A new day begins today....

Hmmm... Where shall I start...

Yesterday seemed to be one of those days where all feelings got mixed up..

It starts off when the King took my prepaid spare phone off where I left it. He went through my messages, which was fine... I have nothing to hide afterall... Then a simple good morning greeting to a male friend became an issue.. Well I accepted that I was wrong not to tell him who he is, or to claim that I never texted him... But I knew I hadn't contacted him when the King asked about it..

Anyways, whilst I was angry he didnt trust me and went through my smses, I liked the fact that he was jealous about it... Then again, I dun find anything to be angry about coz it was just a greeting and what follows are just my stressful episode of letting things out, which I dun remember what I was rambling about except it was about my work...

At the end of the day, he's still forgiven.. I just hope he now know how I felt when he does text and contact other girls behind my back.. One side of me knew he didn't do those... But another side find it impossible to believe he's really that well behaved. And if he really is that well behaved, that I suppose I've got myself a really great man to be with.

As I was lying on bed tired after a days' work last night, he texted me... And I kindda start to grin so much that I dreamt of him hugging me all night... I knew then that I've started to fall so much by loving him way too much that it just hurts to even think of a break-up... I knew it was rather too much to have him all to myself and noone else... And that's just way too much.. And I had to say.. He's really too much and I can't get enough of him.. I know it makes no sense at all.. But that's what I feel right now..

Too much of anything is no good, I reminded myself. But I just can't help but keep falling... I can't seem to learn and recall the past bruises and scars that was left behind.. And I knew now, that I'd really be devastated if he's not meant to be mine... I can only think of destruction if that news is out.. I can only think of riding right into a trailer if that happens.. I knew it sounds stupid.. But it just hurts too much to think about the possibilities ahead...

Oh, have I mentioned about my new job? I am doing something new, new industry, new people, new responsibilities.. I enjoyed my job, but I have those stress outbreak (so much of doing nothing for over 2months) and I'll text whoever name I see in my phonelist, so if i do text ya, u can always choose to ignore.. Coz i'm just letting it out to relief myself...

Ok.. Back to my King.. Ha! Seemed like I'm always talking about him these days... Sometimes, I find him way too sweet and sometimes I find him an irritant that can really bring dark clouds over my head... But overall I knew I can never find another just like him. I just wish and pray so hard so we'd last till the end... I never ever wanna let you go, my King... Never...

If you want me to leave, I shall...
In sadness, or in fear...
I know I will if you want me to...
I'll never have to look back
because you want me to...

If you ever stop loving me,
I just hope you wont hate me,
And forgive me my Lord,
if I couldnt bring any courage,
To meet you ever again thereafter..