Sometimes, I truly wonder how my emotions can take so much control over my mind... I mean I know I'm not ready for anything more serious than some companionship... You know, the being together but not exactly together kind.. Ya.. But at times, I just wished I have that one person all to just myself and noone else... I just couldnt understand why I do get so worked up whenever I hear an incoming sms on his phone, and to know it's from another girl...
I dunno why I feel so crappy knowing he's just not my bf, and probably just will never be.. And it seems to have hurt me more than I thought... I havent been talking to him lately... I just sat there, quiet.. Letting my thoughts run wild, making me feel so... I dunno... Just as if I'm of a lower class or something...
Why have I found someone so great, but at the same time, simply irritates the hell out of me? Why have I found someone who I want to rid off but want him all the same? Why am I feeling all these? It's not suppose to be so complicated... I made a deal, right? And it is mutually agreed in the most civilised and most adult way... So why these complications?
At times, I thought he's sincere... But at times, I just feel like he's lying through his teeth.. At times, I could trust him more than myself.. But at times, I just felt like I should never trust him at all... I dunno what I should do about this crappy feeling... Seriously.. Is there a cure to this?
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