Emotions. Can human live to compromise their emotions? Why must there always be an individual who mock your emotions? Can emotions be truly defined in details?
Love, for example... What is its definition? To compromise and unite two humans?
Hatred for example... What is its definition when hatred can suddenly change into something unlike hatred?
Jealousy for example... What is its definition when jealousy only proves that one has feelings for another and at the same time could destroy the relationship altogether?
Hurt- a feeling that's painful... Painful when it's self-inflicted, and more painful when caused by others, but it also hurts sometimes when you hurt someone else... Then again, I laughed at myself when I hurt myself.. Is this sadism?
I really don't know why I am typing all this and for whom this is for... I am simply in this whole twirl of emotions...
Main cause? Man.. or rather men...
They confuse me... More than I confuse myself... Just me, maybe. I dunno...
It's weird to know that the small things I thought was seen as something big by him, and what I see as big things was seen as just a another joke by him.
I think I don't know him anymore. I am not even sure if I know myself now.
Ego? Mine? His? Maybe both.
I am at a verge to just give myself up for auction. I don't know why I should tolerate flirtatious behaviour and simply admit all fault to be mine... And continue to be the reason of all failure.
On the bright side, I finally went to my Aunt's place, the mom I missed so much. I finally got that bond from my younger brother and sister (and even dad), but still find it awkward with my older brother. But that's good enough. I have found myself a place where I'm still welcomed.
However, I still cant reveal this happiness I've found openly at my own house, it seems like mom is still afraid that dad will be mad. It seems like dad is having those bad past feelings back.. It sucks.. I don't know when this war will end.
I thought it's over and dad has finally open up his heart to forgive and forget, but I guess not...
I still havent found the cure... And I'm hurting so much inside, doesnt help with all the confusion that is building up in my head.
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