The ups and downs of life

24th September 2007

I got the truth out without asking… And so he declared his feeling to this other person… Does he really think I’ll forget everything and be back to how I used to if I ever decide to be with him again? Does he really think I don’t have any feelings?

And he thinks I’ll believe him when he said there will be no more secrets between us? How sure can I ever be that he won’t do such things again? How sure can I be that he will stop lying? How sure can I be that he really do have true feelings for me? How sure can I be that he’s not pulling that man I want him to be just to get back at me? How sure can I be that he’s not there for the little money I have?

With that how sure can he be that I’ll put everything behind and trust him whole heartedly? How sure can he be that I won’t doubt his every move? With that how sure can we be that we will be happy together? With that how sure can we be that this relationship will work?

I’m telling you, this will be too full of lies and doubts. This will be one hell of a mistake, and it won’t be a small matter when we both had enough.

Life is a joke, isn’t it? The joke must be on him or perhaps it’s on me, because I seriously don’t find it funny. It’s either him ending up looking darn stupid alone by himself or me ending up looking stupid for wasting my time.

Stop giving me riddles, and give me what I needed to hear. I’ve had enough trouble, and I don’t need to make it double. I mean seriously… What could be worse?

30th September 2007

Family reunites after so long. I truly miss all of them, especially my third uncle. Never really speak much, but it’s enough.

I’ve finally decided to go for MotoGP trip, after so much about saying I’m darn broke. Then again, I decided that we needed the break off work and just have fun running around and forget all there is here even if it’s just for the weekend.

I’m honestly looking forward to this trip. Just the three of us, it’s so going to be like FUN. Finally made a decision to book hotel and tickets by tomorrow, and so what if I end up broke? It’s much needed and deserved. I mean seriously… We do deserve a break.

I’m so going to save up all the little money I have and be worry-less and just enjoy my whole weekend admiring young hot bods, and fast machines… Not to mention some fabulous personality that can influence the whole world…

I simply can’t wait. 19 more days to go…

Was just thinking... When everything seems to be going all well and good, it could only be that the worse is near... Of course, we can all be positive and hope for the better, but what everyone fails to do is to prepare for the worst possible thing to come....

We can all not be worry only to end up picking up the pieces alone, and we can all be thinking too much only to end up not doing anything at all till maybe when it's a bit too late.. Either way, life goes on.

It's strange how my mom come up with this theory that I shouldn't sacrifice and do everything for my friend and yet expect my friends to go the extra mile for me... Just like when there's a wedding to attend and I made an effort to dress up or be early and put everything behind to be there, she'd nag and question if they are going to do the same for me. I ended up upset for a moment, and told her off... I know I'm wrong to tell her off but it's only right that I do all this and to know that I did my part and the least I can expect is their presence when it's my turn. Rather than not do much for them and then expect so much when my turn comes.

Anyway, it's not like my turn is very soon or in the plan... I don't think I'm willing to settle down... Then again, I will never know and time will only tell if the right man comes by and asks for my hand the right way.

I intend to stay single and flirt my single life away till time is right, at least for now.

Oh, as we break fast yesterday... my family spoke of Mr... Of how he ended by lying down to eat because he can't seem to eat cross legged on the floor. And we moved on talking about how many children he has now and how old they are... It's amazing how time flies.. Mr is married and have twins, who's turning 1 next month. Ya.. Time really flies...

And I sometimes wonder is there'll ever be a second Mr who'll come my way... Oh lord, why do I have to see marriage as such a hassle? Why can't I just be a normal girl to fancies her wedding with her mr right with such passion and love?

Why do I always view marriage as such a heavy burden? Why must I meet and be with all the wrong people time and time again?