Demotivated

I am de-motivated in every sense of the word. Can't seem to find the sourse or reason for such sudden change. I'm only demotivated work wise though. Nothing else is pulling my mood. It's just the long draggy 8 hours in the office, facing undesirable faces, being held responsible for all the responsibilities that belong to other executives. And I'd be blamed, accused and held to justice should anything go wrong. Yeah right Kiss my ASS!!!!

I hate to ramble about work, but nothing else seemed to excite me except my girlfriends and Z. Even my family is becoming boring! No more laughs, no more jokes, no more smiles... AM I getting old or am I just getting more boring because I know too much?

I did texted and begged my engineer from LTA to get me in there somehow, in some way. I need to go back to construction line!!!! At site, doing site work, supervising... That spells more like my interest!! Not measuring and get blamed if the measurements ain't that right. Not walking in the hot sun, smoking my day away, cursing my day and wishing for a better day. Not by sitting in the office to do some work that's not mine. Not sitting in the office, and get thrown all sorts of work pile on my desk! I am no toy to be played with and then to throw in the bin because I can't talk back!!!

I went to G'day Mate, Australian Winebar again yesterday. Talked to Julie some long stories. Get to know her better, then someone called out my name... "JUN!!!!" And i was like, did I hear my name or did I hear my name? Haha..

I turned and there stood Kak Za(Fiza)!!! Hahahaa... SO nice to see her again, I joined her after footing my bill at the winebar, she was at el barrio. I simply joined her and start chatting away. She is so like my sister already. It's so comfortable calling her Kak.. haha.. Those who know me would know that it's hard to become close to me and having me to call them sisters. Unless you show me that you're a sister and earned your respect as a sister, I won't even bother. To me, age is just a number, it's the attitude and character that brings about respect and all. It's not how much you know, but how much you shared these valuable lessons in life.

After having so many backstabbers around, those big mouths around, those stuffs up their sleeves sort of people, I tend to be really tough at choosing my friends and being close. I stop caring if I hurt anybody's feeling, I simply just treat you the way you treat me. You treat me well, and I'll be nice. You treat me bad, and you get a bloody war. Deal?

In the bloody office, buying some expensive bloody time... I'll be in a car, driving in 2 hours time. Oh my!!! Is it just 4.30pm now? My god.. Time is so testing my patience. No matter how busy I am, I am uninterested with work or the money that ever wants to come in, because I ain't happy with the job, with the way I am treated, and with the way they weigh things out. It's utter rubbish, pure biasness, and freaking stupid.

I have one hour more to just shit and fart in the office.. I want to set myself free. I want to free my soul and get lost in rock and roll and simply drift away.. I wanna run and not stop. I wanna shout till my voice is no more. I wanna be happy.. Just how much does happiness cost? Just how much is simplicity worth?

I look my palm, attempting to read my future. I saw nothing but lines. Lines of fates and destiny in my hands. Where do I want to go? How do I want to go? What do I want to do? When do I want to do it? Which way shall I go?

I looked down and look at my feet, I asked them where they are bringing me? They answered, Where are you gonna lead us to?. And I look at them looking at me. And I just look right ahead, all barriers suddenly disappearing. I breathe in all the air I could, breathe it all out and free the tension. And off I go, running up to nowhere.