Being a Quantity Surveyor

There are lots of responsibilities being a QS. So much... But let's not get me talking about work.

I just got home after a movie with Mr. On comes the computer, greeting me with the melodious Music I have in store. Two songs made me shed a tear for some reason. "Counting the Days" and "Old Habits" in the Album, Alfie. These two songs made my mind play a scene, a sad scene of shock, sadness, loneliness... I dunno why, I kept having flashes of losing someone I love so much.

My mind is playing a scene when my dad leaves.. I just suddenly realised how much I loved my dad, how important he is in my life, how much of a difference he would have made and have made in my life.. I just felt so sad, so scared of losing him one day, which I would one fine day... This is my second time thinking of that scary day..

And I missed him so much, and yes, I am living in the same house, under the same roof with him. I wanted to hug him, hold him close.. but I don't want to be a hypocrite. I do all this at a spur of moment, just to neglect him all over again.... I miss hearing him telling stories of his life, those adventure he had, those experience he'll never forget, those special moments...

Then the thought of Mr leaving soon.. It hurts... More so when I don't know when I would see him again... It can be just 3weeks, maybe a month... but it can also be easily 4 months, or maybe even longer. I'll be busy with work, trainings... but those days when I won't have anything to do... I'd just close my eyes and I would see him looking back, and see him disappear when I open my eyes again... I'm going to miss him so so much, in fact, I missed him already. And here I am crying thinking of the worst, and he texted me with the same thought. How great minds think alike... It hurts so much to think of the near future. I might just cry my eyeballs dry that day he have to leave... Why does love always have to hurt?

I think I'm going through a major emotional breakdown. Could be due to work overload, too many things to do, so many things to think about, not much time, tired, sleepy, sick, everything...

Strange but I'm often in deep thoughts of losing my loved ones one after another... It's so torturing... Imagine being left alone without a soul whom you can call yours... Technically you can live on, survive and stay alive... Emotionally, you are wrecked!

I haven't lost anyone yet, not anyone as close as the two mentioned above, but I'm already feeling miserable thinking of that one day that will happen..

I'm heading to bed crying to sleep tonight. I'll be fine... maybe not perfectly fine, but just fine...