Women...

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog. I have been wanting to write about this in the longest time but keep putting it off.

I guess it is about time. People often misinterpreted the Islamic ways of protecting their women as oppression, but it isn't. Afterall, it is not the Quran that says women should be made bald if she refused to cover her hair. Go google and check where that come from.

Honestly speaking, we can do what men do, but we got a lot more to lose than the men when we do that.

As much as we have freedom to befriend whoever we want, there is always restrictions for us when we befriended a male. I grew up in a male environment, accustomed to their harsh jokes and their silly conversations that may disgust most ladies.

I never really restrict myself until I received the hidayah to cover up, to dress more modestly, to behave more appropriately, to speak less and to refrain from unbeneficial acts. I never enjoyed late nights anymore. I felt very ashamed to be out with a male friend alone. Maybe it is the way I was protected.

When I got engaged, I got less involved with my male friends, and start making some female friends. It was awkward as hell I tell you! A meet up with female friends was such a nerve-wrecking experience. My jokes were offensive to them, sometimes my refusal to join them even became such a sensitive issue. I slowly adapt.

When I got married I have even lesser involvement with my male friends, and if I wish to, my husband will be dragged along. Alhamdulillah, my male friends are very understanding and accommodating, they will actually send a text to my husband directly when they wish to meet up.

During the process, I made more and more female friends, Not THAT many, but enough to occupy me. Most good enough to correct and advice me. So much I become very makcik-makcik. hehehe..

And just as I put this away to type another day, I came across this post on FB by Khainis Tahir who is known for the rugged style of dakwah, and goes with #NisaRuggedTalk‬.

Honestly, I like her style, I came across her posts when someone in my friendlist shared one of her post, and had followed her since then. Her Hijrah Story Compilation reaches out to me. I am not perfect, yes I do a lot of stuff back then before I don the hijab, but it was in my past and it is something I cannot change. 

Anyway, back to this women restriction. Do you know how much Allah loves us women, and had therefore wish to conceal us, to protect us. We were taught to be modest, to care a lot for our aurat, to really care for our chastity, to be careful with whom you mingle with, with whom you are touching. We are precious, very precious in the eyes of Islam.

Do you even know that all the household chores we have been doing is actually the husband's or the men's rightful duties? We are very protected.. Do you know that any income received by a woman is her rights, and she has every right to spend it in any way she deems right, but the men have to provide for us, even if we can afford to provide them ourselves?

Okay.. I am straying again from the topic. OK focus. Women's restrictions. Rightfully, we need a mahram with us whenever we are stepping out of our home. This is to prevent fitnah as well as to protect the women, should anything happen there is her mahram to protect and care for her.

We are like the Queens (go to the links, she had given an example of a diamond and a diamond handler), which not any Tom Dick and Harry can any oh how touch us as they like. Gazes need to be lowered. We are taught a lot to be shy, to have a good strong sense of hayaa'. We are not to shamelessly go out and expose ourselves.

Sometimes the syaitan come and whispers "oh why are you giving so much rights to the men, when you can do it yourself, you don't need them"

It is not that we cant do it ourselves, but THEY are suppose to protect us. Besides, why tarnish your reputation by exposing yourselves with so many men before your husband? Why tarnish your reputation and put your husband at stake by still insisting to go out with your male friends without him? It is like offering a kid with a candy unwrapped and picked up from the floor. The kid dont deserve that. The kid deserved a clean wrapped candy.

Likewise, your husband. Then I heard people say "Ala, he isn't perfect either, he goes out late night too, he yada yada yada"

Well, he is a man, he got nothing to lose. His sins, and he is held responsible by his ol'good self. Unlike us, women, our sins are questionable and answerable by her walis and mahrams. Her father will be questioned, her brother will be questioned, her husband will be questioned, her uncles, even, will be questioned.

If ALL of her walis and mahrams have religiously adviced her, and corrected her and tried their best, and never failed to doa for her, then perhaps, she will be answerable to her own actions.

So be wise. Care for your body, care for your gaze, care for your speech. Practice hayaa'.

I am indeed not perfect, but I am thankful that I have people around me who never stopped caring and correcting me. I am grateful.

We women have a lot to lose, and male friends are not that difficult to understand the change if you tell them so. My male friends understand why I don't always chat them up, what more meet them. They know my restrictions, and alhamdullillah they have all been understanding and accommodating. If these male friends make fun of you for not being "sporting" for being "kolot", perhaps. just perhaps, it is time to really consider which is more important, friends or ALLAH SWT.

When you have the right intentions, insyaAllah Allah will test you, guide you and with faith, He will also make it easy for you.

The once a bad girl,
Jun

Wassalam.