My journey to adopt our baby

Assalammu'alaikum family, friends, readers and followers of this blog. I know and well aware that I've been blogging about a lot about secret journeys. And this is one of it.

This plan goes all the way back to March 13th, 2008. Yes, that far back. I had always wanted to adopt a baby.

The first approach

Someone approached us seeking if we would want to adopt this unborn child that was conceived out of wedlock, sometimes in May or June 2018. 

Thing is, we (husband and I) have spoken about adopting but nothing concrete. So when this came up, and he turned to me to ask if I want to, I didn't stop to think. I said yes! 

We were told it was a girl, and that she is due in August. So we quickly got down to find out about adoption procedure in Singapore. 

Pre-adoption Talk

This is compulsory to attend for all adopters no matter what route you chose to take. Since this is a personal arrangement, this is just what it takes before we can make the next step. We took the next available date which falls on Eve of Hari Raya, which was 14th June 2018.

There is no payment required, and your attendance is by that registration and name list only.

You can apply here to find out the dates and register yourselves.

Lawyer

Since this is personal arrangement, we need to engage a lawyer who can do the paperwork and necessary documentation required to complete the adoption process. 

We asked a few for quotations and found Mr Baiross the kindest and most approachable to seek help from and his fees were reasonable. We set up a meeting to find out more and sort out any questions we have. 

You may contact him here. I find him very respectful and very helpful whenever we encounter any bumps along the way. 

Not meant to be

Despite all the trouble we went through and have all of the preparations done and ready, it was not meant to be. I had a bad hunch the day I was informed that her waterbag broke. I had a bad feeling the moment I arrived at the hospital. Yet, I hang on, only to be told that she is an MSF case. For all MSF cases, all adoptive parents-to-be need to undergo a home study report which can be done via various agent scosting from SGD$1500. 

We dropped our intention after seeing the baby for a few minutes. We left in despair, but we think it is for the best. 

The heartbreak

It was terrible, as much as I accepted that it was not to be, I was really heart broken. Afterall I was excited, and I had sort of make an announcement. I had all the baby stuff all ready! Now I had to put them all away.. It hurts, I cried. At the same time, we knew it was for the better. Perhaps, someone else will come by, and it will be better, and we will be much better prepared. 

The next approach

I was contacted via whatsapp sometime in July, merely a week or so after the first failed. Someone said she saw my number and found out I was looking to adopt a baby. I was wary a little. A little afraid, but she jumped in and introduced herself to be the mom of the unborn child, and that this is her 4th baby, and that her family and herself could not afford it and was looking for someone who could. I smiled, and I said okay. I introduced myself, and we set up to meet each other.

We chatted. I kindda liked her the moment I saw her. I find her to be sweet, honest and genuine. I mean really genuine, she went on to tell me about her, her family and her situation. I empathized with her and assured her that her baby will be loved by me, my husband and my family. I showed her all the things that will be waiting for the baby.

The gender reveal 

I got more confident because this mommy is inviting me to accompany her for the gender scan. She was 27weeks pregnant at that point. And we saw it oh so clearly, I was so excited and happy. My husband more happy! 

We kept in touch, and I helped her keep track of her gestational age. Right to the end... She texted me when she was 33weeks claiming she had leaked but unsure if it was the waterbag, I calmed her down and asked her to breathe and time the contraction and frequency. Turns out it is just Braxton Hicks. And she thanked me for being there for her. 

She continue to update me every week since, claiming that she is beginning to be really tired, and asked if we really have everything ready. 

We picked a name even!

Contractions

It started on 1st October, when Mommy was 36 weeks exactly. It was 10-15mins apart, so Mommy said to wait it out.

It went to 5mins apart that night, but still Mommy wants to wait till 4th October. 5th morning, it got more intense briefly, then got back to 10-15mins intervals, then on 6th, no more contractions.

Honestly, I am panicking, nervous and scared. Flashbacks of previous heartbreak replayed before my eyes. I got really scared. What if... History repeats... I am not sure. 

The day my baby is born

23rd October, he was born at 39weeks 1day gestation. Weighing 2.625kg, at 0434hrs. My heart swelled with so much love when I first saw and carried him. All was well.. Bio mom was happy and keeping to what was agreed. He was discharged on 25th October 2018. Bio mom went to ICA to make his birthcert, and we were scheduled to meet at the lawyer's office. Suddenly, Bio grandma got into the picture. 

Another heartbreak

Bio mom claims that bio grandma finds out and that she needed time to think. So right there in the lawyer office, we wasted about an hour with no conclusion. She said she would come back to the lawyer office to decide the next day. Baby is still with me, at my house with me. Co-sleeping and everything. I hold back my intention to lactate the baby due to this. Came 26th October, I sent baby to polyclinic for his first checkup. That afternoon, she said she don't want to proceed because bio grandma opposed. Pfft. Devastated I was. It killed a little bit of me. It killed everyone in my house that night. 

My darling M was torn apart. Her dreams of having a sibling, torn. My hopes to have my forever child, broken to tiny pieces. My mom, cried and broke. My husband, the strongest of us all, broke too. 

27th October came, his appointment at poly was 11am. His bio mom and fiance (who clearly wasn't the baby's father, by the way!) arrived at 12noon, or slightly after. I was holding the baby I kept calling mine, kissing him, and hoping so hard he would be mine... but he wasn't meant to be.

Perhaps another baby with a more greater heart will come for me, perhaps I would even carry my own one day. Perhaps good things are just out there requiring a few heartbreaks and lots of patience. Who knows? Who knows?

In meantime, let me heal my broken heart and self. I shall perhaps take a bit of a break. This itself took me 2 weeks before I decide to publish for all to read. I am releasing my induced lactation journey as well, maybe in a few short minutes after this one. 

Until next time,

Jun

Wassalam