Just a thought..

Everyone, will at one time, wishes he/she is someone else. It's a fact, do not argue.

I was at one time wishing I have a different set of parents, different race and even religion.. I once wish I am someone popular, famous and filthy rich, then I learnt it was not always that easy. I learnt to accept the way I am... But I honestly still wish I was the least a little richer than I am. Who doesn't? You see, the rich always get richer, leaving the poor to be poorer.. It's freaking true.

The poor sacrifice with empty stomachs, without shelther, working their arse to get a dollar to buy bread and eat that for the week. The rich got more than just one shelter, they could buy whatever they see appealing, bought expensive food to waste, get free admissions, get VIP seats, receive unlimited attention, gifts from everywhere, free flights after travelling loyally with certain airline service.. there are many other priviledges these rich people get that noone beneath their financial status can ever lay their hands on. And their bank account keeps growing, with the best interest rates.

The poor, bank account could never reach the minimum because they couldn't afford, and the bank will deduct a certain value because they don't have the minimum amount in their savings.. And soon their bank account will be terminated. They couldn't even get anywhere near anywhere, because everywhere they go, they get chased out because they ain't got money. They sleep on the streets, begging for a little space to sleep. Sadly, these people.. they often misuse the help people offer and tend to depend on help too much once they do. I would say, not all of them, but most of them, because they never seen much money, or get any form of privilledge, and when they do get to lay their hands on a big sum of money, they tend to buy the most unneeded things.

Oh well, I'm getting off my point.. Let's get back on track... What truly makes every individual different? The way they are brought up, where they grew up, how they live, who they meet, mainly, it's the unique brain cells that sets them thinking set every person different.

Men and women think differently. Men often show physical affection because they don't understand the language of women's emotions. Women often put physical affection with the emotions too much. I agree not everyone's the same. There are cases where it's vice versa, where the woman did not want any commitment and just do what makes them happy, and have the man being so committed and sets her to boredom.

Maybe it's the fact that I have experienced the good and bad of a marriage that makes me freak myself out when I find myself in a commited relationship. God knows what I want. Honestly, I am at lost sometimes.

All I want is to have fun and just run away from any relationship commitments. I'm not saying I don't need love, affection or companionship. Oh hell ya, I want some form of companionship where love and true affection exists. I do want to spend my life with someone whom I'm comfortable with, but not now, not anytime soon. In fact, I don't wanna be thinking about it.

I just want to be with someone fun, interesting, where knowing that person just leads you to not knowing him at all, where there's always something about him that you have yet to know. Maybe because I am like that.. No one really knows what I'm thinking. And I rather it stays that way, but sometimes, it just irritates me. To have someone who keeps repeating himself bores me.

Some people think they know me, and can handle me with their tiny finger.. They don't realise I am bigger than my physical size. There's so much more about me that they just don't see and won't see. There's so much more about me than just what they see. I am complicated in my ways, and that's my life. I need debates, disagreements, discussions... though there are times when I only need a listening ear.

I live in a world of mysteries, waiting to be uncoded. Some are easy to hack, some will just pass you the fatal virus. I want to explore the whole world, know everyone, then erase my existence in their memory when I think the time is done.

I am cruel, I am a bitch, say what you want... I accept it with gracefulness for I know I am imperfect, and I probably don't deserve any form of happiness, but one thing I don't owe anyone to is My life. I decide who I want to be, where I want to end up at, and how I'm going to go about it.

No one forces me into anything, I do it at my own will and I will stop at my own will. I won't settle down for the second best... I don't want to be regretting all over again. I will be here, stay by your side, but I can't be there forever... One day I have to leave.. The day when God calls me up, I will go and noone can prevent that....

I need a break.. Don't cloud my judgement, don't haze up my mind... It's already dark, don't make it worse..

Darkness within the light is where I truly belong.. And so be it... A good switch once in awhile is great, but the light hurt my eye...