Almost a month overdued...

And I am still counting.. Has only been my third day back home.. And I felt much more less home than I should have been..

I landed all alone, someone fetched me at the airport.. Not even a family member.. When I got home, noone's home.. and so I showered and changed my clothes, only to leave my home to get somethings done..

Not much, but I met my gfs, had 4 cans of beer.. falling asleep but was wide awake the moment I got home. Felt weird sleeping alone at home.. I had gotten used to something I shouldn't be..

I wanted to just get out and run away.. Run and just keep running till there's nothing more to see.. So much happened whilst I was not home... The things that has made me stronger and yet more fragile..

Why am I feeling such? What should I do? I wanted to be alone, and yet can't stand being alone.. I am indeed a thinker who simply think too much deeply. I got lost in my own thoughts not knowing what was in my mind, know not what I had to despite knowing there's something that needs to be done.

Why fall to hurt? Why get up to fall again? Why is the sky so blue? Why must life be so materialistic now? Why couldnt we all just be happy doing things we love without feeling the pressure of having more than we can afford?

Why couldnt we all be more ready to undertake another risk? Why is it when one decide to take the risk, the challenges got tougher? So tough that sometimes, dropping everything and leave is too good to forget? Why are people communicating less? Why are people only concern about talking about other people and how they think and not about themselves and their true feelings and concern?

I wish there are more TBs in the world, whom I can just tell what's in my mind and never feel guilty for I know he'll do the same, and give me his upmost honest opinion. Why lie and die struggling to be someone else? Why can't a bitch claim she is one? Why can't a whore just live and admit so? Why can't a bastard just tell the innocent lady that he is just another bastard with a hairy dick and small balls? Why can't gays openly say they are what they are? Why can't lesbians just openly show their sexual interest?

Why are there always fingers pointing at you, talking about all your bad things, your horrible past and all the accusations and stories? Why can't people just see themselves in the mirror and ask the same questions, be more critical to your own self before you open your freaking mouth and start speaking about what others have chosen to do?

I am different and I am happy with how I have become.. Why can't people around me just simply trust me and be happy about it. I don't beg for your money, neither am I harrassing you with anything. Why can't people just stay out of my way and for once, allow me to smile and laugh as loud and for as long as I want?

Why must my brains work doubly hard only to conclude with a terrible confusion?

I know none of my questions can be answered without further confusing myself or anyone else.

I know you know.. But now, I don't know what i know.. Do you?