Home....

I thought of those days that I felt strangled when I am with someone who wants to meet me everyday, and those days when my other half used to always report and asked for hourly reports, and how I used to always complain and whine about the little space I have left for myself...

Ironically... Right now, I can't seem to go without a day not seeing him, I can't seem to feel at peace without his texts, without his calls, I felt lost without the frequent updates... And I wonder why some things changed and some things don't.

I dunno why I felt so strangely, weirdly complete being around him with him talking to him looking at him kissing him hugging him snuggling in his arms holding his hands. I just felt so complete. And yet, when he asked me why I loved him... I couldn't find a reason, not that there's nothing for me to love him... but it seems that I love him because just because, because he made me feel so complete. I just cant explain it with words, I love him because I feel free with him around, I love him because I feel more complete than ever before.

It's strange how I used to complain about the lack of freedom I have in a relationship, and yet I felt so good to always be with him. And of recent days, I felt guilty because I refuse to say my goodbye, I dragged, minute by another, hour by another... because I know I felt empty and alone when I bid my goodbye, I dun want him out of my sight. I want him to always be with me... I dunno why I feel this way.

I've always been someone who wants to have her own space, to have freedom to move around, to go around, and to do her own things her own way by herself... but this time, I just dunno why I became so in need of him around.

I guess I feel like telling him everything I have in mind... Every memory.. I feel like sharing and listening to his life stories.. I feel like I couldn't tell enough, I couldn't talk enough, and i felt like I hadn't known enough, i hadn't listened enough. At the same time, sometimes, I scare myself... like what if we know too much about each other.. But at the same time, I wonder if we can know enough about each other...

Anyway, in my previous entry... I mentioned prince... I mentioned castle.. I know princes don't quite exists, and castles are not exactly something I fancy...

I just meant someone who would bring me to a place where it's home for both of us... It could very well be an unknown cave somewhere... Or just an empty room with nothing but the 4 walls, a roof, and the cement floor...

I used to wonder if I'd own my own bungalow house, 3 floors high complete with attic, swimming pool in the backyard, and basement garage, and what not... But that is just a dream, if it comes true.. Then it'd be such a blessing... But in reality, I'm more than happy with a small flat that is just sufficient to house our family.

I have been having happy dreams... And I cant stop but smile myself to sleep, and to smile when I wake up as I looked at my phone, to text him as my smile grew wide... I just hope everything goes well, and may our future be as bright as the sun that shines our days... and may the moon brightens the darkness that may befall us if it must.

I just hope, we can continue to belong to each other and be each other's last "kopek".

And guess what, I missed him already....