Nice and Complete

It's amazing how things change. From what I thought won't work out, it became stronger with each passing day leaving me more complete than before.

Spoke with KI last night. It felt great that he too remember every detail of what we went through from the beginning.

24th December 2006 - I first noticed him but paid no attention to him
11th January 2007 - Saw him again and attempted to talk to him, managed to play a game of pool. First body contact was made.

Then there's a list of things that happened which include me placing a bet, lost and ended up going to S place and meet up with Sister and family. Ate Botak Jones, went to Bario... and Then went over again to S place for a chat, then head down to my place to type out some documents, then shifting to where my "rented" space is, and then there's his birthday party where I got myself drunk and threw up. Then it's Brother's birthday party.. And then there's a series of games that I went to watch, met his god-granny and things like that...

And then there's a series of serious small messages sent across... And here we are now.. So much has had happened in a short span of 2 months eh..

I just hope and pray that this is not one of those that is just good the first 6 months only to suffer the rest of the journey.. I really don't wish to be taken for a ride once again. I think I've had enough of all that... For now, I would just love to indulge in all the goodness for as long as it lasts.

Then there's thoughts of how my parents is going to accept this.. How they are going to react, how he's going to handle it all and such like that.. Then I thought, it's too soon to think of all these isn't it.. I should just face it when the time comes.. For now, I'd continue to know him better..

Time to get my ass moving to touch now... Have a great day ahead...

Falling In Love All Over Again

Sunday was a pretty nice day for me, or shall I add "perfect" to the string of words?

Well, I finally am pretty sure of where I stand in KI's life, and it feels good to know. We ended up talking and straightening things out is this short conversation:-

Me: What do you usually look for in a relationship?

KI: Dunno. You?

Me: Well, I guess trust, honesty and freedom.

KI: Just trust, honesty and freedom is not enough.

Me: So what more do you look for?

KI: Happiness. If you have all the trust and honesty, and not get happiness, what's the point?

Me: Hmm.. You've got the point there... So why has your past relationships fail?

KI: Third party, I guess.

Me: Is there always a third party?

KI: Dunno, I never really ask.

Me: What do you do when you find out about the third party?

KI: Nothing. Well, if I saw her in front of me with another man, then I'll just smile and walk away.

Me: Gasp! That's so my style. My goodness.

We ended it there. And continue watching the movie with me lying in his arms. He suddenly felt so warm and nice. And there, I fell in love once again. Before I knew it, Sunday became Monday and it's time for me to go to work.

My mind wasnt at work, I kept thinking of the conversation I had with him. And then I thought, maybe I should just tell him what's in my mind. And before I could grab my mobile to text him..

KI: Hope you enjoyed the day with me last night.

Me: Certainly do. You're great. And I hope you feel the same. Been thinking, another thing that's so important in a relationship is to feel loved and to be able to fall in love again and again with the same person. I did you twice, maybe thrice. And it feels good.

KI: I did, and wanted to say, thanks for loving me. And that I love you a lot.

Me: And I'd continue to love you for as long as you do.

KI: And so I hereby pledge to love you for as long as it can last.

Me: You made me smile so much.

KI: And why is that?

Me: Guess I never been so much in love for a very long time.

KI: Guess love is in the air for both of us then.

Me: Not guess anymore. It is. And I hope it stays that way.

KI: Me too..

Then I had to text my gf.

Me: Babe, you know what? I'm so in love and I'm scared.

GF: Join the club of fears, babe. Up to meet tonight?

Me: Sure, we've got lots to catch up.

GF: Ok, call me after 6.

Me: Alright see you later.

Excuse me? Asking me why I am feeling scared? Well, I'm scared to feel hurt, I guess.... I think I've got too sick of getting hurt. And I hate to know that falling in love is like bungy jumping or sky diving. When you're lucky, you get the adrelaine rush and feel extremely good, and proud to have done that. When luck is out of the way, you just fall to the ground with bruises. If you're unlucky, you get broken limbs, and if luck hates you, you die.

I can't deny that I felt so good to be with KI and finally be able to say, I'm someone's gf. Then again, I'm afraid if this feeling will fade one day. And it sucks to not be sure if I can handle that one more time.

Oh God, shine me some light, spare me some time, protect me from evil and give me a signal.

Me and gf had the talk that we havent had for a long time, and it feels good to release it all - Guilt-free.

I got home, ate, and got in my room when KI texted me. I called him, and i felt a change. And once again, it left me blushing in disbelief.

AM I REALLY IN LOVE OR WHAT? Geesh.. Love really does make wonders... It really does. I just hope the aftermath is just as sweet if not better. ;)

Gidday All..

A conversation that makes me think

It came to me as a surprise.. After a week being in my rented space, and not coming home.. I finally did and stayed a whole straight week in my parents...

As I got home after work as usual... Mom suddenly sighed and mumbled...

Mom: Sigh! When will I get a new grandchild..?

Me: Huh?

Mom: When will you settle down?

Me: Not anytime soon...

Mom: But we are not getting any younger, besides, you need a family of your own, you know?

Me: Yeah.. But I havent got what I want, yet.. I am still schooling, and I want to school some more.. I am working on my degree, and I will slave myself for my masters and then starve myself for my doctorate... and then I'll kill myself to get a minimum $5K pay cheque...

Mom: Your dreams are a bit too huge, don't you think? How long are you giving us?

Me: Giving you? You mean how much time I am giving myself? Probably 5 years to settle out my debts and certificates, then maybe I'll find myself a good man to meet you folks..

Dad: I don't mind anyone as long as he can care for you like how I care for you..

Me: Oh really? How would you react if I bring home a boy with a body full with tattoos? Would you see him beyond what he has on his body and try to search for the goodness of his heart or are you gonna scream at me because I failed to find a better man?

Mom&Dad: You trying to tell us you are going out with a tattooed guy?

Me: Didnt say anything like that, but didnt you just tell me that you wouldnt care how he looks or what his background is like as long as he cared for me as much as you?

Mom: Well, I guess he should be presentable enough to assure us that he's not those type who are up to no good..

Me: Am tired. Good Night.

Dad: I'll wait 5 years.. and watch what you are up to...

Me: Fine

And so.. That was a conversation well-said... But it made me feel somewhat lonely... Will I ever get there? Will I see my dreams come true? Will my parents still be around?

My degree is not that far away... I am just a hundred behind a 2K pay cheque.. What if nothing has been achieved even after the 5, 7 years.... What if something totally wrong took place in between? Will I be able to face the painful truth and regret after? Will the rest of them point their fingers and start blaming me?

I dunno.. And I won't know..

Touch and Go

Life has been too fast to cope right now. So much so that it became normal to just touch and go in everything we do. Even at the expense of oneself's dignity and pride.

In part time education, like what I am doing right now.. My intake's results were reviewed thrice, with the management blaming the system. This left me being unsure of the system and if it is really reliable now. When I asked for the rest of the students opinions, most of them went on and say, "Well, what is there that we can possibly do? It's a public school and we are all just here for a certificate. So what if we don't get the 1st class honours".

Why couldnt everyone else think like me? I emphasize so much importance on my education, my career, and everything else, and yet everyone else live life with a touch and go style.

Sometimes, I wonder... Maybe the world is really near to an end. Kids as young as 9 are now having and exploring s3x and even got pregnant. Teenagers as young as 16 are now mothers, and still unwed. I am not at all that much older, but I never did go through that, I hated boys in primary school, what more having s3x at that age? I did tried and ended up exploring what s3x is about during my teenage years, but never got to the extent of pregnancy.

At my tender young age, I wanted so much to build my career and upgrade my education as much as I possibly can. And yet there are so many kids and teenagers younger than me who often think they know so much that they need so studying and rather build their social circle. And I keep wondering what will happen to my future generations, how would my kids behave...

I mean really, the world is obviously changing rapidly. How are we to catch up with the fast moving future? Will our kids be much wilder, more ruder, and more bolder?

I guess I should stop thinking too much ahead... I shall just end it here, and go to sleep...