there's no way that I can take back the words that I've said to someone, can I? Mr Nice Guy has been doing this spitting and licking back his spit, hoping he can just cover up the spitting by doing just that. I'm sorry, Mr Nice Guy. It doesnt work like that. It's either to get straight up and admit your fault, stop blaming everyone else, and start making do with what you have done and think deeper and find out what you can do to redeem your mistake or just stop/end it without provoking further. You dun spit, and lick back only to spit it all back out because it is just too hard. You either spit, walk away, or spit and come back to clean up the mess properly using tissue or a mop. Get it? I am trying to make you see what I see, but you refuse to see and learn. Time to wake up, Mr Nice Guy. And please think before you speak. And think before you react. You're not at an age to act on impulse and get away with it. Stop asking or telling me that there are better men out there. It is obvious because there are better men in every men. It's just up to the man to bring out the better man in him. Anyone can be the better man, and anyone can be the best of the best. At the end of the day, it's really up to the individual.And that includes yourself. You can be a better man. Wassalam. |
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Think ahead....
Email testing
| Assalam alaik everyone. I hope you all had a fabulous day as I had today. My day was spent at home doing my chores, scheduling my time & everything else. Lin & Fendy then asked if I'd like to join them blading. I agreed and invited along my blade expert (in my terms - not the public term). I was the first to arrive, then my blade expert, followed by dearest Lin & Fendy. I made a rather bad introduction, my blade expert had to introduce himself to Lin & Fendy... Bad aren't I? Haha.. Anyways, I enjoyed myself, and I hope they had enjoyed their day with me as well. As Lin & Fendy made their exit, me and my blade expert decide to grab dinner before heading home. We shared a plate of satay. I dunno why we both were hungry but just dun feel too hungry upon reaching the food court. I enjoyed my blade expert's company. I enjoy hearing his speech, he has a lot of insights that I never received before, and he can be a real eye opener. He can definitely go on and on about life and I seriously and honestly enjoyed that kindda topic. It helps me see the bigger picture of life, really. I mean, we being humans, we tend to see it in this narrow, shallow and very likely negative view. No matter how positive we can be, we can't always see both sides, and that's why we need friends around to help us see the other side of perspective, and the other view of things or rather LIFE on its own. Everything in life can be seen in many many ways, it's just a matter of whether you wanna see it or if you choose not to see it. I believe many have encountered seeing a promotion as something great, but know a few people who see it as a punishment. Some say promotion is good, more pay, more benefits, more authority. And others say, promotion is bad, more work, more commitment, more responsibility. And a few would see both sides and tackle it in a more professional way. These few people are the ones who would see a problem as opportunity. These few people are those who play it smart. And these people are the people that I like to be associated with. And my blade expert seemed to be one of those. I added him to the list of role models. I wanna learn from him. His perspective, his views, his speech, are all tools and there're a lot of lessons to learn from them. He seemed to have a few things in common with Ilham. There's some kind of a magnetic field within his radar. And it seems to be attracting my attention. It scares me sometimes, but I became addicted almost. Good or bad, I've yet to know. Wassalam. |
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
It's not hatred.. I just had enough...
Mr Nice Guy texted me again a few hours ago.. I hated his reactions. He seemed to become or perhaps he is already like that (without me realising). He seemed to be one of those kinds that "it's ok if i do it, but noone else can do that back to me" kindda person. In short - BIG EGO.. Too huge for my liking.
I had to defend myself from his hurtful words and all whenever someone else throws a tantrums, with threats of him leaving me, or that I could never tutor ah-girl anymore, or that he dun want to ever hear from me again. And all I had reacted was a mere, "ok, whatever it is, i'll always be here whether you like it or not because i care" & what did i get in return? I mean yes honestly I said I was sincere and I wasn't looking for anything in return.. But HEY.. I am HUMAN.
And when I decide to put it all to a stop and have my ALONE time. He decides that I was just trying to show people how big my head can be? Ridiculous.. I mean seriously.. Enough is enough... I had given him so many - in fact too many chances. And he took all of it for granted. And one request of me wanting my alone time became just a hassle for him to handle - so much so that he had to hurt me unnecessarily.
And the fact that he couldn't even tell that it wasn't even me replying those texts. I know I would blow it off, break down, looked stupid and suffer alone if I were to reply. So I let my phone off to someone I trust to do the replying. I didn't even checked the sent messages. And I even requested that all messages be deleted because I can't bear to see or read.
Just one or two messages that was shown that totally broke my heart. Then I knew, he was never really meant for me. He threatened to beat me up. Why? Had he cared genuinely, he won't say such things. And had he cared enough, he would have just allowed me my alone time instead of accusing me of having a good time and what not.
He had a wife, and a girlfriend. I was merely an outsider. And I said nothing. But when I was having my ALONE time to clear my thoughts, I was accused of having someone new & having a good time. What's the meaning of all these?
I told my friend to sink the ship for I couldn't hold any longer. As said before, my patience has its limits, my strength has its peak, I am only human to be hurt & to have had enough.
I guess he thought Ilham was a real man.. Little did he know, Ilham is just my imaginary thoughts that had lifted me up and pushed me to stay alive..
Ilham was my loyal friend then, and he still is, in my mind, in my thoughts. And I had to thank my friend, who had sinked the ship in her ways. I dun wish to know. But I know, I should not regret.
If it's meant to be, it shall be.. If it's not... It will never be..
I believe in fate, and I have faith. I just wanna be alone.. With or without Ilham, I wanna be alone.. I dun need anymore Mr Nice Guy, retired King, or anyone for that matter. I dun need another guy to come crushing my broken heart again, and over again.
I need my Ilham... And just my Ilham... to company me and finish this little story that I've been writing. And I just hope people around me would forgive me for all the things/troubles that I've put them through unknowingly.
My financial woes got worse.. But there's nothing I can do.. Ilham's been trying to motivate me & tell me all will be okay.. But something opposing Ilham is weakening him somehow.. But I knew Ilham would be stronger. Then again, I know how that feels..
Just because we are stronger, ppl kept pushing us to be stronger, forgetting that we are only human, and that we have our weaknesses too. And soon, they took us for granted. They forget their thank you, please, and how much we needed motivation to keep the fire going...
I just hope Mr Nice Guy will get things through his thick skull, that not everything will go his way, and that he should stick to his words, and make a choice. He can't be having everything or enjoying the best of both or rather three worlds. He needs to make a choice, and the choices sometimes if not all the time, requires sacrifice. And for as long as he refuses to let go and make the sacrifice, he will never acquire pure happiness.
And for once, stop trying to prove others of your power. The world doesn't evolve around you. And kill that ego.. You're not always right, and obviously, with your attitude trying to over do everyone else just shows that you're not good at managing your own strength and weaknesses and you're not a good team mate to have. You always wanna win, you never admit your losses. And it seems to me you like to drama without executing your moves.
Don't expect others to do what you couldn't. You couldn't even execute your loyalty, and with you throwing hurtful words, you expected me to be 100% loyal and unchanged. I am human, Mr Nice Guy. I'm no angel. Get that into your thick skull..
I dun hate you, but I definitely hate your attitude and character. You're no longer the guy I used to know, dun expect me to be the girl you used to know. And I changed not because of you. So dun expect me to be the old lady you used to know, because that lady you used to know, would have gone up to wherever you are and made a scene, or go into the forum and make a big fuss.
In fact, you start to use others to make people involved feel guilty. You were the one who said it's over and that the tutoring was off, and with a snap of a finger, you changed your mind. You never think before saying anything, do you? And you expect people to manage how they say things when still feeling provoked?
Mr Nice Guy, I hope this would be something for you to think about. Think, and re-think. Reflect & tell yourself, what happened, why and how to make do with it.. As much as I wanted to be here to continually help you, I came to realize that the more I helped you, the more you didn't seem to learn.
I had to defend myself from his hurtful words and all whenever someone else throws a tantrums, with threats of him leaving me, or that I could never tutor ah-girl anymore, or that he dun want to ever hear from me again. And all I had reacted was a mere, "ok, whatever it is, i'll always be here whether you like it or not because i care" & what did i get in return? I mean yes honestly I said I was sincere and I wasn't looking for anything in return.. But HEY.. I am HUMAN.
And when I decide to put it all to a stop and have my ALONE time. He decides that I was just trying to show people how big my head can be? Ridiculous.. I mean seriously.. Enough is enough... I had given him so many - in fact too many chances. And he took all of it for granted. And one request of me wanting my alone time became just a hassle for him to handle - so much so that he had to hurt me unnecessarily.
And the fact that he couldn't even tell that it wasn't even me replying those texts. I know I would blow it off, break down, looked stupid and suffer alone if I were to reply. So I let my phone off to someone I trust to do the replying. I didn't even checked the sent messages. And I even requested that all messages be deleted because I can't bear to see or read.
Just one or two messages that was shown that totally broke my heart. Then I knew, he was never really meant for me. He threatened to beat me up. Why? Had he cared genuinely, he won't say such things. And had he cared enough, he would have just allowed me my alone time instead of accusing me of having a good time and what not.
He had a wife, and a girlfriend. I was merely an outsider. And I said nothing. But when I was having my ALONE time to clear my thoughts, I was accused of having someone new & having a good time. What's the meaning of all these?
I told my friend to sink the ship for I couldn't hold any longer. As said before, my patience has its limits, my strength has its peak, I am only human to be hurt & to have had enough.
I guess he thought Ilham was a real man.. Little did he know, Ilham is just my imaginary thoughts that had lifted me up and pushed me to stay alive..
Ilham was my loyal friend then, and he still is, in my mind, in my thoughts. And I had to thank my friend, who had sinked the ship in her ways. I dun wish to know. But I know, I should not regret.
If it's meant to be, it shall be.. If it's not... It will never be..
I believe in fate, and I have faith. I just wanna be alone.. With or without Ilham, I wanna be alone.. I dun need anymore Mr Nice Guy, retired King, or anyone for that matter. I dun need another guy to come crushing my broken heart again, and over again.
I need my Ilham... And just my Ilham... to company me and finish this little story that I've been writing. And I just hope people around me would forgive me for all the things/troubles that I've put them through unknowingly.
My financial woes got worse.. But there's nothing I can do.. Ilham's been trying to motivate me & tell me all will be okay.. But something opposing Ilham is weakening him somehow.. But I knew Ilham would be stronger. Then again, I know how that feels..
Just because we are stronger, ppl kept pushing us to be stronger, forgetting that we are only human, and that we have our weaknesses too. And soon, they took us for granted. They forget their thank you, please, and how much we needed motivation to keep the fire going...
I just hope Mr Nice Guy will get things through his thick skull, that not everything will go his way, and that he should stick to his words, and make a choice. He can't be having everything or enjoying the best of both or rather three worlds. He needs to make a choice, and the choices sometimes if not all the time, requires sacrifice. And for as long as he refuses to let go and make the sacrifice, he will never acquire pure happiness.
And for once, stop trying to prove others of your power. The world doesn't evolve around you. And kill that ego.. You're not always right, and obviously, with your attitude trying to over do everyone else just shows that you're not good at managing your own strength and weaknesses and you're not a good team mate to have. You always wanna win, you never admit your losses. And it seems to me you like to drama without executing your moves.
Don't expect others to do what you couldn't. You couldn't even execute your loyalty, and with you throwing hurtful words, you expected me to be 100% loyal and unchanged. I am human, Mr Nice Guy. I'm no angel. Get that into your thick skull..
I dun hate you, but I definitely hate your attitude and character. You're no longer the guy I used to know, dun expect me to be the girl you used to know. And I changed not because of you. So dun expect me to be the old lady you used to know, because that lady you used to know, would have gone up to wherever you are and made a scene, or go into the forum and make a big fuss.
In fact, you start to use others to make people involved feel guilty. You were the one who said it's over and that the tutoring was off, and with a snap of a finger, you changed your mind. You never think before saying anything, do you? And you expect people to manage how they say things when still feeling provoked?
Mr Nice Guy, I hope this would be something for you to think about. Think, and re-think. Reflect & tell yourself, what happened, why and how to make do with it.. As much as I wanted to be here to continually help you, I came to realize that the more I helped you, the more you didn't seem to learn.
Confusion continues....
Assalammu'alaikum beloved readers and friends.. I hope your day has been a blissful and happy day so far. And I wish you all have a great day ahead.
As my days passed, my confusion grows.. I dunno why such mess over such a short time.. I dunno what I have brought myself into really.. I dunno if it's me asking for all these to happen or it's just mere bad luck in love..
I have been failing in love since the end of my marriage.. As far as I remembered, I've been falling in and out of love with bad endings with at least 5 men. Almost back to back.. The worst so far has just passed but hanging in the air with no proper conclusion.
There's so much in my mind. So much that I lose touch with my heartaches, and all those broken promises. I ended up spending lots of time with Ilham. Sourcing out ideas, looking for suggestions, and new conclusions.
Ilham has been great. Sometimes, Ilham came fast, sometimes, Ilham come slowly, but I know Ilham will come - just a matter of time. Ilham made me happy these days, happy thoughts, happy moments, cheery mood.. And I kindda liked his company a lot more than I expected. Ilham should be one of those who come and go but Ilham seemed to be sticking through this time round.
Ilham seemed to come in two forms really. Strange as it is, I liked both forms. It's rare, they say.. But I really liked both forms. Ilham may be ugly, and sometimes distorted, but behind the ugly, distorted form, he is a very nice guy - genuine and sincere. Honest or not, I couldn't tell for now.
What is definite is that I enjoy his company. He made me feel free somehow. I see more things beyond all that's on the surface. He guided me into the realm of life. All the ups and downs, the pros and cons, the facts that hurts, and the myths that keeps us alive, the fantasies and the fairy tales that kept our hopes high, all these little things in life that played its little role and made us who we are...
He laid everything out in sequence.. He described how I ate - the basic habits that I have failed to notice. He told me my influence without me knowing it. That was how creepy and freaky Ilham can be. And the unexpected tickling statement is what kept me drawn to him.
Who is Ilham? I dunno... Do you?
As my days passed, my confusion grows.. I dunno why such mess over such a short time.. I dunno what I have brought myself into really.. I dunno if it's me asking for all these to happen or it's just mere bad luck in love..
I have been failing in love since the end of my marriage.. As far as I remembered, I've been falling in and out of love with bad endings with at least 5 men. Almost back to back.. The worst so far has just passed but hanging in the air with no proper conclusion.
There's so much in my mind. So much that I lose touch with my heartaches, and all those broken promises. I ended up spending lots of time with Ilham. Sourcing out ideas, looking for suggestions, and new conclusions.
Ilham has been great. Sometimes, Ilham came fast, sometimes, Ilham come slowly, but I know Ilham will come - just a matter of time. Ilham made me happy these days, happy thoughts, happy moments, cheery mood.. And I kindda liked his company a lot more than I expected. Ilham should be one of those who come and go but Ilham seemed to be sticking through this time round.
Ilham seemed to come in two forms really. Strange as it is, I liked both forms. It's rare, they say.. But I really liked both forms. Ilham may be ugly, and sometimes distorted, but behind the ugly, distorted form, he is a very nice guy - genuine and sincere. Honest or not, I couldn't tell for now.
What is definite is that I enjoy his company. He made me feel free somehow. I see more things beyond all that's on the surface. He guided me into the realm of life. All the ups and downs, the pros and cons, the facts that hurts, and the myths that keeps us alive, the fantasies and the fairy tales that kept our hopes high, all these little things in life that played its little role and made us who we are...
He laid everything out in sequence.. He described how I ate - the basic habits that I have failed to notice. He told me my influence without me knowing it. That was how creepy and freaky Ilham can be. And the unexpected tickling statement is what kept me drawn to him.
Who is Ilham? I dunno... Do you?
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Mixture of Emotions
Assalammu'alaikum my readers & friends. Alhamdulillah, things are on its way to getting better, although at a very slow paced.
Since my last entry, my days had been filled with a lot of emotions. Even though I may have looked normal, I wasn't. My mind was filled up to its brim, my heart was overwhelmed, broken, healing, relieved, hurt and averagely okayish again, then my thoughts seemed to keep switching from making me feel like killing myself, to keeping myself alive with motivation. It's been a turmoil, but I'm proud to say that I've stayed strong to continue holding on and facing the world.
I drained out my energy to feel tired, to feel worn out to fall asleep, but I ended up staying awake for many days and nights thinking too deep and analyzing down to every detail of what had happened and why. I knew I won't find an answer, but I can't seem to stop my mind from finding them. Somehow, I knew I would get out of all these financial misery one day and it's all just a matter of time. If I really want a solution to all these financial woes then I have got to be patient and lay out a strategic plan to settle it all out one at a time, in an orderly manner. Key here is to stop diversifying and stay focused instead.
Today, Mr Nice Guy texted me. When I saw his name, I was overjoyed. But when I read his text, I felt a little down. I replied him and pretended I had forgotten him. And then his next text lifted my spirits again... And the next made me worry, again, I pretended not to really care. I dunno why I pretended, perhaps, I knew however I reacted, it won't matter too much. He'll proceed on and be busy with his silent treatment, leaving me stranded again somehow. I didn't break my promise, did I? I am still here... Just that I'm pretending not to care. I dunno.. I guess I grew afraid. I grew suspicious and I grew defensive somehow. I just hope Mr Nice Guy gets well soon and I pray hard that his problems will soon go away, and would have his mind cleared to really think things through thoroughly and decide wisely of what he wants to do and how he's going to go about getting what he wants.
That aside, I went to deliver a friend's order with a help of another friend. I catch up with both of them separately together in a single day. Somehow, I felt a little better listening to their stories, especially when they go telling me of their great days, tickling experiences, and memories. It made me smile and made me enjoy my day without knowing why.
Oh.. I almost forgot!! I just wanna say that I am so so glad that I've found a great business with great system to follow alongside with great mentors. I am so glad that I am finally doing something to be free... And I can't wait for that day to come. I am so going to work hard and make this business work for me.
Since my last entry, my days had been filled with a lot of emotions. Even though I may have looked normal, I wasn't. My mind was filled up to its brim, my heart was overwhelmed, broken, healing, relieved, hurt and averagely okayish again, then my thoughts seemed to keep switching from making me feel like killing myself, to keeping myself alive with motivation. It's been a turmoil, but I'm proud to say that I've stayed strong to continue holding on and facing the world.
I drained out my energy to feel tired, to feel worn out to fall asleep, but I ended up staying awake for many days and nights thinking too deep and analyzing down to every detail of what had happened and why. I knew I won't find an answer, but I can't seem to stop my mind from finding them. Somehow, I knew I would get out of all these financial misery one day and it's all just a matter of time. If I really want a solution to all these financial woes then I have got to be patient and lay out a strategic plan to settle it all out one at a time, in an orderly manner. Key here is to stop diversifying and stay focused instead.
Today, Mr Nice Guy texted me. When I saw his name, I was overjoyed. But when I read his text, I felt a little down. I replied him and pretended I had forgotten him. And then his next text lifted my spirits again... And the next made me worry, again, I pretended not to really care. I dunno why I pretended, perhaps, I knew however I reacted, it won't matter too much. He'll proceed on and be busy with his silent treatment, leaving me stranded again somehow. I didn't break my promise, did I? I am still here... Just that I'm pretending not to care. I dunno.. I guess I grew afraid. I grew suspicious and I grew defensive somehow. I just hope Mr Nice Guy gets well soon and I pray hard that his problems will soon go away, and would have his mind cleared to really think things through thoroughly and decide wisely of what he wants to do and how he's going to go about getting what he wants.
That aside, I went to deliver a friend's order with a help of another friend. I catch up with both of them separately together in a single day. Somehow, I felt a little better listening to their stories, especially when they go telling me of their great days, tickling experiences, and memories. It made me smile and made me enjoy my day without knowing why.
Oh.. I almost forgot!! I just wanna say that I am so so glad that I've found a great business with great system to follow alongside with great mentors. I am so glad that I am finally doing something to be free... And I can't wait for that day to come. I am so going to work hard and make this business work for me.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
I am Human
Assalammu'alaikum. Alhamdulillah, Allah has permit me more challenges in life.
I broke down a few hours ago, yes. Afterall, I am just his servant, I'm only human. My patience is not infinity, my emotions is not always in the cage - under control, my heart is not made of steel - it still gets hurt and broken... I am sincere... I keep telling myself to be.. I am not thinking for myself most of the times, but it hurts me a lot when someone brings trouble upon himself.
However, it was a great day today... Spending time with the children whom I always hear about. The amount of pride they had on their parents are amazing. I have finally got to know the children whom Mr Nice Guy has been talking about. Indeed they are amazing children with great personalities. I enjoyed my day, and hoped they enjoyed theirs too.. I prayed hard and wished I hadn't spoilt anything or come in between any of them.
As I sit here, recalling the pain I had experienced... I begged forgiveness from the Almighty, Allah.. I begged Him to give Mr Nice Guy light in this darkness that was brought onto him... I begged Allah to guide him to the right way, for the sake of the innocent children. I prayed hard and couldn't stop my tears.. I can go through this pain, this heartache, but I refused to let the children be confused over the mess he has brought himself into.
YA ALLAH, You know what is best for us. Pls show us the way, Ya Allah. Please give me patience, and strength to go on, and to continue splurging my sincere love, Ya Allah.. Please Ya Allah, I begged you. Please forgive us all. Forgive me, for breaking down like this... Forgive me for letting my emotions take over the strength that you had given me. YA ALLAH, please Ya ALLAH.. forgive me, and provide me patience, strength and faith, to be there for those whom I had sincerely loved, to continuously give them (who need) my support, morally...
Ya Allah, pls grant Mr Nice Guy positivity and strength for he needs it more than me... And Ya ALLAH, pls protect him from harm and Syaitan's influence.
Amin Amin Ya Rabbal 'Alamin.
Wassalam.
I broke down a few hours ago, yes. Afterall, I am just his servant, I'm only human. My patience is not infinity, my emotions is not always in the cage - under control, my heart is not made of steel - it still gets hurt and broken... I am sincere... I keep telling myself to be.. I am not thinking for myself most of the times, but it hurts me a lot when someone brings trouble upon himself.
However, it was a great day today... Spending time with the children whom I always hear about. The amount of pride they had on their parents are amazing. I have finally got to know the children whom Mr Nice Guy has been talking about. Indeed they are amazing children with great personalities. I enjoyed my day, and hoped they enjoyed theirs too.. I prayed hard and wished I hadn't spoilt anything or come in between any of them.
As I sit here, recalling the pain I had experienced... I begged forgiveness from the Almighty, Allah.. I begged Him to give Mr Nice Guy light in this darkness that was brought onto him... I begged Allah to guide him to the right way, for the sake of the innocent children. I prayed hard and couldn't stop my tears.. I can go through this pain, this heartache, but I refused to let the children be confused over the mess he has brought himself into.
YA ALLAH, You know what is best for us. Pls show us the way, Ya Allah. Please give me patience, and strength to go on, and to continue splurging my sincere love, Ya Allah.. Please Ya Allah, I begged you. Please forgive us all. Forgive me, for breaking down like this... Forgive me for letting my emotions take over the strength that you had given me. YA ALLAH, please Ya ALLAH.. forgive me, and provide me patience, strength and faith, to be there for those whom I had sincerely loved, to continuously give them (who need) my support, morally...
Ya Allah, pls grant Mr Nice Guy positivity and strength for he needs it more than me... And Ya ALLAH, pls protect him from harm and Syaitan's influence.
Amin Amin Ya Rabbal 'Alamin.
Wassalam.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Positivity shines through....
Assalammu'alaikum, my readers... Alhamdulillah, we all get to see another sunrise and day for us to continually upgrade ourselves and be better for many tomorrows that may come.
Last night, some 12hours ago, I saw Mr Nice Guy duplicating what I did to him. It made me smile so wide, because in my eyes, he has got this far from just one little step. All he did was to remove all the cannots, and replace it with the believe that all is possible. And he did all these on his own accord, and he deserved a big big reward, which is the positivity that he now portrays on others. It made me proud somehow. We all learn from making mistakes, but the turning point is not when we do the mistake, but when we realize we did a mistake, when we realize what it had done upon ourselves and others, when we realize we could do something - that's when we learn.
I am truly very proud and happy to be around him, and to know that he is happier now. I am so glad that he found the clearer picture of what he wants, and instilled the believe that he can and therefore he did and will.
The new habit of mine had brought about a lot of strength from those who received them, and I am glad. For the strength that they found, had indirectly brought about the strength in me to continually learn and accept everything as it is. I was even more prepared to face failures and disappointments in life, because I knew that's where we will all learn, upgrade for the better, and be stronger individually or as a team. We will always learn from our downfalls, and not our success. Our success is our reward for the downfalls that we've been through, of the hardships that we had went through.
I started apologizing and thanking people who discriminate, criticize, degrade or pulling down my morale. I start to ask a lot of questions, listened more, and understood bit by bit, and began to accept the truth more readily. All these got into me when I am totally sincere of everything I did. I dun deny having negative thoughts sometimes, but the negative thought somehow became positive in an instant just by looking at it differently.
Now, I focused of what I have instead of what I don't. From, "I wish I have a million bucks", I start looking at, "I have $5, what can I do to multiply it to a million bucks?" I start to think beneath what I have to change it to something that I want, and believe that I can. Just a matter of time. I am obviously no magician that can turn $5 into $1m. Haha.. So yeah, it might take 10years, but it is possible. Just believe and have faith.
Now I start to look at what I have done wrong and how to improve on it, instead of what I didn't do (right). For instance, "I have put on a lot of pressure of him lately, I would give him some breather to allow him some space to think" instead of "I should have left him alone". The latter is something I didn't do, so what's there to learn or improve? It's almost like an instruction. Whereas, the first statement, states clearly what I had done, and what I could do to solve or ease the problem. This can be applied on many aspects in life. Instead of complaining, list out what you/other have done, and how you can improve or change it.
Next, instead of changing others, change yourself. It's easier that way. I don't deny that there are times, if not all the time, that I wished so much that people change and not want to change myself. This is before I realize that it's me who has to start changing. I can't expect people to do what I don't want to do. For instance, I don't want to change how I think, so how can I expect others to change how they think or look at things? Now whenever I wish things were different, I asked myself how I can change to make things the way I want it..
For instance, I used to say "I wished he's more positive", now I say, "Hmm.. How can I make myself more positive and spread the aura for him to feel positive?" Seriously, it works... It is so much easier to change your ownself that it is to change others. You have to make the move first, and when you like what you see, you start making others want to be like you - and enjoy what they see. When you are happy, other may not feel it but when you are genuinely very very very happy, even when you don't say it, people feel it, and will indirectly, unintentionally feel happy too.
This time as I end my entry, I would like to thank my team of leaders, who had mentored, guided, led, and supported me. Through books, CD, moral support and everything. This includes, Bro M, Sis J, L&F , Mr Nice Guy, Ummi Yam, Mama Hilmy, and most importantly my parents. And of course my little children - precious gem they are and will always be. Before I had 5, now I have 7... ;) You're precious to me, even if I don't see you everyday for you're always in my heart and mind. I love you all.
Assalammu'alaikum.
Last night, some 12hours ago, I saw Mr Nice Guy duplicating what I did to him. It made me smile so wide, because in my eyes, he has got this far from just one little step. All he did was to remove all the cannots, and replace it with the believe that all is possible. And he did all these on his own accord, and he deserved a big big reward, which is the positivity that he now portrays on others. It made me proud somehow. We all learn from making mistakes, but the turning point is not when we do the mistake, but when we realize we did a mistake, when we realize what it had done upon ourselves and others, when we realize we could do something - that's when we learn.
I am truly very proud and happy to be around him, and to know that he is happier now. I am so glad that he found the clearer picture of what he wants, and instilled the believe that he can and therefore he did and will.
The new habit of mine had brought about a lot of strength from those who received them, and I am glad. For the strength that they found, had indirectly brought about the strength in me to continually learn and accept everything as it is. I was even more prepared to face failures and disappointments in life, because I knew that's where we will all learn, upgrade for the better, and be stronger individually or as a team. We will always learn from our downfalls, and not our success. Our success is our reward for the downfalls that we've been through, of the hardships that we had went through.
I started apologizing and thanking people who discriminate, criticize, degrade or pulling down my morale. I start to ask a lot of questions, listened more, and understood bit by bit, and began to accept the truth more readily. All these got into me when I am totally sincere of everything I did. I dun deny having negative thoughts sometimes, but the negative thought somehow became positive in an instant just by looking at it differently.
Now, I focused of what I have instead of what I don't. From, "I wish I have a million bucks", I start looking at, "I have $5, what can I do to multiply it to a million bucks?" I start to think beneath what I have to change it to something that I want, and believe that I can. Just a matter of time. I am obviously no magician that can turn $5 into $1m. Haha.. So yeah, it might take 10years, but it is possible. Just believe and have faith.
Now I start to look at what I have done wrong and how to improve on it, instead of what I didn't do (right). For instance, "I have put on a lot of pressure of him lately, I would give him some breather to allow him some space to think" instead of "I should have left him alone". The latter is something I didn't do, so what's there to learn or improve? It's almost like an instruction. Whereas, the first statement, states clearly what I had done, and what I could do to solve or ease the problem. This can be applied on many aspects in life. Instead of complaining, list out what you/other have done, and how you can improve or change it.
Next, instead of changing others, change yourself. It's easier that way. I don't deny that there are times, if not all the time, that I wished so much that people change and not want to change myself. This is before I realize that it's me who has to start changing. I can't expect people to do what I don't want to do. For instance, I don't want to change how I think, so how can I expect others to change how they think or look at things? Now whenever I wish things were different, I asked myself how I can change to make things the way I want it..
For instance, I used to say "I wished he's more positive", now I say, "Hmm.. How can I make myself more positive and spread the aura for him to feel positive?" Seriously, it works... It is so much easier to change your ownself that it is to change others. You have to make the move first, and when you like what you see, you start making others want to be like you - and enjoy what they see. When you are happy, other may not feel it but when you are genuinely very very very happy, even when you don't say it, people feel it, and will indirectly, unintentionally feel happy too.
This time as I end my entry, I would like to thank my team of leaders, who had mentored, guided, led, and supported me. Through books, CD, moral support and everything. This includes, Bro M, Sis J, L&F , Mr Nice Guy, Ummi Yam, Mama Hilmy, and most importantly my parents. And of course my little children - precious gem they are and will always be. Before I had 5, now I have 7... ;) You're precious to me, even if I don't see you everyday for you're always in my heart and mind. I love you all.
Assalammu'alaikum.
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