Good thoughts...

What was good for me isn't necessarily good for others... After writing a whole long essay about what I have in mind, I decide not to post it as it might imply to particularly few who might misunderstood it for something crude written just for them.

I have done a few things and have kept myself busy so I can cut down on my smoking. I have been out, trying to keep my hands full so that lighting a cigarette would be the last thing in mind. I have finally agreed to something that was once said to me and I stubbornly disagree... I used to say that it isn't difficult for me to quit.. Truth is, it is HARD. Look at me.. Trying to prove that I can quit as and when I want, now that I really want to quit, I ended up smoking more.. I tried switching cigarettes so I get sick and not want to smoke, but ended up going back to the initial cigarettes...

I am dissapointed everytime I light up.. There's not many people who can truly motivate and push me to kick this habit.. I can only find two types of people who can help me.. One is family, second is this one friend whom I respected a lot. These two people won't exactly tell me to quit right away, but only show discomfort when I light up, or just say as a matter of factly that they prefer me not smoking, this statement led me to feeling guilty and with love, care and concern, I will try my best to cut down and eventually quit. But problem is, they are either inconsistent with the statement, dissapoint me and led me to start the habit all over or they are not always around.

Next method is to keep myself extremely busy. I can be very impatient, that's why I prefer to walk quickly and not wait for the bus. I sometimes run to school from my office. And when I walk fast, I don't light up, because it's too much of a hassle. I won't smoke when I am really busy because it would keep me occupied that nicotine became useless. But there's always times when I am not that busy, and found 15minutes doing nothing much, and wa la... I think of cigarette breaks..

The longest I've stayed not smoking was 2 years ago, for a little over a year.. Was with Mr at that time, and he motivated me because he has smoked longer than me, but managed to quit. So he challenged me. And then, when we start to part ways, I couldnt help but smoke, because I regretted a few things.

Now, the longest I've stayed without smoking is probably 5 hours. I really ought to sort this matter out. I really need to quit.

Actually I am suppose to write out a movie review, really really overdued. Very nice, touching, romantic and funny movie. A definite must watch- The Holiday - starring Cameron Diaz, Jude Law, Kate Winslet and Jake something. I always forget his name... No longer showing in most cinemas, so I shall skip it.

Also, great wonderful news the moment I return to work from my holiday in Shanghai.. Wee~~ For those who already know about it, thanks for your blessings and prayers. For those who havent yet know about it.. Well.. It's good. Ask me and I'll tell you.. Not for all ears.

Another thing is my voucher.. I need to utilise it by Feb'07. Who wants a weekend stay at Conrad? I won't mind paying for the stay, if you are good. If you want it for yourself, then all you need to do is to be good to me, buy me lunch maybe.. or maybe get me something really useful.. and the voucher will be yours. Make it fast though and ask first. It might be in someone else's hands or maybe I already have plans.

I actually might go alone.. But we'll see.. WHY AM I ALWAYS ALONE?

Oh no.. I know.. Am not alone, am never alone... There'll always be someone out there who'll feel just the same..

Oh, I had a weird dream lately... I have been dreaming of me being a man, and was *you-know-what* with a hot babe. Honestly, it feels good, and it was almost so real..

And when I woke up, the cue stick was no more, neither was the two rambutans.. and I headed to the shower feeling more feminine than ever before..