The etiquette of Cancelling Plans

Assalammua'laikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog.

I am just driven to write this, following up from an old post: "The etiquette of Borrowing Money".

Recently Mommy R and I were just dishing out a random plan to lunch, and somehow it keeps getting cancelled, and Mommy R began to feel really guilty because it is usually cancelled on her end. And I am guilty for laughing at her. No need to be so apologetic la my dear love. And some asked me, "So what makes you so cool and what blows your top when plans gets cancelled?"

Easy peasy, here's what makes me so cool (or hot)

A mother with very young kids

Meaning your children still wears diapers, needs to be fed and cannot do things on their own yet. I forgive these people far very easily. Having had to raise some children myself, I know how plans gets changed by the minute because they decide to nap, or decide to just drop a bomb of poop onto the new fresh change, or that they just decide to scratch each other crazy. If you are a mother, you'd know the endless list of things these kids can come to. :)

I usually have Plan B or will be perfectly fine if the plan doesn't goes even if it is cancelled just a minute before our planned date. :)

I don't think these people will ever make me blow my top - well not unless their children grow up and are independent, but was used as an excuse. Then perhaps, perhaps I'd get mad. However, I can probably keep that mad phase short.

Cancelled with warning

Warning signs, like an early sms to say the possibility of cancellation. Simple text like, "Hey got caught in a meeting, doesn't look like it's ending anytime soon" Or "Mom just called, don't sound like good news" or "Can I just update you again about later?"

These warning messages are enough for me to come with Plan B and I would be damn cool if it does get cancelled in the end. Doesn't matter how long we planned to meet.

When someone prewarn me of something, I cannot get mad. That's just me.

Cancelled with valid reason

We all have priorities in our lives. And by now, at this age, your priority should really be your family. So what if we had planned this for 10years, if a family who has been away for 2 weeks calls you up and ask you for dinner, I'd choose family, so don't feel guilty about it, if you chose the same!

Family deserves a special place, anytime, anywhere, and if possible, every time, especially if you haven't seen them for awhile.

So don't eat yourself up if something more serious is the reason why we cancelled plans, something serious like someone got admitted in the hospital or mishaps like that. These are things no one can forecast.

BUT if you choose to lie about it, and IF I ever find out that your "uncle" who was admitted is actually a "date" who had asked you out for movie, then I would play the game back at you. I'd say I have something on then rot at home watching tv for all I care, after many days of planning - I care no more, and I won't be able to believe it the next time your uncle gets admitted.

When you are more than just my friend

When we develop a bond, a similar bond I'd have with my BFF and sister - or somewhere midway or if we are getting there - you'd be in my trust circle. Where anything goes - you'd be forgiven, provided you are just as cool if the tables turn.

My trust circle is fragile - just so you know.. I am very wary of people who gets too close due to this. However, there will be selected few who gets the express ticket into this circle via their actions.

When you tell at ease, and I can do so just the same, when we share and we remind.. You'd hold a special place. You know, the kindda friendship who can feel your anger, your sadness and yet able to hold you together to see the possibility of positivity behind all that negativity. Ya, I accept that I am complicated, like that. I needed a lot of that kind of friends, who show you they understand how you feel, even nodded crazy in agreement, and when we are both cool, they sit you down, and tell you, just maybe the guilty party meant it another way, maybe we are just over-reacting. Just maybe. I get it. And I love you for that.

And I love honesty, with this group, they can just call me and say, "can we cancel the dinner, I am dead tired, thought of resting.." Oh I'd gladly say ok, and sometimes assure them that I was thinking the same. ;)

This people won't make me mad unless they break the trust circle. When they conveniently promised tomorrow and leave me no updates even when tomorrow is over. When they stop considering my feelings all together because they know I won't be mad at them per se. Over time, these things will come up, it is then I choose to see it as you stepping on my head, or that it is you being you. And maybe you'd be sitting on the fence for awhile until I am sure of what it is you are playing with me.

Involves more than 2 other person

I get mad, not because I can't have a plan B, but because when it involves more than 2 other persons, and both I know more than you therefore I had to inform them of the cancellation, then it is wasting 2 other people's time that has been dedicated for you.

I am especially upset if I had to tell them since you don't really know them well enough or comfortable enough to tell them you need to cancel our meet up, because they'd throw nasty words at me since they don't really know you but know me.

BUT, if we know them equally and you can tell them yourselves, then I should not be too angry about it (Then this would make me cool about it - because then I have Plan B at ease)

Booking is required

When booking is required to be made, and you conveniently dump the idea. Like if we had planned a good hour just the two of us, (hey! Gfs date too, ya know!), at a restaurant, booking of table was made, the idea was on my planner, I rejected a date with the husband. Then I would fume mad - I think. Even if it was not my name on the booking, I'd fume mad. You got me excited on the dinner date!!! Then you dump the idea after me dressing up, with full make up, and killer heels. Oh FUME MAD!

OK fine, killer heels doesn't sound like me - Well I used to always wear killer heels... I can even run in them. Then again, even with my everyday long shirt and jeans, if we had made just detailed plans, and it gets cancelled at the last minute, then I'd be disappointed more than angry, actually.

Well unless you are in my trust circle, maybe. Or you inform me early and allow me the option to proceed on with someone else. Then I'd forgive you gladly in an instant.

Meeting to get something passed/exchanged

If you know me well, I'd hate to have to drag something out with me only to bring it back home. So if we are just meeting to have something passed to one another, then I'd like it to be over and done with. If it is me who want that stuff, I wouldn't even mind coming up to your door, if you are sick or unable to get out of the house for some reason.

BUT if you do not want to meet me, won't allow me to come up your house to get it, and just couldn't get an alternative date to meet again, then I'd be doubtful of you. I wouldn't dare to trust you 100% (then again I've always had trust issues!)

And if it is something that is at home, and it is just waiting for you to come by, I'd be okay to hold it for you, HOWEVER, if it has been more than 12 months, I ought to own this thing or do something about it, because honey, my house is not a free storage space.

You see, I am not a monster who would eat you alive just because what we planned didn't go like we wanted it to.. I think I am pretty reasonable.. For as long as you are reasonable.

And because the previous post, had got people mad because they subconsciously think it is about them, I had to add, that it is not about you. It is about me, my beliefs, and my ways.

With this said, do you have any other etiquette that I should be writing about? Fill me in if you do!

Wassalam,
Jun - not-the-monster