I know and well aware that I've been blogging reviews after reviews.. So now, time for another personal update of my personal emotions, opinions and random rantings...
As the subject suggests, I am touching on my "Built-To-Order" flat that seems to be building fast. So fast, I am freaking out. I know so many newly weds are always on the "oh can't wait for it to be ready" and the "oh can't wait for our very own nest", well in one way yes, we are looking forward to our own home, our own rules, our own whatever you call it, but in many ways, we - or maybe just me - are not ready for it.
Call me spoilt, but I am so used to my parents being around to help me settle things I couldn't do any better. As much as they would continue living with me, I am still very much attached to my parents' home as my own. It won't be the same, I think.
The new place, new location, new environment, new neighbours, new route to work... Will we cope? Will we be able to detach and make do on our own, completely? Can I not?
By paper, our new home would be ready for key collection first quarter of 2016, but the looks of it, it is very possible for a late 2015. I am not ready. We havent scout for any renovation contractor, we haven't got any quotations. We have saved though, but I am always thinking it is not enough, and that I need more time. Am I cheating and lying to myself? Maybe...
It is probably just infinity time that I need to finally be living in my own home, and have my own responsibility to the house, and everything that comes with it. We will be making rules for the house, and my parents won't have rights over me, my decision and what I do to the house. It is painful for me to take, what more my parents? Will they want to live with me still? Or would they detach and live on their own because they don't feel like home at my place? Will I end up living with them still, because I don't want to be far away from them? Or would I break away and feel the freedom I had always wanted?
I don't know. Honestly, I don't. I am just not ready. I still need my parents, even at 30, heck I think I still need my parents when I am 50! And this is why, I never could tell my husband to not visit his parents, I think I'd break down and go beyond crazy if he tells me NO when I want to visit my parents. Parents are just that one in the list that no matter how often you meet them, even if you are with them every hour, you'd still miss them, kindda people.
I don't know how others do it, without visiting or calling their parents. But I cannot imagine myself. Oh I am such an emo wreck right now! Excuse me for a bit...
I have returned, not any less of an emo wreck.... I casually slot in this topic about them living with me in my new home, and renting out theirs so they get income of their own to spend and use for their old age pleasures and medical needs, and about how they are uncomfortable about sleeping over my sisters' no matter nice how everyone treat them. My mom laughed it off before adding...
"I am going to say what my mother always say.. You will never understand until you get there!"
True, I don't understand. How can a mother be uncomfortable in their children's home, when we children always feel at home in theirs? Maybe it is like us in our in laws, as much as there's love, there's this pretence. Not like you do it on purpose, but more like it comes to you naturally. You sit up right, you don't have your leg up on the chair while eating or lick your fingers like you haven't ate in years, you don't lie down and have no care in the world. You can't seem to do that, but you can freely do so in your parents' place.
Recently, I logged in to HDB website to see the progress.. Oh NOT HAPPY.. it is building fast.. Whilst the completion handover date havent changed (1Q of 2016), I have a feeling it will actually be pretty much ready by 4Q of 2015. Scary. I know I don't have to shift right away, but having a flat to your name, is an added responsibility in itself. After checking the website, I secretly checked my bank balance. I wished I wont have to part with my close to successful savings that I actually don't touch without punishing myself severely. I wish that money is there to stay and grow.
Even if we take the tiniest step at a time to make the shift, I think we will eventually have to make the shift. Maybe 2016 would be weekend stays or weekday stays.. then gradually make the change and fully shift in 2017. Or maybe a baby will come, then we have to shift to our new nest.
Up to date, after numerous sit-down-talk with my parents, I still don't know if they are coming along or not, they are giving me the "we will see when the time comes". At the same time, they knew and sort of had already made the decision to stay with me, and I have gladly accepted that way back before I turned 21. I just knew, I'd be the lucky one to care for them.
And I hope my family & I, my husband, and my children, will be bestowed strength, patience and a smile to continually care for my aged parents, to always practice zikr when it gets tough, to always consume anger and let out cheers to remain happy. To constantly remind each other, that they are elders that needs respect and love, positive words and care, nothing less of that. And if things get tough, and anger consumes one of us, I hope the buddy/partner will come to shower us with reminders so we return calm and cool, so we would forgive and seek forgiveness.
I was such an emo wreck, I think I still am.
1Q of 2015 has went by, we are nothing close to even consider looking for any renovation contractors. We shall wait, stand around, and see.. Clearly, we are in denial about having our own house.. As opposed to many young couples who just couldn't wait to settle in their own nest, we are just the couple who probably wants to just hang a little longer so our dollar can stretch further. We are so NOT going to take any loans.
PLUS, we probably have bigger plans than just owning this flat. I really don't know what the future holds, but really, there is nothing wrong with having hopes. I don't know if I will finally have my dreams to be a stay home wife, or if I have to continue working this hard 5yrs down the road.
I don't want to continue in this world full of stresses, if I had to continue working, I'd like to be able to cut down 2 folds, so it'd be less stressful.. Again, who knows what the future holds. If it is indeed written that I have to hang on and stay, then I guess I have to.
It is only 1Q 2015, right? BUT I felt like I already need a long 2 week holiday somewhere.
Anyway, here's my BTO, which is building way too quickly..
Just so you know, I read the so-called advice/tips about choosing your unit. As much as I wish I can agree, the thing is, most of the time we don't have THAT much of choice. And chances are if you don't like it, you won't have much choice to just sell and buy another either. Well UNLESS... Unless you are one rich bugger with tonnes of ready cash (NOT CPF).
It doesn't bother me, because my thinking is set to think that this house I bought, will be the house I stay in until I die, unless we are forced into En-Bloc or something. So yeah... Like it or not, this is where I will live my old self...
The emo wreck,
Wassalam,
Jun
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