Just a lil over 7months into marriage....

Assalammu'alaikum fellow readers, friends and beloved family,

And yes, we are on our 7th month just 2 days ago. How time flies.... We are like how married couples are, I guess. And of course, ours special because we both are in each other's heart. *oh so mushy*

And yes, after 7 long months, still... no baby glitters yet. Alhamdulillah, we believe it is for the better. We can only ask, seek and pray for what we want, but Allah SWT definitely know more than we do on what we better deserve, He knows a better time, a better place and a better situation to give what we deserve, or to take away what we don't. We still have faith.

I can still manage a smile and reply with the solemn news of still not getting any good news. However, I get overly happy and excited when someone else gets the good news. Well, many are actually pregnant around me. Kak Neny with her 2nd baby - tentatively a boy. Kak Mima (@nuramima) owner of Her Closet is also pregnant with 2nd baby, also tentatively a boy. Rai, husband's friend's wife is also pregnant with her 2nd baby, and also tentatively a boy. And a new friend, Liyana Ruoli, with her first child still in her 1st trimester. Oh, not to forget, relatives! 2nd cousin is also pregnant with her first child - and I still have seen her since I got married! And another 2nd or maybe 3rd cousin in Bawean is also pregnant with her first.

See, so many pregnant ladies around me... One day... one day it will be my turn, just maybe not yet. InsyaAllah, if Allah SWT wills, I will be the mother of my husband's children.

I have been telling myself, so sure about not letting all these get into me. Then just suddenly, out of nowhere, it simply gets into me. How others pretty much easily get pregnant, and why not me, why not yet.. I dunno where we went wrong. I read a lot, tried all sorts, and just keep getting the red flag up.

It sucks especially when I was late and having all the symptoms, only to be greeted with the red flag the next day or later that week. It truly is! I play pretend like it didnt affect me, like it didnt matter to me. I pretend that I am not ready yet. Just so I feel better about not being pregnant yet. Just so I dun send the negative vibes to my husband.

It has been 7 months... where have I gone wrong? What am I not doing right? Should I visit a specialist to get help? I dunno. I am scared. What if it really is me who is the problem? What if it is my husband? What if we are both normal and we are just not blessed enough yet? Too many questions, too little answers. I get all sorts of reactions when I try to address my issues. Some said, "oh you are still young, plenty of time... relax...". Time. How much time do I have, really? I am a woman. I have a ticking biological clock. I cant simply lay back and wait till I am 35.

I just have to prepare a good short answer to the potential questions this Eid. Oh wells, people wont stop poking their noses in our affairs, right? Shoot me... I am not dead yet. Try again.

Yours truly,
Dead tired and not yet pregnant!

Wassalam