I am going insane...

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog. Well, lets take a bit of break from reviews...

I am going through the worst post holiday blues right now.. It has been a month, and I still feel like holiday-ing. I still drag myself to work, I still feel I deserve to still be on a holiday. I usually get this feel just over the week that I return work, but this time, it has been like 4 weeks since I returned and I am feeling so horribly upset that I have to get up and go to work. Such a brat, am I?

I really wake up everyday and beat myself up for having to still go to work. I keep asking myself if it is really necessary, I keep justifying that we can survive with one income. And then it hits me, maybe not. Maybe I will still need to work for the next 3years, and then I would scream and seriously feel like hitting my head against the wall. I just feel soooo overwhelmed that I have to go out and work.

I don't know if it is the age, if it is a phase, or if I am just driving myself and my husband crazy. I really don't know what is going on with me.

Truth is, I do need to still work la.. Medication for my dad is not cheap, even after the flexi medi and contributions from my sisters, it will still be a few blinks of the eye to look at the amount. And besides, my BTO flat is almost ready, which means we will be zero-ing our savings for the reno and furniture shopping and what not.

So perhaps, I just need to hang on for the next 3years or so to rebuild my savings so I can convince my husband that I NEED the break to just stay home and see how that works.. I mean seriously, it is not that I don't wanna work at ALL. I do, just that, maybe not like this, everyday, morning to evening kindda job, I want a job that don't require me everyday, the kindda job that I can probably schedule around my happy days. And perhaps one that starts at 10 instead of 8 or 9. I dun mind staying till 7 or 8pm for the late start. BUT if given a choice, really.. my happy hours would really be 10am - 2pm then 3-5pm. and my happy days would be Tuesdays and Thursdays. Outside those days/hours, all I wanna do is sit between my parents and be the annoying little kid. And to spend my time with my weekend baby.

I seriously, seriously don't know why I have this huge overwhelming feeling that makes me feel like I am seriously made to stay home instead of facing any colleagues, computers and what nots. I am made to like organize the whole house, to clean and to cook. Or maybe just sleep. Oh who cares! I just wanna be home and do whatever at home.

I better end this before I turn into some kind of a monster..

So until I become sane again,
Jun

Wassalam