Ladies weekend

Ahacks.. Have been out with the ladies more this weekend.. Maybe coz we understand each other better, and get to have those girl talks...

Oh... let's start with the morning eh...

I woke up late this morning, second sis came over with her kids. I woke up, did my laundry... then mom spoke to me, after 2 days of not talking to me due to my new look... Then after I was done with the laundry and ironing my parents bits.. My parents went to jb, then soon after my second sis left to go home.. Left me alone..

Then i decide to wear my long skirt and tank top, wax up my hair, wore my shades and walk to the shop... I love the stares the crowd is giving me... muahaha.. it kindda freak me out a bit, but i am kindda proud to stand out and be different.

Bought my ciggies and the guy touched his hair, guess was implying onto my hair.. Dunno la... Then i walked back home, there's this group standing and staring at me from one block away up to the lift lobby.. I saw them from the corner of my eyes.. Haha..

Then I laze at home, then my lady friend, Byma aka Mun texted me... After many exchanges of sms, I showered and change my clothes and head down to her place, then she asked me to guide her to woodlands... So I did, had to maintained below 80km/hr.. My coolant went on to 80degrees... Urghz... my baby was like pushing me to go faster... But I didn't wanna lose my friend, later she got lost... I know how it feels like being lost.. haha..

Once reach her friends place... We sat down smoke a few sticks, then her friend came down... Then chat somemore.. He was like praising my baby endlessly... Haha.. Then we head down to civic plaza.. Met Shamie there... The reason why I asked Shamie to meet us there is to guide dearest Mun back safely since they stay near each other...

I became like an instructor guiding Mun to u-turn... Make sure traffic is clear, ask her go first then i follow behind.. Made a car wait for us.. hee.. When I look at Mun to ensure she ok, she looked damn pale.. She really is scared of U-turn sia... Then I make sure they got into BKE.... before shooting off home via BKE, PIE...

Then got home.. Laze somemore... got hungry... nothing to eat... So ate the prawn crackers... Still hungry...

Haiz.. tomorrow cuzzie wanna go ecp, so i asked Shamie along la.. Hoping for a good sunny day tomorrow...

Anyways, I am feeling a bit in a dilemma... I dunno if I should get the watch... Hmm... Will it be worth it? I dunno.. But I know I'm gonna like, or rather love my b'day present la... Hee... Kindda being a thick skin, chose my present then ask for someone to buy for me.. Wonder if anyone's gonna get me the alpinestar ladies jacket... darn nice.. gorgeous price tag too... muahaha...

Would love to have a full racing suit and track boots... Anyone? Hahahaha... Very thick skin sia me..

Hmmm... I'm kindda happy today... Dunno why so happy also... Maybe coz i went out with the ladies, and didnt get lost.. kindda spot on although exit wrongly, the plan b was smooth sailing, I remembered my map clearly.. haha...

Going back time also, pretty easy and spot on... Whatever it is, I think I need a look at my book before i go anywhere to plan my route, I remember it better that way... Follow ppl will tend to end up blur and not notice the road signs...

Haiz... Why can't I go to sleep now... Tired.. but eyes dun wanna close... Geesh.. I kindda miss a hug right now... Oh well.. I'll just hug my bolster...

I really ought to sleep... Oh... Shall I take up part time job? I am like super bored la...

A mohawk alas~

Hootz... Yeah.. Got a mohawk... Like finally....

Pics have been uploaded to my multiply.. Damage done = $10. Wax = $6. Endless stares for being different = Priceless~

Sepang Trip & a whole lot of things happened...

I just returned from my Sepang trip with 5 other guys..

I realised just how stupid I've became.. I regretted not waiting, I regretted not being patient, I regretted being selfish... I regretted giving others hope only so I could have one..

This time, I guess I deserved to be heavily punished. Mr Nice dun deserve me... I knew I still had feelings for him whom I hated but wanted to be with so much... I mean, too much.. I knew I still wanted him as badly as I hated him sometimes.. I realized just how much he has changed thus far... And I just regretted everything that I had done out of fear, insecurity, and uncertainty.. I regretted the fact that I had a short attention span, I wasn't paying attention because I was afraid of hearing things I didn't wanna hear..

After this Sepang Trip, I just knew things won't be the same anymore.. I just knew everything will just go hoo haa.. But I also know that I wanna have more trips up north... And I do wanna hit the tracks..

I wish I could just rewind the time.. I am so full of regrets right now... I dunno how I am going to move on.... I hate to try too hard... I just hate to feel like I'm the only one trying.. I just couldn't wait... Why am I so impatient?

who am I in this big big world?

Sometimes, I wonder who I am, and what my purpose in life is? I've sacrificed a lot in my own definition, but others find that I'm being selfish... The truth is, I sometimes don't realize just how foolish I could get, and how possessive I can be. Sometimes, I just wish I belong to someone just so I could run to him and demand a hug... And be able to say his mine...

Thoughts running wild... So many questions left unanswered.. I just felt like just hugging and just chase away all these uncertainties in life.... I wish I could do just that to chase yours... But I ain't sure if I'd be that strong....

I dunno why i kept saying I dunno.. And i dunno what is it that I dunno... My mind just went blank whenever I had something up here in my brains. And at times I just simply dunno what is it that I was thinking about.

I dunno why I'm feeling like this.. So confused, so lost... So in need to just tell you everything and to know so much about you.... The truth is yet to come, and the truth will be told in time to come if not now later...

Sometimes, I just felt like I just deserve the littlest happiness that I haven't felt in awhile... I dunno if I really deserve more than what I have right now, sometimes... I just wish there'll be someone who really could accept me for who I am, for who I've become, and for who I shall be...

I wish I could give my all and not have the tiniest regret... I wish I could just give my life just so someone else could have a better one...

Why am I feeling like this?

Sometimes, I truly wonder how my emotions can take so much control over my mind... I mean I know I'm not ready for anything more serious than some companionship... You know, the being together but not exactly together kind.. Ya.. But at times, I just wished I have that one person all to just myself and noone else... I just couldnt understand why I do get so worked up whenever I hear an incoming sms on his phone, and to know it's from another girl...

I dunno why I feel so crappy knowing he's just not my bf, and probably just will never be.. And it seems to have hurt me more than I thought... I havent been talking to him lately... I just sat there, quiet.. Letting my thoughts run wild, making me feel so... I dunno... Just as if I'm of a lower class or something...

Why have I found someone so great, but at the same time, simply irritates the hell out of me? Why have I found someone who I want to rid off but want him all the same? Why am I feeling all these? It's not suppose to be so complicated... I made a deal, right? And it is mutually agreed in the most civilised and most adult way... So why these complications?

At times, I thought he's sincere... But at times, I just feel like he's lying through his teeth.. At times, I could trust him more than myself.. But at times, I just felt like I should never trust him at all... I dunno what I should do about this crappy feeling... Seriously.. Is there a cure to this?