Emotions & Love...

Why is it so tough?

As much as I hated him, I still loved him.. I just hope he come to realise how big his head and balls have become... Seriously.. I have came to realise that he's doing it to everyone.. He bruises everyone's ego and yet expect his ego to be stroked..

I just hope it last this time... I'm getting exhausted just trying to keep up... I just hope he stop saying one thing but meant another. Just be honest with me and tell me what you want, for goodness sake. He know I'd happily do what he says, for crying out loud...

Just why have love become such a tough tug of war battle? All I asked for is some public affection. To have him by my side amongst the crowd, to be able to have his hand in mine, to have him walk next to me wherever we go.. to show others we are together and stop ppl from questioning if we are. Everytime there's a meet up, he'll be talking to everyone and approach me last.. That raised brows... Obviously, he didnt realise.. Whenever I ask him to join me and my friends, he refused. That raised brows. Obviously, he only sees it from his little window that I rather be with my friends and not think about how i feel. The fact is, I felt hurt that he didn't wanna be with me when my friends are around.. It almost felt degrading, like my friends are of lower grade, thus he dun wanna mingle with them.. And when we are with our friends, I felt degraded that he spend time talking to them and left me behind in the background, it felt like he enjoyed talking to everyone else but me.. Dun think he ever gave that a thought.

Sometimes, I squirmed at the questions being tossed at me... There're ppl within our group who asked me, "What's the real deal between you two? Just friends, or more? It's so blurry.. So are you his gf?" Well, obviously that wasn't the exact words, but they imply the same definition. What does he think that made me feel? It's almost like it's only me who's trying to be close and show others while he keeps running away.. It made me feel like it's one sided sometimes.. Doubt he realise that too...

I'm not trying to pin point his mistakes, I have my fair share too.. I know I am not perfect, and so I dun expect others to be.. But if he expects me to learn from my mistakes, then I guess it's basic expectations for me to expect him to learn from his mistakes too...

He's just so into the past.. Why can't he just forget, forgive and move forward for better future? Why is there a need to brood into the past? Let me tell you this.. the more you dwell into your past, the less time you have to indulge in the present... And with the little time you have to indulge in the present, what have you got left to invest in the future? Practically nothing... Is it worth to dwell in your past? Is it really worth to keep remembering what others have done you wrong till you forget or fail to realise how much he/she has done for you?

You tell me... I'm listening...