When my father met our Creator.....

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog. This will be emotional. This entry is about my loss.... One of my bestest man in my life ever.. We talked about death, but I never knew it would be this hard... this sad.. and this lonely...

6th May 2016
Approx 4.38pm, I received a few missed calls and a few texts from my husbands that read:
 "CALL ME!!" , "Your dad is not breathing"

It didn't register in my mind, I called him back but the line was busy, I called my second sister, and asked her what I should do, and with her crying, all she could mumble was "Go home, what else?"

Next call from my husband, all he said was "COME HOME NOW"

It was when I was trying to grab a cab that it registered, in disbelief and tears.. cab by cab rejected my flag, and finally one cabby stopped, i cried my eyeballs in the cab, and then figured I had to be strong, for my mom, wiped my tears, breath in deep and run to the door.

There.. my husband reciting the Yassin weeping, in the room, my mom weeping, and I... the knees couldnt hold it anymore, I fell on my knees, and held his cold hands, I couldnt cry anymore.. I couldnt do anything. I don't know what to do... I was lost.

Soon after my second sister arrive.. And soon the whole family.

My cousin called to advice me on what I should do. Call the Muslim Casket, get their doctor to certify, call all family members.. It was heartbreaking to be announcing this news to so many people.. All of whom were equally shocked.

My dad only had Dementia.. He showed no signs.. He went at peace... At least that we know... For the next 11 days, people keep streaming in to send their condolences..

I took the full 3days compassionate leave and used my annual leave to spend the week accompanying my mom. I couldnt thank my boss enough for understanding my plight.

My father last words to me... "Solat la Jun, da pukul brapa ni... wajib tau sembayang"

That morning he asked if I will be fetching Baby M, and that was it..

Life is short.. Please do give your elders a hug whilst you can...

Bapak,
I miss you..
You are so blessed,
to go on Friday,
Just a day after Isra' Mi'raj...
In the month you were born...

Bapak..
Now all I can do is to do what you told me to do,
To care about my 5 solats a day....
To make it my priority,
To care for mom...

Bapak..
When we went to your grave last weekend,
You have us all a gust of wind and a moment of cool shade...
I knew you were around us, waiting for us right then..
And I knew we will make it a family routine...

Bapak...
Jun hanya boleh doakan agar segala dosa-dosa Bapak dimaafkan,
Kubur Bapak diperluaskan, and Bapak ditempatkan di golongan orang-orang yang beriman lagi soleh.
Bapak... maafkan lah segala dosa-dosa Jun terhadap Bapak dan segala kekurangan Jun dikala Jun menjaga Bapak...

Bapak...
I miss your endless reminders to solat,
I miss your naughty repeat telecasts,
I miss your "hati-hati Jun" when I leave for work,
I miss everything you, Bapak...

I wish I had done better,
I wish I am a better daughter,
I wish you have a chance to see my children,
I wish I can do everything for you..
But what is left of now is that,
I become a solehah daughter who prays 5 times a day,
And prays for you so you will be eased with Allah's permission...

This is all I can do for now, Bapak...

I love you, and no words do justice...

To those who wish to visit him, Bapak now resides at N-1-10 Plot 5189

Akan ku rajinkan diri utk sedekahkan Al-Fateha kepada Bapakku, Hj Masnollah Bin Hj Rejab (Hj Mohd Yusof Bin Idrus as per NRIC)

Semoga roh Bapak dicucuri Rahmat... Kami redha dgn permergian Bapak..

Anakmu,
Jun

Wassalam