Preparing to be a SAHW

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog.

It is Friday!! Weekend is here, but this entry is pretty intense for me, to be honest.

As you would have known, we made the decision to make myself a Stay At Home Wife as per the entry here. Trust me, the preparation to be one can be pretty overwhelming, if you asked me to be really honest!

I initially thought it would be smooth and simply filled with smiles. However, I ended up shopping a lot because I knew I wouldn't be able to do so once we are on a single income status quo. I mean, me being me, I'd be feeling guilty all over for wanting something for myself over something that the whole family can indulge in and benefit from. If I ever really want something for myself, I would just save it up myself or get it through my own means somehow. That is just me. I don't and can't seem to bring myself to depend on someone for my own benefits alone.

Since the opening of the topic, we talk about it a lot. We even spoke about how we would be celebrating the beginning of my SAHW journey. It makes me happy that my husband is more happy about it than I am, and it makes me proud that my husband is working really hard to make it happen. It scares me a little though that he seemed to double up the hard work so I can achieve this dream earlier than planned.

No matter how scary it is, I am still looking forward to it. And sometimes, cannot wait for it to just happen. I can't wait to submit my resignation letter. I can't wait to tell my boss I am resigning to be a SAHW and not for a better job offer.

So what am I preparing myself for now?

No more personal salary

I have to prepare myself to not have moolah in my bank that is 100% mine, which I don't need to report or explain to anyone how I spend it, or how much I chose to save from it.

When I become a SAHW, I will have to be ready to submit a report on how the money was spent because it is from only one income it will be very important and crucial to keep track on what we spend so we know what we can cut down. Which makes us think a lot on our next point.

Finances

As much as I would say we are pretty much stable, we have to admit that it is because both of us are working and I have been contributing a fair share into the current household expenses.

We both admit that albeit his future (insyaAllah) a better job with a better pay, we have to cut down a lot of our expenses, no matter how we find ourselves thrifty. We have to ensure and be very sure of our priorities as a team. With just one income, we cannot afford to argue who deserves how much more than who. We HAVE to agree and set a limit. We have to have definite figures.

Morning rush

Yeay! This one I love the most! I won't have to chase buses, or explain to anyone why I am late - except if dinner is. Oppss!

Imagine life.... No more squeezing into the bus crowd, no more rushing to get home!

Yeah, no more need to complain about buses not appearing when you need them the most!

No more need to explain why you are late, no more need to apply for day off because I want to send my mom to the doctor. For that I'd say Hooray!

Cut it! It will be a different kind of rush hour when you become a SAHW. For me I think it would be the hour the husband is on his way back, the rush to tidy up what was left, or maybe the rush to get the rice cooking because I was so absorb in cooking, I forget all about the rice. That pretty much describes me. LOL!

And if we are blessed to have children, it will then be the hour they are finishing school, or about maybe the hour they need to be in school. Harsh as it may sound, I think I will be loving it. Anyways, we shall all wait and see when we get there, alright... Too soon to speak, as what many many people say.

No more excuse

Yup, no more excuse to have laundry piling up. No more excuse to not cook. No more excuse to skip chores or mismanage them. If I fall sick, I have to somehow squeeze the chores that needed done on the number of days I need to rest, across the next number of days once I am well.

No more excuses to lack of cleaning too!

Yup, it means, the ceiling fan must be of this condition when you come to visit. 

NO more excuses for any sort of clutter as well. Which means, my room or the entire house will be going through tremendous organizing once I am down to it! My OCD will be brought to life!

However, I now have excuses to stay home. I now have an excuse to fetch baby M. I have an excuse to have lunch with my niece, friend, or anyone I want to - if they want me to. And I have all the time (if I manage them well) to watch all my favorite series!

Recipes

Yes, I am collecting all my recipes to prepare the many weeks of cook days for the husband and family. I rarely cook now, but when I become a SAHW, it wouldn't make sense to still rely on my mother to cook, or to not cook at all.

What's the point of being a SAHW if you don't cook? At least I'd think so. You see, a wife's cooking is marvelous! The food being delicious or otherwise is secondary, the effort and love that is being put into the cooking, is the one that brings a family closer.

Also, it will allow me to rethink how to make a dish more healthier. Afterall my husband has family history of diabetes, among many other chronic disease, so I ought to give that a thought and work to make all my dishes more healthier than anywhere else. It will also protect my children from inheriting unhealthy eating habits.

And perhaps, my healthy dishes would become a hand-me-down recipe to my grandchildren. You know, something that only your family cooks and eats sort of thing.

Having to work for fun!

Yeah, this one I like too! If ever I find that I have a free hour and end up bored to death, my husband said I am more than welcomed to join the work force on a part time basis. On a "for fun" basis. I like the idea of going to work because you don't NEED to. It means I will think less of it as work, I will not over think about who is not liking me at work. And at any sign of distress, I can quit at my will.

So, what is the most dreading point? 

I guess the one that scares me the most is finances. I know for sure, we are not extravagant with our expenditures, I know for sure we never go beyond what we can afford, but I guess I am scared because I will lose the power of my own spending. I will have to ask my husband for a little more if I want to spend on something that is NOT in the list.

Whilst I can tell my mom, "It is okay, this is my money, and I can spend it however I want" now, I will have to tell her, "I have to check with husband" later on when I become a SAHW.

It is not really about surviving on one income that is scaring me, because I know we can, considering our way of life that remains simple no matter how much our salary has grown.

It is the loss of power over my finances that is scaring me. I won't have any power to spend however I want. I won't have the power to wait for my salary so I can buy that new dress. I have to wait till the husband offers me. Or hope for the husband to get me something I've been hinting him to get.

This will take some time to get used to, but I know I will be able to do it. I will be okay with it sooner or later, and we will all be fine. And I have a feeling, we will be better than now.

:)

So, how about you? How was your preparation journey to be a Stay at Home Wife/Mother? Was it hard? Did it go as planned?

Share with me some day!

Till I blog again,
Wassalam,
Jun - the future SAHW blogger. ;)

The choice to be a Stay At Home Wife/Mom

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog.

I know, I have been adding entries on a daily basis (or almost) for awhile now. I can't help it as I was fed with so many interesting topics to cover! Thank you, you!

Many of my relatives and friends question my desire to be a Stay At Home Wife/Mom. To many, it remains a question, and so I gathered some of my stay-home-wives & moms to contribute the questions they were asked, so I can answer them in this entry. Afterall I have to prep myself with all these questions when I finally made it, right? I mean, as is, just as I was planning, I am already bombared by my desire and decision to be a stay home wife. So why not prep myself now?

WHY?

Why would you want to resign from a good paying job to stay home? 

I'd tell you why. 1) No money can buy my time when I wish to spend it with my VIPs, my parents, my husband, my in-laws, and most importantly - my children. 2) Because they are my VIPs, I want to be among the first to be there for them when they call me 3) I don't need approval to be with them when they need me, unless it is approval from my husband. 

What a waste! Studied so hard, only to stay home?

Says who, it is a waste? Well, why did you study? Purely so you can work and earn money? Well, not for me, at least not entirely. I studied because I am hungry for knowledge. So it is never a waste for me to not use the certificate at the end of the day, and the knowledge remains with me at my dispense when I need to use them.

Won't you be bored at home all day?

Oh seriously.. You must be one of the many who believes that we sit at home and do nothing. Let me tell you what there is to do, I can probably list my Mon-Sun schedule as well - since you asked.. 

Monday - 
Wake up, prepare breakfast, nap awhile, then get going with the laundry, vacuum the house, hang laundry to dry, cook lunch (and dinner). Watch some tv. Clean again - You should stay home all day once in awhile, the house really does get dirty every few hours!

Tuesday -
Pretty much like Monday, but today I don't do laundry, instead I will clean the kitchen. And if my laundry is dry, I'd fold them. 

Wednesday -
Pretty much like Monday, but today I want to mop the whole house as well. 

Thursday -
Just like Monday, but today instead of the laundry it would be bedsheets in the washing machine. And if my laundry is dry from yesterday, I'd fold them

Friday -
Today, I'd check my bedsheets, if they are dry, I'd fold them. And then I go clean the toilet. If my energy is still on a high, I'd vacuum and mop the whole house. 

Satuday-
Special food day! No cleaning, no laundry. Instead, I'd be cooking up a special meal for the family - something like Nasi Lemak, or Nasi Ayam.. You know, like a treat because everyone is home with me!

Sunday -
We go to the market, we will be dancing with the fishes, prawns and everything else. We'd probably eat out today, or spend a lot of our time outside for me to breathe. 

NOW, tell me, will I get bored? Where got time?? This is planned if I don't have kids, kids would occupy 99% of my time, surely!

The husbands don't get spared either.. 

Here are some of the funniest compilation from my stay home friends -

And so they heard their husband's friends asked him these:

Seriously dude, your wife don't go out to work?

Oh yes dude! Do you have a problem with that? And the dude go like, "How to survive? The cost of living is so high... My wife, she have to work to help me!"

"oh dude, how did you tell your wife to quit her job and stay home? I can't get my wife to do that, man!"

Ah senstive hor... Dude, firstly, I am not a slave to my husband, and my husband don't own me per se for me to just nod my head and say yes. This decision to be a stay home wife needs to be mutual. There is no point in having your wife stay home is she isn't happy about it. Perhaps, she wants to, but fear you won't be able to cope with the expences without her income to help when needed. Perhaps, she knows herself too well, and that she need the money she earn to pamper herself with expensive spas - and she knew you wont be able to afford if she don't earn it herself.

Perhaps.

And dude, let me remind you again. To decide and be a stay home wife is not "saving your wife from working too hard". Some women actually find staying at home more taxing than working in the office. Some are just more productive having to go our to work, then come home and continue off with house chores. Some, like me, prefer to do one at a time, either I work then go home and rest, or I stay home and do them all without the need to work, so if my husband tells me to resign now so I can stay home, I'd gladly do so. DO NOT force your wife just because I said I love to be a SAHW. 

You seriously can afford it?

Dude, again.. This is not something that is decided on impulse. This decision to live off just one income requires a lot of prior saving, and planning. We have to decide and act as a team. We have to draw a line and agree on our plans, our exit plans, and everything else there is to consider. We have to set a budget, do a trial run, test our limits, and see if it works for us. It is all about team work of trial and error. And obviously, need some serious cost savings. ;)

I told my husband specifically that I would like to start being a full time stay at home wife, when I finally conceived, or when we finally have our child. and I know I can afford to stay home for a good 7-9years, before I may need to rejoin the work force if the need arise. I know where I stand.

And my husband supports me, but told me his idea, some I may agree with, some I may turn down. Like I said many times, marriage is team work. Do what works for both. And as of now, we are working towards our goal to make me a stay home wife in approximately another 24 months or under. InsyaAllah.

Things people assume SAHW/M do everyday

Assumption 1: SAHW/M do nothing but sleep and eat at home

You know how you hear people ask a SAHW/M things like, "Stay home all day and yet you say you are tired/busy??" or have you recently ask someone that?

Well let me tell you what SAHW/M have to do on a daily basis, from the time we open our eyes, till the night welcome us to sleep again.

Image is taken off GOOGLE

Go scroll up and read what I plan to do Mon-Sun, if you had forgotten!

Assumption 2: SAHW/M is always free

Free? So my house would clean itself? My laundry would wash and hang itself to dry? Then get out of the slumber and fold themself neat? What do you mean free? 

Assumption 3: SAHW/M can do anything they want, when they want to!

Are you really sure? Because if it is like that I think a lot of us would have went out on a holiday 365 days a year. OR go out shopping all day all week, all month! Remember, because we are SAHW/M, we don't have our own income, and rely on our husband's, so unless our husbands earn a whooping million a month, then perhaps... I will surely want to clean and wash, and cook all day all night... Yup.. Exactly what I love to do, all the time.. And I enjoy it.... Sure!

Fact is, it is not our choice. Like it or not, the house needs to be cleaned. The laundry needs to washed, hanged, folded, ironed. The food needs to be cooked. So take it or leave it, you still have to do it, so why don't we all learn how to love doing it, right? 

Perks of being a SAHW/M

Well, we can nap when we feel tired. Take a break and watch some TV. Pull out a book and read. Or just hang our legs on the stool and relax for awhile.

We can run down to our parents' or our siblings' when they need us. We can run down to our childrens' school when the teacher calls.

We don't need to apply leave to attend to our VIPs. We do everything at our own time own target. However, we don't fancy snowballing our chores, otherwise it is hell for us.

We can spare some time and help the neighbours babysit their children if they need to run and attend an emergency.

Then we get paid with hugs, kisses, and words of gratitude, and a sense of pride that we have survived another day juggling the things in the house and remained sane.

I know, I would be more tired, more rugged but I also know that I would feel more blessed as well.

So my decision is made, in total approval from the husband. Provided our plan goes, provided our trial and error comes to a long term workable arrangement and sequential of things that needs done.

So ya! If you are a SAHW/M and would like to contribute more awesome questions that sets your eyebrows to raise or ended up laughing yourself silly, feel free to contribute via comments below, or drop me an email!

Until the next interesting blog entry,
Wassalam
The SAHW-wannabe