My FB timeline was flooded with sharing of this article, on hantaran, and by a simple question of "Can a female university graduate marry an ITE graduate?"
Interesting topics really. I responded by sharing/replying with my status as such:
and this:
The first, on hantaran, as we all know we Malays have a tradition whereby the groom will give dowry as a gift for the bride's family, right? This is tradition not of any religion requirements. and the article was pretty much about how the trend is to set high dowry amounts for the groom to give the bride's family, and it has become astonishingly sky high. And how the amount was set in line with the bride's educational certs, capabilities, looks and what not. And most parents often give reasons like they are testing the groom's capabilities to care for their daughters.
And so my friends and I responded, me having said as per above in English translation would be : Let it be that no dowry/little dowry or a dowry that is within the groom's affordability and within his reach, as long as he can continue to provide in consistency for the wife's needs after the marriage. Don't splurge and throw a big event just to suffer forever. (and the rest is in English, so no need to translate, right? ;)
And so yes, life after marriage is far more important that that one/two days event, really. Some couple splurge so much and eat grass literally until their next pay, if they are lucky. Some had to continue eating grass for a few months/years, to clear their debts incurred for the event. We, inexperienced, immature people often dish out debts and said (in denial perhaps), that $xxx/month is okay. It is by the calculator okay. It wont hurt. Reality is, expenditure after marriage is just much more than when you're unmarried. You hold more responsibilities than before. Dont forget that we are still liable to pay our bills, help our parents, and chip in double (if you are staying in with them after marriage), we have to also help our in-laws, and if baby comes by.. we have to pay for the baby needs and wants. There are so many to list down. And oh! Your own house! Your house renovation, Your new house's furniture, Your own house utilities, bills, loans, oh the list goes on and on!
I am glad my event was one that is 100% debt free. We survived well. We managed to save more. Alhamdulillah. People talk, let them! You do a cinderella event, they talk. You do a beggars' event, they talk. Let them.. Dont let their talks control you, unless they are paying for all your expenditures.
And so on the second topic, "Can a female university graduate marry an ITE graduate?" Hey hey, why not. I am a uni graduate, I married my ITE graduate husband. We are fine as it is. Marriage is more than just academic certs. Who know 5 yrs down the road, he find time to upgrade and be a Uni Grad as well? Or maybe he would be a business owner with companies and providing jobs for others? Who knows what God has for us?
Marriage is bigger than just academic certs. Marriage requires so much love, positive energy, understanding, trust, compromise, giving and taking, and so much more. Again, the list wont end. I learn a lot from him, and he learn a lot from me. We are a team, and a team achieve together, his success is mine, and my success is ultimately his too. If I fail, he help me up. And if he fail, I nag so much he would get up on his own! ha! no.. I will help him up too. We are not against each other, we are a team. Husband and Wife are a team. Work as one, not against each other. We are great together, we are balanced, never bad. IF one of us is, the other will balance us up. Our vision and mission is ONE. With that, we wont be degrading each other, instead we motivate each other. To a better individual and an awesome team!
Wassalam and Regards,
Jun
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